Living in Your Hell

by Barb Shuler

  “What? You know I’m right.”

  I chuckled. Leave it to Stella… They were all in here to keep me calm and help me get dressed, but I'd only asked two people to stand with me - Stella and Lana.

  I hated to choose, I loved all of these women with all of my heart, but in the end Charlie and I had decided on a small bridal party and wedding. All of the toddlers, however, were part of the party. We needed flower girls, and ring bearers, after all. The funny thing was, the little people outnumbered the big people. It somehow made this all easier.

  The town and all of our friends were going to get to meet us later as Mr. and Mrs. Charles McKenna. There was a big party scheduled for this afternoon in the McKenna’s backyard since the church yard was still under construction due to a water leak out in the side yard. It was a good thing they were only a few houses down from the church.

  Jayna - Mama Jay to everyone else - and her brother Boomer were helping Mrs. Nettie and Mrs. Talbert with setting everything up while we were here. After the ceremony we’d have some pictures done, with the help of Kristol, and then we’d head off to our reception.

  My focus was brought back to the present when a knock came to the door. Papa walked in and his big grin made mine reappear.

  “Sweet Pea, you look so beautiful. Just like your Nan did when I married her,” he said kissing my cheeks. “Are we ready?

  “Yes,” I said looking for the girls. I squatted down after kicking off those ridiculous heels. There was no way in hell I was gonna break an ankle, or my neck, today. No thanks! “You girls remember what you're supposed to do?”

  “Dwops fowers!” Kaitlyn said with a big grin.

  “I helps them,” Tyler said nodding.

  “Okay, then let's go drop some flowers,” I said, standing and taking my bouquet from Lana.

  “Good luck. We’ll be watching,” Dani Lynn said as she left with Stella, and Kristol. I took a deep breath and nodded.

  “Let's go get me married,” I said taking Papa’s offered arm.

  We herded the three little girls out before us and moved to the main entrance of the church. Jacks and Trevor were straightening the ties that Taylor, Elijah and Robbie wore. Talk about three very handsome little men. They each took a hand of a flower girl and got ready. Okay, there was only two rings but, come on, they were too cute to choose between.

  The vestibule doors were still closed, both Tracey and Chipper manned them like the queen's men. I gave them both a great big grin.

  “We’re ready,” Papa said. Both Jackson and Trevor slipped inside the church and I closed my eyes and prayed my bare feet would not trip me. This dress was so long and poofy. I felt like a real life princess.

  I opened my eyes at the sound of the doors opening and watched as Ryan and Taylor walked out. He helped his sister throw petals and then it was Tyler and Elijah’s turn. Lastly, Kaitlyn and Robbie went. I watched as they made their way down the aisle, followed by Lana. The doors closed again and I took in a deep, calming breath.

  As the music of the wedding march started I smiled and nodded to the boys. The doors opened and I could see Charlie. My heart hammered. It was thrumming so loud I was worried everyone could hear it.

  When we approached the pulpit I had to fight to not cry. Papa kissed my cheek and carefully gave my hand to Charlie. This was it. In mere moments we would be husband and wife.

  The ceremony was quick but heartfelt. It's a damn good thing I had on waterproof mascara. The moment Pastor Riggs said, “you may kiss your bride,” Charlie had dipped me and I melted into his kiss.

  Kristol had us recreate that as one of our wedding photos in case she didn't get a good shot while it happened. Now we were on the way across the walkway and headed for the backyard. We’d both changed at the church so we’d be more comfortable in this Texas heat.

  Charlie had stolen a few kisses on the way here and it only made my heart melt more for him. My yellow sundress felt cool against my skin as he led me into the backyard. A booming voice announced our arrival.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for Mr. and Mrs. Charles McKenna!”

  Amongst the catcalls and whistles I spotted a few people tearing up. My makeup was done for. Let's just call it over. I was hugged and congratulated so many times that I lost track of who I was speaking to.

  We’d been mingling now for a bit but with the tinkling of a glass everyone quieted down and turned to see what was going on. Robert stood on his back steps, looking out at the mass of friends and family with a smile spread across his face. Papa had joined him now and I grinned.

  “We’d like to thank you all for coming and helping to celebrate the joining of our families. My son has always been one to go after what he wanted,” Robert said inclining his head towards Charlie before he continued, “This union is a one in a million pairing. I'm proud to have Shelby as a part of the family, and by extension, Doc G. Here's to Charlie and Shelby.”

  Glasses were raised in a toast and Charlie leaned down and kissed my lips. I whispered against his lips as he pulled back. “I love you.”

  “I love you too, beautiful.”

  Our attention was drawn back to the stairs where Papa stood. My gaze met his and it was then that I saw he had tears in his eyes. I laid my hand against my chest as he began to speak.

  “I wasn't sure how I'd handle this, to be honest. Not that I don't approve, I do, but in the beginning it felt as if I would lose my Sweet Pea again. She'd been gone for so long with her schooling-” he paused and took in a deep breath. “It's one thing to watch someone grow up and overcome any obstacle put in their way. You watch them blossom into this beautiful adult, and start their own life. I couldn't be prouder of you Shelby. You've made our family grow in many ways over this last year. Charles, you made me a promise months ago. See that you keep it, yeah?”

  I looked up at Charlie as he chuckled. “I will, Sir. I would never hurt her, I swear on my life.”

  “Good, cause I'd hate to have to castrate you,” Papa said, his tone and face said he was dead serious.

  A chorus of laughter surrounded us and I turned to look back at Charlie and melted back into him as his lips met mine. We were eventually pulled apart and pulled into different directions as people wanted our attention. I had managed to sneak away and give Papa a smacking kiss on his cheek before being pulled away again.

  Today started a new life for me. Tomorrow would bring a new meaning to forever and for the first time in my entire life, I felt complete. Being whole meant a lot when you'd been broken for so long.

  12

  I'm No Carpenter

  Charlie

  Son of a bitch!” I yelled. I threw the hammer across the room and rubbed the back of my hand. Why in the hell had I decided to do this myself? Oh yeah, ‘cause I'm a fucking moron. I slumped over and took a deep breath.

  “Chawie! Chawie! You otays?”

  The sound of Kaitlin’s panicked voice made me straighten to my full height. I cursed myself as she burst through the thick sheets of plastic hanging from the open side of the wall. Her eyes were wide.

  “I'm okay, lil’ bit,” I said, trying to give her a smile but my hand was hurting like hell.

  “You beedins… you- you gots a boo boos?” Her face scrunched up. I looked down at my hand and cursed again.

  “Shit.”

  It wasn’t until Kaitlyn giggled that I realized I said it out loud. Great. Shelby was gonna kick my ass for that. We’d been working on my house, adjusting the layout and making room for kids because we had both agreed we wanted a few.

  For the last six months we had been settling into married life, getting used to living together and having this sweet little girl in our home. Her father, Jimmy, had been sent off to jail, but we never knew how long he'd stay there. He only had a two year sentence after all. There was only a slight amount of evidence and with her Mama gone, there wasn't much to go on. Which sucked.

  Kaitlyn was a good kid. There were meltdowns, as with any three year old, but th
ey were usually due to some kind of flashback - I guess that is the best way to say it. Someone would say or do something and it would set her off. There were many layers to this little girl. She was shy sometimes, hyper at others and always curious to learn new things. Best of all, she was a cuddle bug.

  It had taken her a bit of time to adjust to me and the guys - well, all but her new Papa, Gabe and Robert. You know, they all screamed “grandpa” so she was a bit easier around them. This was understood by us all. No one rushed her. When she did come around she had been full of questions.

  The best one was when she asked Trace why he was painted on. We’d all been at Dad’s for a cookout and the thousand questions started. Then she’d done that to me, Jacks and Trevor when she’d seen ours. We’d all hemmed and hawed about it but never gave her a good answer. Jacks stunned us all with the way he handled it.

  “Well little one, I needed a way to remember things I don't ever want to forget. See this one?”

  He’d asked her as he pointed to a tat on his right bicep. She’d squinted to see it. It was an old tree, the branches bare of leaves, but each limb had a name sketched into it.

  “It's a tree. This tree has the names of my family on it. See here, it has Kristol, Taylor, Ryan and baby Joseph. Each branch shows a new part of my life.”

  “Yous lubs dem all? That’s whys you habs its?”

  “With every part of me, I do.”

  She had taken a minute to think it over and nodded as if she'd been given all the answers she ever wanted, then went back to the kiddie pool where the other kids were playing.

  Now as I look at the worry on her face I vowed to do whatever I could to keep that look from crossing her face.

  “Hey, it's okay. My boo boo will be okay,” I said nodding. I squatted down before her and kissed her head.

  “You needs um… a ban-ban-banays!” Her voice rose as she struggled to get the word out.

  “You want to help me get a bandaid? We might need to go see Shelby and Papa for that, though,” I said. The pain in my hand increased. Thank God it was my left hand and not my gun hand, but still, this was gonna suck if it was too bad.

  “Us gets heps,” she said nodding. I chuckled and nodded.

  “Alright, let me get a towel and we’ll ride down there, okay?”

  “Otays!”

  She jumped around and the pain in my hand was replaced with awe. This kiddo was amazing to say the least. I moved to the temporary workbench, grabbed a towel and wrapped my hand up.

  “Grab your shoes, lil’ bit,” I said as I grabbed the keys to my truck and walked out of the plastic covered nightmare. It was September, so the heat was still killing us.

  Once her shoes were on, I scooped her up and we made our way to the truck. I helped her into her car seat, and once she was properly secured I climbed into the driver’s side. It would only take us a few minutes to get to the clinic. I worried that I'd broken my knuckle. This was the second time today that I'd whacked it with that damn hammer. I guess I was gonna have to eat my earlier words and call for help.

  Trevor and Peter were never going to let me live this down. Assholes.

  When we pulled up to the clinic I drove around to the back of the house and parked by Doc’s car. I got myself and then Kaitlyn out the truck, taking her hand and helping her up the stairs and into the house. I walked through the kitchen and the angry shouts from up front made Kaitlyn stop and tuck herself into my leg. I moved to squat down beside her and kissed her head.

  “It’s okay, lil’ bit. Want me to carry you?” At her nod I scooped her up and took a deep breath before we made our way up to the front of the house.

  “Colton, sweetheart, listen to me. I won’t hurt you, I just need to look at your arm,” Shelby’s voice rang through the room. I stopped in the doorway and watched. Kaitlyn peeked around when she heard Shelby’s calm voice. I grinned a little and moved so she could see her better. She stood there with both hands up in the air as she pleaded with the kid before her. Dani Lynn was behind him, holding Derek’s arm. I guess he wanted to try and help. The kid, Colton, looked like a scared rabbit facing down a grizzly. His breathing was rapid, and he was pale.

  “Come on Colt, let her look. Shelby won’t hurt ya, man. I promise,” Derek pleaded with him.

  “Hims got a boo boo too?” Kaitlyn’s stage whisper wasn’t so quiet. All eyes moved to us and I chuckled.

  “Yeah, lil bit, it looks that way.”

  “Charlie-”

  “Holy crap, dude, you’re bleeding all over the place,” Derek said.

  “It’s fine. I can wait. Seems this young man was here first.”

  “Downs, pwease,” Kaitlyn wiggled and I crouched to set her on her feet. I watched as she moved towards Shelby but didn’t stop. She looked up at Colton and grinned. “I members you. You pays wid me.”

  “Uh- ye-yeah,” he stammered.

  “You gots a boo boo? Sheby makes its bedders. Her mates mines bedders,” she waved her arm that had been broken and the kid seemed to relax a little. “Tomes on, I holds you hands. Otays?”

  We all just stood there, staring at this tiny little human. She had been so scared the last time she had been here. Now she was being the brave one and trying to help someone else. Shelby looked back at me with tears in her eyes. I noted that Dani Lynn wiped at her eyes as well. Hell, I was a little teary eyed myself, and I couldn’t blame it on the pain in my hand. It was amazing what kids could do and overcome.

  “Um, o-okay,” Colton stammered out. He gave me a wary look and I held up my good hand.

  “I’m one of the good guys, kid. I’m Deputy McKenna, Shelby’s husband. I also work with Dani Lynn’s dad and husband.”

  “Don’t forget her brother-in-law, her best friend, her son, and father-in-law,” Derek said with a cheeky grin. “We’re all one big happy family around here.”

  I snorted.

  “Kid, don’t you have work to do today?” I asked as Shelby led Colton into an exam room with Kaitlyn clutching at his free hand.

  “Yerp, I was putting in new surveillance systems when Colton had an accident in the kitchen. He needed a chaperone until Ma could get here. I just haven’t left yet. I’d prefer to stay.”

  “Fair enough,” I said as I moved to sit down. I was starting to feel a little light headed.

  “What happened to you?” Dani Lynn asked, drawing on a pair of gloves from the desk and pulling the towel back from my hand. She grimaced and turned my hand gently.

  “You a nurse now?” I asked with a chuckle.

  “Yeah, I graduated from the school of ‘I have four kids’,” she snarked at me. I laughed until she touched the area around my knuckle. I all but came up out of the chair. She jerked back slightly. “Shit. Sorry.”

  “Damn, don’t do that, woman,” I tried to laugh it off, but fuck me, that hurt. “I hit it with the hammer.. Twice.”

  “What for?” Derek asked, his head cocked to the side.

  “So you’d ask stupid questions,” I snapped.

  “Hey, watch the tone. I have a kid in that room scared of his own shadow. Check the testosterone at the door, boys,” Dani Lynn snapped. Her face and posture said she meant business. I sighed and let my head fall back.

  “Sorry. I was working on the house. I kept getting distracted listening to and for Kaitlyn. I’m so scared she will get hurt playing outside and I won’t see her or hear her.”

  “Ah, I get that. Trust me, it doesn’t get easier,” Dani Lynn said, smiling. “D, go up stairs and get Doc. This needs to be looked at and I think Shelby has her hands full.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “No need, I’m right here, honey,” Doc said as he came in with a box in his arms. Derek moved to take it from him and sat it by the door. “What happened, Charles?”

  “Hammer. I’m not much of a carpenter, I guess,” I grumbled.

  “It’s alright, son, we can’t all be good at everything. Go to exam two. I need to numb ya up so I can clean this and take an x-ra
y. I think it’s broken, but I can’t say for sure.”

  With a heavy, frustrated sigh I moved to the exam room. With the sure movements of a man that has been doing this since before I was born Doc had my hand numbed, cleaned and x-rayed before Shelby was done with Colton. I moved back to the waiting room and leaned my head back against the wall. I had to wait for Shelby so she could cast my hand because, yes, I had broken two small bones around the knuckle. The knuckle itself was dislocated. Doc had fixed that and even with pain meds in there, it hurt.

  Thirty minutes later I was back in the waiting room, my head spinning a little as the numbness wore off and the new pain meds kicked in. Needless to say I wasn’t driving anywhere. I was going to sit here until either Shelby got off, or until I could get on my two feet and carry Kaitlyn. We could walk then. Right now I was just going to close my eyes and relax.

  I had a few phone calls to make in a bit. See if Trevor and Peter could get a few guys over to help me finish off the addition to the house. Next time I’ll just go with the professionals to start with and save myself the trouble. And to keep from having to listen to the two of them joke about my mishaps and the injury. But, I tried, dammit, that counts for something, right? It did in my book.

  Better to try and fail, than to not try at all.

  13

  The Past Returns

  Shelby

  I’d taken the day off so I could take Kaitlyn to the park. Dani Lynn, Kristol and Anna would be meeting us there for the kid’s playdate, and then the adults were going to the salon to get a little pampering while Derek, Lana and Carter took over monster duty. It was something we had been doing since Kaitlyn came to us. The girls had done it before, but it was still new to me.

  “Guys, I’m heading out. I left the kitchen door open if y’all need anything,” I called out to Trevor, Peter and the men they had working with them on the final new addition to Charlie’s - our house.