Xavier O’Brien

by Ingro, Jessica

  Rodriguez grabbed Kevin by his scruff and dragged him to his feet. The man protested but he knew better than to backtalk to a guard too much. Bad things tended to happen to you when you stepped out of line.

  “What’s this?” Rodriguez was rifling through Kevin’s meager belongings. He produced a bag with a needle and heroine.

  Xavier tsked. “Naughty Kevin.”

  “That isn’t mine,” Kevin spit and sputtered. His face turned red, yet he couldn’t peel his eyes away from the bag. They were glued to it like it was his salvation.

  The drugs really weren’t his. Rodriguez had a man slip them into Kevin’s cell the day before. Xavier felt no shame in it though.

  He watched as Kevin swallowed hard and his hand shook—with anticipation? With fear? Who knew? It didn’t really matter. The end result would still be the same.

  “Why are you here?” Kevin asked when neither Xavier nor Rodriguez said anything more.

  “Alyssa,” was all Xavier said at first. He knew the one word would get a rise and Kevin didn’t fail to deliver.

  “What’s wrong with Alyssa? Is she okay? Is Sophie okay?” He cried out with real fear for the two females who used to be in his life.

  “She’s fine, no thanks to you.” Xavier crossed his arms and gave the man a menacing stare.

  He wasn’t good enough for Aurora. Never would be. She belonged with someone strong like Xavier. Someone who would never fail to be there for her and Sophie. Someone who put them first and protected them. The man in front of him was nothing more than a pussy—weak and pathetic.

  “I don’t understand.” Kevin shook his head and once again eyed Rodriguez. Or more accurately, the bag between his fingers.

  “Alyssa is mine now,” Xavier informed him after deciding it would be best to rip off the Band-Aid quickly. “Sophie is my daughter.”

  Rodriguez put his hand to Kevin’s chest when he moved to attack Xavier, effectively cutting him off from getting to him.

  “The fuck she is,” the man sneered.

  It would seem the man had some moxie in him after all, Xavier thought.

  “I’ve read your letters. You’ll never have her again.”

  Kevin’s face turned red with anger, but he stayed silent. It was no fun so Xavier decided to taunt him a little.

  “It’s my dick her sweet pussy was wrapped around last night and my bed she slept in. I’m the one Sophie said ‘Goodnight, Daddy’ to since it’s my roof they’re both living under.”

  “You son of a bitch!” Kevin made to dive around Rodriguez. Xavier stood up, welcoming the bastard, maybe even hoping he could take his irritation out on the man, but Rodriguez was good at his job.

  “What did you expect? You left her broke and alone. You’re a selfish fucker who doesn’t deserve either one of them.”

  “I was strung out,” Kevin defended himself with the only excuse he had—a weak one at that.

  “You were an idiot and now she’s mine. It’ll be my ring sitting on her finger soon enough.”

  “Fuck you.”

  Xavier let that one slide. Instead of responding, he nodded toward Rodriguez who threw Kevin to the ground. His back hit the concrete with a thud.

  “Now. You have two choices. One, I beat the ever loving shit out of you until you take your last breath. The story Aurora will hear is that you were gang raped and beaten. Or two, you take those drugs and do what you’re good at. Once again, you’ll prove to Aurora what a fuck up you are when she finds out you overdosed.”

  “And if I don’t want either?” The words were low but he was once more looking at the bag of drugs like he was a man in the desert and they were his oasis.

  “You don’t really have a choice. You either die a slow painful death or you go out with a bang.”

  Xavier hoped the man chose option number two because even though he’d enjoy every second of beating the living shit out of Aurora’s husband, he didn’t want to have that on his conscience. It would seem he had some semblance of a soul after all.

  Kevin glared at Xavier for several minutes before he snatched the bag from Rodriguez’s grip.

  “You promise me you’re going to take care of them?” The needle was lined up with his vein but his eyes were once again on Xavier.

  “They’re my world,” was all he said in return.

  Kevin nodded and pushed the syringe down, flooding his system with heroin.

  Xavier woke with a start as the image of the life seeping from Kevin’s body faded.

  Fuck.

  He hadn’t really thought of that day at all since Kevin was buried. Certainly hadn’t dreamt of it. So why now?

  Xavier rolled over and looked at the clock on the nightstand. Three a.m.

  Fuck.

  He’d barely gotten any sleep at all. It had taken a shit load of alcohol to finally calm his mind enough to allow him to sleep. It seemed each day it got worse and worse.

  He stared at the ceiling and allowed the dream to play over in his brain. The more he remembered, the more self-doubt began to creep in.

  Kevin Swanson was a fuckup. He never would have been able to get his life together on the outside. Aurora might have cut him a break or two, but she wouldn’t have taken him back.

  But Sophie…

  The very idea of having to share her with that fucker had his stomach knotting. If Aurora lit up his world, then Sophie was the fucking stars in his universe. She may not have been of his blood, but that little girl meant everything to him. Every time he pictured having to watch her walk out his door and leave with Kevin, he turned murderous. There was no way he would have been able to do it without losing a piece of himself.

  None of it mattered though, because he had taken that decision out of everyone’s hands. He pushed Kevin into a corner and gave him no real way to get out of it. Sure, it was likely that he would have overdosed on his own once he was out, but Xavier had forced the issue.

  Sitting up, Xavier scrubbed his hands down his face. Regret wasn’t something he was used to feeling and it wasn’t sitting well in his gut now.

  Needing to ground himself, he dialed Aurora’s number and let the sound of her voice wash over him. It was those small moments when he could hear her that he was able to fool himself into believing his world wasn’t ending and that it wasn’t all his fault.

  When the tone sounded, he spoke words that had haunted him for days. Words that would show just how badly he knew she lost her identity by being with him. Words she threw in his face the first time they kissed and he rejected her afterward. Words he hoped like hell would change the state of play between them.

  “I’ll call you Alyssa again.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Aurora

  The waves of the ocean crashing against the shore did absolutely nothing to make me feel serene. If I was being honest, nothing really did anymore. Not since the revelation that blew my world apart.

  With my eyes closed, I tipped my face toward the sun and tried to find some warmth. The wind was strong and it was colder now with the weather changing for the seasons. Christmas would be upon us soon.

  An ache in my chest intensified and swelled at the thought of having to make wonderful Christmas memories for Sophie when my heart was so clearly shattered.

  Pulling my shawl tighter around my shoulders, I refused to cry. Not again. Sophie had seen it too many times and I didn’t want her to feel like things were more wrong than they already were.

  I was determined to build a life for us where I called the shots. And the first one I was calling was that I was no longer going to wallow in self-pity.

  Kevin had betrayed me.

  Xavier had betrayed me.

  Now I was in charge. My future was my decision.

  On that thought, tiny little giggles sounded behind me, followed by the distinct sounds of a visitor.

  I tensed, afraid it was Marx. I couldn’t stand to face him after everything that had happened between us the last time he visited. Shame was still the strong
est emotion I felt whenever I imagined having to do so.

  He loved me.

  Of that I was sure.

  And I irrevocably ruined our relationship by unknowingly taking advantage of that fact.

  He was strong, kind and generous. I needed him to help me stand. I needed him to help me feel like I wasn’t a total failure. Like I meant something to someone without being their fool.

  Problem was, I quite possibly made him my fool in the process.

  Yet, he still called. Still checked on me. Still told me in his own way how much he cared for me. All I needed to do was say the word and he would be right there by my side as my lover, my friend… whatever I wanted him to be.

  I was struggling with figuring out how to make sense of my life. The last thing I needed was to complicate it with Marx. And for as sure of that fact as I was, I also knew there was no way I could ever let him walk out of my life.

  Why does everything have to be so complicated?

  “Mommy! Candy and Sasha came to play,” Sophie shouted excitedly.

  I gasped and jumped up, grabbing my friend and hugging her tightly to me. We hadn’t seen one another since I left Xavier. It was too risky for her to come visit. Even being a nearly ten-hour drive from home, we knew she would most likely being followed. As it was, she only called me from a burner phone that she frequently changed out.

  Some might think we were being paranoid, but anyone who knew Xavier knew he didn’t let go easily. I wasn’t convinced he would ever give up in his search for me and I refused to imagine the possibility of him moving on with someone else. My contradictory feelings toward him needed to sort themselves out. And soon.

  “What are you doing here?” I whispered as we hugged.

  “I had to come see you. I missed you.” She pulled back and studied my face.

  “I’m glad you did. I missed you, too. But how did you get here?” I subconsciously ran a hand over my hair, afraid of what she was going to see. I was scared the mess inside was being reflected on the outside.

  “Marx said it was safe. He made sure no one followed me. Besides, X is…” She trailed off and winced as she looked out at the ocean.

  My heart sank at the prospect of what that could mean. Had he moved on? Did he do something stupid? Curiosity was eating away at me. I bit my lip to keep from demanding to know everything I had missed. Everything she knew.

  “We need to talk,” she finally said and my heart sank even further at her tone.

  “The kids can go inside and play with Sophie’s new dolls while we sit out on the patio where they won’t hear us,” I offered, figuring this conversation was something little ears weren’t meant to hear.

  She nodded and followed me back up to the house. Once we had the girls situated inside, I took a seat on a lounge chair. I couldn’t help but shiver. It seemed colder somehow. Or maybe that was just me being scared to death of what I was about to learn.

  Opting to lay back, I struggled to portray a calm I absolutely was not feeling inside. Candy, however, sat on the edge of her chair and fidgeted with her fingers.

  I felt like puking. This was sure to be huge and I didn’t think I could handle anything else being thrown my way.

  Be strong, Féileacán.

  Xavier’s words in my brain made me shiver, but I steeled myself for what was to follow.

  “Please don’t hate me when I tell you this,” she started and that queasy feeling grew stronger. “I need you to promise me that you are going to listen to everything I tell you before you ask questions or freak out.”

  “That isn’t a stellar way to convince someone to not freak out,” I unnecessarily informed her.

  “I know, but I would die if I lose you. You have to promise,” she urged.

  I sat up then and took her hands in mine. They were cold and shook slightly. I held her eyes and tried to assure her.

  “You’re my best friend. There’s nothing we can’t figure out together.”

  “You say that now,” she murmured with a self-deprecating laugh.

  “Do you love me?” I asked.

  “You know I do. More than my own sister.”

  “Then we’ll find a way to move forward with whatever you’re about to tell me.”

  I really hoped she hadn’t slept with Xavier, because that was probably the only thing we couldn’t move past. I refrained from telling her that though because even if I was angry and hurt by what he did, deep down I knew he would never do that to me.

  “Everything I did, I did with your best interest at heart,” she began. I nodded so she continued. “It all started when Jake approached me one night at a party at The Den.”

  “Mountain Man?” Suddenly I remembered the odd way he was acting right before I found Kevin’s letters. A huge ball formed in the pit of my stomach. “Oh my God, is Xavier okay?”

  “Yes,” she answered, a little taken aback by my line of questioning.

  I relaxed marginally at that, but my heart still raced with fear.

  “I promise he’s fine,” she said again. “You can loosen your grip on my hand.”

  “Sorry,” I murmured and let her hands go. She resumed twisting her fingers in her lap.

  “Jake told me that Xavier was no good. He filled my head with lies about sick and twisted things that he was doing. You had just told me that the two of you were a thing and I was so scared for you and for Sophie. He told me he wanted to keep you safe. So, when he asked me to help him take Xavier down it was a no brainer.”

  “Oh sweetie.” I threw my arms around her when tears pooled in her eyes. “You can’t beat yourself up for believing what you were told. Knowing Xavier’s history, I’m sure some of it was plausible.”

  “You don’t understand,” she sobbed into my shoulder. “I thought Jake loved me.”

  “What?” I gasped and drew back, studying her face.

  “That’s what makes this so much worse. I was such an idiot. We had slept together a time or two before all this started. It wasn’t anything really. Just fun to be had. Right after he approached me about Xavier, it became a regular thing. I thought we had this bond over our mutual affection for you. He said he thought of you as a little sister and I believed him. The whole time he was fucking me, he was using me.”

  “That can’t be true. How could he not have some feelings for you?” Candy was such a beautiful girl—inside and out. Any man would be lucky for some of her time.

  “When I told him you seemed happy and I began questioning his stories, he got angry. When I refused to tell you about the letters from Kevin, he went ape shit. He tore apart my apartment and said I was worthless right before he ended it with me. He said he couldn’t believe he wasted his time with a slut like me and that if I ever told anyone about us or the things he told me, he’d kill me while Sasha watched.”

  “Holy shit,” I breathed in horror.

  She nodded. Her throat working as she swallowed hard.

  “I knew he would kill me. I was so terrified. Turns out Jake was Lucien Spinelli’s godson. He was a mole put at The Den to work from the inside out. But after his uncle died, it was all about vengeance.”

  My mouth dropped open and I gasped at that tidbit of information. All those months I had no idea. He was just Mountain Man, stoically watching and protecting.

  Son of a bitch.

  “Xavier would have protected you.” I fought the subsequent shiver that came from knowing he would have destroyed Jake as well. Some people didn’t deserve to walk this earth when all they did was harm people in the process.

  “I was afraid to go to Xavier with the truth because it looked so bad, A. First of all, it was my word against Jake’s—one of X’s inner circle. Second of all, X knew I was trying to push you into Marx’s arms. But I only did it because I thought it was the only way to keep you safe from Xavier. And worst of all, I was sleeping with his enemy, all the while giving him dirt on you and X.”

  “You could have come to me,” I told her. “I would have listened to you. I
would have made sure you were safe.”

  “Well none of it matters anyways,” she murmured solemnly, “because Xavier figured it out—he always figures it out. He was so angry, A. He called me a rat and we all know what happens to rats.”

  Her whole body was shaking now and my throat closed off, afraid he had lost it with her. Or worse, hurt her in some way. Everyone who knew Xavier knew he did not play games with that sort of thing. The fact that she was sitting in front of me at all shocked the shit out of me. I was grateful that he wasn’t so far gone to do something as horrific as taking her life.

  Kevin wasn’t so lucky, the snarky side of my brain reminded me. I frowned at that but focused on Candy, trying to shake myself from that familiar line of thought.

  “God, it was awful. I really thought… I really thought he was going to kill me. I wouldn’t have blamed him if he had.” Her shoulders slumped on that admission and she sniffled, wiping her tears with her hands. After she composed herself, she looked at me with earnest. “He loves you, A. More than I realized. He spared me because of you. I think he knows how bad he fucked up.”

  My heart raced as I took in everything she was saying. I so desperately wanted to believe Xavier could learn his lesson, but Marx’s warning that leopards didn’t change their spots kept haunting me. I was struggling with my all-consuming need to be back with him, knowing he was so easily capable of destroying me without any qualm or remorse.

  “You deserved to know that Jake and I were conspiring behind your backs.”

  “That doesn’t change what he did.”

  “No. But it should put some things into perspective. Look, Xavier doesn’t know I’m here. He told me to stay away from you and honestly, I think Marx wanted to kill me for insisting I defend him.”

  I laughed softly at that. He’d already spelled out his feelings to me on Xavier. The last thing he would want is Candy coming in here and making me soft on him again.

  “But you and Sophie are Xavier’s world. He’s a mess. He’s drinking all the time. Leaving Ghost to run the business. He’s retreated. No one hardly ever sees him anymore. And when they do, he looks like he’s lost his reason for living.”