Yuletide Present

by Deirdre O'Dare

  Lying quietly, he listened. He heard Daniel walk around the lower floor checking to see everything was locked securely. Then he turned on the stereo, wired so there were speakers in almost every room. The music might give a clue to his mood.

  Thankfully it was mellow, a mixture of instrumentals and gentle vocals in Celtic traditional and more recent pagan-themed tunes. Next he started up the stairs, each step firm and precise. Rob knew the instant the other man entered, heard the steps pause and Daniel’s indrawn breath. He wished he could see the older man’s face but that wasn’t possible without moving too much.

  “Ah, that’s a good boy. I do love that ass of yours. It’s the one thing about you that’s almost perfect.” Daniel’s steps now hushed in the room’s thick carpet, Rob barely heard him approach the bed. Still he readied himself for the customary slaps, one on each cheek. Hard enough to sting, but actually more arousing than painful. Crack, crack.

  “There, you’re nicely branded. A perfect red handprint on each white cheek.

  Beautiful. You must remember now that you are mine. Mine!” Each ‘mine’ was underlined with yet another slap, the final one quite hard. “Slide down now until your legs hang off while I prepare myself.”

  Fears forgotten for the moment, since it seemed Daniel’s mood had softened, Rob complied. He wiggled back until only his torso rested on the bed while he bent at the hips to let his legs drop. The smooth texture of the silken sheets on his cock and balls as he moved added to his excitement, chill, slippery, enticing. His heartbeat speeded up and he clenched his hands into fists, nails biting into his palms to help maintain control.

  He had to wait, not a sound or a motion for Daniel was the master and he was the most humble of slaves. He’d grown used to this game over the past months. Most of the time it seemed right, even enjoyable. Still, this time he couldn’t help wishing for a breath or two that it was Sean who stood behind him, Sean’s touch he would soon feel on his skin and perhaps Sean’s cock claiming him. Lovely, guilty dream…

  Daniel grasped Rob at the flanks, strong hands kneading the flesh, fingers biting into the tender skin. Then the tip of his cock probed, sliding up and down the crack of Rob’s ass, pausing and finally driving into him. Daniel was big. At times the invasion hurt. That was also part of the game. Dragons and masters were not gentle. Rob pushed up against the pressure, trying to open a passageway for Daniel’s big dick, letting him go in so far his balls slapped against Rob’s ass.

  It never took very long. Daniel humped and thrust and groaned. He seemed to grow even bigger and much harder until with a final savage drive, he erupted.

  Sometimes he hit Rob’s sweet spot and when that happened, the pain didn’t matter.

  That didn’t happen this time.

  Daniel straightened, pulled out and then delivered two more strong smacks to Rob’s ass. “You’re a good fuck, Robbie. I’ll have to grant you that. For a near-worthless piece of human debris, you’re a damn fine fuck. You can jack yourself off now if you want to.”

  Rob waited until he heard the shower come on in the adjacent bathroom before he did just that. Again, he thought of Sean. It made him feel shivery and blazing hot, all at the same time. As he neared his climax, he went almost dizzy with the wonder of it, picturing himself in Sean’s hands or even in his mouth! If only. Did he dare hope that maybe someday?

  By the time Daniel came back, freshly bathed, Rob almost hated to move but he knew he’d better shower too. Daniel didn’t like anything messy, no odors or residue to upset his perfect and orderly existence. Once it was over, he wanted no reminders. The older man slid between the sheets and cuffed a pillow into place.

  “You can stay the night if you wish or go back to your room. I really don’t care.

  Just so long as you remember this is the only bed you share.”

  “Yes, sir. I won’t forget.” Still, Rob almost smiled to himself as he collected his clothes. He would go. Wide awake now, his drowsy comfort had faded. With the chill of the evening air on his skin, he felt no afterglow. And for the first time ever, he knew he was lying through his teeth with his declaration. While it might be true in reality, in his heart it would never be true again.

  He had no sense of punishment or regret as he padded down the stairs to the narrow bedroom he’d called his since shortly after his arrival. In the past he had often felt hurt that Daniel so rarely wanted him to remain through the night, to cuddle close or fall asleep in an embrace. He had cherished such contact as a sign of love, something he had missed since his mother remarried just after his sixth birthday. His stepfather insisted boys should not be coddled and petted lest it make them sissies and weaklings.

  From then on, a tender touch had been a rarity, growing fewer as time passed. His whole being had thirsted for simple human contact. This time, though, leaving Daniel’s room felt more like freedom.

  Chapter 4

  After that first evening, Sean often dropped into the bookstore. Rob welcomed him warmly each visit although he refused to go out afterwards. It didn’t take Sean long to catch on.

  “It’s Daniel, isn’t it? He’s very possessive, and he can be mean when he thinks he’s losing control. I don’t think you really love him, though. Do you?”

  Rob shook his head with only the slightest hesitation. “I thought I did and I felt like I owed him so much. I really was on the street when I met him. Things weren’t quite as dire as he likes to paint them but he did take me in. He gave me a home, food, shelter and someone caring about me, or at least seeming to. I needed that. I felt like a worthless piece of shit, a loser and useless. But now it’s just like with my stepfather, except the sex part. You could say the old man abused me, but never that way. I finally see how Daniel’s using me, a lot more than I’ve used him…”

  He paused for a few seconds. “That’s not love; it’s possession, control, maybe power. And I don’t have to love back when that’s all there is.”

  “No, you don’t! And you’re not worthless, not a loser. Much less a piece of shit. You can’t let yourself believe that. I—I won’t let you.”

  At the moment, no one else was in the shop. Acting on an impulse too strong to resist, Sean wrapped both arms around Rob and pulled him close. He truly believed it was only a friendly, comforting hug but within seconds it became much more. Rob lifted his head, starting to push back but all Sean saw was his face, so close, lips parted as if he was about to speak.

  He didn’t want to hear any protests so he silenced Rob the only way he could, with a kiss. Sean tried to keep the kiss gentle but a flare of heat seemed to weld their lips together. He heard Rob’s gasp as if from a great distance.

  The jingle of the doorbells broke the spell. They were standing behind one of tall shelves that crossed the middle part of the shop, out of sight of the door. Rob almost tore himself out of Sean’s embrace. “No. I can’t take this. Not from you, too.”

  “It’s not like that,” Sean protested but Rob had already fled around the barrier.

  Sean heard him call a greeting to the person who’d entered. His voice sounded a bit higher pitched and more breathless than usual. It could be nerves, fear or shock. Sean didn’t know if the clue was a good sign or bad, but he realized he’d have to be very careful. Right now Rob connected passion with possession, demands and perhaps even abuse. Those things were the last experience Sean wanted to share with the other man.

  Rob had only told him the barest hints of a troubled childhood and past but Sean read between those few lines. Sympathy and a great urge to show his new friend how much more life could hold, what real love could be like filled him. Although it would take time to convince Rob his view of it all was not the true or only one. Sean knew he would persist. Surely he’d been made to cross Rob’s path for that very purpose, although patience had never been his strongest suit. Maybe now was time for him to develop that virtue.

  * * * *

  Shock ricocheted through Rob as he careened around the end of the shelf unit.


  His first thought was dismay and disgust. Was Sean really just another Daniel and only superficially kinder or at least more subtle? Yet a second impression followed close on the heels of that one—had he not dreamed of Sean last night, even as he lay beneath Daniel’s heavy body? Could it be that Sean truly was attracted to him, interested in him?

  Although he didn’t see how that could be possible, he realized there had been nothing harsh or violent about the hug or the kiss that followed. He could have pulled away at any time and he somehow sensed Sean would have allowed it. There would have been no emotional blackmail, threats or recriminations.

  He reined in his frantic wondering to greet the couple who entered the store. At the moment he was both grateful to them for the interruption and mildly resentful that the scene hadn’t played out to its normal conclusion. If it had, his confusion might not be so severe.

  He was also thankful Sean stayed out of sight for some time and only emerged after Rob had found some books for them to look at and settled the couple at a table.

  Then Sean came strolling casually down the aisle, a couple of books in his hands. “I think I’ll take these,” he said, as calmly as if he hadn’t held and kissed Rob less than a quarter of an hour ago.

  Rob rang them up, making every effort to behave in the same way. However as he slipped them into a bag and handed it to Sean, the other man met his gaze, held it, and grinned. “It’s okay,” he said, in a stage whisper. “We’ll chill for now but in time the scene will be completed. I promise you that, and I almost guarantee you’ll be pleased.”

  Unable to frame a coherent reply, Rob just nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow at the gathering,” he said after a moment.

  “That you will,” Sean replied as he stepped out the door.

  Rob got home early that evening, since Melly came in about six and took over.

  They’d already agreed he’d start early for that shift and leave early as well. Thus he was home in time to eat with Daniel and do the dinner dishes afterwards.

  “Have you got the responses memorized for tomorrow’s sabbat?”

  Rob jumped when Daniel spoke. He thought the other man had left the kitchen and hadn’t heard him return with the water running as he rinsed off the dishes before he put them in the washer. “I think so. Do you want me to recite them for you now?”

  “Oh, no.” Daniel’s reply was swift and rather curt. “You never speak these things aloud except as part of a ritual. I’ll trust you to get them right.” With that he made a huffing sound, spun around and stalked off. Relief filtered through Rob. Perhaps he could go on back to his room tonight and read in peace until bedtime.

  * * * *

  Sean almost decided to skip the sabbat gathering the next evening. Because of a bad accident, work in the ER had proved taxing, frantic and disturbing. Too many bad memories resurfaced. He was late leaving work and barely had time to shower and change when he got home if he was going to attend. The thought of not seeing Rob and a vision of the other man’s disappointment finally convinced him to go.

  He arrived just as Daniel approached the altar to cast the circle and begin the rites. The only spot where there was a little room was between Steve and Mike. Rob stood almost directly across from him, on Daniel’s left, near the altar.

  Daniel seemed in fine form tonight. He spoke the ceremonial words in a deep, resonant voice and made each gesture with a flourish. Squinting his gaze, Sean could almost see the real man lurking inside the flamboyant larger-than-life image. That man was not pretty; he was small, petty, narrow-minded and cruel. He looked more like a demon or evil spirit than an arch mage or a true pagan leader. The purple cape, the massive ring and torq, and the elaborately styled hair and beard—it was all too artificial and ostentatious. Sliding a sidelong glance at several of the other coven members, he read traces of their disgust and disdain. The signs were subtle, certainly not overt, but they were there. It isn’t just me, then.

  This time Rob made all the correct responses without a single bobble. After the ceremony was over, he set to work at once clearing the altar while Daniel circulated among the group in his normal way. Sean went over to help. Rob looked up at him for an instant and then down again. Sean saw Rob had made or bought a purple velveteen bag which held all the ceremonial paraphernalia neatly. Sean handed him one object at a time, trying to recall the order they’d been removed in his family’s group. That seemed so long ago now. For a moment a pang shot through him as he realized he would never see his mother and father or his younger sister take part in a ceremony again, at least not in this realm.

  Rob made a slight sound that recalled Sean to the present. “The chalice,” he whispered. “It’s next.” Sean complied and within a few seconds they had the job done.

  Rob set the bag down on a shelf to one side.

  Sean started to say something about his impression of Daniel’s behavior but decided he shouldn’t. Rob might be getting disenchanted with his mentor and lover, but Sean sensed any criticism from elsewhere would not yet meet with agreement. He suspected Rob was fiercely loyal, even to those who didn’t deserve it. Instead he turned toward the rest of the group. They stood around chatting casually and enjoying the refreshments. Melly and Steve had supplied the treats this time, a big thermos of mulled cider and a large tray of festive cookies.

  The day’s stress began to catch up with Sean. He excused himself early and started for the door. Rob’s attention slowed his pace. He turned back, just long enough to lip-read Rob’s silent words. “I’ll see you this week at the store, won’t I?” Rather than speak aloud, Sean nodded. Rob’s smile rewarded him. Good. He’s can’t be too upset about the kiss…

  * * * *

  When Rob arrived at the store the next afternoon, he found the place crowded.

  At first he thought they must have a whole class of students, perhaps to order a book required by the instructor. Then he realized he knew a number of the people, all from their attendance at the coven, either currently or in the past. What was going on?

  Melly saw him at once. She hurried over. “Good, I’m glad you’re here. Steve and I wanted to get as many of the current and past members together as we could. We’ve become very concerned about the direction the coven seems to be going.”

  Rob followed her as she led the whole group to a set of tables in the back of the shop area. There weren’t enough chairs but several stood or leaned against the bookcases and the back wall. Rob saw Sean and slipped in beside him, recalling another bookcase they had recently been standing near. From Sea’s quirky little smile, he did too.

  Steve took a position near the middle, perched on one of the tables. “I’m not appointing myself the leader or spokesman, but for now I’m going to explain what we called you together about.

  “First, I see at least a dozen faces that haven’t been at our gatherings for weeks or even months. You must have left for a reason since you’re still in the area. In a few minutes I’d like you to tell the rest of us why. First though, I’ll share the concerns Melly and I have increasingly worried about the past few weeks.”

  As far as Rob could tell, Steve had everyone’s rapt attention. Although he was probably the oldest person present, he had none of the overbearing or authoritarian presence that Daniel constantly exuded. Still, he had the calm demeanor of a true leader, and spoke with assurance, though in a mild voice.

  After he glanced around the group, he continued. “The winter solstice draws near and will be upon us very soon. As most of you know, we traditionally make this one of the chief ceremonies of the year. After the last meeting, the Arch Mage was speaking to some of us about a sacrifice after the old ways where the failing Sun King is slain and the new, young king is crowned. Melly and I must have looked shocked, for he hastened to say it would be merely symbolic, an enactment, but something about his manner disturbed us both. We’ve already noticed he seems to be increasingly harsh and demanding as he leads our rituals, especially toward Rob and a couple of other younger memb
ers he often calls on to assist him. We’ve started to have doubts as to whether he is a fit leader or not.”

  Rob noted many murmurs of “Hear, hear” and “well said.” One by one several of the former members stood to speak and almost to a person admitted that Daniel’s manner was the main cause for their withdrawing.

  One young woman even said, “As long as he’s in charge and throwing his weight around with his Arch Mage pretensions, I will not be back and several of my friends won’t either. They wouldn’t even come here today. We feel a true Wiccan leader should be gentle, leading by example and certainly not placing himself in a lofty, pretentious status over everyone else while demanding obeisance, almost servitude.”

  At that point, Melly rose to join Steve at the center table. “I’m in total agreement, Caroline. Daniel has only been here a couple of years, at least in our coven. He came in quietly at first but very quickly began to surge toward the front. We really had no leader as such; we just met as friends and equals and shared roles in the rituals and ceremonies. We probably erred in allowing him to usurp authority since there was really no one ‘in charge’. It may be too late now to change the pattern.”

  Mike, who stood on the far side of Sean, spoke up then. “I think we should confront him as a group, at least several of us, and tell him how we feel, explain that we’ve had enough of his bullshit. That’s what it is, too. I’m new to the group but it didn’t take me two sabbats to see through him. He’s not sincere, just playing a role like an actor. Then, if he won’t back off, we just pull out en masse and start our own group. I know there’s a need for mentors but we have folks who’ve been Wiccan for a long time to help us newbies learn and grow. That being true, we need a damned diva ‘Arch Mage’ like a fish needs a bicycle.”

  Many of the gathered group chuckled. Despite a vague nagging sense of disloyalty, Rob wanted to chuckle, too. He realized how well that fit, even the damned part. Still, the idea of forging off on his own, walking away from Daniel and the now familiar house on Elm Street, the rituals and routine, even the echo of the shadowed and troubled life he’d lived for most of the last twenty years was daunting. Did he dare to try?