The Weight of Dreams

by Molly Lavenza

  If they even had toilets in Faerie.

  Practical details I knew nothing about, much like everything else.

  As a princess, royalty, wouldn’t that threaten the queen’s position of power?

  Her smile was even and calm, but her eyes told me of her fury and hatred. What had I ever done to her that she felt so strongly against me?

  The gems around us flared brightly, and I lifted my arm to cover my face. A hum of approval rose among the fairy crowd, and I blinked several times, hoping to catch a glimpse of whatever they were responding to instead of an eyeful of multi-colored glare.

  “Nothing to say? Usually humans can’t shut up to save their lives. Perhaps there is hope for you yet.”

  She stifled a laugh, perhaps at her pun on my name. Perhaps at me in general.

  Dare I believe her? Did I have any other choice but to play along regardless of what I thought?

  A heavy cloak fell over my shoulders, and I stood up straight, nearly gasping at the weight.

  “I’m so sorry if I startled you, my lady,” Zusana bowed in front of me, her hands gripped together tightly. She remained in that position, and I glanced at the queen, who merely raised an eyebrow.

  “That’s okay. You can stand up now.”

  The girl stood a little, only enough for her to glance quickly at the queen. Whatever she saw on the queen’s face made her look back at me and nod,

  “Please let me know if you need anything, my lady. Anything at all.”

  Was Zusana to be my personal attendant? If the queen was lying about all of this, she was doing it well. Aside from this crazy coat that nearly made me tilt forward, I could probably get used to someone caring about what I needed.

  Instead of acting like I was in their way.

  “Thank you.”

  I couldn’t think of anything else to say. I did wish, though, that the dragon was still close by. Where had he gone? Did he have to stay close to the queen, or was he allowed some freedom?

  Zusana skittered off, as if she had something else of extreme importance to do just at that moment.

  “In a few minutes I will share the news with all of Faerie. Are you sure you have nothing to say? Or perhaps,” the queen narrowed her eyes at me as I turned my head to look at her. “Perhaps someone has already told you of your status.”

  I heard a very quiet scratching noise, like the sound of chalk on a blackboard. Her lips were moving almost imperceptibly, and I realized that she was grinding her teeth. I took a step back.

  “There is nowhere to run. No way to escape your destiny, Hope.”

  Her smile was back, her composure unruffled again.

  She would be in control, and I would let her continue to believe that she was. I kept my own mouth shut, my questions and concerns to myself.

  When Declan and Lantis arrived, I would ask them, and they would have to tell me everything now.

  If they arrived.

  I didn’t understand why the gems occasionally glinted so wildly, except that the sunlight must have been hitting them at a certain angle to create the visual effect. But all of the gems, on all of the cave walls, at the same time?

  “There’s something missing, but you aren’t in a position to complain or care right now, are you?”

  With no idea what she was talking about, I kept my head still, refusing to answer her with a nod or a shake of it. Whatever was missing was something I had never had, if in fact, there was anything missing at all.

  I scratched the back of my neck where a thick furry collar rested against my skin. There was no way my skin could have tolerated this kind of stimulant back in the human realm, not with my human body.

  Which was the same as this one, but just not attuned with the human environment as I was in Faerie. Accepting that much based on so much physical evidence, I pulled my hand back, realizing that I hadn’t had an itch to even scratch.

  Years of habit, needing to be undone in hours if I was to focus completely on getting Faerie out from underneath the queen’s control.

  “The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can discuss the details.”

  Details of what?

  “Your life here will be so unlike what you’re used to, but don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll adjust.”

  Adjust? My supposed destiny was to fight, but with no plan of attack, all I could do was wait. And pay attention.

  She took my arm and propelled me forward again to face the crowd, which had grown while we were talking. The cave was packed tightly with little bodies, who didn’t seem to mind the discomfort as they stared up at the queen, their eyes shifting from side to side as they were unsure which of us to watch more closely.

  Maybe the cloak made me seem more imposing than I was.

  Maybe that wasn’t a bad thing.

  “Our guest is more than a survivor of the human realm, my loyal subjects. She is so much more.”

  A roaring cheer, complete with a multitude of fists waving in the air above the fairies’ heads, nearly cut off the queen’s final words. She didn’t seem to mind, but was instead encouraged by the noise.

  Her smile was captivating, her assurance compelling as she lifted her chin as she had several times before. Before I could stop her, she took my hand in her own and lifted them both in imitation of the fairies’ triumphant gesture.

  “Princess Hope, once lost but now found, has returned to us at last!”

  I stopped myself from cringing, never a fan of attention, especially from a huge crowd, and definitely not when I wasn’t sure what the queen was up to or why everyone was so happy to see me when they had never known me in the first place.

  “Don’t be shy, Hope. Do you have anything to say? Eventually you’ll have to speak up, show some authority.”

  Her smile was less than encouraging.

  “If you don’t show them who is in control, someone else might take it. And just where does that leave you?”

  When I turned to the crowd, making an effort to clear my creased forehead and frown with an untroubled expression, something moved at the back of the crowd and for a moment, I thought I saw a white robe flicker in the gems’ glow.

  All of the fairies there were dressed alike, in fitted little green tunics that were sweet and simple, like a dress one of my Barbie dolls might have worn. I hadn’t seen anyone in a white gown in Faerie except . . .

  “You may wonder why, as a princess, you have no crown.”

  Actually, I was having enough difficulty wrestling with the voluminous coat and hadn’t even considered dealing with anything on my head. A crown? Was she kidding?

  I managed a stiff smile as I shook my head.

  “Not at all. This is all a big surprise.”

  She waved one of her hands indiscriminately, as if my statement meant nothing to her. I was certain that it didn’t.

  “Everyone is welcome to a feast in the main cavern when the sun sets this evening to celebrate this unexpected joy with us.”

  It felt like more than a few hours had passed since Declan and I had made the strange, shifting trip to Faerie from my backyard, and any thoughts of food hadn’t crossed my mind until now.

  My stomach growled loudly, and I opened my eyes wide in apology.

  “Our princess is already eager to partake with us! Go now, and tell your friends.”

  Tell their friends? There were more of them? Hopefully the cavern she spoke of was larger than this cave.

  “Come now, there’s someone you must meet.”

  She had mentioned this earlier, but I had nearly forgotten. Now, I worried that I might not make it to a dinner being held, ostensibly, in my honor. Not if this someone of hers was as antagonistic as she was.

  Who could she possibly be?

  As if she could read my thoughts, the queen shook her head and looked away as the fairies began to clear the cave. She held onto her smile to show all of those still watching us her pleased expression.

  “You’ll recognize her the instant you set eyes on her face.�
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  Chapter Nineteen

  Like so much in Faerie, her explanation made no sense. There was no one here I would know, except for Declan and Lantis.

  Speaking of whom, I wondered about that flicker of white gown I was sure I saw at the back of the crowd. Could it have been Lantis?

  The dragon flight we had taken hadn’t been too long, but without any kind of transportation of their own, could Lantis and Declan really make it here not long after I had arrived with the queen?

  “You daydream too much. It won’t do. Not here.”

  I held back a retort, knowing that talking back to her wouldn’t get me anywhere. It was probably best to follow along, and as I had reminded myself earlier, listen. Pay close attention and gather information.

  Her gauzy, lavender gown caught a faint breeze as the queen swept past me. Where was the breeze coming from? I wondered, looking around for any entry ways. Surely the fairies had come in from some place, but nothing was visible.

  The cave looked like a fully enclosed entity, except for the jagged opening above us. The only way to get out that way was by dragon flight, I assumed.

  “Don’t dawdle.”

  Some things were the same here in Faerie as they were back home in the human realm, I could see. Adults that just wanted kids to go along and not ask questions or daydream about possibilities.

  My daydreams here were nothing like the ones I had ever had in the human realm.

  I took a few quick steps to catch up with her, and glanced around carefully as I moved close at her side. Whatever I could learn could only help, even if I might not know how right now.

  “There is, at present, only one tiara for the princess of Faerie. This, you understand, is a problem now with your arrival, but we’ll make do.”

  Make do. I wasn’t sure what her definition of that phrase included, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to find out.

  We walked through a winding hall that had either been a magical happenstance of the cave’s formation or an unbelievably impossible effort on the part of some unlucky laborers to carve out of the giant rock.

  The sandy, reddish-brown stone sparkled with tiny gems, some so small that the only way they revealed themselves was through sparkling in the faint streams of sunlight that made their way through small slits in the rock above our heads.

  We didn’t have much room to get through the path vertically, and a few times, even with our short stature, we both had to bow our heads a few inches to get by.

  I had a feeling that this was the only time I would ever see the queen bow her head.

  “This will be a shock to her, so I expect you to be kind. Understanding.”

  How could I be understanding of something I was completely unaware of? I didn’t know who we were going to meet, or why this new her would be less than happy to see me.

  But I was supposed to recognize her. Be nice to her.

  Down the rabbit hole, I thought. Or up, rather, as we walked up to a rough stairwell carved into the stone. The queen took her gown in her hands and lifted the fabric out of the way as she continued moving without a moment’s hesitation.

  Her gown didn’t weigh a ton, so of course she had an easier time getting around. I wished I could let the stupid thing slide off and onto the ground, but I didn’t think she would appreciate it.

  She was quiet as she outpaced me, turning at the top of the steps to face me with a face that revealed no emotion.

  Meanwhile, I was sweating underneath pounds of fabric, grateful that my body was so much stronger now than it had been in the human realm.

  But if I hadn’t come to Faerie in the first place, I wouldn’t be dragging underneath this burden.

  I also wouldn’t have much longer to live.

  If I suffocated under this, though, I could die here as easily as in my bed on my birthday. More painfully so.

  “I suppose you can dispense with that frippery. We don’t need to put on a display for her.”

  Now she tells me, I thought, biting my lip to stop myself from telling her exactly what she could do with the coat now that she didn’t think I needed it anymore.

  “Royal life isn’t all about power and desire. Sometimes we must suffer to please our subjects.”

  The queen didn’t look like she had suffered, or if she had, it hadn’t been much to bear. She also didn’t wear an expression that backed up her belief in her platitudes.

  I shoved the cloak from my shoulders with both hands, gasping as the weight dropped and I could stand up straight again. After taking a deep, relieved breath, I followed the queen, who had started walking again as soon as the coat had made contact with the floor.

  It was easier for me to keep up with her now, and before long I was side by side with her, although I wasn’t sure if she preferred me to stay a step behind.

  “No one in Faerie, truly, noticed that you were royalty? No one made note of your golden hair?”

  I considered it. No, no one had said that they thought I was a princess, but my hair had drawn attention. Was it really that unique that it should have?

  Declan and Lantis both had dark, curly hair, but there was nothing inhuman or strange about it. For Declan had looked like a human boy when I met him at school, although an extremely attractive one, and wasn’t he royal as well?

  “No one told me I was royal. But I did hear that Declan and Lantis were.”

  Maybe it was too much to reveal, but I thought I should tell her something, so she wouldn’t suspect that I was hiding anything else. Everything else.

  “Everyone here knows the boys, even if they come from another part of Faerie. A part that until recently, was unwilling to accept the unification of the realm, and thus, my rule.”

  Declan and Lantis were rebels? Why would they want to bring me to her if they were?

  I sent Declan to find you.

  I remembered the queen’s words. Why would he have helped her?

  And why had she been the one to send him?

  A heavy curtain, mottled brown and ivory over a roughly carved opening in the stone, moved away easily as she shoved it aside, and I almost stumbled into her, unaware that she was going to stop.

  She shook her head but didn’t say anything as she stepped further into the area, which was thick with an aromatic scent.

  I was glad to be rid of the coat, or otherwise I would have passed out from the humidity. It was like a sauna in there, the air so full of moisture and heat I could taste it.

  “Good afternoon. Girls, you are dismissed.”

  There was a scattering of feet and sweet voices murmuring as they moved away, but not towards the curtained opening. They must have been leaving through another doorway, one I couldn’t see.

  “Ow!”

  I caught my foot against a hard surface, stubbing my toe and calling out as a habit. Once I stopped, though, I realized that I wasn’t in pain.

  What I had kicked was a large vat of water, steaming with a sheen of thin white foam over the surface. When I looked across it, I found a small figure resting inside, her neck and head exposed along with her arms, which rested on rocks that jutted out of the rock behind her.

  A big fluffy pillow was propped up behind her, held up by her head, and a towel was folded into a tiny square, its whiteness a sharp contrast to the dark cave wall.

  But not her skin.

  She was pale, pink-skinned with a bluish tinge unlike my own green shade.

  “I would like to introduce the two of you. Do you feel up to a visitor, darling?”

  The queen’s voice was audible but I couldn’t see her. Was she hiding, or just on the other side of the steamy haze between us?

  “Whatever you like, Mama.”

  A soft, strained voice rose up to answer, sounding more like a small child, or perhaps one of the fairies, than a girl who appeared close to my own age.

  Mama?

  I had been denying one suspicion since the queen had told me I was a princess, but the time for denials was over. If it was true, then t
his girl was . . .

  And the queen was . . .

  “Brielle, Hope. Hope, Brielle.”

  The girl opened her eyes and frowned before sitting up, the tiny white towel falling helplessly into the foam surrounding her.

  She looked exactly like me.

  Chapter Twenty

  My mouth was open again, like it had been most of the time I had spent in Faerie.

  Apparently even in the lake, even if I hadn’t realized it until I was vomiting up lake water and turning green.

  The girl stood up, her eye blinking as if she needed to clear them. So far, I hadn’t seen any mirrors in Faerie, so she did know that when we looked at each other, we were seeing the same image?

  I had to stop myself and rethink that. It was true that she looked like me, but the me in the human realm. Her hair was that dishwater blonde, with split ends that were fuzzy in its updo. She was thinner than I had been, though, and she looked so very delicate as she stood up in the bath, her nakedness sharing only more evidence of her physical frailty.

  “Did I not warn you, Hope?”

  Warned wasn’t quite the word, I thought, annoyed that she was distracting me from the girl. From Brielle.

  “Who is she, Mama? Why is she here?”

  Her girlish voice was whiny and concerned. Did she worry that I was there to harm her? Did she think her mother would allow such a thing to happen?

  The steam rose and shifted, moving away from us so I could see the queen again. Her smirk was so satisfied that I wanted to slap it from her face. This girl was trusting her, and she was enjoying the tension that my presence caused.

  “Hi. I’m Hope, like she said.”

  Brilliant, I thought. Nothing like setting the girl’s mind at ease with my idiocy. Besides, why did I care if she was upset, or even afraid? Why did it matter that she could have been my human twin?

  My human twin.

  I closed my mouth, pressing my lips together firmly. The queen was no doubt enjoying this info dump, even as the revelations had to come from my own deductions rather than any clear information from her.