Down and Dirty (Mercy Watts Mysteries Book 9)

by A W Hartoin

  “I heard.”

  “You and me are going to go get her back.”

  Peekaboo clapped her hands. “We’re going to Greece.”

  “No,” I said.

  She frowned.

  “We’re going,” said Uncle Morty. “It’s friggin’ happening.”

  She grinned and said, “I’m calling Dad. I’ve never been to Greece.” Peekaboo ran out of the room with the hot glue gun, ripping the cord out of the wall.

  “I’m going to kill you,” I said. “I’m not going to Greece. I’m trying to have a life and I’d appreciate it if people would stop bothering me.”

  “You’re gonna help me get my life back or I won’t work on anymore of your crap. Got it?”

  “You make that sound like a bad thing. There are other hackers. You get your own girlfriend.”

  “You have to go and explain why I did it,” said Uncle Morty.

  “I can’t. I barely understand it myself.”

  “You gotta tell her that Catherine Cabot is your friend and you begged me to do it.”

  “I’ll call,” I said.

  “She doesn’t have a phone.”

  “Where is she, 1902?”

  “She went to one of the islands,” said Morty. “It’s friggin’ remote.”

  “Of course it is,” I said. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

  Peekaboo ran in. “Dad says we can go to Greece. Everybody wants to go to Greece. Let’s go.”

  “We’re not going now,” I said.

  She held out her pink unicorn watch. “Aaron’s here.” She ran out again. Aaron was picking us up for the Children’s Hospital fundraiser at The City Museum.

  “You heard her,” said Uncle Morty. “Everybody wants to go to Greece.”

  “I don’t. I want to take a nap.”

  He got a kind of wheedling tone that I’d never heard him use before and it was creepy and desperate. “Think of the history. You like history.”

  I like history? Wait.

  “So where is this place?” I asked.

  “I told you. Greece.”

  “No. I mean where in the country. Is it close to Thasos?”

  He got the suspicious stink eye, but said, “It can be close to whatever the hell you want.”

  “Alright. I’ll do it and you’re paying.”

  “I’ll pay for the tickets. I already did.”

  “You’ll pay for the hotel or no deal.”

  He grumbled but agreed, then heaved himself off the sofa and left a Morty-sized sweat stain behind. At least I had the money to pay for the cleaning and a free trip to Greece. Stella went to Thasos. This was a chance to find out why. Besides, I could use a vacation, nice and quiet, a beach, a little history, no Chuck. It might be just what I needed.

  Olivia walked in and stared at the sofa. Big Steve’s wife was petite and soft-spoken, basically his opposite. “I didn’t expect that,” she said.

  “I know. I’m so sorry. I’ll have it cleaned,” I said, getting up. “And I’ll get out of your hair. Thanks for everything.”

  “You’re not leaving,” she said. “I don’t care about the sofa. Steve says the shooter’s still out there.”

  “I know, but maybe he’s over it and those morons confessed. Whoever it is would have to be a complete fool to try it again when he got off scot-free.”

  “They’re all idiots. That’s practically Steve’s mantra.”

  “I know, but I have to go on living,” I said.

  “Are you sure? You’re welcome to stay for as long as you like. I’m not thrilled about you going out and being seen.”

  “Well, people will see me today anyway. I might as well go home. I’ll just go pack.”

  I headed for the door when she said, “You can leave Li Shou here, if you want. I just love that bird.”

  That stopped me in my tracks. “You love Li Shou. How is that possible? He’s practically dead.”

  “Li Shou? We must be talking about a different bird. He’s adorable.”

  “The Girls’ green parrot, the one that never moves?”

  “He moves.”

  “When? I usually have to poke him to see if he’s alive and even then, it’s hard to tell.”

  Olivia took my arm. “Come with me.”

  She led me through the house to the oversized sunroom where she did her winter gardening. “Hear that?”

  “No,” I said. Then I stopped. It was salsa. Faint, but I could just make it out. “That keeps playing in my apartment.”

  She smiled. “I wonder why.”

  “Maybe you don’t, but I do. I had to take out my Alexa and cable box.”

  We went around to the door and looked in. There on the potting table was Li Shou, rocking out to salsa. He banged his head and kicked up his feet in rhythm to the music. His wings snapped out and back in and watching it all was Skanky, curled up on a cushion and cleaning his paw. The song ended and Li Shou stopped, quickly walking over to preen Skanky’s tail. Then another song started and the dancing began again.

  “I can’t believe it. The vet said he was depressed. Millicent was so worried.”

  “The Girls don’t play a lot of music, do they?” asked Olivia.

  “They prefer vinyl and the oldies, Sinatra and Tony Bennett.”

  We watched Li Shou spread his wings and do a serious head bang to a drum solo.

  “He must’ve thought he was in hell,” said Olivia. “You should know he has eclectic taste. Metallica is a big favorite, too.”

  “I was starting to think I was haunted,” I said. “And my neighbors were pissed.”

  “You’re welcome to leave him here. He’s pretty hilarious.”

  “You like Metallica?”

  “I like all metal. Don’t let the pastels and Capri pants fool you.”

  “Can I interest you in inheriting that bird?” I asked as Aaron trotted in with Peekaboo. He had clean glasses and a Children’s Hospital ribbon pinned to his ancient graying Batman tee. She’d been busy.

  Aaron took one look at me and said, “You need chocolate.”

  “No, I don’t.”

  He stared off to the left.

  “Okay. I do.”

  “Sorry. We don’t have any. You and Peek had what I had last night,” said Olivia.

  Aaron trotted out and I yelled after him, “Wait! I have to pack.”

  “Never mind about that. Have a good time and ride the slide for me.”

  I held up my cast. “I seriously doubt that’s an option.”

  “You never know.”

  She was right. You never do.

  I shouldn’t have asked Aaron to drive me in Olivia’s car. No good could come of it and none did.

  He parked the Lexus in the alley behind Kronos as Peekaboo and I finished getting my sling’s straps adjusted. We had to protect the rhinestones and it wasn’t easy.

  “What are we doing here?” I asked.

  “Chocolate,” he said.

  “I don’t need chocolate.” I looked around nervously. The alley was packed. There could be anyone out there. “I need to get to The City Museum.”

  “I love chocolate,” said Peekaboo, glowing with her usual joy and I got a severe pang of fear. She was with me. I wasn’t exactly good luck. What the hell was I thinking?

  “Aaron, no. We have to go.”

  Aaron didn’t answer. He got out with the keys and hoofed it through the back door of Kronos. I jumped out and chased the little weirdo, but he was fast when he wanted to be. He got through Kronos’ kitchen, into and out of the dining room, and disappeared out the front door. I just caught a glimpse of him booking it out.

  “Dammit,” I said.

  “What’s ya doing?” asked Manny from behind the bar.

  “Trying to get the keys. Where’s he going?” I asked.

  “Probably the bakery. Are you helping? We need help.”

  Oh, no.

  “Help with what?”

  “Everything.” Manny went back to polishing glasses and I faced the music
. I didn’t have time or the arms to help with “everything”. But I owed Aaron one or a hundred and it was past time to pay up. I’d have to make a deal.

  I went outside and found the door to the former bike shop lying on the sidewalk and the wall torn out. When Manny said everything he wasn’t kidding. Lucky for me, I had zero contractor skills. If someone needed stitches, I’m the one you want. When I have two hands, that is.

  “Mercy!” Chuck poked his head out the wall and waved.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked. And not begging for forgiveness.

  “Helping. We’re in a holding pattern with body identification so I thought I’d lend a hand with the new bakery.”

  I walked over broken glass, bricks, and the door to get inside and then wished I hadn’t. The bike shop that had been pretty nice could’ve been designated as a national disaster.

  “Holy crap.”

  Aaron trotted over, gave me a bundle, and then trotted into the back through a door that had no frame.

  Chuck gave me a kiss and ten guys in paper coveralls and masks waved to me. “Put on your suit. We’re taking down the ceiling.” Chuck hefted a rod with a kind of pick axe on the end.

  “I’m going to The City Museum,” I said. “Aaron, come on.”

  Chuck shrugged like he couldn’t care less. No apology for last night. No acknowledgement whatsoever. He put his mask up and took a swing at the ceiling. It rained plaster and acoustic tiles.

  I stood there ignored. It was a good thing I didn’t have a pick axe thingy. I’d have used it and not on the ceiling either.

  “Come on over, Mercy!” yelled Sid. “Check this out.”

  I jumped over piles of wood and plaster to where everyone was looking up.

  Barb Torrance pulled down her mask. “Would you look at that? The little guy was right.”

  Underneath tiles and the plaster was some cheap wooden beaming and above that was a tin ceiling circa who knows when.

  “That’s going to be gorgeous,” said Chuck. “Speaking of gorgeous. Come here, sexy.”

  He reached for me and I stepped back blurting out, “Where were you last night?”

  A chorus of “Uh-oh” went up and the guys got busy in a hurry.

  Chuck pulled down his mask. “Last night? Oh, yeah. We went out for drinks and it got late. I didn’t want to wake you up.”

  “It was Peekaboo’s birthday dinner,” I said.

  “Oh, shit,” he said. “I totally forgot. I’m sorry.”

  “Are you? Are you really?”

  Sidney elbowed Barb. “Lunch time. Let’s ask Aaron for some of those Tribble things he was yakking about.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  “Freeze,” I said. “Sidney, were you one of the we last night?”

  Sidney shifted from foot to foot. He didn’t have to answer. I already knew he wasn’t and I’d have bet good money that none of the other guys were either.

  “So if it’s not them. Who’s the we?” I asked.

  “What is wrong with you?” asked Chuck, going all flinty and self-righteous.

  “So many things, I can’t count them, but right now I just want to know who the we is.”

  He hemmed and hawed for ten seconds and then said, “Me and Julia.”

  “That’s what I thought.” I crossed my arms and my foot began involuntarily tapping.

  “Dude,” said Barb. “Are you out of your mind?”

  Sid came over, unzipping his paper coveralls in an attempt to be casual. “It’s nothing, Mercy. Julia had a bad day. She needed to talk.”

  “But not to you?” I asked. “Just to the tall drink of water over here.”

  “I’m married. My wife has barely seen me in weeks when I wasn’t asleep or halfway there.”

  My tapping got faster. “I could say the same thing about this guy. So what was Julia’s bad day?”

  Chuck claimed it being just the two of them was no big deal. Happenstance really. Big Steve cemented the deal with the Frightful Five and their lieutenant dressed her down for our conversation outside the Weeks house. Apparently, the news crew was faster off the mark than I thought. She was upset. It was practically a tragedy. She had to be comforted. Obviously. Duh.

  “That’s it?” I asked. “What a wuss. That crap happens all the time.”

  “And…” He didn’t want to say it, but it finally creaked out. “Her boyfriend dumped her.”

  Half the guys in the room looked at the ceiling and the other half slapped their foreheads. It was that obviously bad.

  “Wow,” said Barb. “You might be pretty, but you’re not smart.”

  “What?” said Chuck. “She’s a friend. She was upset.”

  “There are two problems with that,” I said.

  Chuck crossed his arms and eyed me with those blue eyes that made women melt. Not today, dirtbag. Not today.

  “Oh, yeah?” he asked. What?”

  “Number one: women talk to their girlfriends about that stuff, not a guy they work with. That’s weird.”

  He started to speak, but I held up my hand. “And two, if she doesn’t have any female friends to talk to, that’s even weirder.”

  Chuck grinned at me, the kind of rakish smile that I used to love. “You’re jealous.”

  “I’m pissed.”

  “Julia is not my type. You’ve seen her,” he said.

  I had to agree. I know most of the women Chuck had been with and Julia wasn’t within shouting distance, but I was absolutely sure the wife of the super-hot pilot would’ve said the same thing about Catherine. “It doesn’t matter if she’s your type.”

  “It really does,” he said as his phone buzzed and he ignored it.

  “You’re her type,” I said.

  “I am not. We’re friends. You have friends. Close guy friends.” Aaron trotted in and he pointed at him. “Aaron, for instance.”

  Aaron stood there, looking dim and confused as usual with a fresh smear of what appeared to be grape jelly on his chin possibly with sausage in it.

  “Aaron?” I asked. “He’s your example.”

  The guys all groaned.

  “Dude, that’s just embarrassing,” said Ameche.

  Chuck’s phone buzzed again and again he ignored it. Chuck didn’t ignore buzzing. He just didn’t.

  “Aren’t you going to check that?” I asked. “Could be a break in one of your many cases or a new murder, a double murder even?”

  He shrugged. “Let’s eat. You must have low blood sugar.”

  I gave him the stink eye. “It’s her, isn’t it?”

  “No. She’s off today. Why would she be calling me?”

  I reached for his pocket. “Let’s find out.”

  “Leave me alone,” Chuck said. “What is wrong with you?”

  “I just spent the last couple of weeks getting a little education in the art of men and women. I want to know who’s on your phone and why you’re not answering it.”

  He didn’t move and the look in his eyes said I was way out of line. What I was about to be was way out of his life.

  The guys shuffled their feet and Sidney finally spoke up. “Chuck, I’ve been married a long, long time. You’ve got to show the girl that phone or you can forget it. Mercy’s out.”

  “Amen,” I said.

  Chuck looked around and the guys quietly agreed. Then he took a breath and pulled out the phone. He glanced at the screen and I saw the tiniest bit of pink appear on his cheekbones.

  “So it’s Julia,” I said. “Does she need to talk? Is she sad? Does she need to see her friend?”

  “Not exactly.” He gave me the phone and it was that, just not in so many words.

  “Last night was great,” texted Julia. “How about dinner tonight? I’m buying.”

  I read it out loud and the guys groaned.

  “It’s a friend thing,” protested Chuck. “She’s buying. Friends say that.”

  “Aren’t you going to answer her?” I asked. “She’s buying.”

  “Do
you want me to go?”

  “She’s after my boyfriend so I’m going with no way in hell.”

  “Julia’s not into me. It’s crazy,” he said, looking at the guys for confirmation. None was forthcoming.

  “Well, let’s put that to the test, shall we?” I asked.

  “How?”

  I took the phone out of his hand and texted, “Sounds great. Mercy and I are having dinner at Kronos tonight. How about you join us?”

  “So we’re going to have dinner with Julia?” asked Chuck. “Are you going to ask her if she’s into me? That won’t be uncomfortable at all.”

  “You’re not having dinner with her,” said Barb. “Not a chance in hell.”

  Chuck raised his palms. “Why not? I’m inviting her.”

  “She wants to have dinner with you,” I said. “Not me. Either she won’t answer at all or she’ll give some lame excuse. I have to wash my hair. My mom has hemorrhoids. Something like that.”

  “No, she won’t. Daniels told her to apologize and get on your good side,” said Chuck with triumph in his eyes. “She’ll accept and make amends.”

  “What do you want to bet?” I asked.

  Chuck’s eyes went half-lidded. “That’s interesting. What do I want to bet?”

  “Lay it on me,” I said.

  “If Julia says ‘Sure. I’d love to come to dinner,’ which she will, we move in together.”

  I snorted. Puhlease. Chuck didn’t want to move in together. I joked about it once and he literally got a cramp. We were canoeing on the Meramec and we’d stopped for a swim. Move in together? Right. He acted like he was drowning and it was only five feet deep. Loser. “Fine. We’ll move in together with your insane poodle, my idiotic cat, and Li Shou the weird parrot. What do I get when I win, which I absolutely will?”

  “Watch yourself, Chuck,” said Sidney. “You don’t want to be agreeing to something you don’t mean.”

  Chuck ran his fingers through his thinning hair and gave me a grin. “I’m not worried. Julia isn’t up to anything. I’d know. I’m a first-rate detective.”

  The guys threw up their hands.

  “He’s screwed,” said Barb.

  Another guy, this one in grey coveralls with a name tape saying Bert said, “I’ve got twenty on Chuck being right.”

  “I’ll take that action,” said Sid.

  They shook hands on it and the next thing I knew there were bets flying all over the place on just about every aspect of Julia’s reply, everything from how quickly she’d respond to how stupid her excuse.