Hard to Forgive (Hard to Love Book 3)

by L. M. Reid

  “Back off buddy,” the man tells Griffin.

  Griffin smiles at him. “Lay another hand on her and you’ll never set foot in this club again,” Griffin warns him.

  “Who the hell do you think you are?” The man asks as he gets into Griffin’s face.

  Griffin isn’t intimidated. If anything, he’s amused. “Griffin Hayes.”

  The guys face drops. He apologizes profusely to Griffin before walking away.

  “Hey,” I protest. “Why did you do that?”

  “Where’s Cooper?” he asks.

  “How the hell should I know?” I reply with a shrug.

  “Oh, I don’t know, because you’re his girlfriend?” Griffin says.

  I’m way past tipsy at this point so when he calls me Cooper’s girlfriend, I burst out laughing.

  “What the hell is so funny?”

  “I’m not Cooper’s girlfriend. I’m just a fool who fell for his act a second time.” I give.

  I’m drunk and shouting, and I don’t care.

  “I don’t understand,” Griffin replies.

  “Yeah, well, neither do I,” I say before taking another shot.

  I sway around the dance floor, my hips moving to the rhythm. I feel free. I feel happy. Hell, I’m even laughing.

  That’s when I see them.

  Him with his hands all over her.

  30

  Cooper

  “You need to leave,” Griffin says when he approaches me and Roxy.

  “What? Why? We were just starting to have fun. Weren’t we Roxy?” I pull her closer, my hand gripping her ass.

  Griffin’s eyes follow my hands and then meet mine again. “Unless you want your ass handed to you, I suggest you leave.”

  That’s when I see her. Mia. She’s on the dance floor with Kassie and some other woman. All three of them stand there staring at me like they are ready to kill me. All the while Roxy is over here oblivious to everything except the hands that she can’t seem to keep off me.

  “Fuck.”

  “Exactly,” Griffin agrees.

  It’s too late though. She sees me. Worse, she’s headed this way.

  “Mia, this isn’t a good idea,” Griffin tells her stepping between us.

  “You’re right. Anything to do with Cooper is just a mistake,” she shouts over the music.

  “Where’s your boyfriend?” I ask her.

  “You’re one to talk,” she says, her eyes falling onto Roxy who’s hanging onto me for dear life. “Don’t get too attached sweetheart, he’ll just fuck you and run. Because he doesn’t do relationships.”

  “Go hop on another…”

  “Stop.” Griffin’s voice overcasts mine. “Room four. Now.”

  I march in the direction that Griffin is leading, doing it merely out of respect for him. That and because as much as I know I can’t be with Mia; I want to be. I miss her so damn much. Missing her is one thing. Losing her is another. That little taste, it was more than enough to remind me why I don’t want a relationship. Not even with Mia. Trying to get to her, fearing that she might not make it proved to be more painful than I can endure. Just another reminder of why love just isn’t worth it.

  I needed to figure out a way to end things with her. Until then, I had chosen to avoid her. Then when I finally had my plan in place, I went to her office. Only to find her there with Wyatt.

  Finding her with Wyatt turned my poorly laid out plan into something tangible. Their embrace? It was just enough of a transgression to add some fuel to the fire. Despite knowing that nothing is going on between them, that Mia is completely dedicated to me, the sight of them together was painful. Knowing that he may very well end up being with her, all because I’m too scared to be hurt is too. I used that pain and anger to push our breakup, to facilitate words so hurtful that I knew even if I wanted to, I could never get her back.

  All of that led to us, standing here in Griffin’s club, fuming at each other.

  “What the fuck happened between you two?” Griffin asks.

  “Ask him,” she shouts deflecting to me.

  “Same thing as always, found her with another guy,” I retort. It’s barely a half truth. Yes, I found her with him, but not in the way that I’m insinuating.

  “Oh please. You know damn well nothing is going on between Wyatt and me because, like an idiot, I am in love with you.” She marches toward me. “This started because of my accident. You either feel guilty, or scared, or who knows. But that, that is what started this. Not me hugging Wyatt.”

  “What accident?” Griffin asks.

  “I was trying to store a surprise for this jackass in his freezer and needed to put it on the top shelf. The shelf toppled and fell on me and I couldn’t get out. I was trapped.”

  The sound of her saying that word again, trapped, sends a shudder through my body. The fear and panic it instilled in me rises again.

  “He promised to stay with me at the hospital but bolted the minute I fell asleep. Hell, he couldn’t even be bothered to answer a damn phone call. So, if he wants to blame anyone for this, he needs to blame himself.” She’s right. This is my fault. Her being hurt, me hurting her, it’s all on me. Unable to face her and the pain that I’ve caused her I turn away. “Screw you. I’m out of here.”

  I can hear her heels clicking on the floor and the door slamming behind her causing me to flinch.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” Griffin yells at me.

  Through the windows I can see Mia make her way through the club. She’s speaks with Kassie before grabbing a shot off the server’s tray and taking it.

  “I’m doing what’s best for all involved,” I reply somberly.

  I watch her as she grabs the guy next to her and kisses him.

  Griffin claps his hand on my shoulder. “How’s that working out for you?”

  Like shit.

  “You want to tell me what’s really going on?” Griffin asks.

  “Nope.”

  “Fine. Here’s a little piece of unsolicited advice though. You fucked this up once. You do it again; she might not give you another chance. I don’t know what’s going on or why you’re spooked, but I suggest, you get your head out of your ass, figure your shit out, and make this right before it’s too late.”

  31

  Cooper

  It’s late. I’m exhausted.

  Pretending that everything is okay in front of my parents has been draining. They arrived in town a couple days ago to join me for the hotel opening. Since then I have managed to keep myself busy or flat out lied to them saying Mia was busy at the hotel getting ready for opening – anything to avoid telling them what happened between Mia and me. Acting like everything is okay is much better than the alternative though, the questions that are certain to come when they find out Mia and I aren’t together anymore.

  Now, I’m hiding in my kitchen throwing myself into the one thing I can control – food.

  Standing in my kitchen making these vegetables my bitch my slicing and dicing away at them. Music blares in the background, the sound a necessity to keep me from letting my mind wander to things it shouldn’t be thinking about while I have a knife in my hand.

  Those few moments of peace and happiness with Mia. The phone call that shook me. The look on her face when she saw me with Roxy. All if it has been replaying in my mind since it went down. So, I came here to my safe place to try and escape it all.

  For a moment, I did too. Until I found her surprise in the freezer. The ice cream from the specialty cart in Miami. How the hell she remembered that I don’t know. It’s not like the band or the television shows I remember. Those were repeated events, things ingrained in my mind from all the time we spent doing them. But this? This was one instant, one moment in time and still she remembered it. Right down to the flavor. The minute I saw it, the reason Mia got hurt, I threw it in the garbage. I don’t need the reminder of what I lost. Or, for that matter, what I’m too damn afraid to hold onto.

  “Hey kid,” my dad says a
s he walks into the kitchen.

  His voice startles me. “Shit, Dad, you scared me,” I say as I drop the knife before I can cut myself. It’s already after midnight.

  “Sorry about that,” he says with a laugh that actually soothes me. My pulse slows, and the jolt that his abrupt entrance gives me subsides.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Just wanted to see if you’re okay. You’ve seemed a little quiet these past couple days. Something bothering you?”

  “I’m fine, Dad. It’s late. You should get home,” I tell him.

  “I haven’t heard you talk about Mia lately. Things okay between the two of you?” he asks.

  “Yep.” The lie rolls off my tongue easier than I anticipated.

  “Want to try again?” my dad asks with a half-smile. “I know something’s up.”

  “I can’t do it, okay? I am not capable of love and all the shit that comes with it. It’s just… it’s not worth it,” I tell him.

  My dad chuckles. “Can I ask you something, Coop?” I shrug. It doesn’t matter what my answer is, he’s going to ask anyway. “You grew up in a home where your parents loved each other, they were happy. How can you say relationships aren’t worth it?”

  “Because I watched that same love nearly destroy you,” I blurt out instantly regretting my words. “Just forget it. This…”

  “I am not forgetting this. Is that what this is all about? That time your mom was sick and I…” he shakes his head.

  “I love you, Dad. There is no one I have more respect for than you. But when we almost lost her, I watched you turn into a shell of the person you are. I saw how it ate at you, how it destroyed you. I knew watching you that I never wanted to experience that. I swore I would never be in a relationship where I could end up like you did.”

  “Is that what you’re basing your hate of relationships on? Is that what you’re afraid of?”

  The way he says it makes me feel like a fool, like I made a mistake. Like I was the weak one for letting that blip in time shadow my life. Yet, there is guilt written all over his face.

  “I wish you would have come to me, talked to me about this.” He rests his hand on my shoulder. “I know I wasn’t at my best when your Mom got sick, I wasn’t a great dad to you, and I sure as hell should have been there for you more.”

  “That’s not it. You’re a great dad…”

  “Not if I left you with that impression. You’re right Coop, I lost it. I was terrified of losing your mother. I let it get the best of me for a while. Until I realized something. I was wasting time. Precious time that I could be spending with the woman I love. There was nothing more important than that. Whatever time I have with your mother, I want to cherish it.” He takes a deep breath.

  “So, all the pain, everything you went through? Dad, it…”

  “I promise you Coop, loving someone the way I love your mother,” he shakes his head with a smile, “it’s going to fucking kill me if I lose her. But I will happily endure that pain for the rest of my life if it means that I get to spend all the time before that with her. Every piece of our life together is worth any pain when it ends.”

  “You really believe that?” I ask, unable to comprehend how so much pain can be worth anything.

  “I’m still with her, aren’t I?”

  I don’t get it; his words make no sense to me. Who the hell would voluntarily choose to go through that all in the name of love?

  “There was an accident last week. Mia, she got trapped in the freezer when a shelf fell on her. She called me for help, but I didn’t know if I could get to her fast enough. The entire way here I panicked picturing the worst. All I could think about was losing her. I felt sick. My chest ached as if someone stabbed me with a knife and twisted it. Even when I saw that she was safe…” I hang my head. “The pain, the fear, it was still there. It was so powerful that it debilitated me. I couldn’t go to her; I couldn’t be with her. I felt powerless. I don’t want to go through that again.”

  “Do you honestly believe that if you and Mia were still just doing the whole “friends with benefits” thing, that it would have felt any different? That you wouldn’t have been affected? Newsflash kid, labeling something doesn’t make it real.” He presses his hand over my heart. “This does. And that piece of you, it’s been Mia’s for years.”

  I contemplate his words. The hurt from finding her with Duke, the pain I experienced when I realized she left Dayton without saying goodbye. Her departure caused an unbearable ache in my chest. It hurt like hell, pain like I’ve never experienced before, or since. And it never went away. Not until… fuck. Not until she came back. Only then did the ache subside, did thinking of her not trigger something in me.

  Even if I have been trying to fight it, is he right? Have I loved her this entire time and just never realized it? Christ, if the ache in my chest for the past week is any indication, I already know the answer. Nothing makes me feel as good or as miserable as Mia. Everything I am, every emotion I feel, it begins and ends with her.

  After what I did and the things I said, Griffin’s right. It might just be too late.

  32

  Mia

  It’s three o’clock in the afternoon and Mitchell just unlocked the doors to the Onyx. A nervous excitement fills me as the first guests of the day walk in. Stepping forward, I greet Mr. and Mrs. Adam Ward welcoming them to the Onyx for their stay. They are VIP guests of Contemporary Lodging and the first guests to receive a room at the Onyx, one of our exclusive executive suites.

  I guide them to the front desk where I already have everything that they need for their stay ready to go. Being that they are our first guests, especially important guests, I personally escort them to their room.

  “Is everything to your liking?” I ask, my attention focused on Mrs. Ward. She’s definitely the more selective of the two. Mr. Ward just wants to keep his wife happy.

  Mrs. Ward glances around the room, taking in every inch of the space and critiquing it. I hold my breath as I await her reply. She’s a tricky one. Her face is nearly unreadable, and I know how picky she is. This could be bad – or good. It just depends on her mood.

  “I love it,” she exclaims after a few moments. “I just hope the service is as wonderful as the room.”

  “We aim to please,” I tell her. Not that it’s an easy task when it comes to her. “Please contact me if you need anything.” I extend my card to her, not her husband. Always deal with the wife, never the husband. I learned that lesson the hard way.

  Excusing myself I return to the hotel lobby and watch as the guests begin to make their way in. One small computer glitch caused only a minor disruption, and we were back on track. The guests seem pleased, the press is taking photos, and the restaurant has a line out the door.

  Here's to hoping that Cooper can handle the crowd in the restaurant and the catering for the party tonight. I’m tempted to check on him but decide not to follow through. It’s not my problem, he’s not my problem. Still, a part of me is smiling inside at the success his restaurant seems to be having. I know how much it means to him. While I am once again heartbroken at his expense, I can’t help but to be happy for his dream to come true. The Scarlet Room. The restaurant named after my favorite color. The deserts he has planned for tonight, the ones he told me I inspired.

  Why the hell go to so much trouble if he was just going to dump me?

  Because that’s not what he intended to do. I’m certain of it. Something about my accident spooked him I’m just not sure what. If he doesn’t tell me, then I don’t know what to reassure him about. I’ve run the scenario over and over in my head but still, nothing.

  The sound of Wyatt’s voice breaks through my thoughts. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready?”

  He’s already donning the black tux he stated he would wear when I turn to face him. I had told him a suit would be fine, but he insisted that wasn’t good enough since he was escorting the hotel manager. He wanted to be someone I would be proud to show
up with. Obviously, the man hasn’t noticed how the entire female staff has been drooling over him.

  He’s right though, I should be getting ready not micromanaging every detail of the registration process like I have been all day. I’ve escorted more guests to their rooms in the past few hours than I have in my entire career. I just want them to have the best experience. I need to do whatever I can to gain the reputation so that I can build on it. Sure, there are going to be bad reviews and dissatisfied customers, but not today. Not for opening weekend.

  Wyatt lets out a soft chuckle as I check out one more thing before finally turning to him. Most guests have checked in by now. The hotel? At near capacity. There is no need for me to be standing here, but I can’t seem to help it.

  “The party starts in thirty minutes and while I think you look spectacular in whatever you’re wearing, somehow I don’t think that’s what you want to show up in.”

  I look down at the black pencil skirt and green blouse I’m wearing. Cute? Yes. Black-tie event worthy? Not a chance.

  “Give me twenty minutes,” I tell him. “Room 1204.”

  ***

  Freddie, Kassie, and Mitchell are already on their way to the party. A few touch ups of my makeup and I’ll be ready to go too. There’s a knock on the door and my heart skinks just a little bit. When I first reserved the room, the intention was for it to be for Cooper and me. Now, here I am opening the door to let Wyatt in.

  He smiles broadly when he sees me. “You look amazing,” he says.

  As kind as his words are, they are just that… words. Even the look he’s giving me, it’s nice. It just doesn’t do anything for me. Not the way a look from Cooper does. Not the way anything from Cooper does.

  “You look great, too,” I tell him. And he does. Tall, lean, and handsome. As sexy as he looks in his usual jeans and tee shirt he sure as hell is capable of pulling off a tux too.