Half of Me

by J. M. Paul

  “Of course.” Jacob smiles at me before he turns and grumbles something to Landon and Miami.

  They smile and laugh. Jacob shakes his head, grabs my hand, and starts leading me to the back corner.

  A pretty redheaded waitress is on us as soon as we sit. She takes our drink and appetizer orders—which is one of everything—and then leaves.

  “Your name’s Miami?” I can’t help the question from spitting out of my mouth.

  “It’s Angelo, but I’m from Miami.” He gives Jacob and Landon stern looks. “These two dumbasses thought it would be funny to start calling me Miami, and it stuck.”

  “So, how do you like being Jacob’s nanny?” Landon rests his elbows against the table.

  “It’s great.” I smile innocently at Jacob and then lean forward, closer to Landon and Miami on the other side of the table. I lift my hand to the corner of my mouth, like I’m blocking my words from Jacob. “When he goes to the restroom”—I point at Jacob from behind my hand—“I’ll tell you how I really feel about my boss.” I arch a brow and then make a circular motion around my temple.

  Miami and Landon laugh along with me and beam at Jacob.

  “I like her, man,” Miami says.

  “She’s all right,” Landon says but smiles so that I know he’s joking.

  “Here we go.” The waitress stops by with a tray full of drinks and sets them down in the middle of the artfully scarred wood. She tells us what everything is since we ordered one of each from the cocktail menu, and without waiting, I grab one.

  “A woman who knows what she wants. You lucky bastard.” Landon raises a beer in appreciation.

  “To knowing what you want and going after it.” Jacob’s eyes are on me as he lifts his glass.

  We clink ours together and say, “Cheers,” at the same time before taking a drink.

  “Holy shit, hombre, did she really say that?” Miami laughs at a story Landon told about a girl he went on a date with last week.

  “No joke.” Landon’s cheeks are pink from alcohol. It’s quite charming.

  Jacob leans over. “Are you okay? Let me know when you’re ready to go.”

  We had an awesome meal, and we’re still sitting around the table, drinking and bullshitting. It’s fun to listen to three men razz each other back and forth. And it’s good to see Jacob relax and enjoy himself.

  “I’m good. But I have to use the ladies’ room. Excuse me.” I stand, and all three of the guys lift from their chairs.

  Talk about manners.

  I’m definitely not used to this type of behavior from the guys my age.

  I use the facilities and envy the rustic touches that are carried into the restroom as well. When I exit and move into the small hallway, I start to make my way back to the table, but someone grabs my arm and stops me. I spin around to regard the person but stumble back when I see who it is.

  “Brett?” I sputter in shock.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He raises his hands up in an innocent gesture.

  “What are you doing here?”

  My eyes roam the tiny confines of the dark hallway. We’re the only two back here.

  “I wanted to talk to you.” He steps closer.

  “And I told you, there isn’t anything to say.” Then, a thought hits me. “How did you know where I was going to be?” It was a last-minute decision for me to come here, and I didn’t tell anyone where I’d be.

  He lifts his cell phone and jiggles it in the air. “I installed a GPS tracking app on your phone when we were dating, and it’s still activated.” It’s said like it’s perfectly normal to spy on your ex-girlfriend by tracing her personal phone.

  What. The. Hell?

  “That’s scary and intrusive, Brett. It sounds like you’re stalking me.” I shuffle backward and bump into the wall.

  “I’m not following you. Just tonight. I wanted to talk to you, and you wouldn’t let me.” The hand that isn’t holding his cell clenches into a fist.

  “Again, I told you, there’s nothing left to say. You got another girl pregnant while we were still together. You broke up with me. That’s the end of our story.” I try to take another step backward but can’t.

  “But I don’t want it to be the end. I made a mistake, Jos. I want you back.”

  He shifts closer to me, and I can smell alcohol on him.

  “Why are you saying this?” My hands start to sweat.

  “I still love you. Even though you’re flawed and you can’t have kids, we can make it work.” He brushes a stray piece of hair back from my face.

  Something inside me splits open but is overtaken by angry heat rising up my neck and swirling in my cheeks.

  “Screw you. What does my inability to have children have to do with perfection?” I shove at his chest to try to move him out of the way, so I can get around him.

  Jacob will start to wonder where I am.

  “Damn it, Jos, stop. Give me a second to explain,” he hisses through his teeth.

  “You had three years to explain, Brett!” I yell. “But you messed it up by screwing that bimbo from work and leaving me. You wanted kids so bad, and now, you’ve gotten your wish. It’s up to you to live with the consequences and to leave me the hell alone.”

  I try to push past him, but he grabs my arm to stop me.

  Spinning around, I smack him square across the face. “Let me go.” I struggle against his hold.

  “You bitch.” Brett pins me against the wall with a strength I never knew he had. “I don’t want Anna. I want you. I love you!”

  “You don’t know what love is.” I squirm against his hold. “This isn’t the way to get me back, not that you ever will. I said, let me go, Brett.”

  I fight harder, but he’s too strong for me to get away.

  “Is there a problem here?”

  I hear Jacob’s voice, and my body goes lax at his presence.

  “Mind your own business, man, and move along.” Brett’s focus never wavers from me.

  “Jacob, please.” My voice shakes.

  “Shut up, Joslyn,” Brett says.

  Brett jerks me, and my head slams into the wall behind me.

  “Ugh.” I squeeze my eyes shut.

  Before I can even open them, Brett is pulled off me. When I look, Jacob has Brett braced against the bricks with his hand on his neck.

  I rub the back of my skull.

  “You okay?” Jacob eyes me, his jaw twitching.

  “I am now.” I wrap my arms around myself.

  “You’re a cunt, Joslyn. Is this the new guy you’re fucking?” Brett’s glare moves from me to Jacob. “Do you know the piece of shit can’t have kids anymore? I hope you like my sloppy seconds, asshole. At least she was a real woman when I fucked her.” Brett lifts his chin, egging Jacob on.

  Jacob’s face goes red. Before I can say anything, he clocks Brett in the head, and my ex-boyfriend drops to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

  CHAPTER 18

  * * *

  WAR STORIES

  “Ah. I see we’re reliving the good ole college days,” Landon’s voice says from beside me.

  Jacob and I are observing Brett’s slouched body leaning against the wall. He’s out cold. Jacob flexes the hand he used to punch Brett.

  “Are you okay?” I pull his fist toward me, so I can examine it.

  “He’s fine. Just another war wound to add to the others.” Landon comes into the hallway and crouches down in front of Brett. “This one, on the other hand, is going to have a nice shiner when he comes to.” He pats Brett’s face. “Wake up, buddy. You need to get your ass up and out of my restaurant.”

  I’m still inspecting Jacob’s reddened knuckles when he moves his hand up to my chin and lifts my attention to his.

  He searches my eyes. “Did he hurt you?”

  “Nothing I can’t handle.” My head is starting to pound, but I ignore it. “Thanks for coming to my rescue, but I’m sorry you injured yourself.”

  “It wa
s worth it.” He strokes my cheek.

  “Ugh,” Brett groans.

  “Up and at ’em.” Landon shoves at Brett to get him on his feet. “We don’t let douche bags take up space, even on our piss-covered floors.”

  The floors are immaculate, but Landon’s trying to make a point.

  “Shit.” Brett’s lids slide open, and when his brown eyes focus on me, he mumbles something.

  “What was that, asshat?” Landon holds his hand up to his ear. “You want to say that louder, so we can hear you, pussy?”

  Without moving his attention from me, Brett slowly shimmies up the wall to a standing position. “You’re a whore, and I hope you rot in hell.” He spits at my feet.

  Jacob steps forward, but Landon stops him.

  “Allow me.” Landon lands a swift left hook into Brett’s stomach.

  Brett hunches over. “What the fuck?”

  Landon grabs a fistful of Brett’s hair and lifts his head, so he and Brett are face-to-face. “Get the hell out of my restaurant, and if I ever see you again, you’ll regret it.”

  “Is there a problem?” Miami steps into the hall, his large frame taking up most of the space.

  “Yeah. Escort this motherfucker out, and don’t feel obligated to be polite about it.” Landon shoves Brett toward Miami.

  Miami’s eyes swing from me to Jacob’s reddened hand to Landon’s pinched face and then to Brett and his swollen eye as he cradles his stomach.

  Miami stands taller, and I swear, his shoulders get even broader. He clutches the back of Brett’s shirt. “Hello, pretty boy. Let’s go see if we can’t dull some of your shine.” An evil smile twitches at the side of Miami’s lips.

  “Don’t go overboard, Miami,” Jacob warns before Miami turns. “We don’t need a lawsuit on our hands.”

  “He’ll be lucky if he remembers his name tomorrow, much less where he was or whom he was with.” Miami pushes Brett in front of him.

  “He’s not going to kill him, is he?” I turn toward Jacob and Landon.

  “I guess we’ll see.” Landon shrugs. “Let’s go get shit-faced.”

  An hour later, Miami and I are laughing at a story Landon told us about Jacob. Except I can’t remember what it was, just that it was funny.

  “What do they put in these things?” I lift my almost-empty glass.

  “Lightweight,” Miami not so discretely coughs into his hand.

  I narrow my eyes at him.

  “Secret recipe from Jake’s bartending days.” Landon tips his beer in Jacob’s direction.

  “You were a bartender?” My eyes bulge when I regard Jacob.

  “Not technically.” Jacob sips his coffee. He’s being all Mr. Responsible because he’s driving home. It’s smart but not fun.

  “I’m confused.” I slurp the last of my drink through the straw.

  “Our frat house hosted most of the parties at U of M. I was good behind the bar.” Jacob shrugs.

  “He’s being coy. He was good at pussy play.” Landon raises his beer and points at it, so the waitress knows to bring him another. “That pretty-boy face drew in prime feline for all of us. Until he met Juliana.”

  “That face still does.” Miami throws back the rest of his bourbon and bangs the empty glass on the wood surface.

  Jacob stares into his coffee. Miami surveys the room. I fidget with my straw, studying Jacob through my lashes. All the while, Landon watches me and Jacob. Then, something Jacob said sinks into my buzzed brain.

  “Wait a minute.” I smack my hand on the table and address Jacob, “You went to Michigan?”

  “Yes.”

  “How have we never discussed this?” My mouth drops open.

  “I assumed you knew. Why else do you think Juliana and Jenna were at C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital?” Jacob scratches his jaw.

  “Because it’s only the best hospital in Michigan. Duh.” I lean forward and cross my arms over the table. “We should exchange war stories.”

  “His only involve studying, getting drunk, and chasing tail. One tail in particular.” Landon gives Jacob a hard stare that I can’t read.

  Miami snickers and mumbles, “Pathetic fucker.”

  Jacob’s face contorts in annoyance, and Landon’s goes smug.

  Jacob sets his coffee down rather abruptly and stands. “We should go. It’s late.”

  Well, I guess that’s that.

  I start to stand, but Jacob puts his hand on my shoulder.

  “I’ll get the car, so you don’t have to walk in the snow in those shoes.” He leans down and rests his lips against my ear. “If I haven’t already told you, you’re stunning tonight.”

  Since I’m always in scrubs or yoga pants and sweatshirts, I decided to dress nicer for our evening out. I’m wearing a fire-engine red dress, matching lipstick, and nude heels. It is almost Christmas after all.

  When he leans back, his eyes bob between mine.

  “Thanks, Jacob,” I breathe.

  He winks and then grumbles an, “I’ll call you later,” to Landon before he turns to leave.

  “I’ll come with you, Jake. We need to discuss the security cameras.” Miami stands. “Nice meeting you, Joslyn.”

  “You too.” I nod.

  “He lets you call him Jacob?” Landon asks when they guys walk away.

  “I’ve never thought to call him anything different.”

  I watch Jacob and Miami confidently make their way through the crowd and toward the door. Every woman within view turns her head to watch Jacob pass.

  “Interesting.”

  “Why’s that?” I turn back to Landon.

  “Because that tells me all I need to know about how he feels about you.” Landon spins his new beer before he lifts it to his lips and takes a long drink. His eyes never leave mine.

  “And how is that?”

  “That’s up to him to tell you. But”—he stands and rounds the table to offer me his hand—“don’t hurt him.” When he helps me lift to my feet, he says, “He’s already been through enough.”

  Landon leads me to the door where Jacob is waiting by the curb.

  “Can’t sleep?” Jacob’s voice startles me.

  Lifting my eyes from the handwritten journal in my hand, I see him standing in the kitchen.

  When we got home from the restaurant, I checked on the kids while Jacob paid Alexa. Jagger and Jenna were sound asleep, so I bid good night to Jacob and got ready for bed.

  I tossed and turned, unable to relax my mind after the altercation with Brett. Turning on my bedside lamp, I grabbed a textbook from my nightstand, but the two mystery boxes I recovered from the house with Judith’s Stuff written on them caught my attention. I grabbed a few of the journals out of one box and went into the living room to read. I turned on the Christmas tree lights, snuggled under a blanket on the couch, and cracked one of the journals open.

  That’s where Jacob has found me.

  “No,” I answer his question. “You either?”

  “No.” He saunters over and sits next to me.

  He watches the lights blink for a while, and I study him.

  When he shifts toward me, he jerks his chin toward the journal in my hand. “Some light reading?”

  “I don’t know if I’d call it light.” I close the cover and play with the edges of the frayed paper. “It’s my mom’s journal. She kept several of them.” I take a deep breath and lean my head back against the cushion. “I was just reading about how my mom and dad met.”

  “Is it a good story?”

  “It is.” A small smile tips my lips upward. “They met at work. Dad crushed on Mom pretty hard, and she wasn’t sure she liked him romantically. When Dad graduated high school a couple of months later, he and his family moved to Colorado. Mom said Dad used to call her from a pay phone down the mountain with the wind whipping and crackling in the background and the operator begging for more change.” I smile at the thought. “Anyway, their relationship blossomed, and Dad eventually moved back for her. He tried to claim it
was for college, but they both knew better. And the rest is history.”

  “That is a good story,” he says softly.

  “Mmm,” I hum.

  “So, what has you so melancholy?” He lifts a piece of my hair and fingers it.

  Deciding to be honest because I need someone to talk to and it’s too late to call Maya or Camila, I say, “I can’t stop thinking about what happened with Brett tonight.”

  Jacob drops the lock of hair he was playing with and moves his hand to my knee.

  “He never once showed an aggressive nature toward me while we were dating. I don’t know what came over him.” I shake my head. “He said he made a mistake, that he wanted me back, and that he still loved me.”

  Jacob inhales sharply, and his fingers tighten on my leg before he relaxes them.

  “After what he said and did, he’ll never get me back. But do you know what hurts the most?” I murmur.

  “What?” His voice is strained.

  “Out of all the lies I heard come out of Brett’s traitorous mouth over the years we were together, ‘I love you’ was my favorite.” I draw in a shaky breath. “Back then, it healed something in me, but now, after all I know to be true, it breaks something in me.” My voice cracks, and my eyes fill with moisture.

  Jacob wraps his arm around me and draws me into his chest.

  When a tear streaks down my cheek, I growl. “I promised I wouldn’t cry over that asshole anymore.” I clench my fists.

  “After what happened tonight, you’re owed a reprieve.” He tightens his arm, pulling me closer to him.

  We watch the snow gently fall outside the window while the Christmas lights sparkle. The bottom of the tree is heavily decorated to about Jagger’s height and then sparsely above.

  “What are you doing for Christmas?” Jacob’s voice breaks the quiet.

  “I offered to work at the hospital.”

  “What? Why?” He shifts, so he can see me.

  I shrug. “I don’t have any family, and Maya’s going back to Grand Rapids for the holidays. I figured I’d volunteer, so people with families could have it off.”

  Jacob’s blue eyes search mine before I veer my own back to the tree.

  “That’s noble of you.” Jacob relaxes back into the couch.