Expecting You

by Claire Cullen

  Harper reached past Zac and yanked the chocolate from his hand. “You can never go wrong with chocolate.”

  Zac looked like he couldn’t decide whether to laugh or cry over his friend’s antics. Even so, he was relaxed and distracted, which was exactly what Beckett was aiming for.

  When the nurse came to call Zac in, all three of them stood.

  “Just the expectant father, for now. Alright, Isaac?”

  Zac managed a shaky nod, giving both him and Harper a smile. “See you soon.”

  Beckett watched Zac walk down the corridor, hoping the omega would be okay.

  “You’re smitten with him, aren’t you?”

  He had almost forgotten Harper was there.

  “What?”

  “I know that look. I’ve seen it on alphas’ faces more times than I can count. Though not usually aimed at me, admittedly.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m concerned, of course. Who wouldn’t be, given our situation?”

  “That’s not concern. I know concern. It’s more than that. Why are you denying it?”

  “I’m not denying anything,” he said hotly, struggling to keep his voice down. “I just think you’re seeing things that aren’t there.”

  “He feels the same way, you know. But he’s got these rules, about being a nanny. Because they have to. If you get the wrong reputation in his line of work, you don’t get work. The wives and the omegas always know.”

  “I’ve got rules too,” Beckett said, his mind racing with what Harper was telling him. “I don’t want to hurt him. I want to do what’s best for everyone.”

  “You know what’ll hurt him? Making decisions about what’s best for him without ever asking him what he wants. He’s carrying your baby, for heaven’s sake. He’s terrified and alone, and even though it was the worst thing for him, he decided to go through with the pregnancy. Because someone wanted that baby, someone who, as far as he knew at the time, was a total stranger. That’s just the kind of person he is.”

  “And I will be forever grateful for that.”

  “Just talk to him,” Harper said. “It’s not that hard. Use your words, let him use his, see where you both stand. The next few months are going to be incredibly tough. How are you going to handle that if you’re both trying to keep each other at arm’s length?”

  Harper was right, of course. They needed to have it out, one way or another. If they didn’t, the gulf between them would only grow.

  “Mr. Rayne?”

  Beckett was deep in thought when the nurse called his name.

  “Zac is about to have his ultrasound. He thought you’d like to be there.”

  He glanced at Harper, but the omega shook his head. “You go. When he wants me, he’ll ask for me.”

  The nurse led him down a short corridor and into a room. Zac was already up on the exam table, his stomach exposed, the doctor about to start the scan.

  “Hello, Mr. Rayne. I’m Dr. Smith.” She smiled politely at him.

  “Beckett is fine.”

  “Beckett, then. Zac has been filling me in on the unusual circumstances surrounding his pregnancy.”

  There was a hint of disapproval in the doctor’s expression, but he couldn’t be sure it was aimed at him.

  “Yes, it’s been tough. For Zac more than anyone.”

  “I’d like Zac to speak to our social worker and our prenatal counselor.”

  “Whatever he’s comfortable with. He’s the one in the driver’s seat.”

  He aimed a smile Zac’s way as he said it, but the omega was staring down at his stomach.

  “Let’s take a look, shall we?” Dr. Smith said.

  Zac nodded eagerly, but when the doctor bent her head over the ultrasound machine, he shared a look with Beckett, his eyebrows raised. Beckett wondered what had been said before he came into the room.

  Unsure where to stand, he hovered by the door as the doctor pressed the ultrasound probe to Zac’s stomach. The omega waved him over, and Beckett moved to his side, surprised when Zac grabbed his hand and held on tightly.

  “Alright there?” Beckett asked quietly, patting his hand gently.

  He got a nervous smile in response.

  Dr. Smith’s attention was mostly on the screen, her forehead furrowed in concentration. The only noise was the sound of the machine, staticky clicks that were loud in the quiet of the room. Zac’s grip on his hand grew tighter, and Beckett’s nervousness ratcheted up. Was something wrong?

  But then they heard it—a rapid, rhythmic sound.

  “Is that…?” Zac started to ask.

  “The heartbeat, yes.” She turned the screen around so they could see.

  “Baby looks very happy in there. You can see the head here, and there’s a little hand…”

  “He’s waving at us,” Zac said, his voice hushed.

  “That’s the heart,” she continued, pointing to a tiny patch that shifted oddly. “We’ll be able to get a better look at that during your anomaly scan, around twenty weeks.”

  “But he looks okay?” Zac pressed. “He’s healthy?”

  “He seems fine. Let me take some measurements.”

  She tugged the screen back around, and Zac almost sighed in disappointment before his eyes turned to Beckett.

  “That’s our baby. Your baby, I mean.” He looked embarrassed by his slip of the tongue.

  “Our baby,” Beckett said softly, patting Zac’s hand again. “You’re doing great.”

  “I’m not doing anything. Just lying here.”

  “According to your very precise dates,” Dr. Smith interrupted, “You should be twelve weeks and three days. Baby is measuring twelve to thirteen weeks, exactly as he should be.”

  A weight lifted off Beckett’s shoulders, and he could see some tension leave Zac as well.

  “Could… could my friend Harper see? He’s out in the waiting room.”

  Zac’s gaze flicked between him and the doctor. Beckett wasn’t sure who he was asking.

  “I’ll go get him, if that’s okay with you, Dr. Smith?”

  She nodded. “Be quick. I do have other patients to see today.”

  A few minutes later, Harper had taken Beckett’s place at Zac’s side. The two of them were whispering furiously, their heads together as they pored over the ultrasound photo the doctor had printed for Zac. Harper helped Zac clean up and dress, as Dr. Smith asked to see him again in a week’s time.

  “It normally wouldn’t be so frequent, but these are unusual circumstances. I hope that won’t be a problem?”

  She was looking at Beckett as she said it, but it was Zac who answered, looking faintly annoyed.

  “It won’t be a problem, Dr. Smith.”

  “Good. Beckett, perhaps you and I could speak alone for a few minutes?”

  He followed her to her office, suspecting this wasn’t going to be an easy conversation.

  “Sit,” the doctor said, gesturing to a chair as she sat behind her desk.

  Once he was sitting opposite her, she folded her arms and scrutinized him. “I am not happy with this situation, Mr. Rayne.”

  They were back to last names again. He felt the urge to go on the defensive but dampened it down. Being hostile right now wouldn’t do anyone any good.

  “That makes three of us. I’d honestly be surprised if you were.”

  “Is it true? That your clinic made a mistake and accidentally impregnated the wrong person?”

  “I wish it weren’t, but that seems to be what happened.”

  “You realize that Isaac is in a very vulnerable position? I don’t yet see the need to involve outside authorities, but that may change once he’s seen our counselor and social worker.”

  “You should do what you feel is best for your patient. When it comes to Zac’s pregnancy, I’m only an observer.”

  It was hard to admit that his role was relegated to one where he could only sit on his hands, watching, waiting, and hoping for a good outcome.

  “That’s exac
tly it.” She paused before adding, “That said, this situation can’t be easy on you, either. I understand you have a son with Omrey’s disease.”

  “Luca, yes.”

  “This baby, Luca’s sibling, might save his life?”

  “That was the hope.” It was never anything more than a hope.

  “And do you want another child, Mr. Rayne? You’re already a single parent, a bereaved spouse, and working full time, as I understand it. Raising another child alone…”

  “I’ve raised Luca alone. Well, not alone. I’ve had his grandmother and his nannies.”

  “And you think that’s enough support to raise two children?”

  “People make do with far less. Having two parents isn’t the be-all and end-all.”

  “It’s not,” she agreed. “But what you’re doing, the ethical implications…”

  “The day my husband died, the last conversation we had together, he told me that he wanted to try again right away to get pregnant. That he wanted Luca to have a sibling, to always have a friend, someone to rely on. He was an only child, you see. And my parents raised me and my sister like we were strangers who happened to live in the same house. Darcy didn’t want that for Luca. He wanted him to grow up in a big, happy home. I didn’t create a baby to save my son—the embryos were already there. I just chose carefully, that’s all. Because it would have been cruel to bring a sibling into the world for Luca, only for them to watch him die. I wanted one whose very existence could help Luca live.”

  He looked away, struggling to rein in his emotions.

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Rayne, I didn’t mean to imply...”

  “But you did, and that’s okay. I’m not your patient, Zac is. I understand this situation must have red flags all over it. This isn’t how I wanted any of this to go. When Luca was born, I had a husband, a son, and a career. My life was complete, in every way. Losing Darcy broke me. And fighting for Luca is the only thing I know how to do.”

  “Naturally, a parent wants to save their child.”

  “But I don’t want others to suffer for it. If this is too much for Zac to handle, if this is hurting him, he shouldn’t have to sacrifice himself for someone else’s mistake.”

  The doctor sat back in her chair, nodding at Beckett’s words.

  “That’s part and parcel of why I’d like him to see our counselor.”

  “I have no objection to that, or anything else you feel is important.”

  “Some distance might help. I understand Zac is Luca’s nanny. That he has been in the position since before you discovered the mishap at the clinic?”

  She looked skeptical, and Beckett couldn’t blame her. As coincidences went, it was a hard one to swallow.

  “Yes. I’ve offered him an apartment, to support him for as long as he needs. He knows that option is open.”

  “But he hasn’t taken it?”

  “Not yet. He loves Luca. They get along like a house on fire.”

  “He’s a natural at child-rearing. Many omegas are. Which will make it extremely difficult for him to part with any child he gives birth to. Did you know that, despite being only a quarter of the fertile population, omegas account for almost half of unplanned pregnancies?”

  “I didn’t know that,” Beckett admitted, unsure where she was going with it.

  “Yet, of all babies given up for adoption, children born to omegas account for less than a third.”

  “I had no idea.”

  “The birth bond is just that strong. Regardless of genetics, any baby Zac gives birth to is his child by law. You should be prepared for the eventuality that he won’t want to give up his rights.”

  “I’d never force him to do that,” Beckett assured her. “We’d come to some arrangement, if it came to that.”

  “I just want to ensure that you’re going into this with your eyes open.”

  “Consider them opened.”

  It was a relief to leave the doctor’s office. He found Zac and Harper in the waiting room, heads bent together over Zac’s phone.

  “Ready to hit the road?”

  Zac lifted his head, smiling up at him. The smile fell from his face when he caught sight of Beckett’s expression.

  “Sure. They’ve emailed photos and a video from the scan. I’ve sent them to you.”

  Beckett itched to take out his phone and look at them there and then, but didn’t let himself. “That’s great, thanks. Come on, we should get you home.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Zac felt foolish and a little lost. He thought the ultrasound would bring him and Beckett closer together. Instead, it seemed to have put even more distance between them. Every time he looked at the ultrasound pictures, at the video on his phone of the little baby waving at him, excitement and happiness filled him. He wanted Beckett to share that excitement with him. Instead, the alpha seemed uncomfortable even having him around. Luca was starting to notice, too. He hadn’t said anything, but he was acting out more, and mealtimes were back to being a struggle in more ways than one.

  One night, after Luca had gone to bed and Zac was puttering around in the kitchen, Beckett came in and leaned against the countertop.

  “I’ve been thinking again about what we talked about before. About getting you an apartment.”

  Zac had been right. Beckett did want distance. A whole lot of distance.

  “You… want me to leave?”

  “It might be better.”

  “What about Luca?”

  “I can call the agency again, find someone else.”

  A few tears escaped and slipped down his cheeks. Zac set down the glass he was drying and quickly wiped them away with his sleeve.

  “You don’t want me here. You don’t want me in your life.”

  Beckett was making that very plain, and it hurt more than it should have.

  “Dr. Smith thinks you need your own space.”

  Anger flared inside him, hot and sharp.

  “What does she know about it? She doesn’t know you, and she barely knows me. Who is she to get to dictate what we do with our lives?”

  Beckett seemed taken aback by his anger, shrinking back toward the door.

  “She’s your doctor. She wants what’s best for you.”

  “How can she know what’s best for me if she never asked me what I wanted? This isn’t fair. Don’t I get a say? Don’t I get some choice over my life?”

  “Of course you do,” Beckett rushed to say. “Whatever you need…”

  “But I need you, and you just keep pushing me away. And now you’re kicking me out of your house, our of yours and Luca’s life…”

  He burst into tears, sobs that tore from his throat.

  “No, hey, Zac. Come here.”

  He tried to pull away, but Beckett’s arms enveloped him. He was helpless to resist the warmth and comfort the alpha offered.

  “That’s not it at all,” Beckett murmured. “You will always be welcome in mine and Luca’s life.”

  “You’ve barely looked at me since the ultrasound.” His voice was muffled, between the tears and the fact that his face was pressed to Beckett’s chest.

  “I’ve been trying to give you space. Dr. Smith seemed to think you needed it.”

  “It makes me feel like I’m in this alone. And that scares me because I can’t do it alone.” He pulled away, struggling to hold himself together. “Are you worried I’ll get attached? That I won’t want to let the baby go when the time comes?”

  That fear had been kicking around in his head since his doctor’s visit. Dr. Smith had told him how hard it would be, how strong an omega’s connection was with their unborn child. Even if it wasn’t theirs. That ordinarily, potential omega surrogates underwent extensive counseling, and most of them never got approval for just this reason. Only the least maternal, the least attached, were suitable. The rest just couldn’t bear to part with the children they brought into the world.

  Beckett cupped his chin, nudging his head up. “Who says you have to let th
e baby go? What rule, what law?”

  “But he’s not mine. Not really. I’m just carrying him for you and Luca, as a favor.”

  “This goes above and beyond a favor, Zac. It’s… I think we need to start over. Let’s leave aside everything Dr. Smith said. I’m sure she meant well, but the situation isn’t as black and white as she seems to think it is. Surrogacy is normally seen as a legal transaction, but that’s not what this is, is it?”

  “No,” Zac agreed, his voice small. He let Beckett lead him to the table, watching as the alpha made tea and set a cup down in front of him.

  “The way I see it, there are a few sides to this. There’s you and me, there’s Luca, and there’s the baby. Right now, I want to put aside Luca and the baby and focus on you and me.”

  Zac felt his heart skip a beat at the alpha’s words and chided himself for being foolish. That wasn’t what Beckett meant. He probably just wanted to reaffirm their boundaries as employer and employee.

  “Before you told me about the pregnancy, I’d been talking to William about you. And it seems like you might have been talking to Harper about me.”

  Oh, no. He felt his face flush, closing his eyes as embarrassment surged through him.

  “Harper likes to say things he shouldn’t. I’m really sorry if he—”

  “No need to apologize. He was trying to give me a wake-up call, but I got a little side-tracked by Dr. Smith. That woman is quite scary in her own right.”

  “I’m not sure I liked her,” Zac admitted. It felt like she had very firm opinions. While she might have meant well, she’d made things worse between him and Beckett. That was the last thing he’d needed.

  “I can understand why. She’s very… forthright. And perhaps a little inflexible. If you’d like to try another doctor, we can find one who suits you better.” Beckett tapped his fingers on the table nervously.

  “I think I’d like that.” He needed someone who was on his side, someone who actually listened.

  Putting that aside, Zac turned his attention to the matter at hand.

  “What did Harper say to you?”

  He hoped it was nothing too terrible, but Harper could be tactless sometimes and outrageous at others.