Love's Suicide

by Jennifer Foor

  She hugged me immediately. “Thank you, Katy. Thank you for being a good mother and allowing my son to be a part of his daughter’s life. I know you kept things from us, but I’m just so glad that he knew. I can imagine it helped him knowing that he had something to come home to when he was in Afghanistan.”

  Immediately I turned away, avoiding the look of shame on my face. This woman didn’t even realize how off she was. Not only had I hid it from Brooks, up until almost two weeks ago, but I’d married another man. “I’d never keep something like that from him. He knew, but he also knew he couldn’t come home to me. We spoke through letters often and when he finally came home, we were able to reconnect right away.”

  ALL LIES.

  I hated myself.

  She grabbed my hands and made me look at her. “I’m just glad that we know now. The past doesn’t matter as long as we can all move forward. This family means everything to me.” She started crying. “You don’t understand how hard this has been for me, and for Walt. Katy, one day you were all here and then next you were gone. I didn’t know if you were okay, or if you were hurt. Every time I watched the news I prayed that you weren’t involved. For the first couple of months I didn’t even sleep. We worried and worried. Then Brooks stopped talking to everyone. We knew he was halfway around the world and there was nothing we could do about it. I’d gotten to the point where even seeing Branch was hard, because he reminded me so much of the both of you. When Brooks came home and he reached out to us, it filled some of the void, but it wasn’t until you came walking through that door that I finally felt at peace again. Whether you marry Brooks or not is irrelevant. You’re like a daughter to me and you always have been. Nothing can ever change that. No matter how you think I’ll feel, remember that a parent doesn’t give up on their children. No matter what they do, even to each other, we love them. I will never give up on you. I love you all so much.”

  I hugged her tight and felt tears streaming down my cheeks. When I looked in the direction of the pool, I saw Brooks smile at me. He was happier than I’d ever seen him.

  All baggage aside, I’d found my happy ending and it was like a dream come true.

  The only thing left to do was get that divorce.

  Chapter 48

  Believe it or not, I’d made it through the entire night without wanting to commit a violent act on Melissa or Branch. It was probably due to my being so infatuated with my own new relationship to even care about them. Every moment I spent watching Brooks and our daughter bonding made my heart bigger. She was so drawn to him, as if her little brain just knew exactly who he was. A month ago she would have been asking for Bobby. Since Brooks came into her life, she’d never once mentioned him or looked out a window for his vehicle. After his last episode I was grateful.

  It was a blessing, knowing that the next few months were going to be difficult. I’d spent some time using the family computer to look up divorce laws in South Carolina. They were pretty much the same as everywhere. I’d have to be separated for a certain amount of time before I could lawfully file for a divorce. In the meantime, I’d just have to keep that life a secret from this wonderful family that had opened their arms and let me back into their lives.

  While sitting up in bed waiting for Brooks to come and join me, I thought about them finding out the truth. I knew that in time they would forgive me, but it would also come with me losing their trust. I didn’t want to be dishonest to them, but it sure beat telling them all of the wrong decisions that I’d made throughout the way.

  Brooks came in and pulled off his shirt. I spotted his tattoo and saw him smiling at me doing it. “If I would have known that you’d be so into it, I would have sent pictures with my letters.” He climbed on the bed and rested his head on my thigh. “What are you in here thinking about?”

  I unfolded my hands and looked down at them. “I don’t know. Life, I guess. It’s just hard to believe that I’m here, with you, in your bed. It’s surreal, you know? Us being together and everyone being okay with it?”

  He grabbed one of my hands and folded our fingers together, before sitting them on his chest. “To be honest with you, even if they had a problem it wouldn’t change us. We’d still be together, Kat.”

  He was right. I wouldn’t have cared what anyone thought, because after getting him back, I knew I couldn’t possibly begin to let him go. Not again.

  “I love how you just know what you want, Brooks. I want you to know that I looked up what I need to do to get a divorce. It should be easy, since we don’t have children or belongings together. Bobby can walk away with his home and business, while I keep my house and all of my money.”

  “He doesn’t have access to those accounts?”

  “No. I put them in Brooklyn’s name as soon as she was born. Only she and I will be able to draw money out of them. Bobby doesn’t even know how much I have left. He thinks I used almost all of it on the house.”

  Brooks looked surprised. “How much did they leave you?”

  I let out a laugh, seeing as it was so easy to tell Brooks anything he wanted to know. “Eight-hundred fifty four thousand-two hundred thirty dollars and fourteen cents was how much I got when I was able to finally access the account. I memorized the amount because, at the time, I was so hard up and needed it. The house cost me three hundred grand. I gave my friends that helped me twenty five grand and I bought everything new for inside the home too.”

  Brooks sat up and stared at me. “You have half a million dollars hidden from your husband and he never knew?”

  I flashed him a guilty look. “Yeah. I wanted Brooklyn to have the best life. I knew that after I built the house, I wouldn’t have to work to afford a mortgage. I could be home with her, where I wanted to be.”

  “I can see where he wouldn’t even ask. Look, you know I don’t care about that money. Your parent’s house and the life insurance was for you anyway. That money isn’t for me or for your husband. I just have one question for you.”

  “Anything.”

  “When can I move in, because me living on the base isn’t exactly going to work for me when my girls have that nice big house and I can’t be with them.”

  “I told you already that you’re going to live with me. I thought you knew that I meant now.”

  He sat up and got right in my face. “I’m teasing you. Do you really think I’d spend one night without the two of you? I’ve literally been to Hell. I’m in this for the long haul, woman. There’s pretty much nothing you can do about it, either. I hate to break it to you, but you’re stuck with this forever.” He motioned to his body.

  I giggled. “I’m pretty sure I can live with that.”

  He pulled me on top of him. “You sure I’m what you want? I mean, there’s no going back this time. We’re either in it together, or it can’t happen.” His face was conflicted. “I can’t lose you again, Kat, not now that I finally have you.”

  “You won’t,” I assured him. “We’re in this together.”

  He flipped over. I could smell the chlorine from the pool on his skin. “I’m going to go get a shower. It’s late, so nobody would notice if we were in there together.”

  I’d always been semi-modest with both Branch and Bobby. Neither of them gave me that self confidence that every woman looks for. Sure, both told me I was beautiful, but I never felt like it meant enough.

  “I’d love to get a shower with you.” Brooks knew me inside and out, and for that reason, making decisions such as showering, was easy.

  He pulled us off of the bed, and started leading me into the hall bathroom. The hallway was dark and we could see the dim light from underneath Branch’s room, letting us know they were still up. Once inside of the bathroom, Brooks shoved me against the wall, pinning my hands above my head. “I think it’s time to pay back my brother for all the nights I knew you two were together. What do you say? Do you feel like expressing yourself a little louder than usual?”

  Those baby blues were showing the seriousness of wh
at he wanted from me. Brooks wasn’t just wanting to get in the shower. He wanted Branch and Melissa to hear every detail of it.

  I bit down on my lip and mimicked his wicked-evil grin. Loudly, without even agreeing to it, I moaned my answer. “Oh, yes. Give it to me, Brooks.” So what if we were being juvenile. I missed my old life and being in that house made me feel like a teenager again.

  Being bad shouldn’t have felt so good, but there I was ripping off my clothes and watching Brooks doing the same. He leaned over and turned on the water, while I watched his ass and licked over my own lips.

  For a second I remembered back to years before, when I thought Brooks and Branch were both equally defined. Brooks appeared to have spent a lot of time working on his physique. Though he wasn’t big and bulky, his muscles were all defined, making him even more desirable to me.

  When he turned around, he caught me staring. I got a once over look and a big ornery smile. “You were just eyeing me up, weren’t you?”

  I put my hands up. “Guilty. Maybe you should punish me.” I put one leg up on the tub and faced my back to him speaking loudly. “Maybe you should spank me.”

  Honestly, knowing my history, I didn’t think he would really spank me. His hand came across my ass causing me to let out a loud yelp. The sting of it was lingering as I felt his hand rubbing it back out. He leaned over and whispered in my ear. “Sorry. I always wanted to do that. Don’t be mad.”

  I smacked him on the shoulder, still whispering. “Jerk. That hurt.” I rubbed my sore butt cheek. “Okay, I probably should have said I was playing around. I’m not mad at all, but you do know that you’re going to kiss every inch of that cheek until the burn goes away, and then you’re going to wash me, until you’re ready to burst from the buildup.”

  His lips brushed over my face. “It will be my pleasure, but when I’m done, I’m taking you back to bed and fucking you all night long.”

  Hearing him saying that word always gave me goose bumps. It was dirty and bad, albeit I wanted to experience both with him.

  It’s exactly what happened, too. Brooks helped me into the shower and got behind me. He ran his wet hands up over my sensitive skin. The burn had already gone away, but I wasn’t about to share that with him, not when it felt so nice to be touched.

  I leaned my head against the shower wall, when I felt him kissing me there, repeatedly. He sat down on his ass and began kissing the back of my thighs were my ass met my legs. I got goose bumps again and my legs began to shake. He played with my hole, running a finger full of soap over the opening. My legs were forced apart, where he first washed and massaged me and then played with it with his mouth. I felt him sucking on my most sensitive skin and all I could think about was that I’d been missing out on so much. I’d never been with a man; one that was more about pleasing me than himself.

  By the time the shower was complete, every inch of my body was on fire. I needed him to satisfy my hunger and he knew it.

  After wrapping me in a towel and one around his waist, he led me out of the bathroom. Branch came walking out of the bedroom in a pair of boxers. His scrawny build made me almost laugh, compared to his brother’s glistening wet skin.

  “Hey, can you guys keep it down? Mel’s got a headache.”

  Brooks being Brooks, turned and looked directly at his brother. “You may want to shove some paper in her ears, because we’re just getting started, bro.” He pulled me into his room and shut the door, like we were kids doing mischievous things.

  “I can’t believe you said that,” I said as my towel was being pulled off.

  “It wasn’t a lie, beautiful. Knowing it’s bothering him makes me want to go at it all night. I don’t think either of you thought about how thin these walls are. I could hear everything and Branch knew it. It’s time he gets paid back.”

  I looked down at his arm. “How’s it feeling?”

  He shrugged. “It’s manageable, why?”

  I put my arms around his neck and jumped. He caught me and with ease my legs wrapped around him. “Because I also have reasons for wanting to piss him off.”

  In reality, our lovemaking, or whatever he was calling it, only lasted about forty minutes. We were exhausted and knew B would be up as soon as the sun came up.

  We’d proven our point, which was what we’d set out to do. It didn’t matter if we’d finished anyway, because when Brooks went out to use the bathroom, he came back with a very awake little girl.

  I didn’t know whether we’d woken her, not that it mattered. Her bottom lip sticking out showed me that she was scared and it was good her daddy had heard her. He brought her in and put her right in the center of the bed. Since he had boxer-briefs on, and I was still in my birthday suit, I got up and put on underwear and a t-shirt.

  In the time it took me to do that, she was already cuddled up against her father, sound asleep. Brooks was watching me, but smiling at her at the same time.

  Our time apart hadn’t made him bitter. It had made him love harder. We had his eternal devotion.

  I cuddled up next to them and closed my eyes, knowing that this was as close to heaven as I’d ever been. It was what I had dreamed of my whole life.

  Chapter 49

  For some reason being mischievous had paid off. I woke in a better mood about Branch and Melissa. In fact, after meeting her downstairs at the coffee pot, we started cooking breakfast for everyone.

  “So, did you ever listen to my messages I left? I know you better than to think you’d actually delete them without listening.”

  I laughed. “I didn’t.”

  She took a sip of her coffee. “I was thinking that maybe you should listen to them. I spoke from my heart and I feel like if we’re ever going to get back to being friends, and hopefully sisters, that we shouldn’t have anything holding us back.

  She handed me the portable landline phone. “Here, just listen to them.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Do I have to?”

  “Yes,” she insisted.

  I sat at the kitchen table and started dialing the number to retrieve my messages. The last thing I wanted to hear, after I’d already made peace with things, was a whole spiel of reasons why I should forgive them.

  When I finally figured out how to do it, I was confused when it said that I had no new messages. Bobby would have probably called several times since he’d been served papers.

  I hung up and dialed again, thinking it gave me the wrong box, but got the same results. I hung up and looked at Melissa. “That’s funny. Are you sure you dialed the right number?”

  “Danica gave it to me. You talked on the voicemail. I’m sure.”

  “Well, there’s no messages.”

  “Does Brooks have your passcode? Maybe he listened to them.”

  Brooks didn’t have my passcode, but Bobby did. My eyes flashed fear and there was no way I could hide it.

  “What’s wrong, Katy?”

  “Nothing. Can you watch breakfast for a second? I’m just going to go ask Brooks if he listened to my messages. I’ll be right back.”

  I hated waking him, but a message from Melissa talking about them coming to see us would tell Bobby where we were. He’d know I wasn’t home and I was petrified that he’d do something to my beautiful new house, knowing that nobody would be there to call the cops.

  Brooks was in my old room with B. She was trying to put on her bathing suit. “Hey, you going swimming already?”

  Brooks laughed. “She woke me up asking to jump in the pool. You know me, I give her anything she wants.”

  “I need to talk to you about something. I’m kind of freaking out, right now.”

  He touched my arm. “What is it?”

  I explained the situation, that didn’t seem to bother him in the least. Still, I felt like he needed to know for when we went home. Bobby wasn’t just going to be pissed off when he got those protective order papers. He was going to lash out and since my phone was out of commission, he was going to find whatever means possible to ca
use me physical and emotional duress.

  “What are we going to do if we go home and he’s trashed the inside of the house? I won’t be able to prove it’s him. His fingerprints are all over the place.” I started to cry and Brooks put both arms around my back, holding me and offering comfort.

  “Kat, he can’t hurt us. He’s there and we’re here. When we leave tomorrow night, we’ll worry about it. If he’s done something, we can figure out what to do when we’re there. Please don’t let him ruin our last day together. Mom and Dad want to see us smiling today, like we don’t have a care in the world. Focus on Branch and Melissa. Talk about their wedding like you’re excited for them. Do whatever it takes to keep your mind off of that asshole, okay?”

  “Asshole.” B giggled, like she knew it was a bad word.

  “Daddy’s sorry. Don’t say that. It’s bad!”

  “Asshole.”

  I covered my face with my hands. “Oh my God. What else?”

  “Asshole.” She giggled.

  Brooks looked to me for guidance on the situation. Seeing him smiling was making it hard to be serious. “Don’t laugh at her. If we make a big deal about it, she’ll keep saying it. Let’s just go downstairs and ignore her.”

  He picked her up. “Let’s go eat breakfast. Are you hungry, bug?”

  “Asshole, Daddy.”

  Brooks pushed me along, trying his best to ignore our potty mouth daughter. “For what it’s worth, she learned it from you.”

  He then laughed as we walked down the stairs. “Yeah. Live and learn.”

  Thank God, by the time we made it to the kitchen, she’d lost interest. Melissa snapped a look of worry at me and I smiled at her, as if everything was right with the world. I couldn’t let anyone see that inside I was scared out of my mind.

  Our trip to be with the family again was a great reprieve, but as we neared the end I knew it was just a pause on what was to come. Assuming everything would be unicorns and sunshine wouldn’t have been realistic. I had a very angry husband out there that knew wherever I was, I was with Brooks. It didn’t matter to Bobby if I was in love, he was the father of my child, or even that I was happy. All that mattered to Bobby was that I wasn’t with him.