by Brie Paisley
“Fuckin’ hell,” I hear one of my brothers call out, but I’m not sure which one it is.
“Caleb, that’s enough!”
“You’re gonna seriously hurt him!”
“Caleb!”
Right as I’m about to connect my wrapped fist with Carter’s face again, someone pulls me away. They pull me hard enough that I fall back, and I hold out my arms to catch myself, before I fall on my ass. Realizing it’s Cason that’s manhandling me, I yell, “What the fuck, Cas?”
Jumping up, I ignore his glare, fully intending on finishing what Carter started. Cason, however, isn’t up for that. “Y’all are done with this shit.”
Clark helps Carter get up, and I notice his lip is busted. “No, I’m not done,” I forcefully claim, and again, I try to make my way back over to Carter.
Cason holds me firmly, and I wonder if he’s going to try and fight me, too. “Lose the anger, Caleb.”
“Fuck that. Y’all were the ones that wanted me here, so I’m finishin’ it.”
“You just don’t know when to stop,” Caden sternly states.
Trying once more to get past Cason, I end up in a head lock. He grips me hard, as I move side to side to break free. “Let me go, Cas!”
“No. Not until you chill the fuck out.”
“I should’ve remembered the popcorn,” Caden says, as he walks over to help Cason hold me back.
Feeling my face turning red, I jerk left and right, finding there isn’t any escaping Cas’s hold. Fuck. He’s built like a goddamn tank. “Would you stop it already?” Carter pipes in right in my face. “If you’d just settle down, we’ll talk.”
Still struggling, I wonder if I’m going to pass out, before I figure out how to let go of my anger. But it’s hard to just let it go, when Cason is pissing me off, and every one of my brothers are just standing by, watching as I wiggle around, like some fish out of water. “Just let him go,” Clark directs to Cason.
Finally, Cason lets me go, and I stumble forward, as I try to find my balance. Turning towards my brothers, I yell, “Y’all are nothin’, but a bunch of assholes.”
“Hey, now. I’m just here for the show,” Caden says, trying to make the situation lighter.
It however, just irritates me further. “Well, I hope you got your fill of fuckin’ drama for today.”
He grins widely, as he says, “Oh, yeah. This is high quality entertainment right here. This is so much better than pay-per view. And,” he stops to hold up a finger. “It’s free. Bonus!”
“Caden,” Carter, Clark, and Cason yell at the same time.
“What? I don’t even know why I’m here. Other than the fact that, Caleb went Hulk Smash on Carter’s pretty face the other night.”
Shaking my head, I start to vigorously unwrap my hands. “Of course, you didn’t tell them,” I say to Carter.
“No, I didn’t, because what you think you know is wrong.”
“Then tell me. What is it that I don’t know?” I yell, as I unwrap my hands.
Carter huffs out a breath, as he says, “Fuck, you’re as stubborn as a mule.” Tossing the white tape to the side, I turn to leave. I’m done with this bullshit. Right before I step out of the ring, Carter says, “She tried to break up Shelby and I. She made it look like we slept together, so Shelby would leave me again.”
“So?” Shaking my head, I find it funny, seeing the shock on Carter’s face. “The last time I checked, you have your girl. The last time I checked, you’re fuckin’ engaged to her. So, tell me what was so bad?”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Caden butts in. With a frown, he asks, “Are we talkin’ about Bethany here? Bethany Adams?”
Cason crosses his arms, as he answers his twin. “Yeah, I guess we are. Hell, I had no idea y’all were datin’, Caleb.”
“That’s because she didn’t want anyone to know, since she’s still in love with Carter.” Carter shakes his head, as he runs a hand through his hair, as Clark whistles loudly. “Yeah, it’s like that. So, please spare me, Carter. You have your girl. You have the happily ever after coming. Me? I just have a girl who used me, knowing she could never have you.”
“Caleb, you know I can’t control how she feels.”
“Yeah, I get that. But can you, for just a second, put yourself in my shoes? How would you feel if Shelby was in love with Clark? Or Cas. Or fuck even, Caden?”
“Hey! What’s wrong with me?” Everyone ignores Caden’s little outburst, as I continue.
“It would fuckin’ eat you alive, if the girl of your dreams, was hangin’ onto someone that’s supposed to be by your side no matter what.”
Now, that gets a reaction out of Carter. His jaw clenches, as he points a finger at me. “The last time I checked, you came into my house, yelled at my woman, and then punched me in the face, because you didn’t know all the facts.”
“And I’m sorry for that,” I say, while dropping my head. Carter might not have been fucking around with Bethany like I thought, but at the same time, how was I supposed to know that? Anyone with a brain would’ve thought exactly how I did. Granted, I overreacted just a bit, but all I can do now, is apologize and move on. “All I’ve ever wanted was her, so you’ll have to forgive me if I lost my shit, when I found out how she’s so in love with you.”
“Caleb,” he says on a sigh.
“It is what it is,” I claim, as I step out of the ring.
“Caleb, don’t leave, man,” Clark yells out.
Turning, I give them a backward wave, as I bend down to grab my bag. “So, are we sayin’ it was a tie? I mean, Carter had it in the bag, before Caleb went cray-cray.”
“Caden, would you shut up,” Cason demands, and I hear a loud smack.
“I wish you wouldn’t hit me! You’re gonna leave a bruise on my delicate skin.” The twins start going back and forth, but I’m done listening.
Walking out the door, I start to feel like the world is against me. I thought fate gave me my chance with Bethany, but I was wrong. I never thought she would already be in love with someone else, let alone one of my brothers. It’s a harsh truth, finding out the way I did, but I realize now, that I was wrong for taking it out on Carter.
But in the end, it doesn’t change the fact that Bethany loves him.
It doesn’t change the fact that I was too late.
It doesn’t change the fact that I wasn’t enough for her.
Pulling into a parking spot, at my new apartment complex, I check my phone, hoping that Caleb finally decided to text me back. A week has gone by, since he read the message I meant to send to Carter. After figuring out Caleb read it, I just never got around to sending it. Honestly, it didn’t seem important anymore.
I lost Caleb, so what’s the point in trying to mend my friendship with Carter?
Plus, the last thing I’ve been worried about is Carter. I’ve spent every single waking moment, praying Caleb would message me back, so we could talk. I know what he thinks, but he’s wrong. I don’t love Carter romantically, and I know that for a fact. I’ve known it for a while now, but it was hard to figure out my feelings, before I met Caleb.
Caleb made me realize that what I felt for Carter was nothing more than the love for a close friend. God, I’ve been such a fool for confusing it for so long. Sighing, as I realize I don’t have any new messages, it all feels pointless now. Everything I’ve done has been for nothing. Then again, maybe this is just karma, coming back to bite me in the ass for being such a shit to Carter and Shelby.
“Stop feelin’ sorry for yourself,” I say out loud. Pushing out a breath, I get out of my car, making my way to the back. Opening the trunk, I grab a box. It didn’t take me long to find an apartment, and it didn’t take more than a few hours to pack up my things. Mom is working with a realtor this week to try and sell the house, and I can’t say I’m sad about it.
Walking up the stairs, I’m glad to be out on my own for once. I’m sick of holding onto the past, knowing it wasn’t doing anything, but holding me back. It’s not
like I’m worried about being alone now. I’m used to it, but the pang in my chest, lets me know how much I wish that statement wasn’t true. I wish Caleb was here with me. I wish he was moving in with me, as crazy as that sounds.
I just wish he was here.
Reaching my door, I struggle holding the box and trying to pull my key out of my pocket. Hearing footsteps behind me, I don’t think anything of it, until I hear my name being called. Turning around, I drop the box, as I realize Cason, Caden, and Savannah are staring at me. “Um, hey?”
“Are you movin’ in or breakin’ in?” Caden asks with a smirk.
Grinning, I forgot how much I missed his dumb comments. “Movin’ in, you dick.”
“Good. Because I’m off the clock today, so I don’t want to take you in on my off day.”
Laughing, I say, “Trust me. The last thing I need is to make a trip downtown.” Now that my hands are free, I pull out my key and unlock my apartment door.
“Do you want some help?”
Turning back around, I raise my eyebrows at Cason’s suggestion. “Oh, come on, Cas.”
“Shut up, Caden. We can help her move in,” Savannah says with a smile.
“I guess, we can help you,” Caden says, with a fake pouty face.
“Still full of yourself, I see,” I claim with a grin.
“Oh, of course. Y’all won’t admit it, but every one of y’all would die of boredom without me.”
“I’m willin’ to try it and see what happens,” Cason states in a flat tone. Caden opens his mouth, I’m sure to say something ridiculous, when Cason stops him. He holds up a hand, as he demands, “Not today, alright? Just go grab some boxes, and for the love of God, keep your smart-ass mouth shut.”
Savannah laughs, and I try to hide my smile. “Fine.” Caden says, as he turns, walking down the stairs. He makes sure to stomp his way down, as he says, “I don’t know why grouchy butt doesn’t like me. I’m his twin for Christ’s sake.”
Savannah shakes her head, as she follows behind him, saying, “Caden, we all know you can be a bit much sometimes. Not everyone can handle you.”
“Oh, I’ll give you somethin’ to handle,” he claims, as he grabs his girl by the waist.
Glancing away from them, I rub the center of my chest. “So, you and Caleb, huh?”
“I’m sure you’ve heard that we’re not a thing anymore,” I say in a sad tone.
Cason nods, and then bends down, picking up the box I dropped. “Yeah.”
Opening the door, I follow behind him. “You can set it anywhere.” Once he does so, I expect him to start helping Caden. Instead, he leans against the wall, as he crosses his arms. It’s like he’s waiting for something, but I’m not sure what it is. I fiddle around with my key for a minute, before asking, “How is he?”
“Honestly?” Meeting his gaze, I hold my breath, hoping he doesn’t tell me he’s already moved on. “He’s bein’ a complete asshole.” Shock must show on my face, as he says, “Yeah. It’s not like our shy Caleb, but apparently, heartbreak will do that to you.”
“I never wanted any of this to happen.” Running a hand through my hair, I confess, “I love him, Cas. Not Carter.”
“I believe you.” Using his pinkie, he rubs his eyebrow, right over his scar. “Thing is, Carter nor Caleb believe that.”
Nodding, I say, “I figured so.” Pulling out my phone, I open the message I meant to send to Carter. The one that Caleb read and mistook for my confession of love to Carter. “It’s crazy how one stupid message I was going to send and apologize ended up ruinin’ everythin’.”
“Do you mind if I take a look?”
Handing him my phone, I say, “Sure. Not like it’s goin’ to hurt anythin’ else. That stupid message fucked up everythin’.” As Cason reads over it, I continue to vent. “I should’ve never written the damn thing. All I wanted was to try and make amends with Carter one last time. I just wanted to try, before I told Caleb about what I tried to do, but now, I see it was just another mistake to add to my quota. I just … I just wanted to make things right. Or at least try one last time.”
Taking a glance at Cason, he frowns, as he reads. Once he’s done, he looks at me, and for a moment, my chest clenches with hope. “This is what Caleb read?” Nodding, he claims, “Well, this changes everythin’.”
“I’ve tried tellin’ him so, but he won’t message me back.”
“Well,” he starts, as he moves towards the door. “That’s because he broke his phone against a wall. Now, I know why.”
“Jesus. He really must hate me then,” I utter. God, that hurts to even think about.
“No. It’s because deep down he knows he fucked up by not listenin’, but for some reason, he doesn’t want to see it.”
“I just wish I could fix things.”
Before Cason can reply, the door opens widely. “A little help would be nice,” Caden calls out, as Savannah laughs at him.
Cason rushes to help Caden, as Savannah says, “I told him not to try and carry so many, but this dummy never listens to me.”
As the twins set the boxes down, Caden stretches, saying, “I listen. I just didn’t want you to hurt yourself, small fry.”
Savannah rolls her eyes, but I see the love behind the roll. “I don’t know what I would do without you,” she claims sarcastically, and I smile, wishing I had the chance to get to know her better. She seems like a good fit for Caden.
“I’ll remember you said that later.” Caden says, as he begins to rub his lower back. “I might need you to rub me down with that coco butter stuff you like so much. I think I pulled a muscle.”
“Stop bein’ such a baby.”
“It’s your fault, Cas. Where were you? It was your idea to help out, but here you are, chattin’ it up like a girl.”
Cason blankly stares at his twin, and I forgot how much fun it is to be around them. It’s never a dull moment with the twins. “It doesn’t matter what I was doin’. Now, I have to go, so stop your bitchin’.”
“What? You’re leavin’ me already?”
“Stop bein’ so dramatic, Caden. I’ve got somethin’ I need to do, so chill out, and go back to doin’ whatever you and Savvy had planned.”
Cason offers a small wave, before he walks out the door, as Caden grabs Savannah by the hand. “Thank you for the help, Caden.”
“It’s no problem. If you ever need anythin’, just holler. We’re literally right across from you, so we might hear you, if you actually holler.”
Savannah and I shake our heads, as I say, “I’ll keep that in mind.”
With a nod, Caden turns to leave with Savannah right by his side, but then he stops. “It was good to see you, Beth. Don’t be a stranger now, you hear?”
Nodding, I watch them leave hand in hand. And just like Caden said, they walk to their apartment, not even fifteen steps away from mine. Sighing, I shut the door, feeling a sudden urge to call Caleb again. Pushing away the urge, I start sorting through the boxes. Tomorrow, Mom is having some furniture delivered, so at least, I don’t have to worry about going shopping. She and I argued for hours about what to do with all the items in the house, and I finally caved, letting her take care of it.
In some ways, she is trying to be a mom again, I guess.
Most of the furniture coming is from the house, and the rest is being donated to women’s shelters. I can’t fit all of it in my apartment, so I picked what I wanted. She claimed it would be a waste to just get rid of it, and it would be easier on my bank account to take it. So, in the end, I agreed, because she was right. While I have some cushion to buy some extra household items, I don’t want to spend the money, if I don’t have to.
God, look at me. Being all adult and shit.
It’s just too bad I can’t joke about it with Caleb, like I would’ve if he were around. Giving up on unpacking, I sit down on the floor, wondering how long it will feel like my heart is missing? How long can one go without the one person they want more than anything?
My guess, a very long ass time.
Just as I finish getting my blow-up mattress ready, I hear a knock at my door. Thinking it’s the pizza delivery guy, I make my way to the door. No one else knows where I live, so it has to be the pizza dude. At least, that’s what I’m hoping. I’m starving, and it’s kind of late for any Jehovah witnesses to come around. Once I reach the door, I don’t bother checking the peep hole, like it’s intended for.
Which is why I’m shocked to see Carter and Shelby, standing outside my door, after I open it.
It’s funny how I once thought I loved Carter. Now that he’s standing in front of me, with the love of his life, I don’t feel anything. I literally don’t feel a single thing for him, and it should surprise me, but it doesn’t. It just further confirms what I already knew.
Caleb is the one for me.
“Can we come in?” Carter asks, and I nod, as I open the door wider.
They walk in holding hands, and I’m glad they have each other. I get it now. I understand why Carter was so hurt by what I did. Now that I’m going through losing the one person I want, I totally get why he cut me off. “I would say have a seat, but my couch won’t be here until tomorrow.”
“It’s cool. We can stand.” Alright. I never thought it would be this awkward, but I’m once again proven wrong. Before I can ask what they are doing here, Carter says, “Cas told us we needed to come by, but he wouldn’t tell us why.”
“He was real adamant we come right away,” Shelby finishes.
“Oh. Well, that’s … I have no idea why he would do that.” I utter, completely shocked Cason would do this. Glancing at Carter, I frown, as I get a good look at his face. “What happened to your face?”
“Ask your boyfriend.” He states coldly.
“Caleb did that to you? Why?”
“I think I should give you two some space to talk,” Shelby suggests.
