Caroline's Purpose

by Erica Zaborac

  Caroline’s breath caught in her throat. The connection she felt with him was so familiar. The pain and fear in his eyes reflected what she often felt herself. Without thinking, she closed the space between her and the door, reaching out and touching the top of it with her fingers.

  She didn’t move or make a sound as Edison came closer. She watched his face, making sure he didn’t pin his ears or bare his teeth. But his expression stayed curious; his eyes showed nothing but hope.

  Edison stretched his neck toward Caroline, until the tip of his nose touched her fingers. He snorted, jumping back, startled by the contact.

  Caroline did her best not to react. She forced herself to sigh, releasing the tension from her neck. “Hey, I promise I won’t hurt you. You can come back.” She rested her forearms on the top of the door, the rough wood snagging the sleeves of her shirt. She turned her hand over, laying her palm face up for the horse.

  Edison looked into her eyes again, blinking twice as he thought about coming closer. He took a couple of steps before stretching out his neck again. This time when he touched her, he didn’t jump back.

  He sighed, licking his lips as he took another step toward her. Caroline held still as he placed his chin in her hand.

  “That’s a good boy.” She lifted her other hand, being careful not to startle him. He watched her hand but didn’t move. Extending her fingers, she rested them on the perfect white diamond on his face. She rubbed his forehead, freeing loose hair from under his forelock. Closing his eyes, Edison leaned into her touch.

  Caroline heard footsteps coming down the aisle. She turned her head, meeting Connor’s eyes as he and Jessica approached. They slowed their steps, their faces full of questions.

  “Caroline?” Connor kept his voice quiet. “How did you…?” His voice trailed off.

  She shrugged her shoulders. “I didn’t really do anything. I just stood here, and he came to me.”

  “That’s amazing.” Jessica looked from Caroline, to Edison, back to Caroline. “Would you try grooming him? He’s such a mess, and none of us has been able to go near him.”

  “Mom, maybe that’s not a good idea. Maybe we shouldn’t push it.” Connor looked at Caroline, his voice full of concern for her.

  “Um, Connor, it’s okay. I’d like to try.” Caroline tried to sound convincing even as she heard her voice wobble.

  Connor blinked, surprise shining in his eyes. “Are you sure?”

  Caroline nodded.

  “Well, okay, let me go grab some brushes. Connor, will you hand her his halter?” Jessica headed back down the barn aisle.

  Connor reached beside Caroline for the leather halter on the hanger, keeping his movements slow. “Caroline, you don’t have to do this.” Connor unbuckled the halter and handed it to her.

  Caroline took her hand off Edison’s forehead to take the halter from Connor. “I know I don’t. But look at him. He needs it.”

  “Alright.” Connor sighed. “But be careful.”

  “I will. And you’ll be here. Just like in class.” Caroline lifted her lips in a small smile, looking at Connor over her shoulder.

  Connor rolled his eyes, his smile matching hers. “Fair enough.”

  Caroline reached for the latch on the stall door, trying to be quiet as she worked the metal. “Hey, bud. It’s just me. I’m gonna come in, okay?”

  Edison tensed as Caroline pulled the door open just far enough to slip inside. She stopped just inside the stall door as he moved away from her, the whites of his eyes showing.

  “It’s okay,” Caroline told herself as much as she was telling Edison. “It’s just like before. I’m gonna be right here, and you can make the first move.”

  One by one, Edison’s muscles relaxed. He dropped his head and looked back at Caroline. He rotated back around to face her. Just as he had before, he stretched his neck out, touching her with his nose. Once he realized it was still her, he took a few steps toward her.

  “Good boy,” Caroline muttered under her breath. She put her fingers against his diamond, rubbing in a circular motion again. Edison leaned into her touch.

  “Alright, bud, can we put the halter on now? I’ll go slow, and I promise I won’t hurt you.” Caroline made sure to keep one hand on Edison, so she wouldn’t startle him. She worked the halter onto his head and fastened the buckle in one motion. Edison lifted his head but stayed calm. She resumed the circles on his forehead.

  “Caroline, that was lovely.” Jessica set the brush bucket just inside the door. “More than anything I want to stay, but I have a meeting with one of the trainers in the other barn. But I’ll be around if you guys need anything, okay?”

  “Thanks, Mom. We should be fine.” Connor turned his attention back to Caroline as his mom walked away. “How can I help?”

  “Do you want to hold him?” Caroline glanced at him over her shoulder.

  “Sure, if you think he’ll let me.”

  “We can give it a try. Come on in.” Caroline kept rubbing Edison’s head as Connor snuck into the stall. Edison eyed him and took a few steps back.

  “Caroline, maybe I should stay outside.” Connor paused, his hand on the door.

  “I think he’ll be okay. Try standing right behind me.”

  Keeping her eyes on Edison, Caroline felt Connor coming closer. Edison watched Connor, the muscles in his shoulder twitching.

  “Shhh, you’re okay. He’s just trying to help you, too.” Caroline reached out and rubbed the stallion’s shoulder, feeling him relax under her fingers. “Thatta boy.”

  Connor shifted behind her. “Now what should I do?” he whispered, so close that Caroline could feel his breath on the back of her neck.

  Caroline took her hand off Edison’s shoulder, turning sideways toward Connor. She reached her hand out to Connor. Her eyes met his. “Here. Put your hand in mine.”

  Connor blinked. “Really?”

  “Really. He needs to see you won’t hurt him.”

  “Alright.” Connor reached out, placing his hand in hers.

  Caroline felt the heat rise to her cheeks as soon as their fingers touched. She looked down at her boots, forcing herself to breathe. Come on, focus on the horse. He’s what matters here. She swallowed, turning her eyes back to Edison.

  “See, buddy? It’s gonna be okay.” Caroline lifted their hands up for Edison to sniff. He reached out his neck again, touching them with his nose.

  “Okay, Connor. See if you can rub him on his forehead, like I’ve been doing. Don’t move too fast.” Caroline sensed Connor nod his head as he lifted his fingers from hers.

  Caroline held her breath as Edison held still, letting Connor touch him. He lowered his head, sighing, his eyes closing as he relaxed.

  “I can’t believe this.” Connor smiled at Caroline.

  “Me, either. I’ll get the brushes.” Handing Connor the lead rope, Caroline turned away to reach for the bucket.

  Smiling, she felt more like herself than she had in years.

  Eighteen

  The November sun made the small, two-horse trailer feel like summer in the middle of fall. Connor watched as a trickle of sweat slipped down Caroline’s forehead, but she didn’t move. She didn’t flinch to wipe it off. All of her focus was on keeping constant and consistent pressure on the rope in her hand.

  They were back in class, working with Luna on loading into the trailer. But all Connor could see was Caroline.

  He was still in awe over what she had done with Edison. She had groomed every inch of him, freeing his coat from all the dirt and knots. She had also trimmed his mane, getting rid of all of the tangles.

  She had been so confident and so creative with how she introduced Connor to Edison. He’d asked her about it when he walked her to her car at the end of that eventful Saturday.

  The sun had started to set. The sky was full of pink and orange streaks. They were later than they had planned to be, as they had gone ahead and done all the painting after she had finished with Edison.

  C
onnor had been sitting on his question all day while they painted, but he could never bring himself to ask her. She had been reaching for her car door when he decided to be brave. “Caroline, can I ask you something?”

  Her blue eyes looked up to his, as she nodded her head. “Sure, of course.”

  “When I came into the stall, with you and Edison, how did you come up with that? You know, putting our hands together, to show him he could trust me?”

  Caroline’s blushed as she stared down at the ground, scuffing the toe of her boot along the dirt. “Would you believe me if I said I don’t know? That it just kind of came to me?”

  “I would.” Connor took a step toward her to get her to look up at him. “I just wanted to say it was amazing. I wouldn’t have thought of it.”

  Caroline shrugged her shoulders. “Thank you.”

  “Can I ask something else?” Connor felt his own cheeks turning red.

  Caroline laughed. “Sure.”

  Connor swallowed, looking down. “Maybe this is weird to ask…”

  “Connor, what is it?”

  “Can I give you a hug? You told my mom you were a hugger, but I’ve never given you one.” Connor’s words rushed out of his mouth before he could stop them.

  With a smile, Caroline had pushed herself off her car and walked up to him, giving him a hug before he could say anything else.

  “There ya go. Now you don’t have to ask next time,” she had said as they pulled apart, her cheeks just as red as his.

  Connor blinked, returning his focus to the present as he heard Luna’s hooves step up into the trailer.

  “Good girl, Luna. Now, let’s get out of here.” Connor heard Caroline praise the filly as she backed her out, being sure it was her idea before Luna spooked and left on her own. As always, Caroline’s timing and decision-making was perfect.

  Caroline’s eyes met his as she stepped down from the ramp. Her cheeks were pale, and her forehead looked damp. He took a step toward her. “Do you want me to take her? You could go get a drink?”

  “Sure, thank you,” she croaked out. Connor held Luna as he watched her walk away.

  Lord, thank you for the changes in Caroline. Continue to show me how to help her, to show her how to believe in You again.

  He scratched Luna behind her ear. “Alright, little one. Should we go work with the tarp?” Luna sneezed in response.

  Connor led the young horse over to the blue tarp that was spread out across the ground. It was one of the hardest obstacles that they would face on their final practical in a couple of weeks. The look of it was enough to get the babies to hesitate, but the noise that it made when they stepped on it was always what frightened them the most.

  Connor stopped Luna next to the tarp. She dropped her head, sniffing it. Connor moved his own foot just enough that the toe of his boot touched the edge. It crinkled, causing Luna’s ears to flick, but she didn’t spook.

  “That’s my brave girl. Think you can put your hoof on it? Just one?” Connor stepped onto the tarp, putting gentle pressure on the rope. He stayed patient, allowing Luna to think about what she was being asked. Luna lifted her front foot in the air, setting it down on the tarp. Connor gave her a pat on the neck, then turned her away, rewarding her for her effort.

  “That was really good,” Caroline called out from where she had stopped by the fence.

  Connor laughed. “Yeah, right. I have to take what I can get. She doesn’t trust me like she trusts you.”

  Caroline rolled her eyes. “You’re crazy.”

  “Nah, it’s the truth. I haven’t gotten her in the trailer. No one else in the class has even gotten close to getting their baby in. That’s all you.”

  Caroline tilted her head, looking him right in his eyes. She opened her mouth, but she didn’t get a chance to say whatever she was thinking.

  “Alright, that’s all for today,” Dr. Carnes announced. “Let’s take them out to the field. Good work, everyone! Have a great Thanksgiving!”

  Together, Caroline and Connor led Luna back to the pasture. One by one, the weanlings paraded through the gate. After they had all been set free, they took off at a gallop to the opposite end of the field, celebrating their freedom.

  “So, are you still coming over on Friday to work on our final presentation?” Connor double-checked the latch on the gate.

  “Yeah, I’ll be there.” Caroline smiled. “I guess doing homework on Black Friday is better than shopping.

  Connor laughed. “I’d have to agree with you there.”

  “How’s Edison?” Caroline asked as they walked back to the barn to get their backpacks.

  “He’s definitely better. Still skittish around people, but he let me pet him over the door. And he’s not pawing or kicking as much. He’ll be happy to see you, I’m sure.”

  Caroline nodded her head. “I’ll be happy to see him, too.”

  The gravel crunched beneath their boots as they walked out to the parking lot together, stopping at the driver’s door of Caroline’s car.

  “Caroline?” Connor asked as he took a step closer.

  “Yeah?”

  “Have a great Thanksgiving.” Connor pulled her into a hug.

  “You too, Connor.”

  He stepped away from her, opening the door. “I’ll see you Friday.”

  “See ya.”

  Connor headed across the parking lot and climbed into his truck. He called up his driving playlist, hit shuffle, and drove away, looking forward to the long weekend and time with his parents. And another visit from Caroline.

  He thought about her all day long while he helped his mom in the kitchen, chopping vegetables and washing dishes, and again when the three of them went outside to give all of the horses a special Thanksgiving treat of carrots and apple slices.

  Connor took extra time at Edison’s stall, waiting as the stallion finished pulling his treats out of his new bucket. He looked him over, admiring how much better he was looking.

  “Caroline sure helped you out, big guy. She’ll be here again tomorrow.” Connor kept his voice soothing as he spoke. Edison lifted his head from the bucket, chewing his last bite. He looked at Connor, studying him with curious caution. He took a few steps toward him, stopping within reach.

  “Hi there,” Connor moved his arm from his side, being careful not to startle him. He rested his fingers on Edison’s shoulder. The stallion sighed, leaning into Connor’s hand.

  Connor used his free hand to reach for his phone, an idea popping into his head. He pushed his passcode onto the screen, unlocking it. One more quick tap opened up his camera app. He lifted the phone over the door, snapping a quick picture of his hand against Edison’s coat.

  Connor stroked the stallion’s shoulder once more before stepping back, away from the stall door. A few more quick clicks on the phone, and he was ready to type his message to Caroline.

  7:32 PM: Happy Thanksgiving! Edison and I just wanted to let you know we are thankful for you and your friendship.

  He reread his message, then hit send before he could second-guess himself. He took a deep breath as he stared down at the screen of his phone, watching as the three little dots showed him Caroline was writing back.

  Caroline 7:33 PM: Aww, thank you! I am thankful for yours, too. Looking forward to seeing you both tomorrow :)

  Connor smiled as he read her words. He gave all of the stallions one last look before heading down the barn aisle, turning out the light, and stepping into the chilly night air. His smile and Caroline’s text kept him warm even though he had left his jacket in the house.

  Connor turned around after he climbed the steps to the porch, looking out over the barns, the arenas, and the fields across their property. Even in the dark, with only a few security lights here and there, the view was breathtaking.

  Lord, thank You. Thank You for this place, for this life. None of it would be possible without You.

  The slightest breeze lifted the leaves of the bushes and the ivy, spreading goosebumps over Con
nor’s arms. It was time to go inside, which meant one thing. One thing that would make it hard for him to sleep.

  Tomorrow was almost here.

  Nineteen

  The wind howled and angry raindrops pelted the glass of the windows, but Connor didn’t notice. He was too busy working on their final project. Too happy to realize it was storming at all.

  They were sitting in their same spots at the kitchen island, perched on their stools as they leaned over their display board, surrounded by colored construction paper and pictures of Luna. Throughout the semester, they had tracked the changes in her weight and height and how she had responded to all of their training. Now it was time to put it all together.

  “What if we put the height chart on this side, and the graph showing her changes in weight over here, like this?” Caroline tossed her hair over her shoulder as she set the papers down. “Then we have the rest of the board for the pictures and how she responded to each part of the training.”

  “Yeah, that looks good to me. Honestly, whatever you want to do is fine. You can design, and I’ll glue it down.” Connor twirled the glue stick around in his hand as he smiled at her.

  Caroline laughed. “Fair enough. Just make sure to center it on the construction paper, before you put it down on the board.”

  “You got it.” Connor saluted her as he moved closer to start gluing. Caroline rolled her eyes as she reached for the scissors.

  Connor watched her from the corner of his eye as she studied the photos they had taken of each other working with Luna, showing all of the different things they had done with her through the semester. Caroline was careful to select the right color of paper for each picture. He was impressed as she matched an item from each picture, like one of their shirts or Luna’s halter, with construction paper the same color, and then laid each one out in a staggered pattern. Each picture popped against its background.

  “You’re good at this.” Connor pointed at the board.