Hard to Forgive (Hard to Love Book 3)

by L. M. Reid

  “Ready to go?” he asks as he extends him arm to me.

  “Ready as I’ll ever be,” I tell him.

  “You don’t look like the type of woman who gets nervous about parties or being the center of attention,” he states.

  “I’m not.” The party is the least of my worries. Laying eyes on Cooper again? That’s what I’m afraid of.

  “So, this has to do with Cooper then?” he asks.

  My feet stop, my body shifts. “I’m sorry, Wyatt,” I say to him.

  “Don’t be. I’m here as your friend. Nothing more.” Despite his assurance, I still feel guilty like I’m leading him on. I know what I did to Duke, how I used him to get over Cooper. I don’t want to do that with Wyatt. I won’t do that.

  “Cooper and I, we’re… it’s…”

  “I don’t need an explanation, Mia. Really. I like you; I do. And if at some point, you’re over Cooper and want to try, then I’m in. Until then, I’m really good for just being your friend.”

  “You are the sweetest man,” I say as I hug him.

  “Well, thank you. Now, how about we go show that jackass what he’s missing out on?”

  With my arm around his, we head into the ballroom.

  The party is already rolling, and everyone seems to be having fun. Guests are dancing and drinking, seemingly enjoying everything that we’re serving up.

  Wyatt and I make our way to the bar to grab a drink. As we wait for the bartender to serve us, I can hear Mitchell say my name.

  “There she is,” Mitchell’s voice rings out.

  I turn to him with a broad smile. Excitement and pride fill me at the success of our opening. My smile tightens when I find him standing there with Cooper at his side rather than Kassie.

  “Hi, Mitchell,” I say leaning in to kiss his cheek. Completely ignoring Cooper, I step back into Wyatt’s waiting arms. “You remember Wyatt, don’t you?”

  “Sure do,” Mitchell says with enthusiasm as he shakes Wyatt’s hand. “We wouldn’t be here if not for this man. Excellent work on this place, Wyatt.”

  “Thank you, sir,” Wyatt says proudly.

  “I’m looking at opening a hotel in Chicago. I would love you and your team to lead the project,” Mitchell tells Cooper.

  Wyatt’s eyes widen at Mitchell’s offer and before I know it, they are walking off chatting leaving me standing here with Cooper.

  Cooper stands there with his hands shoved into his pockets his eyes looking everywhere but mine. After a few moments, I break the spell we both seem to be under and begin to walk away.

  “You look gorgeous,” his voice says softly.

  I glance back at him. “Thank you.”

  I take another step, his voice stopping me again. “Mia, wait.”

  My feet don’t move, but I refuse to face him. I know myself; I know my heart. Looking at him, it will only tear down what defenses I have left. Whatever it is he has to say, he’ll just have to say it to my back.

  His hard chest presses to my back, his warm breath tickling the sensitive skin of my neck. “I just want to talk.”

  “There’s nothing left to say.” He said it all when he said we were over. Anything beyond that – his reasons, his apologies – they don’t mean anything to me.

  “I’m an idiot. I fucked up.”

  “Twice.” I say the word as a reminder that this isn’t the first time, he’s done this to me, hurt me in this way.

  “I want to explain.”

  I turn on my heel and face him. “I don’t care about your explanation. And even if I did,” I glance around the room. “This is not the time or the place.”

  “I love you Mia,” he shouts as I walk away from him.

  My feet falter for a moment, but I regain my balance and my composure just enough to escape to the kitchen. I rest against the wall, trying to catch my bearings. The crowded kitchen with all the hustle and bustle probably isn’t the best place to try and hide.

  “I said, I love you,” he states as he follows me.

  33

  Cooper

  “I love you.”

  The words come out before I can stop them. Seeing her walk in with Wyatt tore me apart. I wanted to punch him, stake my claim on Mia, and whisk her into my arms. We’re in the middle of a huge event though, one that is important to both of our careers, so that wasn’t exactly an option.

  Instead I joined Mitchell as he headed over to congratulate her. I needed to see that I still affected her. Newsflash, I do. The hitch in her breath as I approached, the way she clung to Wyatt’s arm using him as a shield. Seeing that, at least I know that I didn’t completely ruin any chance I have with her. So, the minute that Mitchell and Wyatt walked away, I tried to talk to her.

  The result?

  Blurting out that I love her in a room full of people.

  Not exactly the way I had intended on telling her, but here we are.

  Now the stubborn woman is standing in the crowded kitchen refusing to make eye contact with me. The second time I said the words, they rolled off the tongue a lot easier. Saying them out loud only seemed to solidify their validity. I love Mia. I always have. Now I just have to prove it to her and fix what I fucked up.

  For the first time in my life I finally decided to put my fears aside and take a chance with Mia. Maybe this whole relationship thing wasn’t so bad after all, I thought. But the minute I finally take the chance and try with Mia only to have my worst fears realized.

  The minute my phone rang, I just knew. I could feel it before I even heard her cry for help. Still now, the thought alone makes my body tense. I couldn’t help her. I couldn’t get to her. She could have died and there was nothing I could have done. Thank God for Wyatt. Her hero. The man who saved her. Not the man who froze, petrified that he would lose her.

  I knew right then that if I lost her, I would be destroyed. There would be no coming back. So, I decided to take a step back, reevaluate. That meant ending things with her.

  Stupidest decision ever.

  As huge of an admission as it is for me, to her it’s too little too late. Especially after how I acted. I owe her more.

  I slide my thumb across her lip sending a shiver through her. Fuck I’ve missed her.

  She scoots around me, away from me. She’s crazy if she thinks I’m letting her go that easily.

  “I’m saying that I love you Mia. And while my feelings for you still scare the shit out of me, you scare the shit out of me… I… I want this. I want there to be an us.”

  “No.”

  I take a step toward her. “What do you mean, no?”

  “We’re bad for each other,” she says finally.

  “Why would you say that?”

  She attempts to move away from me, but I hold onto her, forcing her stay and talk to me.

  “We just keep hurting each other. We’ve been doing it since the day we met. You hurt me; I act out. I hurt you, you hurt me back. It’s… it’s…”

  “It’s not ideal, no,” I say using the term everyone’s been directing at me this past week. “But, and I am stressing the but part here, it’s worth it. As far as before,” I shake my head disappointed in myself for being so closed off for so long, “that was on me. And I’m working on it.”

  “I can’t do this with you anymore Cooper,” she says taking another step back.

  Maybe she can’t do this, but I can’t let her walk away either. Words aren’t going to work right now. They’ll just come out wrong and make an even bigger mess of things. So, I do what I know best. I communicate with her the only way I truly know how too.

  “Come with me,” I tell her as I grab hold of her hand.

  “Where are we going?” she says.

  Down the hallway, one turn to the left and we’re tucked safely away in a bathroom.

  “Are you kidding me?” she shouts. “Do you have any idea…”

  My lips crash against hers, claiming her, making promises to her. I’m in this for the long haul. She has no reason to believe me, t
o trust me. But when her lips part, I know in the least she still wants me. I can work with that. I slide my finger under the lace fabric of her panties. The wetness I feel only further ignites my desire for her.

  Her hands are on my cock, freeing it of the boxer briefs. She strokes it in her hand and my head drops to her shoulder. I lift my head, my eyes finding hers. It’s now or never Cooper, I tell myself. Say the words that you’ve never said before. She deserves to hear them. She needs to know.

  My free hand, the one that isn’t currently gliding through her slickness cups her face. “I love you, Mia.”

  She responds with a kiss, her body arching into mine. Reaching around her, lowering the zipper on her dress, just enough to let her gorgeous breasts burst free of the fabric. I press a kiss to her neck, then her collarbone, descending on her until I take of one her taut nipples between my teeth. Her head falls back as she arches into me. I scoot her ass to the edge of the counter, her hand still on my cock directing it to where she wants it, where we both need it. I tear at the scrap of lace easily removing the only obstacle between me and her dripping pussy.

  She pushes onto just the tip and settles there for a moment, smiling. “You like that?” I ask.

  “I like all of it,” she pants.

  Her hands behind her she braces herself on the countertop.

  I push into her ever so slowly. Her lips part, forming a perfect O that I can’t help but imagine wrapped around my cock.

  “More,” she demands.

  I push into her ever so slightly.

  “Please Cooper.” Just a bit more. “Oh, fuck.”

  I pull back out, then move into her again ever so slightly.

  Again, and again as she writhes beneath me, her body begging for more. Despite being barely in her, I can feel her begin to tighten around me. “Come for me, Mia. Fucking come for me.”

  She tumbles over the edge her body shuddering in my arms. “Don’t look so pleased with yourself.”

  “But I am.” I kiss her. “And I’m not done with you yet. I missed you Mia, every piece of you.”

  I press my thumb against her clit, applying pressure to her already sensitive and swollen area rather than drawing circles on it. Her mouth falls lax at the touch and I know she likes it. As much as I would love to take my time with her, satisfy her for hours, we are in a bathroom at the grand opening for her hotel.

  I sink into her, slow and deep. She gasps.

  “Mine.”

  “Yours, only yours.”

  I move inside her, slowly building up the speed the more her hips grind against me, begging me for more.

  “Look at me Mia,” I say when I see her eyes flutter shut from the pleasure.

  She does as I ask, her eyes fixated on mine. Love, desire, promises of things to come, it’s all there in the way we look at each other, the way we touch, the way we climax together.

  My heart isn’t mine anymore.

  She owns it.

  It belongs to Mia.

  Every Goddamn piece is hers.

  Though, I think it always has been.

  34

  Cooper

  When the last guest leaves, I can see the tension finally roll off of Mia’s shoulders. She may have lost her head for a moment earlier and let me sneak her away to the bathroom, but since then? She’s been nothing but business. Mingling with the crowd. Ensuring that every guest is satisfied. She’s damn good at it too. Every moment spent as far away from me as possible.

  Me on the other hand, I try not to be jealous that it is Wyatt on her arm and not me.

  The minute we finished she adjusted her dress in the mirror and informed me in no uncertain terms that nothing has changed between us. She is here with Wyatt and that’s that. I wanted to argue, but at this point, I don’t really have a leg to stand on. Sure, I told her that I love her. Sure, we had sex. Neither of those mean that this is over. Not by a long shot.

  Now, it’s just… the two of us. And by that, I mean me and Wyatt. Mia walked off somewhere with Mitchell and that left the two men vying for her attention standing in a room together alone.

  Wyatt’s a nice enough guy. Okay, he’s a damn good guy. Doesn’t mean I like him, and it certainly doesn’t mean that I like him with Mia. Even if I happen to think that he’s a better option or her. At least the guy has his shit together. At least he’s not going to flake on her like I did.

  Twice as she so kindly reminded me today.

  Wyatt makes his way toward me and I groan internally. I don’t want to chit chat with the guy. The last thing I want is to actually start liking him. Not when it’s him that she’s been with for the past two weeks.

  “Great job tonight, Cooper,” Wyatt says. “The food was amazing.”

  I smile at him and give him a nod but don’t say anything.

  “Do you have a problem with me?” he asks.

  Aside from the fact that he’s probably fucking the woman that I love? “Nope.”

  “Just in case it helps you not have that problem you don’t have with me – nothing’s going on between Mia and I.” When I don’t reply, he continues. “She loves you, man. So, whatever your hang up is, I suggest that you get over it – quick. Because if you don’t? You might lose her forever.”

  Now, I have a problem with him. I hate that he’s right. “I’m trying, okay? In case you haven’t noticed, Mia, well she’s a little on the stubborn side.”

  “You don’t say?” he says with a laugh. “Listen, she might make you work for it, but in the end – as long as you’re honest with her – she’ll take you back.”

  “She deserves someone more like you,” I mutter under my breath.

  “She deserves you – the man that she loves.” He pats my back as he walks past me. “Tell Mia that something came up and I had to run, will you?”

  When Mia walks back into the ballroom a few minutes later, I’m still standing at the bar, my glass of whiskey in my hand.

  “Where is Wyatt?” she asks.

  “Gone.”

  “What did you do?” she demands.

  “Nothing. He left of his own volition. Said something came up,” I tell her the lie he fed me. “Why have you been avoiding me all night?” I ask her.

  “Get over yourself. I have been…”

  “Doing anything you can to stay away from me. Why, Mia? I realize professing my love to you in front of an entire room wasn’t the most romantic way to do it, but it was real.”

  “I don’t care where you “profess” it. I don’t believe you. I don’t trust you. I’ve given myself to you – twice. And both times you…” She shakes her head. “I’m not doing this. We’re done.”

  Grabbing ahold of her arm as she walks away, I say, “Like hell we are.”

  There is it, that electricity that tethers us together. We are like this never-ending volatile charge that neither of us can escape. Too much passion. Too much love. I’m not letting it go this time.

  “I’m sorry, Mia. I have a habit of not handling things well when it comes to you,” I admit. Still holding onto her with one hand, my other caresses her cheek. “I’m so fucking sorry that I told you I didn’t do relationships when all I wanted was to be in one with you. I’m sorry that I pushed you away and ended things because I was terrified of losing you. If I would have just opened up to you, told you why…” I shake my head. “I won’t make that mistake again.”

  “You’re right because I won’t let you. I’m tired of this. I’m tired of us.”

  “Please, just hear me out.” When it comes to Mia, I’m not beneath begging. I’ll do whatever it takes to make her mine, once and for all.

  “You have five minutes.”

  It’s time to tell her the truth, why I’ve spent my entire life terrified of relationships. Admitting to her that I’m a pussy afraid of having his heart broken is a lot better than actually having her leave and having it broken.

  I take a deep breath and begin the explanation she deserves. She listens as I recant to her my mother’s illn
ess, my father’s reaction, and how I refused to ever be that man. In doing so, I decided that love, it wasn’t worth it. If I didn’t entertain women past a night or two, if I didn’t let emotions get in the way, if I stayed single and avoided relationships then I would be safe.

  Except I wasn’t. Because the minute that Mia walked into my life, all those things I tried to control went to hell. I couldn’t control them. She owned me. She made me care about her, love her, and when she was with Duke and then again when she left, she destroyed me, only giving me more leverage in never seeking out a relationship.

  Until she came back. Her return fucked me up again. It made all those old feelings resurface and even gave me a newfound understanding of just how deep they ran. Then tonight after talking to my dad, it all became clear. I didn’t have a damn choice in the matter. I could stay away from Mia, keep her at arm’s length or push her away completely. It wouldn’t change how I felt about her. Nothing would. Not life, not the truth she hid from me, not death. Nothing would ever change how I felt about Mia.

  “So, here we are. This is me trying my fucking best to make it up to you, to fix things between us once and for all. I’m in Mia. I’m all in. If that’s what you still want.”

  “Oh, Cooper.” Her voice is filled with empathy, her hand gently touching my cheek. “I never meant to scare you. I just...”

  “You didn’t do anything Mia. It’s me and my fucked-up head. I thought if I kept you in the friend zone then I couldn’t get hurt. It didn’t work though. Being with you, not being with you, it doesn’t make a difference in how I feel about you. Six years couldn’t put a dent in it. Nothing can.”

  My hands fall to her waist, my lips no more than a whisper from hers. She arches toward me, trying to claim them. “I love you, Mia. It took me too long to…”

  Mia presses a finger to my lips. “I love you, Coop.”

  Her lips brush against mine tenderly. The kiss is filled with love and emotion, desire and need. This woman owns every damn piece of me – mind, heart, and sanity. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.