by Brie Paisley
But it’s just because it’s him.
The spell between us is broken, as we hear someone, clearing their throat. Pulling away, I spot Mom, standing in the doorway, staring at me with curious eyes. “Hey,” I say, but I don’t ask her what she’s doing here. I haven’t seen her more than a few times, since our fight, and I told myself I’m done caring about what she does. I’ve accepted the fact that she’s no longer the mother I need, and our relationship will never be what it was before.
But Caleb must know I’m not up for talking to her, because he moves to stand beside me, placing an arm around my waist. “It’s Caleb, right?” Somehow, I manage not to roll my eyes at her. She damn well knows who he is.
“Yes, ma’am. Bethany and I are goin’ to watch some TV and hangout.”
“Is that what the kids are callin’ it nowadays?”
“Mom,” I sternly say, making her change the subject.
“Sorry. I just came by to pick up a few things,” she claims, giving me a look, like she wants to talk to me privately.
Sighing, I glance up to Caleb. “I’ll be down in a few.” He nods, giving me a peck on the forehead, before I follow Mom to her room. Reaching her room, she goes straight to her closet, coming back out shortly with a suitcase. I stand by the door, knowing this conversation won’t last long. “What did you want to talk about?”
“So, you’re still with, what’s his name?”
“Caleb. His name is Caleb. You literally just said it five seconds ago. And yes, I’m still with him.” Why do you care doesn’t make it out of my mouth, but I’m sure she knows it’s implied.
“He seems like a nice boy,” she says, as she starts putting clothes in her suitcase. I watch her, really watch her, as she continues to place her clothes inside it. I don’t really want to know where she’s going, so I don’t ask. If she wants me to know, she’ll tell me. After a few more moments of packing, she stops, sighs, and then turns to me. “Dan is takin’ me to Florida. He has a nice condo by the beach. You should see the pictures of it.”
“That’s just great, Mom.”
“Oh, it is. I’m so excited to go. We’re goin’ to have so much fun.” Apparently, my sarcasm was misheard. As she goes on and on about Dan, I wonder if this is how our relationship will always be now. Will I ever have a mother that cares about me and my life? Or just to sit and talk with me, like she used to? Will I always be alone in this house, wishing for her to come home? “Did I tell you that Dan also has this—”
“I think we should sell the house.”
That finally shuts her up about freaking Dan. “Why would you say that?”
“Honestly?” I give her a minute to try and interrupt me, but when she just stands there, staring at me, I continue. “I think it’s time to let it go. You’re never here, and I’ve been looking at apartments to rent. I don’t want to be here by myself anymore. It’s obvious you don’t either, so I think it’ll be best to sell it and move on.”
She turns her back to me, shutting her suitcase, and I really wonder if she’s just going to walk out and not answer me. After a few moments, she finally asks, “Why rent a place, when you live here for free?”
Yes, that is true. I make sure the bills are paid, but the money comes from Dad. I guess, getting alimony in the divorce has its perks. “There are too many memories in this house that I don’t want to remember anymore.” Mom stumbles to sit on the bed, but I can’t stop, once the words start. “I don’t want to remember how we used to be a family and all the great times we had, knowing what we are now. I don’t want to be reminded that I used to have a Mom that wanted to spend time with me, or just to talk to me about nothin’. I don’t want memories of us, when Dad and you clearly don’t either. Why should I have to relive through all those moments, if neither of you want to either? I’m not tryin’ to be a bitch.” Letting out a sigh, I force myself to stay put, as I see Mom, wiping her face. “I just don’t want to be in a house full of ghosts from our past.”
“You’ve really thought about this, huh?”
“Yeah. It’s been on my mind for a long time, actually. I just thought, I don’t know, that maybe you’d come home one day, and everythin’ would be back to normal.” Shaking my head, I realize how ridiculous that sounds now. “It’ll be good for me to have my own place anyway.”
She doesn’t say anything for a while, and I start to think she won’t. Just as I turn to walk out of her room, I hear the front door slam. Frowning, my stomach drops, thinking it’s Caleb who left, but before I can go see if he’s still here, Mom says, “Alright. I’ll call the realtor tomorrow.”
“That sounds good,” I say, as I leave her room. I only have one person on my mind right now, so I don’t stick around to see if she has anything else to say. Quickly making my way downstairs, I look for Caleb. Seeing the TV is still off, I run to the front door, jerking it open. My heart drops, when I realize his truck isn’t parked in its usual spot. Pushing out a breath, I tell myself to calm down and not to worry.
But I fear something horrible has happened for him to up and leave without saying anything.
Racing up to my room, I take the stairs two at a time, completely ignoring Mom, as she walks out of her room, bags in hand. I don’t hear what she says, as I pass by her either. Reaching my room, I glance around, hoping that Caleb left me a note or something. I know he wouldn’t just leave like this.
But I know he did, as my eyes land on my phone.
Closing my eyes for a moment, I pray to God that he didn’t read that text without me talking to him first. I pray that he didn’t misunderstand and left without me explaining.
I pray that he didn’t just up and leave me, like everyone else has done.
With a lump in my throat, I grab my phone and open it. I’ve never used a passcode to lock it, so Caleb could’ve very well seen the message to Carter. Glancing up towards the ceiling, I give myself a moment, before I look at what I already know will be on my home screen.
Looking down, I clench my jaw, knowing I was wrong about Caleb.
He read the message, and then he just … left.
I know he did, because he highlighted something for me to find.
He highlighted the last thing I typed, before he startled me.
I’ll always love you, Carter.
Dropping my phone, I cover my face with my hands, letting my sudden tears fall. I know what Caleb thinks now, but how could he just leave without saying a word? How could he promise me he’d always be there, when this just shows me, I was right all along?
My heart literally feels as if it’s breaking in half, all because Caleb went through my phone. He didn’t give me a chance to explain. He didn’t bother to even get angry at me. How am I ever going to make this right, knowing he left me, just like everyone else has done?
I’ll always love you, Carter.
Those fucking words keep replaying over and over in my mind, like the most horrific song you’ve ever listened to. Clenching my hand on the steering wheel, I feel like a stupid fool. I feel like I’m the dumbest, most gullible man alive.
Of course, the woman of my dreams is in love with someone else.
Of course, she’s in love with my oldest brother, because this is my life apparently.
Everything we have ever fought about, makes so much sense now. All those little white lies she told me, to stay away from my family, finally make sense. It was all a ruse because she’s been fucking around with the golden child. Speeding down the highway, I don’t bother holding back the anger that flows through me.
Carter has been having an affair.
With. My. Girl.
Letting out a scream, I don’t care if I’m breaking all kinds of laws to get to where I’m going. Caden owes me one anyway, so fuck it. All my life, I’ve been quiet and shy, never standing out or getting into any trouble.
Well, fuck that shit.
I’m a man on a mission tonight, and nothing is going to stop me, until I fulfill it.
I never inte
nded to snoop, but something inside of me needed to know why Bethany quickly put her phone away, as soon as I stepped inside her room. Yes, it’s wrong to go through someone’s phone, but it wasn’t like she tried very hard to hide it from me. It’s as if she wanted me to see what she had written Carter. For fuck sakes, it was right there, as soon as I opened her phone. I honestly didn’t read the entire message, since that one sentence stood out the most. It’s like my eyes were glued to it, and I couldn’t seem to stop reading that one line over and over again. Hurt, confusion, and anger rushed through me so fast, that I didn’t know what to do, other than leave. Honestly, I didn’t fully trust myself to be around Bethany with the way my emotions took over me completely.
It’s like someone has taken the biggest knife they own and plunged it deep inside my chest. God, the hurt rushing through me is unbearable. I’ve never felt such a deep ache inside my chest before, and the urge to break down and cry seems like a good idea. Since I’m a guy, I refrain from letting any sort of tears shed.
But fuck, it’s hard not to.
The thing that kills me the most is that Carter is involved. One would think my oldest brother would’ve at least tried to keep it in his pants, especially since he’s engaged. But I’ve been proven wrong. Apparently, it doesn’t matter to Carter that he has his girl.
And even if he doesn’t know Bethany is mine, he just had to have her, too.
Finally making it to my destination, I park my truck, fully intending to yell at Carter. I want him to know I know everything, and yeah, maybe I want to out him to Shelby, too. It’s only fair that he loses the ‘supposedly’ love of his life, and his side chick at the same damn time.
But when I reach the door, and I lock gazes with Shelby, I can’t do it. No matter how badly I’m hurting, I can’t hurt her, too. “Where is Carter?” I ask instead.
“He’s out back,” she says, and moves to the side, as I barge inside their home. “Caleb, what’s goin’ on?” Ignoring her, I walk towards the back porch, and I’m sure she can tell something is wrong. My entire body is primed and ready for a fight, and I don’t bother trying to hide that fact. “Caleb, please talk to me.”
Dismissing her, I pass by the kitchen, and that’s when Carter walks inside. “What’s up, Caleb?” His nonchalant attitude sets me off even more, and before I realize what I’m doing, I rear back with my arm, and then punch him. My blow lands right where I want it and as he falls back, grasping his nose, I shake out my hand. “What the fuck, man!”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Shelby screams at me, as she leans down to help Carter.
“I think you broke my fuckin’ nose!”
“You deserve more than that, you dick!”
He groans, and I push down the sudden rush of guilt. “I can’t believe you, Caleb. Of all the brothers, why would you do this?”
God, Shelby has been just as blind as I have. “Because he’s …,” I claim, as my words catch in my throat. Pushing down the hurt he’s caused, I point my finger at Carter still groaning on the floor. “He’s been fuckin’ around on you, and it’s been with my girl. So, there’s your reason. He deserves another punch to the face for what he’s been doin.”
Shelby shakes her head, as if that will make what I just said not true. Watching her, as she grabs a towel, she tries to help Carter control his bleeding nose. “I have no idea what kind of bullshit you’re tryin’ to pull, but this isn’t funny.” Is she serious right now? “Carter would never cheat on me, so try again, Caleb.”
“Are you really that stupid?” She shrinks back at my harsh tone, and I clench my jaw, willing myself to calm down.
Carter takes that moment to jump up, and he’s instantly in my face. “I don’t care if you’re my brother or not, but if you ever speak to Shelby like that again, I will put you in your place.”
His nose is still gushing blood, but he doesn’t seem to care. Shaking my head, I run a hand through my hair, wishing all this was just a dream. Looking at my brother, he’s ready for me to throw down with him. Even with his nose, looking fucked up and swelling, he’s ready to fight me over the way I talked to Shelby.
It suddenly dawns on me that something isn’t right, and that I’ve made a mistake.
“I saw the message she was writin’ to you,” I say, feeling the rage slowly dissipating.
“What message? Caleb, I swear to God if you don’t tell me what is goin’ on, I’m goin’ to lose it.”
“The message sayin’ how much she’s still in love with you,” I claim, wondering why he’s not admitting he fucked up. With his frown, I huff out, “Bethany is in love with you, alright? Congratulations. Not only do you have Shelby, but you also have the girl I’ve been in love with for the past six years.”
“You’ve been with Bethany?” He asks, as he wipes blood with the back of his hand. “For the record, I’ve never, ever slept with her.”
Clenching my jaw, I know he’s telling me the truth. He has no reason to lie to me now, and the way he’s defending Shelby, I know there is something I’m missing. Huffing out a breath, I confess, “Yes, Bethany, and we were datin’. For a while now, but it’s clear, I’m not the Harlow she wants.”
Carter sighs deeply, as Shelby stands by his side, wrapping her arm around him. “He doesn’t know, Carter.”
“I don’t know what?” When neither one of them start talking, I throw up my hands, completely giving up. “You know what? Fuck it. Just fuck it all.”
Turing my back to them, I make my way towards the door. “Caleb, stop. You need to stay and listen to me,” Carter calls out.
“No, I don’t. I’ve learned enough for one night, so keep your goddamn secrets.”
“Caleb,” Shelby calls out, but I’m done listening.
It’s bad enough I know how Bethany feels, but it’s a whole new game, knowing both Carter and Shelby already knew. It’s the only thing that makes sense. Walking out the door, I refuse to let myself fall deeper into the agony building. I refuse to let myself think I could’ve avoided all this, if I had just stayed the fuck away from this town.
I try to make myself believe that meeting Bethany wasn’t a mistake.
But I fail at all of these tasks, and as I get inside my truck, I speed off, thinking I really fucking hate fate.
Walking into Cason’s gym, I suddenly stop, seeing all my brothers, standing by the ring in the middle of the gym. Clenching my jaw, as my eyes land on Carter, I remind myself that I don’t care that the love of my life is in love with him. It’s hard to push down the hurt and jealousy, but I somehow manage, and then make my way towards them. Tossing my bag to the side, I step inside the ring. No one says a word, as Cason comes over to me, motioning for me to lift my hands. He starts wrapping my hands, as Caden does the same to Carter. Clark stands with his arms crossed over to the side with a sour look on his face.
Once Caden is finished wrapping Carter’s hands, he shakes his head, as he steps over by Clark. “For the record, this is such a mess, and I do not agree with this. I especially don’t want to watch y’all fight it out, when I’m so jet lagged. Y’all could at least give me a few hours of beauty sleep, so I can properly enjoy this. Oh, and for the record, Savvy and I had an amazin’ time in London. Y’all are so selfish for not askin’ about our trip.”
Cason shakes his head, as he finishes up with his job. “Caden, can you please for once, keep your mouth shut?”
“No, I cannot do that, Cas. Come on, this is goin’ to be fun. Wait, no one start, until I grab my popcorn.”
“Seriously, Caden?” Clark pipes in, as Cason walks over by them.
“Enough,” Cas claims loudly. Caden closes his mouth, acting like he’s zipping it closed. Rolling my eyes at his dramatics, I glance back to Carter, noticing he hasn’t moved, since Caden finished wrapping his hands. “The rules are simple,” Cason starts. “The gym is closed, until we settle this shit between you two,” he says, waving back and forth between us. “I don’t know what is goin’ on, but it’s clear C
arter has some unresolved issues that can only be fixed by fightin’ it out. Plus,” Cason stops, as he glares at me. “He does have a freebie.”
Caden chuckles, as I take a deep breath. I did do a number on Carter’s nose. It’s still swollen, and both of his eyes are black and blue. “No freebies,” Carter claims. “Since Caleb thinks the only way to work through shit is through fighin’, then so be it.”
“Carter, wait—” His first punch lands on my right side, and I struggle to catch my breath. Fuck. I didn’t even see him coming towards me. He backs off for a moment, as I finally heave in a harsh breath. Seeing he’s serious about us going at it in the ring, I bring up my hands, hoping he doesn’t break my glasses. It’s sort of unfair, since I can’t take them off, because I won’t be able to see, but I know he’s ready for more, as he rushes towards me. Blocking his jab, I catch him on the hip. Before I can count the hit, his next blow lands on my right shoulder.
But he doesn’t stop there.
Blow after blow come back to back, and it’s getting harder and harder to protect myself. Of course, Carter is bigger than me, and therefore, a much harsher opponent. He’s also been doing this a lot longer than I have, but as another one of his jabs connects with my ribs, something in me snaps.
I’ve never been a fighter, choosing to bury my emotions versus actually talking them out. I always thought it was because I was shy, but now, I’m realizing, it was just my way to keep myself as an outcast. Which is why, I should put on my big boy pants and try to work things out with Carter, like an adult would. However, instead of trying to calmly talk things out with him, I lose my head. Letting out a scream, I catch him off guard, and I use my entire body to tackle him onto the mat. He tries to block my punches, as I sit on top of him, but I get in a few.
