Beautiful Pain

by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

  “Why are you doing this, Sophia? I don’t want you to ask my mother any questions. I can tell you everything that you need to know,” interrupted Harry. There was challenge in the edge of his voice.

  “It’s fine, Harry. Let’s move to the living room, we don’t want to stand on the stairs, do we?”

  Harry was staring at Sophia with anger, like he couldn’t believe that she wanted to question his obviously ill mother. Sophia ignored him and followed into the living room.

  “Miss O’Donaghue, I am sorry to bother you, but I need to start from the basics,” she began. “Have you noticed any changes in Harry’s behavior recently?”

  “No.”

  “Can you tell me a little about his routine?”

  She could feel Harry’s intense eyes on the nape of her neck, and she tried to ignore him.

  “He looks after me most of the day. Cooks, cleans, and goes out for a drive maybe once a day,” replied his mother sounding tired. Sophia nodded and made a note.

  “Do you think that Harry is capable of committing another crime?” she asked after she was done with the easy questions. She wanted to see the point of view from a member of his family. Mrs. O’Donaghue shifted uncomfortably in her chair and looked at her son, who appeared annoyed, folding his arms together.

  “I don’t think so, Sophia. He made one mistake, and now he is staying out of trouble,” she said, breathing heavily.

  “Does Harry have a lot of friends?” asked Sophia.

  “He is a loner, he doesn’t really have many friends, and most of them are in prison right now. He’s always been that way,” replied Mrs. O’Donaghue and coughed. Sophia wrinkled her forehead with effort making notes. Harry vanished from the room and returned with a glass of water for mother.

  “I have to apologize, Sophia. I’ve got cancer you see,” Mrs. O’Donaghue tried to explain.

  “I am so sorry to hear that,” said Sophia, blushing. “Harry mentioned that you weren’t feeling well a few weeks ago, I didn’t realise …”

  “Don’t worry, Harry doesn’t want me to talk about it,” she replied and wiped the sweat from her forehead, smiling lightly.

  “I am just going to ask you one more question and then we are done. If I knew about your illness before I wouldn’t have troubled you,” added Sophia, feeling foolish that she insisted on seeing Harry’s mother. She drew a breath and continued, “Do you think that Harry is absolutely honest with me?”

  “Is anyone ever honest?” sighed his mother, rising from her seat. Harry helped her upstairs, leaving a bewildered Sophia in the living room.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “That girl shouldn’t be a probation officer. She is hiding her true self,” Mrs. O’Donaghue said, lying on the bed once Harry had brought her back to her room.

  “I know, Ma,” replied Harry, tensing his jaw. His mother didn’t understand that Sophia was investigating him, hoping to discover all his deep secrets.

  When he came back downstairs she was writing her report. Harry cleared his throat, letting her know that he was back in the room. She was still flushed and he could see her hard nipples through the thin fabric of her dress. He was turned on and determined to ask her out.

  “Are you happy with what you got?” he asked casually, standing opposite her. She flinched and looked at him with her large amber eyes. His heartbeat was steady, but he could feel his cock twitching in his crotch. A flash of heat went through his hand, tingling, spreading to the tips of his toes. He wanted her, right here, right now. He could no longer fight the lust that throbbed through him.

  “Why didn’t you tell me that your mother had cancer?” asked Sophia, brushing her hair from her face. “If I had known I wouldn’t have insisted on seeing her.”

  “It’s our business. Besides, we don’t need anyone’s pity,” he replied sharply.

  “It’s not about that, Harry, and you know it. I can’t imagine what you are going through. Is she going through chemotherapy?”

  “She has lung cancer and no she isn’t going through chemotherapy. It’s still at an early stage, but I really don’t want to talk about this, Sophia,” he said. Her pupils dilated when he was beside her again. Harry always got any girl that he wanted, but Sophia wasn’t just any girl and he was pretty certain that she wasn’t afraid of him.

  “Fine, I won’t push.”

  “I want you to go out with me this weekend,” he said, brushing his arm against hers. That intimate gesture sent an uncontrolled chill down his spine.

  “You know that we can’t go out. That kiss shouldn’t have happened, Harry. I mean it,” she said, but her voice was uneven.

  “Stop denying it, Sophia. You want me as much as I want you. Soon you are going to beg me to touch you,” he whispered, leaning towards her and caressing her bare arm. She shivered but turned abruptly around to face him.

  “You are full of yourself, Mr. O’Donaghue. I spent years working hard for this and I am not going to throw it all away because some bad boy can’t keep his hands off me,” she fumed, closing her notepad. “I was out of control. I shouldn’t even let you touch me.”

  “You need to chill out a little. No one is going to know that we went out. You can always transfer me to someone else, then we could date without breaking any rules.”

  “That isn’t going to happen, this conversation has already gone too far. We are both too different, so please spare me that talk about desire and find yourself a girl who wants to have some fun.”

  Harry move towards the door, blocking her way out as she stood up. Sophia narrowed her eyes and placed her hand on her hips.

  “Just give me a chance to let me show you the real Belfast,” he said.

  “Get out of my way. How hard is for you to understand that we won’t be going out?” she whispered, pushing him away. He could barely control himself staring at those amber eyes. His mind was buzzing with excitement when he thought about those soft lips that he’d tasted. She responded and kissed him back, there was no doubt about that. Maybe she was just playing hard to get.

  She turned once to look at him as she walked through the door and closed it behind her. Harry growled with disappointment, smashing his fists into the wall. He wasn’t ready to let go of her just yet. Maybe she said no right now, but he was going to work his magic until she was ready to say yes. It was difficult to forget the kiss they’d shared. It was intense and sensual and he knew that she was ready for more, but she didn’t want to admit that she enjoy it.

  Then he heard his mother upstairs so went to check on her. She was still in bed, looking paler than only a few minutes ago.

  “Are you okay, Ma?” he asked, sitting by her bed.

  “As usual,” she replied and took his hand. “That girl is really young”

  He pulled a face.

  “Yes,” he muttered. “She is tougher than she looks.”

  “She is really pretty, but she doesn’t seem happy. I don’t know if she is going to fall for your charms. She doesn’t seem to be one of those girls who follow her emotions,” she said, smiling. Harry knew that his mother already liked Sophia, she normally cursed off Kirsty whenever she saw her. She was good at judging character. Her bright grey eyes were looking further than anyone could see.

  “She is stubborn and dedicated to her job, but with a bit of patience I think she would be willing to go out with me.”

  “She looks like she is pretty serious about her job, so I doubt that she would even consider your proposition,” she added. “I think you are risking too much. You need to stay out of trouble.”

  “Sophia isn’t like that. She wouldn’t sell me out.”

  “You know nothing about her, she is from a different world, my son. People like her betray people like us on a regular basis.”

  “She is different, Ma.”

  His mother didn’t make any more comment and Harry went back to take care of the supper. Was he really wrong about Sophia? She seemed different and focused. Maybe he was out of his mind asking her o
ut. He didn’t treat her with respect on their first meeting, so he shouldn’t expect her to agree to this date. She probably needed time to think about his proposition. His mother was right, during this time he couldn’t trust anyone. He was on his own.

  ***

  Sophia was walking to the bus stop, going through the scenario in Harry’s house over and over again. That kiss was greedy, deep, and the best in her life. His lips erupted fire inside her stomach, and she felt like she was burning. No one had ever kissed her like that, no one ever touched her the way Harry did. She should freak out, anxiety and panic should have crashed through her body, but instead she was aroused. Harry just leaned in and sealed his lips on her, she never expected it and yet she responded. Harry was bad for her. Obviously his mother was important to him. She felt that they had a connection.

  On the bus she felt calmer and in control again. When she got to Vanessa’s apartment she had a few text messages from Mason.

  “Hey, Sophe,” called Vanessa from the kitchen. Sophia left her bag in her room and came back to the living room.

  “Hello,” replied Sophia. Vanessa was busy doing dishes. Sophia sat down at the table, biting her lip and wondering if she should say something to Vanessa. After all, she was her friend and she was much more experienced in relationships. “Vanessa, I need to talk to you.”

  “What’s up?” asked her friend, drying her hands. Vanessa looked like she just had a shower; she was in her track suit bottoms and her hair was damp.

  “Better sit down for this,” stated Sophia taking a long, deep breath. Vanessa wrinkled her forehead and sat next to her.

  “Oh my God, what happened? Has someone died?”

  “No, nothing like that,” quickly replied Sophia. “You know that offender that I was telling you about? The one that offered to show me Belfast?”

  Vanessa nodded.

  “I went to his house, asked him standard evaluation questions, and then he kissed me,” mumbled Sophia. There, she’d said it. Finally she got it off her chest. However, Vanessa was just staring at her, not reacting at all.

  “Come on … say something,” she insisted.

  “So?” said her friend after a long pause, sounding bored. “One kiss and you are worried?”

  Sophia widened her eyes with horror.

  “You’re not understanding what is going on here. I am his probation officer and I am responsible for him in some ways. He cannot kiss me or touch me. It’s wrong!”

  But Vanessa just waved her hand away.

  “Seriously, Sophia get a grip. He kissed you, so what? You would be much happier if you would sleep with him!”

  Then she got up and walked away from the room, muttering words under her breath that didn’t reach Sophia. She left her in the living room shocked and confused. Vanessa didn’t get that Sophia could be in a lot of trouble for what she had done today. She instantly decided that she had to be firmer with him, push him away if he was going to try this again. The cold shiver travelled down her spine when she even thought about his hot, well-built body pressed against hers, and she felt an ache between her legs. She could be with any other man but she was still thinking about Harry.

  The next day Vanessa didn’t mention the awkward conversation with Sophia. She was acting as if nothing had happened, and deep down Sophia was glad that she didn’t have to dwell on what had happened in Harry’s house. She texted Mason later that evening and organized another date. She needed to take her mind off Harry, who was just playing his usual game to get his way. She overreacted when Mason touched her in the car. She lost control, two years of therapy helped her, but she couldn’t repeat what she’d done. She was over her beautiful pain.

  The week passed quickly. Sophia’s mother didn’t try to call her again and Sophia was worried. She could only hope that they didn’t plan a surprise visit. Ramona texted her a few times, but Sophia didn’t reply. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to tell her about Mason or about what happened with Harry.

  At work Sophia completed Harry’s report and got on with her usual stuff. Susan asked about her home visit during lunch time, but after Sophia assured her that everything went smoothly she only nodded. Harry was on her mind all day; she couldn’t get rid of the feeling that he was hiding something from her. She kept seeing other offenders, attended meetings, and went out running in the evening, but she couldn’t forget that kiss. The date with Mason was next week and this time Sophia was determined to let go of the past. After all, Harry kissed her and she didn’t freak out, she just had to use her strength with Mason. He was handsome, charming, and he was interested in her, nothing else mattered.

  On Thursday night she came home just after five. She was starving and it was Vanessa’s turn to cook, but as usual the fridge was empty. Vanessa was always more laid back than Sophia and nothing was ever urgent to her. Today she was lying on the sofa and flipping through the channels on the TV.

  “So I guess that you won’t be making dinner today?” asked Sophia, slightly irritated.

  “Yes I will, but I didn’t have time to go shopping. I was so tired,” replied her friend with a lazy smile.

  “But it’s your turn to cook, Vanessa.”

  “All right, all right I am going now,” snapped Vanessa, getting up. Suddenly there was a loud knock on the door. “I am going to go and get changed, it’s probably Kath from next door.”

  Sophia sighed and turned to see who was at the door.

  “I am sorry, I think I made a mistake,” said the tall man as soon as he saw her. He scratched his head and added, “I am looking for Vanessa Clarke?”

  “Yes this is her apartment,” replied Sophia quickly, unsure of what to say or do. He obviously knew Vanessa, so she decided to let him in. He was handsome and had a strong Irish accent. His strawberry blond hair was untidy and he looked tired. Sophia gave him a point for a nice smile.

  He looked tense and glanced around, shoving his hands into his pockets.

  “Who the hell is—”

  Vanessa was standing at the door, but she stopped talking halfway through the sentence. Her jaw dropped and she caught the door, trying to hold her balance. The colour drained from her face.

  “Timothy,” she whispered.

  Sophia glanced at the man that Vanessa had just called Timothy. He looked out of place, not like she imagined him at all. Vanessa told Sophia about Timothy a while ago. Her friend admitted that she was still in love with him. Timothy was originally from Dublin, but he came to study in Belfast. He graduated last year and Vanessa met him during a night out. They were together for two years. He asked Vanessa to move with him to Dublin, but she wasn’t prepared to leave everything for him. He was the man that Vanessa still loved, the man who left her.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Vanessa, I was in town and I thought ...” he began, but then his voice broke. His eyes went downcast before he lifted them slowly to look at Vanessa.

  “How did you enter?” barked Vanessa, folding her arms together. She was trying to sound harsh, but her voice was cracked. She didn’t look her best, but Sophia knew that her friend wasn’t worried about her clothes. She was petrified seeing her ex-boyfriend standing in front of her.

  “The neighbor let me in. I wasn’t sure if you were going to open the door for me,” he said, running his hand through his hair. Vanessa’s eyes twitched and she exhaled sharply.

  “Sophia, this is Timothy,” introduced Vanessa. “The bastard.”

  Sophia only nodded, her face flushed with heat. Tim ignored Vanessa’s comment and his chest heaved slightly. Sophia thought that he obviously wasn’t sure what to expect when he decided to visit Vanessa, and now he was paying the price.

  “Can we talk?” he asked.

  “I don’t want to talk. I made it perfectly clear to you that I’ll have nothing to do with arseholes like you,” added Vanessa frowning, not blinking. Sophia needed to get out of here, she didn’t want to be caught in the middle of the riot. She knew her friend; Vanessa had a bad temper and
she wasn’t going to let go of him leaving her.

  “I just want to talk to you, that’s all I am asking. I don’t want to fight,” he pressed, moving forward.

  “There is nothing to talk about. You left and we are done,” snarled Vanessa, flushed. “Do you think you can come here after all this time and demand to speak to me?”

  “Vanessa, please,” pleaded Tim. Sophia brushed her hair away and stepped towards her friend.

  “I am going to get something to eat.”

  Vanessa didn’t react, so Sophia moved back to her room. She wasn’t going to stay in the apartment. They obviously still had feelings for each other. She knew Vanessa well. She wanted to throw herself into Tim’s arms and forget about everything, but she had her pride.