Half of Me

by J. M. Paul

  “Thank you. What time am I allowed access?” I glance at the clock, and it’s a quarter after eleven.

  “Noon to two.” There’s more noise in the background, and he speaks to someone on the other end. “I’m sorry, Miss Stone, but there’s another state of affairs that requires my immediate attention.”

  “Yes, of course. Thank you for informing me, Detective Brady.”

  “My pleasure. Have a good day.”

  “You, too.” I hang up and try to figure out the logistics of getting over to the house to rummage through my things.

  Jacob needs to work, and I’m supposed to watch the kids, but I can’t take them with me. My parents’ house is not a safe environment for a baby and an inquisitive four-year-old.

  “Who was that?” Jacob asks from behind me.

  I turn to see him leaning against the door of his office that’s off the foyer’s entrance. He looks divine in a pair of faded ripped jeans and a black T-shirt. His dark hair is in disarray, and a day’s worth of stubble covers his chin and cheeks.

  “Detective Brady. He said I could have access to the house from noon to two today.” I set my phone on the kitchen counter. “I know you need to work, but would you mind if—”

  “Of course. I’ll call Juliana’s parents and see if they can come stay with the kids for a couple of hours, so I can help.” He pushes off the doorframe and turns.

  “You don’t have to do that. I can figure something out.” I step toward him.

  “I want to.” Glancing at me over his shoulder, he says, “Give me twenty minutes,” and then he disappears into his office.

  Forty-five minutes later, Jacob and I are pulling up to the curb of my childhood home. It doesn’t seem to be horribly damaged from the outside, but I prepare myself for a very different picture inside.

  We get out of the car, and I pull my coat tighter to my body. The warm spell from yesterday was too good to be true and is now replaced with the temperature in the low thirties and snow flurries, making it feel much more like the holidays.

  “You ready for this?” Jacob comes to stand next to me on the driveway.

  “As ready as I’ll ever be.” I try to put on a brave face.

  Jacob takes my hand and kisses it when Maya pulls up next to us. When she exits the vehicle, she eyes our conjoined hands and gives me a knowing smile.

  “Ready to head in?” I drop Jacob’s hand and start to head toward the house.

  “I wonder how bad it’s going to be,” Maya says.

  When we step onto the long wraparound porch of my parents’ colonial-style house, a white truck with Fire Investigation Bureau printed on the side pulls up to the curb, followed by a police car.

  Four men—two cops and two investigators—greet each other when they exit and then approach us.

  “Miss Stone?” a heavyset, balding man asks our group.

  “That’s me.” I step forward.

  “Detective Brady.” The cop sticks out his hand to me.

  “I’d say it’s nice to meet you, but under the circumstances…” I take his offered hand.

  “I understand. This is Detective Carson.” Brady points to the younger man standing next to him.

  Carson gives me a head nod.

  “And Investigators Hank and Levi.”

  They also give me head nods.

  “I’m Joslyn, the homeowner. This is Maya. She also lives here, and my”—what the hell is Jacob to me?—“friend Jacob.”

  “Nice to meet you. Ready to go in?” Detective Brady asks.

  I nod, and Carson hands each of us a face mask. Brady unlocks the door before I put my mask on, and the scent of smoke slams into me. It is overwhelming and makes me cough.

  After my mask is firmly in place, we enter the confines. Most everything seems the same in the foyer, but when we get deeper in, I can see the charred walls are covered in soot, and there’s a lot of water damage.

  “I’m sorry to say, almost everything in the basement is a loss, but a few boxes up on the top of a shelf were saved,” Investigator Levi tells me. “We put them by the front door.” He points back to where we came in.

  “Thanks.” I stand in the middle of the living room in shock.

  My eyes digest the damage, but the knowledge of what this means isn’t sinking in. All I can think about is how Maya was alone in this house and how the outcome of this situation could’ve been so much worse.

  “I’m going to head up to my bedroom.” Maya rubs my shoulder.

  Turning quickly, I wrap her in a hug and squeeze tight. “I could’ve lost you, My. You were alone when this happened. What if you hadn’t woken up? What if you hadn’t gotten out?” I start to cry into her hair.

  “Hey, Jos. It’s okay. I’m okay.” She clutches me tighter and runs her hands up and down my back.

  “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” I pull back to wipe at the tears in my eyes.

  “Well, it’s a good thing you don’t have to find out. It’d take a lot more than a house fire to get me out of your life.” She leans her forehead against mine. “I love you, Jos, and I’m here to stay. You and me until the end, right?”

  “Until the end,” I repeat. I feel the edges of my lips tip up behind the mask I’m wearing.

  “You know it.” She brushes my long braided hair behind my shoulder and pats my cheek. “Now, suck it up, and get to work.” She winks and then climbs the stairs.

  “Where do you want to start?” Jacob asks when he comes up next to me.

  “I don’t know.” I’m stunned and uncertain of what’s most important.

  “Since we only have a couple of hours, let’s start with necessary items, like clothes, school stuff, bathroom supplies, and then we can go from there.” Jacob moves to stand in front of me and gazes into my eyes.

  “I knew I kept you around for something.” My eyes scrunch in a smile.

  Two hours later, all of us are covered in black grime, and we have Maya’s and Jacob’s cars packed. We really only ended up taking the essentials, but I took a few other mementos, too—photo albums and a framed picture of me with my parents when I was ten.

  “Hey, did you go through these?” Maya toes the two boxes sitting by the front door.

  “No.” I crouch down to see the faded writing on the side of each. “Judith’s Stuff,” I read out loud.

  That’s generic, Mom. You were usually more detail-oriented and organized than that.

  I pull the tab back from one of the boxes and find a stack of notebooks, folders, and manila envelopes. I see more notebooks in the other box.

  “Want to take those? We have room,” Jacob says when he walks back in the door.

  “I guess.” I shrug, having no idea what the stuff is or why my mom kept it. It seems pretty old and useless.

  He hefts them into his arms like they weigh nothing and goes back out to the car.

  “Ready?” Maya rests her arm around my shoulders.

  “Sure.”

  “I’ll be outside.” She briefly pulls me into her before walking away.

  In my moment alone, I let myself remember the memories I created under this roof. The Christmases with my parents, the birthday parties surrounded by friends, my dad puffing out his chest when a guy picked me up for a date, and learning how to cook in the kitchen with my mom. Mom and Dad might not have been openly affectionate with me, like children want, but I know they loved me in their own unique way.

  After seeing the fire damage myself, there is no way the house can ever be the same. Even if the investigators and insurance agent claim it can be restored, I know this will be the last time I consider it my home.

  “I love you, Mom and Dad. Thank you for the memories you created with me here,” I whisper into the quiet house.

  I close my eyes to absorb the feel of the life I once lived between these walls. One tear slips down my cheek before I open my eyes. I take a deep breath and then pull the front door closed behind me. I step out onto the porch and into the new life I’m fo
rced to begin.

  CHAPTER 17

  * * *

  IRON CROW

  Brett: Can we meet somewhere? We need to talk.

  I read the text for the twentieth time in the last two minutes, and my mind still whirls that Brett has contacted me. I haven’t heard a peep out of him in months, except when I saw him at the park, and all of a sudden, he wants to talk.

  Me: What the hell do we have to discuss?

  He dumped me because I couldn’t have children, and he impregnated a woman he’d claimed was only his friend while we were still dating.

  End of story in my book.

  Me: I don’t think that’s a good idea. Take care of yourself, Brett.

  He responds immediately.

  Brett: Joslyn, please. I hate the way we left things, and it’s about something important. I don’t want to discuss it over text messages or on the phone.

  Brett had three years and the weeks after he left me to talk to me about anything he wanted, but his time expired, and I’m done living in the past. I can’t move forward if I keep my attention focused on what could have been.

  Me: It’s over, Brett, so please let it go. I wish you the best. Don’t contact me again.

  When I see the three dots dancing in the message, showing that he’s typing something, I release a growl. Quickly turning off my phone, I slap it facedown on the coffee table.

  Motion by the hallway catches my attention, and I glance up to see Jacob leaning against the wall, watching me. He pushes off of it and slowly walks toward me.

  “How was work?” Jacob stands next to the couch.

  He’s dressed in dark jeans and a patterned blue button-up shirt that accents his beautiful blue eyes. The top three buttons are left undone, and I can see a small smattering of dark hair poking out.

  “Frustrating.” I bounce my leg and turn my attention to Jenna getting tummy time on the floor. She’s fussing because she doesn’t like it but not bad enough for me to save her from it.

  “What happened?”

  I shake my head because, if I answer, I’m certain I’ll cry.

  “Talk to me.” Jacob sits on the couch and puts his hand on my knee to steady my vibrating leg.

  Jenna starts crying with vigor, and I rescue her from her evil belly.

  “Shh, angel. It’s okay.” I cradle her to my chest and rock her back and forth.

  Within seconds, she’s fast asleep against my shoulder. Kissing the top of her fuzzy head, I close my eyes and then rest my cheek against her. It doesn’t matter how dark my day is; coming home to Jagger and Jenna makes everything brighter.

  When I open my eyes, Jacob is watching me with an almost reverent expression.

  Coming home to him isn’t so bad either.

  “Tell me what’s wrong.” Jacob sits forward with his elbows on his knees.

  I inhale a deep breath of baby and rub my hand up and down Jenna’s back. “We lost a patient today.” Tears well in my eyes.

  “I’m sorry, Joslyn. That has to be hard.”

  “The hardest.” Jenna shifts, and I pat her on the back to settle against my chest. “It’s days like these when I’m not sure I made the right career choice.”

  Jacob pushes to his feet to stand in front of me. He rubs his hand over Jenna’s head and then cups my cheek. “You were made for this, Joslyn. There’s no doubt in my mind that, if you weren’t a part of Jenna’s life during recovery, she would not be with us today. At least, not as healthy.” His thumb brushes against my skin. “You’re an excellent nurse, and you’ve only just begun.”

  “Thank you.” It comes out as a broken whisper.

  We remain silent—me holding Jenna and Jacob caressing my face—while we search each other’s eyes. I’m not sure what we’re seeking, if anything at all.

  “Come out with me tonight,” Jacob finally says.

  “What?” I jerk my head back at his unexpected suggestion.

  “I’m meeting the guys at a restaurant in Detroit. I want you to come.”

  Jacob takes Jenna from my arms and cradles her in his. She fusses and then settles against his chest.

  “I can’t. I need to study. And who’d watch the kids? Juliana’s parents probably need a break.” I start to pick up the toys around the living room.

  “It’s Friday night. You can study the rest of the weekend.” He walks over and grabs me with his free arm to turn me toward him. “I already called Alexa to watch the kids. I was going to give you the night off anyway.”

  Alexa is a high school student who lives next door, and the kids have fallen in love with her, especially Jagger. He’s turned into quite the little flirt.

  “Well, that was—”

  “Nice?” Jacob interrupts.

  “Not necessary. I enjoy hanging with the kiddos.” I rub Jenna’s foot that’s hanging down. She’s getting so big. Time’s moving too fast.

  “I know you do, but we consume too much of your time. You need to get out and have fun.” He sways when Jenna starts to fuss again.

  “I have plenty of fun.”

  “Stop fighting me on this, and go get ready while I feed the kids.” He looks at his watch. “You have thirty minutes.”

  “Jacob…”

  “Go.” He points toward my temporary room.

  I hang my head and saunter down the hall like a reprimanded child.

  “So, where are you taking me?” I ask as Jacob merges onto I-96 East toward downtown Detroit.

  “The Iron Crow. Tonight’s the grand opening.” He changes lanes and then glances at me. “My company renovated the old building.”

  “Huh.” That gets me thinking that I’ve never questioned him on what type of construction his company does. “What do you do exactly?”

  “I own Ancroft Enterprises, which is technically a construction company.” He signals and takes an exit. “Basically, I buy properties in up-and-coming areas, tear down, and refurbish or build the properties back up. Then, I sell them to investors. Sometimes, I might keep one as a personal investment, like the Iron Crow.”

  “Really?”

  For some reason, his answer surprises me. I’ve never been able to see Jacob as someone involved in construction work because he’s always in suits or dress clothes. The vision of him wearing a hard hat and work belt makes my insides tingle.

  “Yeah. It’s mostly restaurants, but we’ve done hotels, coffee shops, a few stores, and other things. I enjoy the restaurant business the most. Plus, Detroit is a budding foodie town, so it’s good to be me right now.” He smirks.

  Jacob pulls up to a curb at a corner and puts the car in park. He exits, runs around to open my door, and offers his hand to me. I take it and step out onto the pavement. Snow starts to fall around me in big flakes, and I lift my face to the sky.

  A huge, built man strides out of the building in front of me, and I step out of his way.

  The guy slaps Jacob on the back. “Hey, hombre,” Mr. Huge says to Jacob before he gets in Jacob’s car and speeds away.

  “Ready to go in?” Jacob wraps his arm around my waist.

  “Uh, yeah.” Peeling my attention away from the disappearing car, I examine the cream brick restaurant in front of me. It’s on a corner with big, tall windows and clean lines.

  We walk in the door, and the place is busy but roomy enough that it doesn’t feel stuffy. The ceiling is high, the floor is black marble, and everything else is a steam-punk theme. High wood beams, wood plank walls, red brick, shiny copper, rusted metal, and steel pipe. A lot of money must have been invested into this place to make it appear rustic. I absolutely love it.

  “What do you think?” Jacob asks once I’ve had a chance to take in my surroundings a little.

  My smile is huge when I turn to him. “It’s awesome.”

  “Yeah?” He smiles back.

  “Definitely.”

  He starts to lean in, like he’s going to either kiss me or whisper in my ear, when a booming, “Hey, Jake. Glad you could make it,” sounds from behind us. />
  We turn, and I see the Man Bun guy who was with Jacob at the club the night I went out with the girls and drank too much. That seems like eons ago.

  “Hey, man.” Jacob and Man Bun do a guy hug with pats and a handshake. Jacob turns to me and pulls me to his side. “Landon, Joslyn. Joslyn, Landon.”

  “Nice to meet you,” I say to Landon.

  “This is the nanny?” Landon’s eyes go wide before he turns toward Jacob.

  Jacob gazes down at me but nods in response to Landon’s question.

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Joslyn.” Landon checks me out with heated eyes.

  As attractive as he is in all his blond hair, groomed and short beard, muscles, and cockiness, it makes me uncomfortable.

  “Decent crowd tonight.” Jacob looks around at the full tables, people waiting to be sat, and the packed bar.

  “Not bad, man. Not bad.” Landon nods. “We have a table reserved in the back corner, bro. As soon as Miami gets back, we can sit.”

  “Did someone say my name?” Mr. Huge, who sped away in Jacob’s car, walks up.

  “It’s the man of the hour.” Jacob smiles.

  “The man of the century, but who’s keeping track?” Mr. Huge’s dark eyes land on me, and just like Landon, his attention roams up and down my figure. “And who’s this lovely creature?”

  “Miami, Joslyn. Joslyn, Miami,” Jacob introduces.

  “The nanny?” Miami’s eyebrows lift, and his attention snaps to Jacob.

  Is there an echo in here?

  “Joslyn, do you want to get a drink at the bar or sit at a table?” Jacob turns to me, thoroughly blocking Landon and Miami from my sight.

  “I’m starving.” I press a hand to my growling stomach. “Can we get a drink at the table and order an appetizer?”

  “Girl after my own heart,” one of the guys behind Jacob says.