A Breath of Autumn

by Lillian Beckwith

  ‘And yet you were born on an island, so Jamie tells me.’

  She took a deep breath to steady herself. ‘I was born and lived with my granny on the very island you were speaking of, the Island of Killegray.’

  He turned to her, astonished. ‘You never mentioned that when we were speaking of it before.’

  ‘I didn’t see how your people could be from Killegray without my having some memory of them, but I had no wish to spoil your hopes. And although my mother was from the island, I never knew anything about my father save that he hailed from Glasgow. After I was born, my mother left me with my granny and emigrated. I never saw her again.’

  Hugh Roberton was staring at her incredulously.

  ‘Why so surprised?’ she asked.

  ‘Because my mother told my late wife that she’d had a child that she’d left with her own mother before she came to Canada. She said she intended to come back for the child but she never dared to tell my father. Surely there wouldn’t be more than one such in a small community.’

  Fraction by fraction, they were struggling to the inevitable conclusion.

  ‘What name were you christened?’ Hugh Roberton asked.

  ‘I doubt I was ever christened,’ she responded. ‘Folks don’t go much for that sort of thing in the islands. But my granny was a McLellan so that would have been my mother’s maiden name; I was known as Kirsty McLellan.’

  ‘My mother’s maiden name was McLellan,’ the words came from him haltingly. ‘Is it possible that we are half-brother and sister?’

  She was already well ahead of him and nodded slowly. ‘It has crossed my mind that we might share the same mother.’

  He stretched out a hand and grasped her wrist.

  ‘That’s it then. I’ve found my relative. It seems too good to be true.’

  ‘Do you want to believe it?’ she queried.

  ‘Of course I want to believe that I’ve found the half-sister I’ve been seeking for such a long time. Can it be true that you and I are related?’

  ‘I believe it to be true,’ she assured him with a smile.

  He smiled at her in return, but suddenly the excitement drained from his face.

  ‘Is there something you do not like about the relationship between us?’ she asked.

  He rested his head on his arms. ‘I guess I am not liking the thought of Dina and Jamie getting married now,’ he admitted awkwardly.

  ‘But only a short time ago you were happy about it,’ she accused.

  ‘A short time ago I didn’t have an idea that we could be related.’ Seeing the puzzlement on her face he continued. ‘Do you not see that a relationship between my daughter and your son is too close?’

  She relaxed as the import of his words became clear.

  ‘Jamie is not my son,’ she assured him.

  ‘He is not your son?’ There was disbelief in his tone.

  ‘There is no blood relationship between me and Jamie,’ she explained. ‘He was the result of a young Papist woman and my first husband when he was in his teens. I didn’t know him then of course but I’m told the lassie was a wild one and plagued any man that came near her. After she had the bairn her family whisked her away someplace and I understand that she finished up in a mental home. Jamie was sent to a school of sorts where the teaching was done by nuns. Then he stayed with an uncle for a while but this uncle wanted to marry a strict Calvinist woman and she would have nothing to do with the boy. Seeing he was a Papist of sorts I suppose you can’t really blame her. Anyway, he was looking for a job on a boat and both Ruari Beag and Ruari Mor felt it was the right thing to do so they took him aboard The Two Ruaris. He used to sleep on the boat, but when the winter came I said it would be too cold for him so we found him a bed in the house here. Jamie was with his father bringing home peats when his father drowned. He dived and swam around for a long time they told me but there was no sign of the body.

  ‘So.’ It was more of an ejaculation than a comment.

  Kirsty carried on. ‘Jamie seemed not to know what to call me but when Wee Ruari started to call me Mam I suppose he liked the idea and asked if I minded if he called me Mam too. Of course I didn’t mind so I’ve been Mam to him for long enough. But his background is well known hereabouts; they take it for granted.’

  Hugh Roberton was quiet for a few minutes before he spoke again.

  ‘I guess knowing the full facts makes it easier to ask you something that I’ve been thinking about.’

  ‘Carry on,’ she encouraged.

  ‘I want you to come back to Canada with us.’

  ‘Never! I couldn’t possibly leave Westisle,’ she declared forcefully.

  ‘Why?’ It was just one word quietly spoken yet she felt compelled to give him a full explanation.

  ‘Westisle is mine. I own it. The best part of my life has been spent here and I have grown to love it.’

  ‘You would grow to love Canada too, and there are many things there that would give you an easier and more rewarding life.’

  ‘I am happy with my life here,’ she insisted.

  ‘Since it seems you are my half-sister I can remind you that you are not getting any younger,’ he chaffed her.

  ‘That is true, I am growing old. I have faced up to that.’

  ‘But I shall want to look after you. And Jamie and Dina will want to look after you also.’

  She shook her head negatively and he decided to change the subject.

  ‘Dina and Jamie are going to have a big surprise when they get back and hear the discovery we’ve made.’

  ‘Do you think they will be pleased?’ Kirsty queried.

  ‘I’m sure Dina will be both pleased and delighted. She knows I’ve been wanting to find a relative in the islands and to learn that it’s you will make her ecstatic. It will be a real family celebration.’

  ‘I would sooner you didn’t tell her tonight,’ she begged. ‘Let’s sleep on it first. It’s been quite a shock to us both, hasn’t it?’

  ‘But it will make her so happy it seems mean to keep it from her,’ he objected.

  ‘Please. She can know tomorrow.’ Kirsty hoped he would not ask for a reason. She couldn’t have given him a reason, not then. She simply knew she wanted to hug the knowledge to herself for a few more hours.

  ‘OK,’ he yielded. ‘Tomorrow. When we’re both here together?’

  She nodded her agreement.

  ‘You will be coming to Canada of course?’ He sounded as though her nod of agreement were a formality.

  He had risen and she looked at him startled, wanting to say ‘there’s no “of course” about it’, but she realised that she would want to see Jamie and Dina married.

  ‘If Enac and Euan Ally would be willing to see to things it might be possible for me to come,’ she conceded in a murmur.

  ‘I guess Jamie will book passage for you and Wee Ruari at the same time as he books his own. We’ll have to get him on to it tomorrow.’ His tone was brisk. ‘Mind you, he might have already booked his own passage.’

  ‘To Canada!’ she said feebly. The words made her wince; they made everything sound so final.

  It was midnight when the travellers returned home.

  ‘Did you meet Marney’s man?’ she asked Jamie.

  ‘Aye, we did that. He’s sleeping on the boat tonight,’ he told her and in answer to her querulous look added, ‘He seems not a bad sort of chap at all.’

  ‘Euan Ally said much the same sort of thing, didn’t he?’ Dina put in.

  ‘Aye, that’s right, he did,’ confirmed Jamie. ‘Patrick, that’s Marney’s man, is well used to boats seein’ his father had a fishing boat in Ireland where he comes from; they lost the boat in a storm so he came to Scotland to look for a job. He worked on a farm for a while but then he got in with a crooked lot in Glasgow.’

  ‘I guess Marney was fairly upset when she saw him.’

  ‘There were quite a few tears,’ Dina said.

  ‘I reckon Patrick shed a few too,’ said Jamie. ‘But
they soon had their arms round each other and they seemed happy enough. Marney and the twins are going to show him the island tomorrow and she wants him to come and see you.’

  ‘He’ll be welcome,’ Kirsty agreed cordially.

  The next morning when Dina came down to a late breakfast she was carrying a parcel which she handed to Kirsty before sitting down.

  ‘Pop gave me some money so I could bring you a present from Canada,’ she explained. ‘It’s from him and from me.’

  ‘For me,’ Kirsty exclaimed. ‘Am I to look at it now?’ Dina nodded and watched critically as Kirsty unfolded the silky green blouse and held it up for inspection.

  ‘I hope you like it,’ said Dina. ‘Pop does; he says it will show off your hair.’

  Kirsty was conscious of her cheeks growing warm and knew she must be flushing. ‘It is very kind of you and your father,’ she tried to make her voice sound enthusiastic. ‘But it’s not really the sort of thing I can wear here.’

  Dina’s expression clouded. ‘You don’t like it?’

  ‘I think it is very nice indeed,’ Kirsty hastily assured her. ‘And I am very grateful to you for giving it to me.’ What could one say when one was given a present that, no matter how nice it was, one knew one would never be able to wear? Her mouth was too dry to continue.

  ‘I hope you and Wee Ruari will come to Canada for my wedding. It really is a wonderful country,’ said Dina.

  ‘You and Jamie will be waiting until you get back to Canada before you get married?’

  ‘That is what we plan to do,’ Dina admitted. ‘We’ve talked it over and Jamie was sure we could persuade you to come.’

  ‘You will have plenty of friends coming to your wedding. I doubt you will need my presence.’

  ‘There’ll be lots of friends coming to my wedding,’ Dina confirmed. ‘But none that we will want to be there more than you.’ Then, as the door was pushed back and her father came into the room, ‘Oh, there you are Pop! Where have you been?’

  ‘I took a walk over to the “Castle” to see Enac,’ he replied. ‘There was something I needed to talk over with her.’

  He looked at Kirsty. ‘Are we going to let her into our secret?’

  Kirsty nodded. ‘You can tell her,’ she agreed.

  ‘What secret have you got Pop?’ Dina asked eagerly.

  ‘Well, to start things off I have to tell you that Jamie is not Kirsty’s son.’

  ‘Oh that’s no secret. Jamie told me a while ago.’ She seemed disappointed.

  ‘So! You didn’t tell me,’ her father accused.

  ‘I didn’t think it was important,’ Dina replied combatively.

  ‘Then the big secret is that Kirsty and I have discovered we are, almost certainly I’d say, half-brother and sister. That’s important isn’t it?’ he smiled triumphantly.

  ‘Pop!’ Dina squeaked. Jumping up from her chair she hugged first Kirsty and then her father. ‘That’s wonderful. How did you manage to discover it?’

  ‘Painstaking research,’ he replied, with a wink at Kirsty. ‘You know well enough how keen I’ve been to find a relative in these parts.’

  ‘Jamie doesn’t know yet?’ Dina asked eagerly.

  ‘Jamie doesn’t know, nor does anyone else,’ her father confirmed.

  ‘You’ll leave it to me to tell Jamie? Promise!’

  ‘I guess we’ll leave it to you,’ he conceded.

  ‘Jamie will be as thrilled as I am. He’ll be even more certain now that Kirsty will make a home in Canada with us.’

  ‘I have a home here,’ Kirsty reminded them. ‘I would not wish to have another home in Canada.’

  Wee Ruari emerged from his bedroom as she was speaking. ‘I would wish to,’ he piped up but Kirsty, placing a bowl of porridge in front of him, hushed him into quietness.

  On her way to the cattle that morning she called in for a ‘wee crack’ with Enac. Marney was helping her with the loom.

  ‘So you’ll be going out to Canada for Jamie’s wedding?’ Enac greeted her.

  ‘I’d have to ask you to look after the cattle and the hens?’

  ‘Oh, we’d be happy to do that,’ Enac offered without hesitation. ‘But I’m after thinking you’d need some new clothes for travelling.’

  ‘I still have my Burberry,’ Kirsty told her. ‘I know it’s years old but it’s still good.’

  Enac gave her a crumpled smile. ‘I reckon you’ll be saying you’ve still got your old black beret but that’s no good for going to Canada. You’ll need to get a new hat, and a new hat won’t go with an old Burberry.’ There was a challenge in her words.

  ‘Maybe not,’ Kirsty accepted. ‘But where will I get a hat unless I crochet one for myself?’

  Enac pulled open a drawer. ‘I’ve got a couple of catalogues here that I’ve saved just to have a look at from time to time. Maybe you’ll find something in them that’ll suit you.’

  Kirsty took the catalogues from Enac. ‘I’ll take a good look at them this evening,’ she promised.

  As she made her way homeward she let herself dwell on the possibility of getting some new clothes. Mentally she wanted to dismiss the notion of new clothes as resolutely as she had at first dismissed the idea of going to Canada, but when Dina came in that evening and they were chatting after supper was cleared away she produced the catalogues.

  ‘Enac thought I might get one or two things to wear,’ she said timidly.

  Dina glanced at them carelessly.

  ‘You buy clothes from these?’ she asked.

  ‘Only when the tinkers have nothing to suit me when they come with their bales to Clachan.’

  Dina looked at her with unconcealed dismay.

  ‘Underclothes I mean,’ Kirsty explained hurriedly. ‘I knit my own jerseys and I have my good skirt that was made from a length of tweed woven by Enac’s mother. It will never wear out.’

  ‘What about a hat?’ Dina wanted to know.

  ‘What happens usually is when there’s a wedding or something like that and folks feel they need to wear a hat they get together with a few catalogues and each of them orders one or two that they might like. Then they get a chance to pass all of them round and try them on and then they can choose the one that suits them best,’ Kirsty explained.

  ‘So!’ Dina was non-committal. They sat down together and discussed various items illustrated in the catalogues and eventually decided which Kirsty should send for.

  ‘How long will it take for them to come?’ Dina was anxious to know.

  ‘Depends on weather conditions,’ Kirsty replied. ‘Maybe two weeks, maybe even three!’

  ‘Tell the firm they’re urgent,’ counselled Dina. ‘And I suggest you start crocheting a beret of sorts to wear with your new coat when it comes.’

  So, her wardrobe was ordered and she was going to Canada. Kirsty could now convince herself but she wondered if there would be time to arrange everything else that needed to be done.

  When the end of the week came and ‘the boys’ were back from their fishing they all gathered for a ‘crack’, Enac and her baby, Euan Ally, Marney and her man Patrick. A bottle of whisky was soon produced, along with several of Irn-Bru for the children. Kirsty hadn’t met Marney’s man until that evening but she was favourably impressed. He struck her as being a nice enough fellow and it was obvious that he was fond of his family. When the first stiffness had been shed and they had grown easy with one another he turned to her.

  ‘Call me Patrick,’ he told her and went on, ‘Me and Marney are wondering if you would mind us cutting a few sods to stack against the windward side of the tent? It would make it kind of cosier for the bairns.’

  ‘And for us too,’ Marney reminded him.

  ‘Of course I don’t object,’ Kirsty assured him. Her eyes widened as she looked at him and Marney; her hand went to her throat as the idea formed swiftly in her mind. Voicelessly she continued watching them until she caught Hugh Roberton’s quizzical smile. He seemed to be intrigued by her quirkish behaviour, and
she managed to find her voice.

  ‘Enac,’ she began. ‘Since you are going to look after this place for me would you agree to come and live here in this house? Then you could let Marney and Patrick live in the “Castle”, couldn’t you?’

  Everyone seemed stunned for a few minutes and then Euan Ally turned to Jamie. ‘You want to have your say now,’ he encouraged.

  ‘Aye indeed. Listen Mam,’ Jamie began. ‘I want to tell you that Patrick has been fishing with us this past week and Euan Ally’s thinking to take him on to work The Two Ruaris. He’s good at the job and Euan Ally’s mighty pleased to have him aboard.’

  Startled Kirsty looked from one to the other.

  ‘And are you content?’ Her question was directed at Jamie, who nodded emphatically.

  ‘It seems that it’s all settled then,’ she announced, and with that the three men got up and shook hands with each other. Hugh Roberton jumped up to join in and in a moment they were all shaking hands and kissing, even the children.

  ‘A real celebration,’ Hugh Roberton exclaimed. ‘And I think that this is a good time to tell you all that Kirsty and I are half-brother and sister!’

  There were more congratulations, more hugs and kisses, and at the end of the night everyone went home full of good humour and warmed with whisky and Irn-Bru.

  Kirsty was up before anyone the next morning and once she had lit the fire and made porridge, she fed the hens, leaving herself time to go and sit alone on her favourite shelf of rock. There she stored the dawn-fresh scents in her memory. A shower, almost too fine to be perceptible, came with a breath of wind from the sea. She lifted her chin and tossed back her hair.

  ‘Tomorrow,’ she promised herself, ‘tomorrow I’ll get Jamie to take me over to Clachan to see the factor about Marney’s man. And I can visit the lairs where Ruari Beag and Ruari Mor are buried and say my final farewells to them.’

  Her final farewells! She jolted herself into reality. She would be coming back of course. Wouldn’t she? Her conscious mind refused to accept any other possibility, but as she walked back to the house her thoughts were in turmoil.

  There was no one about when she arrived so she brewed a pot of tea and sat down to drink a cup. Hugh Roberton was the first to come downstairs.