Coming Back Home

by Megan Linden

  “When did I stop being enough, then?” Jack whispered, his throat burning.

  Connor hung his head and tightened his grip on the chair so hard that it squeaked in protest. Jack stared at his bent head and wished he could run his hand through Connor’s hair.

  “You were never…” Connor started, lifting his head, but staring at Jack’s knees. “I’ve never in my life thought about you as not enough for anything. The opposite, actually. You’ve always had so much drive, so much passion, so many ideas about what you wanted to do. And you didn’t just talk about it. You worked your butt off to make it happen. This center will one day be yours, and it will be better for it.”

  Jack closed his eyes, trying to get a grip, but Connor wasn’t done.

  “I’ve never had that. The only thing I’ve ever known for sure was that I wanted to leave. Even before my mother died, before I met you, I always pictured myself away from here.” He paused. “Now I think… I think I just wanted to get away from my father, but, back then, I didn’t analyze it. It was what it was. It seemed as much a plan for the future as I ever had. I thought I’d told you this, but—”

  “You did,” Jack said and his voice was scratchy and low. “You did tell me. I just hoped…” He didn’t finish, but he knew Connor could figure it out. I just hoped I would change your mind. I just hoped to be a good enough reason to stay.

  “Jack, for Moon’s sake.” Connor sounded like every word was being dragged from him as he rested his head on Jack’s knee. Jack didn’t breathe until Connor lifted it and looked at him again. “It wasn’t on you. It was on me. I was the one who needed to leave. I was the one who didn’t stick around—not because of something you did or didn’t do, but because of who I was.”

  “Why didn’t you ask me to go with you?” The question tumbled out of his mouth before Jack could stop himself.

  Connor froze. And not just a momentary ‘oh, shit’ kind of frozen, but a full body shock that, after a few long seconds, started to worry Jack.

  “Connor?”

  The man in question blinked and peered up at him, and there was something in his eyes that Jack had no idea how to interpret.

  “I’d never even… Of course, I’d thought about us being out there together, but I’d never considered it a possibility. More like a…” He shook his head. “I didn’t ask, because as much as me leaving was a sure thing in my head, you being a part of this town was the only thing I was…more sure of.” He paused. “Are you saying…? Had you thought about it?”

  Jack had previously considered it a weakness, something he wouldn’t tell Connor in fear of exposing himself even further. But the clear shock and the bright-eyed wonder in Connor’s eyes broke his resolve.

  “Of course, I had. I’ve thought of you as my—” Jack stopped himself. That was his last line, the one he couldn’t cross. He’d been swallowing down ’mate’ for years, even back when everything had been good, and he wasn’t going to stop now. “If I’d had a choice between never seeing you again and leaving the Hills, this town wouldn’t have stood a chance.”

  Connor stared at him for a long moment, then straightened up on his knees and leaned closer until he rested his forehead against Jack’s and closed his eyes. Jack didn’t know what to do. He figured he should probably push him back, but then Connor whispered, “I didn’t know. I didn’t know,” and Jack put a hand on the back of Connor’s neck and closed his eyes, as well. He took a deep breath and let himself take comfort in the closeness he’d thought he’d lost forever.

  Nothing had been fixed yet, but nothing felt as broken as it had seemed, either. Maybe they could find a way out of this mess, after all.

  Jack was the one to pull away in the end, but not because he felt ready. He just needed to take a step back, because he couldn’t rush head first—heart first—into it again.

  “What now?” he asked. Jack dropped his hand and he didn’t miss the way Connor’s eyes closed briefly as Jack brushed his fingers against Connor’s neck.

  “Now I hope we can figure out what I can do to have you in my life again,” Connor whispered. “If you want that, too.”

  And Jack knew it was stupid and reckless, and it was how he’d gotten into trouble in the first place, years ago, but, at the end of the day, there was no way he was telling Connor no.

  “I do,” he whispered. “I do want that. But I don’t know how.”

  “How about we both go out there?” Connor tilted his head in the direction of the playground. “With so many kids around, you won’t be… pressured into interacting with Rosa. Maybe that will help? Maybe you can see if you do feel angry at her or resentful?”

  It was a good idea, but Jack was still scared. He brushed the tears away from his face and bit his lower lip. “What if—?”

  “I don’t know, Jack,” Connor cut in gently. “But after what I saw yesterday, I’m hopeful it will be better than you think.”

  “I ran.”

  “You ran because you were afraid you’d hurt her. And because you were hurt. You still are.” Connor brushed the back of his hand over Jack’s shin hesitantly. “And I get it. I can’t imagine what I’d feel if the situation were reversed. But I hope we can figure it out.”

  Jack let out a long exhale, trying to decide what to do, trying to be as brave as he had been years ago when he’d approached a wolf he hadn’t known.

  “Okay,” he said finally. “We can go out there—separately—and try. Just don’t…force me into interacting with her.”

  “I won’t. I wouldn’t.” Connor shook his head. “And I won’t allow her to go to you, either—not until you agree.”

  “I’ll be busy with other kids. They haven’t seen me for a few days. Don’t think I’m ignoring you—”

  Connor put a hand on his cheek and Jack lost his train of thought.

  “You can ignore me if you need to, okay? I mean it, Jack. I want to do this right. It won’t help anyone—you, Rosa, me—if I force it. For now, we’ll just check if the three of us can be in the same space together.”

  Jack nodded. “Okay.”

  “You sure?”

  “No, but I won’t be more ready than I am now. And I want to try.”

  Connor offered him a blinding smile—the one he had missed the most—and Jack couldn’t stop his own grin. He curled his fingers so he wouldn’t reach out to brush them over Connor’s dimples.

  “I have to go,” Connor said after another long moment of them staring at each other. He rose to his feet and stepped back, brushing his hair with his fingers. His eyes weren’t even red anymore and Jack shook his head, thinking he probably looked like a crying disaster.

  “I will see you soon,” he told Connor. “I just need to”—he waved around his face—“deal with this.”

  “Okay.” Connor walked to the door backward until finally turning. “See you in a bit.”

  When he left, Jack sagged in his chair. What just happened?

  Chapter Eight

  Connor closed the door to the staff office and leaned against the wall. His legs were trembling slightly and he felt ready to drop. The emotional roller-coaster he’d just gone through had left him dizzy, but it had also left him in a state of overwhelming relief. Sure, they still had a way to go and anything could happen, but if there was a chance of…

  He was almost afraid to hope. Don’t overthink it. Don’t expect too much.

  Connor waited until he got his heart under control, but when he finally went back out to the playground, he was still in a bit of a haze and he had to stop himself from grinning like an idiot.

  He couldn’t hold back his smile when he saw Rosa, though. She was sitting in the same place he’d left her, but now there was another girl next to her—Aisha’s daughter, Dora—and the two of them were shoveling sand into one pile. Susan nodded at him from her place right behind Rosa.

  “Thank you so much,” Connor said, joining her.

  “No problem. Everything was fine,” Susan told him, but he was already focused o
n his daughter, who glanced up at the sound of his voice and beamed at him.

  “Dada.”

  Connor’s breath caught in his throat and he quickly squatted next to her. Rosa had said ‘Da’ in the past, but that was the first time for ‘Dada’ and since she had been looking straight at him when she’d said it, she’d obviously meant it.

  Feeling his heart ready to burst, he resisted the urge to grab her into a hug but he leaned over and nuzzled her head. Rosa shoved a handful of sand onto his neck and chest, but he didn’t mind. He could pretend he was blinking fast because some of it had gotten into his eyes.

  “First time?” Aisha asked him quietly. She was sitting at the edge of the sandbox next to Dora, so she’d easily heard Rosa.

  “Yeah.” Connor kept staring at his daughter. He couldn’t believe what had just happened. It wasn’t unusual—she was getting old enough to start talking, after all—but since she had a human mother, Rosa’s development could be a little slower than that of a werewolf child with both parents being shifters. Connor hadn’t been expecting her to speak just yet.

  The distraction worked perfectly for him, though, because he didn’t spend the next fifteen minutes staring at the center’s entrance.

  Connor had just gotten out of the euphoria stage of his little girl calling him ‘Dada’ when the door opened and Jack came out. Half the kids began screaming and Rosa started, so Connor rubbed a hand over her back.

  “It’s okay. They’re just excited,” he told her. His own heart sped up at the sight of Jack, but luckily, the kids’ enthusiasm covered it up.

  When Connor glanced up, he couldn’t help his grin. Jack had two girls in his arms and there were two boys who fought over the space to hug him around the waist. And Jack was laughing, no trace of tears or the misery from earlier.

  “Finally,” Susan said with a smile of her own. Then she glanced at Connor. “You have anything to do with this?”

  He shrugged. “He was going crazy in there,” he said, not lying, but not telling the whole truth, either.

  “Good job,” she said after a nod and Connor smiled, pleased. He could see he’d gained a few points with her.

  For the next half an hour, Connor alternated between sneaking glances at Jack and keeping busy with Rosa, who—after getting bored with the sand—wanted to crawl all over the playground. Connor had to keep her away from the kids who could accidentally run over her, so they’d relocated a little to the side. It helped with giving Jack space, too, so it was a win-win situation.

  After Rosa tired herself out, he sat cross-legged against the wall that was offering a shadow, put her on his lap, and fed her lunch before she went down for a nap. She fussed a little and he considered taking her back to their room, after all, but she finally fell asleep, curled on his legs, and he leaned back, relaxing and watching Jack and the kids.

  ‘If I’d had a choice between never seeing you again and leaving Hills, this town wouldn’t have stood a chance.’ The words came back to him suddenly and he inhaled sharply, making Rosa frown in her sleep. Connor knew those words were going to haunt him now. He’d told Jack the truth. He’d never seriously considered that option. Jack had always been an integral part of Harrington Hills to him—one that had made Connor stick around for as long as he had, but also one he’d had to leave behind when the time had come.

  And now, the one he’d had to seek out when he’d returned.

  Connor understood that, apart from Rosa, there had never been a person who’d influenced his decisions as much as Jack. He realized—or rather, he finally let himself think about—how much he’d missed Jack.

  After a while, Susan and Jack gathered the kids for her to get them back inside, but Jack didn’t follow. He turned toward Connor and, when their gazes met, Connor raised his eyebrows in silent question.

  Jack nodded but didn’t move at first. Then he slowly stepped closer, and Connor watched him walk over, one step after the other, until he was right there in front of him and Connor had to tilt his head back to see his face. When he focused, he could hear that Jack’s heartbeat was as fast as his own, but he didn’t know what to say, so they stood like that for a long moment.

  Then Jack slowly lowered himself to sit on the ground, facing Connor and Rosa.

  “Hi,” he whispered, and Connor smiled.

  “Hey. You seemed like you were having a great time.”

  “I was.” Jack nodded. “I’ve missed the kids. They can be a handful, but they’re still great.”

  “They’ve obviously missed you, too.”

  Jack grinned. “Yeah.” Then he lowered his gaze to a sleeping Rosa. “And how are you two? Overwhelmed?”

  “Not really. She just tired herself out. And this is the time she usually sleeps, so…”He gestured at his lap. “Here we are.”

  “And you?” Jack said before glancing at Rosa again. “Overwhelmed by all the people?”

  “No. I was a bit worried, but no. Everyone seems nice and Susan was a friend of my mom’s, so leaving Rosa with her when I went to talk to you wasn’t as hard as I’d feared.”

  “That’s good.”

  Connor wasn’t sure which part Jack was referring to, but it didn’t really matter. Finally, he gathered enough courage to ask Jack, “And how are you doing now?” He thought it might be easier for Jack since Rosa was asleep, and Connor was all for the baby steps if they were necessary.

  “I’m good. It’s not… I’m not saying everything’s perfect or anything, but she’s…” Jack bit his lower lip. “She looks like you.”

  Connor only nodded. He didn’t want to talk about Rosa’s mother now, and he was pretty sure Jack didn’t want to hear about her, either.

  He wouldn’t, if the roles were reversed.

  “I’m mostly…curious about her now.” Jack paused. “Not the history, or, you know, hows and whens, but I’m curious what she likes or doesn’t like, does she sleep a lot—stuff like that. Which is…good, I think.”

  “I think so, too.”

  It was stilted and difficult, and both of them seemed to weigh every word, but Connor didn’t care. They were talking. They were together. Nobody was running away. Nobody was hating anybody.

  “She likes sand now, apparently,” he started and Jack chuckled. “Animals with fur, shovels, sleeping on Daddy…” There was a shadow that went through Jack’s face, here and gone, and Connor hesitated to continue, but Jack was still looking at him expectantly, so he did. “Dislikes mostly include scheduled naps, letting me sleep and having her hair washed.”

  One corner of Jack’s mouth went up. “Real high-maintenance, your kid.”

  Connor chuckled. “Yeah, very.”

  They smiled at each other for a while before Connor blurted out, “She called me Dada today, for the first time.”

  Jack opened his eyes wider then grinned. “That’s awesome.”

  It felt so good to share this with Jack. When they were sitting there in the shadow, Connor could pretend there had been no time apart and no hurt feelings between them. As if they could just be, like this—no longer the two of them, but three and richer for it.

  Connor knew better than to hope it would be that easy, and, as he’d told Jack, he was willing to take it one step at the time. But having a chance to share this special moment with Jack made Connor’s chest hurt in all the right ways. After months of doing everything alone and feeling the kind of loneliness he’d never experienced before, this—Jack’s grin and his honest happiness about Rosa’s first word—felt better than almost anything.

  “Hey.” Jack brushed his fingers over Connor’s knee. “You okay?”

  He nodded. “Yeah. Yeah.” He glanced down at still-sleeping Rosa before giving Jack a smile. “I’m just glad we’re all here.”

  Jack lowered his head, but Connor could still see his pleased smile. He wondered if it would be too much if he reached out to grasp Jack’s hand. Don’t push it, he told himself in the end. You’ll have time. If you don’t mess it up again, you’ll have t
ime.

  “I’m glad, too,” Jack said. “Thanks for coming to see me today.”

  Connor reached out without thinking, but he didn’t grasp Jack’s hand. He offered his own, palm up, resting it on the grass next to his knee, and watched as Jack hesitantly tangled their fingers together.

  “Thanks for—”Letting me in today. Listening to me. Giving me a chance. Forgiving me enough to do this—“everything,” Connor whispered and Jack nodded, as if he could hear all that Connor had left unsaid.

  They sat in silence for a while and Connor wondered if they were too afraid to speak and break their new bubble. He had to admit he was scared about that—about saying the wrong thing, setting off the bomb from their booby-trapped past.

  He finally decided to open his mouth and say something, but then Rosa squirmed in his lap and drew their attention to her. Jack’s hand twitched in his, but he just tightened his grip to keep them together.

  “It’s fine,” he whispered, meaning it for Jack, but when he said it, he realized it worked for Rosa as well. Him, too.

  Rosa blinked her eyes open and she saw Connor first. Then, as she tried to change the position, her gaze fell on Jack, who looked right back at her. Connor wasn’t sure who to watch, but he finally settled on Jack. And what he could see made his heart clench again, because Jack wasn’t angry. He wasn’t even sad. Instead, he had a soft expression on his face, the shadow of a smile as he contemplated Connor’s daughter.

  Connor was afraid to breathe and he realized he was gripping Jack’s hand as hard as Jack was gripping his. He understood they were both scared and that maybe it was okay. Now they were scared together.

  Chapter Nine

  Jack couldn’t believe how much his life had changed in a few hours. This morning, he had still been determined to hide out in the office for as long as Connor and his daughter were around, then…then Connor had come knocking, Jack had cried in the office, somehow they’d pushed through the mud of their relationship and they’d come out on the other side, holding hands out in the center’s yard.