Love's Suicide

by Jennifer Foor

  Hearing him say that only fueled me for what was to come. “We have forever, so time isn’t going to be a problem.”

  Chapter 38

  I felt myself going back to the memories of the night that I’d made love to Brooks in the hotel room the first time. I remembered how my senses were heightened, and each time he kissed me how the hair stood up on the back of my neck.

  He gave me chills back then and even more this time around. My body trembled as he entered me. I could feel him going deeper, his dog tags hitting me as he moved. I couldn’t stop staring at his tattoo, symbolizing his undying love for me.

  He kept looking into my eyes, and I stared back into his. He wasn’t just a beautiful man. Age had provided him with facial hair and creases that seemed to accentuate his face even more. When he kissed me, his stubble was apparent and I liked the way it felt when he rubbed his face over the sensitive areas of my skin.

  Brooks sat us up in the bed, wrapping my legs around him. Our naked bodies were set like a pretzel, our arms holding one another. The room wasn’t spinning, but it felt like we were. I remembered every inch of this man as if I’d been with him every day. My eyes closed as I felt him kissing my collarbone and then up to my earlobe. His kiss was eager, filled with such intensity and raw emotion poured out of him. Our love radiated through us, while our bodies rocked together. Sweat made our skin glisten and soft moans only heightened the passion between us.

  I leaned back and ran my hands over both of Brooks’ strong biceps, being gentle to not reinjure his bad arm. Not that it mattered, because Brooks wasn’t paying his injury any attention. He picked me back up and brought my lips to his for a kiss. I pulled back, teasing him and then finally giving him what he wanted. He filled me and lifted my body as we worked toward the common goal of pleasure. Everything was in slow motion; the way we moved, touched and connected.

  When we fell down on the bed our hands were intertwined. He held them above our heads as he continued making love to me, bringing me to the brink of ecstasy again and again. When Brooks finally let go, he lingered over top of me.

  We were both out of breath, panting from what we’d just experienced. He rolled us over and held me in his arms, tightly. While he played with my hair, I ran my fingers through the patch of hair on his chest. It wasn’t much, but enough that I noticed it. I traced the K overtop of his ribs while he spoke to me.

  “No regrets, Kat.”

  “No regrets.”

  I’m not really sure how long we lay there in each other’s arms. Brooks seemed content and I wasn’t about to move the toned muscles that were holding me tight. He rubbed my back until I heard soft snores and knew he’d fallen asleep.

  I got up to use the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. I stood there naked, looking at my body. To me I wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. I’d always been slender, and I guess my breasts were a nice average size. My hair was naturally two-toned brown. I appeared to be just a plain mother looking type.

  Brooks saw something completely different. It probably didn’t matter what I looked like to him. His love for me was based on knowing me for our whole lives. I knew that was the truth, because I had that same love for him. Of course, it never hurt that he was so gorgeous, even more so since he’d become a man.

  I touched my bruised cheek and felt like it had happened so long ago, instead of just a day. A lot had happened already and all I wanted to do was put that part of my life behind me.

  When I looked at the bruises that were fading on my arm, I saw one on my stomach. I went to touch it and started thinking about something entirely more important.

  My ovulation cycle.

  I’d been tracking it, preparing for the right time to try and get pregnant again. I rushed out into the room and grabbed my purse. My heart was beating out of my chest as I sat there staring at the calendar. Two days were circled and this happened to be the first one.

  For the second time in my life I’d had unprotected sex in a hotel room with Brooks, and it was very possible that he’d gotten me pregnant again.

  Then I really started to panic. I ran back into the bathroom and shut the door.

  Brooks would be ecstatic, but I’d have to explain being unfaithful to my husband, and it would cause problems with me getting a divorce. He could argue that we’d had sex while B was with us, even though we made sure not to wake her.

  Brooks opened the door to the bathroom. He’d put his underwear back on. “You alright? You better not be in here crying, thinking of a way to escape.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest, and I could see the scars on the underside of his arm.

  He cleared his throat when I didn’t answer.

  “I told you, I’m not going anywhere. I came in here to get cleaned up, that’s all.”

  He pulled me close and kissed me softly. “I know you better than you know yourself. What is it, Kat?”

  I handed him my little pocket calendar. He looked confused and then I watched his face change. He started laughing and looked up at me. “Are you kidding me?” He ran his hand through his hair. “Again?”

  I held my hands in the air. “So I’m thinking that if we stay together, we may need a school bus to cart all the kids in.”

  He laughed again and pulled me close. “Don’t freak out yet, Kat. It’s not like it is a definite. You’ve got enough to worry about.” I took comfort in his arms. “I refuse to wear a rubber with you. I never have and I never will.”

  When I realized what he was saying, I was shocked that I hadn’t thought about it before. “Jesus, what if I got pregnant back then?”

  He put his hands up, like he was under arrest. “Hold up. In my defense both times I went into your room it wasn’t to have sex with you. You begged me for it.”

  In my defense, I was extremely emotional, and I thought he was my boyfriend. “I didn’t know it was you!”

  He cornered me and got closer. “You wanted it to be me, Kat. Deep down you had to question why it was different.”

  “How do you know it was?”

  He laughed. “Because there ain’t no way my brother can make you cum like I can.”

  As shocked as I was at his statement, I knew it was true. Even as a teenager, I remember those particular nights in my bedroom out of all the other nights with Branch.

  “Am I right?”

  I smiled and he already knew the answer. “Yes. You’re right. Although, I didn’t think it was you. I just thought he was being sensitive of my feelings.”

  “Did you ever pretend he was me?”

  “Stop, Brooks. Being with Branch was a mistake. He cost us a lot, and I don’t want to think about a single second I wasted on him.”

  He grabbed my hand and kissed it softly. “I’m kidding with you. We were kids, Kat. Do you know how scared I was to face you the morning after I’d been in your room? I thought for sure you’d mention it to Branch and he’d come and try to kick my ass.”

  I laughed. “I did mention it. Both times I thanked him for being so good to me. He seemed weird but never said a thing. When I think about it, I see how awful that was.”

  Brooks couldn’t stop laughing. “What a loser. He had his head so far up his own ass that he didn’t know you were making love to me across the hall.”

  I put both of my hands into his. “Can we go back to worrying that I’ve been impregnated for the second time in a hotel room? How could I have let something so important slip from my mind?”

  Brooks kissed my forehead. “We were preoccupied, making up for lost time. And no, we’re not going to worry about that. We’re going to keep making love and when you get pregnant, I’ll be able to experience everything I missed the first time.”

  “Brooks, I need to get a divorce first. Don’t you think we’re rushing? We can’t just forget about everything else.”

  “I’ve waited to be with you for over twenty years. This isn’t rushing.”

  He was being silly, and I was too tired to appreciate it as humor. He
led me to the bed and pulled me into his chest again. “Kat, everything is going to be fine. Who gets pregnant two times after one time being together? It’s pretty impossible.”

  I rolled my eyes, wondering if he’d been playing with himself when we learned about the female cycle in high school. I knew he had taken it, because we sat together in class. “Whatever.”

  He started tickling me, sending me in a crazy frenzy trying to free myself. “You’re a worry wart.”

  When he stopped we were left staring at each other again. He leaned down and kissed my nose. “My girl.”

  “We need to go slow, Brooks, not for us, but for the sake of everyone around us that won’t understand.”

  “We have a kid together. She’s almost two. I think they can figure it out. Besides, I really don’t give a shit what people think or say. All I care about is being with you and B. The rest of the people can kiss my white ass.”

  A giggle escaped me. “It is pretty white.”

  “You’ve been looking?”

  I slapped him lightly. “I missed you so much.”

  He stopped playing around and traced my lips with his fingers. I closed my eyes and memorized the way it felt when he touched me that way. “I missed you too, Kat. You’ll never have to miss me again, because we’re never going to be apart again. I promise.”

  Brooks reached beside the bed and grabbed his army shirt. He put it over my head and pulled it down over my naked breasts. “Thank you.”

  “Never thank me for taking care of you. I was put on this earth to do it and you know it, too.”

  Some of the things he said left me speechless. He’d meant every word. Brooks lived to take care of me. It was finally time that I let him.

  A little later, as we were both starting to fall asleep, he let out an air-filled laugh. “You know, if you’re pregnant after one time, then I have super sperm. I bet we could make a fortune selling it on the black market like they do kidneys. Can you imagine how rich we’d be?”

  “You’d have a million kids.”

  “Yeah, well there is that. I guess it’s a bad idea, huh?”

  I rested my head on his chest and laughed. “I’m glad I don’t love you for your brains.”

  “No, you love me for my white ass, apparently.”

  I was giddy with emotion, but glad that he knew how to make me laugh in the midst of chaos. Brooks was my hero. Unlike what I’d said to him, I knew he was smart and witty. It was another reason why I loved him so much.

  Another was his perfect white ass.

  Chapter 39

  I figured B would be the one waking us up in the morning, but Brooks’ alarm went off at exactly five. He jumped out of bed and started putting his uniform on. “I’ve got to go into work. Will you be okay here until I get back?”

  I wasn’t fully awake. “Are we staying here another night?”

  “You’re not going home. Listen, when I get back, I’ll go with you to the courthouse to file for the protective order. We can see about getting an attorney if you want to get a jump on it.”

  Although Brooks was speaking in a whisper, we both turned to see two little blue eyes looking at us from the other bed. “Me go bye bye’s?”

  Brooks sat down on the bed with her. “I have to go to work, bug, but I’ll be back later and we can play.”

  “We can pay?”

  Brooks made an excited face. “Maybe we can go swimming.”

  “In da pool?” She looked ecstatic.

  “Yeah, baby, in the pool.” He lifted her up and kissed her cheek. “I love you.”

  I got up and grabbed a diaper, knowing she’d need to be cleaned up. While I started changing her, Brooks got his boots on. He grabbed his phone and leaned in to kiss me. “If you need anything, you call. I’m right down the road. I love you.”

  We kissed twice before he pulled away. “Love you, too.”

  He reached the door and came back in, kissing me one more time. “That was just in case you plan on leaving me again. Just know, I will come hunt you down. I have government resources this time.”

  I pushed him to get going. “Will you stop it? You’re stuck with us now.”

  “See you girls later.”

  Once he was gone, I gave all of my attention to my little girl. “Did you sleep well?”

  “Me go bye byes?” she asked sadly.

  “We can’t go bye byes, B. We have to wait for Br -- daddy to come back.”

  She looked confused and I knew she wouldn’t understand if I tried to explain it. Then I started thinking of Bobby. I reached for my phone and turned it back on.

  It started buzzing with messages, both voice and text.

  Knowing they’d be terrible to listen to, I took her to give her a bath.

  After filling the tub with a little water, I sat B down and let her splash around. She enjoyed playing and after I’d washed her body, I let her enjoy her tub time.

  Once she’d splashed most of the water onto the floor, I wrapped her in a towel and took her out to the bedroom area to get dressed. B was a good girl and she was content playing by herself on most days. Unlike my daughter, I was already feeling like I was suffocating being held up in a room. It was a shame that I couldn’t go home and feel safe there.

  Moments after B was changed, I pulled out an apple and banana and started cutting them up with a knife Brooks had brought with him in his bag. I also found a miniature box of cereal that he’d probably had in his room. Since B loved to munch on it, I opened it up and spread it all out for her to eat.

  She was quiet, watching cartoons and filling her cheeks with fruit and cereal.

  I sat on the bed next to her and opened up my phone.

  Figuring the text messages were easiest, I started with them.

  Thirteen messages in total filled my inbox, all from Bobby.

  Answer your phone!

  I’m on my way to the house, you better be there.

  Have my daughter ready.

  You better not be shacked up with that soldier!

  Katy, answer the phone. I’m at the house and you haven’t been here.

  Just talked to Sarah. If I’ve got to go to that base and drag your ass out of there, I will.

  You’ve got thirty minutes to return my calls or I’m coming after you.

  You better hope you’re dead in a ditch somewhere, you little whore.

  You’re going to pay for this, bitch. Tell your boyfriend to watch his fucking back.

  You’re dead!

  He’s dead!

  I’m going to make sure you never see your daughter again. I’ll make sure you’re claimed unfit.

  You will pay for this, bitch!

  I covered my mouth and felt my heart beating heavily. I wasn’t just scared for my life; I was worried about Brooks too.

  Knowing that there were voice messages, I took a deep breath and started listening to them.

  “Katy, it’s me, Bobby, your fuckin’ husband that you had locked up. I have every right to put you in your place. You’re mine! You hear me? I own you. When I get home, you’re goin’ to be real sorry you did somethin’ so stupid.”

  “Pick up the phone, bitch!”

  “You think you’re slick don’t ya? You think I can’t find you? Tell your boyfriend to take you far away, because if I can find you, you’re both goin’ to pay for this.”

  I erased the messages with shaky hands and looked over at B, who sat there so innocently as if nothing terrible was happening. Truth be told, I didn’t know what to do. Confessing to Brooks would only make him want to go after Bobby. I couldn’t have them harming each other. My marriage was most definitely over. I just needed to get in to see a lawyer without being discovered.

  After calling to the front desk, I was brought a phone book in which I started sorting through. There had to be a lawyer that could help in a desperate situation.

  I’d made three calls with no luck getting a same day appointment. When my phone started to ring, I jumped off the bed before realizing
it was Brooks. “Hello?”

  “Hey, I’m just calling to check on my girls.”

  I considered not telling him what was going on, but knew how that always turned out. Besides, Brooks wasn’t just my lover, he was my partner, my best friend. “I listened to my messages.”

  “I imagine he’s pissed about now. He knows you’re with me and he ain’t going to lay a hand on you ever again.”

  “Pretty much.”

  “Listen, I have a plan to keep you both safe. I’m meeting with my commanding officer in an hour to see if I can take a few days off. I’m due, so it shouldn’t be an issue. Considering the circumstances, I doubt he’ll have a problem. He’s got a family, so he knows how important you are to me.”

  He was making me nervous. “Am I going to like your plan?”

  “Do you trust me?”

  “With my life.” I did and I knew whatever he had in mind would be for the best.

  “Kat, I’m going to keep you safe. I need to go. Stay inside until I get back. I love you.”

  “That will never get old.”

  “It better not. I’ve been practicing it in front of a mirror since I was twelve.”

  When we hung up I had a smile on my face.

  I went from playing with B, coloring, and watching cartoons, to looking for more lawyers that could take me on right away. My urgency was more important every single time I looked into her little blue eyes. Her safety was everything.

  I finally found one that would see me at four that evening. Brooks would be back and take me. Since I needed to get out of the room for some fresh air, I decided to take the phone book down to the front desk. We climbed in the elevator and I let her push the down button. She got a kick out of thinking she was big girl.

  The elevator doors opened and I saw him right away. Bobby was standing there with Dave arguing with the concierge. “I know she’s here. I tracked her by her phone. Now tell me what room she’s in. She’s got a baby with her and a soldier friend.”

  The woman was very kind, considering his tone. “I’m sorry sir, there’s no one here by the name you’re referring to, and even if there was, I can’t give out personal information.”

  “I ain’t leavin’ here until you give me a damn room number. This is my wife we’re talkin’ about.”