Down and Dirty (Mercy Watts Mysteries Book 9)

by A W Hartoin

  “I want you to stop buying me stuff without asking,” I said.

  Chuck sucked in a breath. “Nothing? What about Christmas and birthdays, anniversaries?”

  “We don’t have an anniversary,” I said.

  Another flush appeared on his cheeks and this one stuck around. I’d said the wrong thing, but I wasn’t sure how. We weren’t married. No anniversary. We’d been dating for a while, but it was on again, off again. There was no date to celebrate.

  “Okay. We do gifts on those occasions with a hundred-dollar limit.”

  He grinned.

  “And nothing from the police auction. I’m not getting another crime scene coffee maker,” I said.

  “Dude, you didn’t,” said a guy in blue coveralls. “I want to change my bet.”

  “Shut up, Drew,” said Chuck and he stuck out his hand.

  We shook on it and he sent the text. It seemed like everyone was holding their breath. I wasn’t. I tapped my foot and asked, “I bet Julia thinks you’re a first-rate detective, doesn’t she?”

  “I am,” said Chuck, while staring at his phone.

  I rolled my eyes and put on a sexy dingbat voice. “Oh, Chuck, you’re the best in the squad. You totally deserve to be on Collective Inquiry. I bet you’ll work for the FBI soon. They need someone like you.”

  The guys burst out laughing and Chuck flushed up to his hairline and beyond. “She doesn’t talk like that, Mercy. You’ve met her.”

  “Oh, yeah. I’ve met her,” I said. “Oh, Chuck, you’re so tall. Let me touch your arm for no reason.”

  “She never did that.”

  Sidney raised his hand. “Four minutes. Pay up, Gordon.”

  Gordon, a drywaller, sadly handed over a twenty. “I really thought she’d come back quickly.”

  Chuck’s phone buzzed. “Yes!” said Chuck, looking down. “Shit.”

  Sidney snatched the phone away and read, “Sorry. I forgot I have to take my mom to church tonight.”

  “It’s not hemorrhoids, but it will do,” I said.

  “She’s close to her mother,” said Chuck. “They spend a lot of time together.”

  “Oh, yeah. What do Julia and her super mom do?”

  Chuck listed a bunch of stuff. First-rate detective, my ass.

  “Give it up, my friend,” said Sidney. “Mercy wins.”

  “Why? Why does Mercy win? This could be a coincidence.”

  Sid zipped his coveralls up and shook the dust out of his remaining hair. “How long have you known me?”

  “Hell, I don’t know. Three years maybe.”

  “We’re partners,” said Sid.

  “God dammit, yes,” said Chuck. “Where are you going with this?”

  “What’s my mother’s name?”

  “I don’t know.” Chuck started flushing again.

  “Is she even alive?”

  “Shut up.”

  “And that’s why Mercy wins.”

  I grabbed Aaron and flounced into the other room.

  “Wait a minute, Mercy!” yelled Chuck, but Sid held him back.

  “Listen and pay attention,” said Sid. “Mercy’s absolutely right about that Julia. I should’ve warned you.”

  “Nothing’s going on,” said Chuck.

  “But this is exactly how it starts. Give Julia a wide berth or you won’t be moving in with dream girl ever and you’ll be the idiot that screwed it up for a mediocre piece of ass.”

  “Julia’s not m—”

  “You’re defending the other woman, Chuck. Don’t do it. Julia’s nothing to you, is she?”

  “No, but she’s my friend and she was upset last night.”

  “Julia doesn’t need saving. Pay attention.”

  “To what?”

  There was the sound of a crack on the shoulder. “Mercy, you moron. Look at what she’s been through and you’re comforting Julia.”

  “Mercy doesn’t need me.”

  “You are an idiot.”

  I didn’t stick around. I followed Aaron into a makeshift kitchen. “I’m not going to—”

  He pushed a steaming mug of hot chocolate into my hands. I could’ve cried, but I didn’t have time. “You always know,” I said.

  I sipped the chocolate and it was luscious as always. If I had to guess it had lilac honey in it. It made for a flowery finish. Before I could ask, he trotted off and Sid came in. He hugged me and said, “Nothing’s happened between them.”

  “We’ll see,” I said and Sid took off. I noticed Chuck didn’t come after me. Not exactly a good sign.

  Aaron came back in and handed me a long skinny box.

  “What’s this?”

  He indicated that I should open it. I was a little afraid that there might be something unsavory inside, like crab, but it had business cards in it. Aaron bounced up and down hands clasped.

  I pulled out a card and frowned, “This is messed up. The printing…oh my God, is this Klingon?”

  “Yes. Good, right?”

  “You can’t have business cards in Klingon. Nobody can read it.”

  “I can. Morty can. Rodney can.”

  I tucked the card back in with the bunch. “Okay. Whatever you say. What’s the name of the bakery?”

  Aaron pulled out a card and gave it to me.

  “Despite what you think, I don’t read Klingon,” I said.

  He pointed to the card.

  “Sto-Vo-Kor,” I read. “Klingon heaven? Actually, that’s pretty good.”

  “You like it?”

  “I do. Can we go now?” I asked.

  Aaron didn’t answer. He poured my hot chocolate into a Thermos, then got another ready for Peekaboo and we were off to what I considered the funnest place on Earth. How wrong can a girl get?

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  THE CITY MUSEUM was cranking. I should’ve expected it. After all, DBD was in the house. Mickey, as always, decided to take advantage of the Mercy Watts free publicity lunch and they were doing a concert that would put their new single in the number one spot while helping the hospital. Another Mickey Stix win-win. Somehow, I was going to lose. I just didn’t know how yet.

  Every other street was blocked off and fairs were happening on the streets that weren’t blocked. It took forever and three days to make it to the VIP street entrance and there were some security guys there, but they’d been completely overwhelmed by the crowd. The area was full of people, strollers, and kids in wagons. Aaron had to park fifty yards away from the entrance, which wasn’t ideal, but we were in Olivia’s car. I hadn’t really wanted to take it, but now I was grateful that we did. Big Steve handled controversial cases, murder, fraud, and he consulted on the occasional divorce or family dispute. Those were the white knucklers. People went nuts when their wife left them and told the court that they were impotent. Or when grandma died and the family silver mysteriously ended up in Aunt Sally’s house because grandma “gave” it to her. That’s when Big Steve got threats, not when he defended a drug lord. It was family that put two bullets in his Jaguar in 1980 and all the cars had been bulletproofed ever since. Unless someone had the forethought to stick an IED under us, we should be good. We just had to get to security.

  “Honk,” I said. “Maybe they’ll notice.”

  Aaron honked and it was stupid. Lots of people were honking.

  “Swell. Can you call Fats?”

  “You hungry,” he said, eying the signs for sausage and peppers.

  “No. I’m stressing. Call her.”

  Aaron called and gave me his phone.

  Fats yelled, “Where the hell are you?”

  “Out on Eighteenth. The VIP entrance is blocked up.”

  “You were supposed to be here two hours ago. It was clear two hours ago.”

  “We had a detour,” I said.

  “I knew I should’ve driven you. Stay there.”

  “Not a problem.”

  “Can security see you?” she asked.

  “No.”

  I heard Fats yell for extra
security and start running. I’d say she was breathing hard and she was, for her. I breathed harder walking up stairs. “Don’t get out of the car.”

  “Believe me, we won’t.”

  Peekaboo tapped my leg. “What’s wrong, Mercy?” Her eyes were filling and my stress level rose. It was super crowded. Anybody could be in that crowd. I had Mickey Stix’s kid. If something happened…

  “It’s fine, honey,” I said. “We’re just late.”

  “Dad hates being late,” she said.

  “Mickey is pissed,” said Fats.

  “Because of Peekaboo?” I asked.

  “Because you’re supposed to be on the roof singing your face off.”

  “What the frack? Who said I was doing that?”

  “Mickey to whoever would listen,” said Fats.

  Freaking Mickey!

  “Well, I’m not doing it. I don’t care what he said.”

  “Tell it to the rock star.”

  Fats emerged out of the crowd followed by no less than six burly security guys that might’ve been hired at a Hell’s Angels family reunion. They surrounded the car and then Fats opened my door with Moe tucked under her arm. “God, you’re a pain in the ass.”

  “This one’s all Aaron,” I said.

  She looked at the back of his head and said, “Yeah, right.”

  “He thought I needed chocolate.”

  “Did you?”

  “Not as much as I did after he got it for me,” I said.

  “I’m not even going to ask.”

  “Good.”

  We got out and one of the security guys got in to back the car away. We walked in a secure pod down several streets and in between the huge serpents guarding the parking lot.

  “I thought we were going in the back entrance?” I asked.

  “It’ll take longer and the crowd is worse. The band set up view screens for the roof performance,” said Fats. “Somebody didn’t think that through.”

  “It’s a big party for my birthday,” said Peekaboo, squeezing my hand and smiling so wide it looked like it hurt her little face.

  “It’s a great party and it’s going to help the Children’s Hospital, too.”

  “Dad says we have to help the sick kids.” She let go and clapped. “Look! Look! A castle! Come on, Moe.”

  Moe yipped in agreement, but Fats wouldn’t let her go. Peekaboo took off running to the front doors. I chased in a panic, but Fats got her first, scooping up Mickey’s sweetheart and heading for the door. The Children’s Hospital staff waited there to check badges, including Clem. She stood off to the side with a young girl whose hair looked to be just starting to grow back and a teenaged boy who’d lost an arm. She swung the girl around, laughing at how her long, grey dreadlocks beat against the window and then her eyes fell on me. The smile fell off her face and didn’t come back. John had told her and Spidermonkey was right. She hated that I knew. I wanted to say something to her, but I couldn’t think of anything that wasn’t stupid. The look on her face said she didn’t want to talk to me anyway. I’d lost her, my mentor and the reason I became a nurse in the first place. I wished I’d never taken Big Steve’s deal. It was just a huge disaster for everyone.

  Fats flashed a badge at a staff member manning the closest door and we got checked off a list. Peekaboo wiggled around and waved over Fats’ shoulder. “Mercy, there’s a plane. Can we climb up to the plane?”

  Clem turned away from me and I said, “Er…you can go to the plane with Aaron. I don’t think I can get through with my cast.”

  “You can do it. Dad says you can do anything. He says you’re cool.”

  A surge of warmth went through me. “Does he?”

  “Yeah. Look. A slide. There’s a slide, Mercy!”

  At least someone thought I was something worth something. It might not be my boyfriend or Clem, but sometimes you have to take what you can get.

  Fats put Peekaboo down, but kept a tight hold on her hand as we walked to the ticket booth in the vintage store front of the old St. Louis Title company. How anyone thought tearing down that building was a good idea was beyond me. It had creamy stone, brick, and pretty blue tile work decorating it. Some doofus probably put in a ghastly plate glass monstrosity. Gag.

  A girl inside the middle window turned around and gasped at the sight of us. Three shrimps surrounded by giants in security shirts and Fats, wearing lime green workout gear, two holstered weapons—a stun gun and the Python—and a pocket dog. Like she wasn’t enough to stun people on her own.

  “Three wristbands, please,” said Fats.

  The girl leaned forward, eyed Moe, but didn’t protest. “Oh, it’s Mercy Watts. How’s your arm?”

  “Better,” I said.

  “You’re supposed to be on the roof.”

  “I heard.”

  She handed me a VIP wristband and got two more for Peekaboo and Aaron. The second he got his wristband fixed, Aaron took off. I grabbed him by the collar in the nick of time. “No, you don’t,” I said. “This is about Peekaboo and you can climb. I can’t.”

  He stopped struggling and asked Peekaboo, “Do you like whales?”

  She hid behind me. Fats bent over and whispered, “It’s a special whale. You can go inside and find a maze.”

  Aaron held out his hand, Peekaboo took it, and they were off like a shot with Fats and I trailing behind. We skipped to the maze, ending up looking at the giant fish tank and its many turtles swimming around. Peekaboo squealed and pointed at the biggest ones before Fats said, “Do you want to climb the inside of a tree?”

  Aaron and Peekaboo ran off to what I used to call The Cool Tree and climbed inside to go up into the wire tunnel that ran along the ceiling. Peekaboo waved and Fats called out, “You did it!”

  “I did it! I did it!” Peekaboo followed Aaron and we did our best to track them down the other tree, up to the first roller slide, made out of industrial rollers for moving heavy-duty packages, and then into the Enchanted Grotto, a series of caves that always scared the crap out of me when I was little. They were dark and creepy. But also great fun to explore or in my case, get lost in.

  “Come on, Mercy!” called out Peekaboo. “Aaron says there’s a magic organ.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You have to go,” said Fats. “I’m going and you have to pull me out when I get stuck.”

  “You get stuck?”

  She held her arms wide. “What do you think?”

  “You don’t have to go in,” I said.

  “Are you kidding? I’m not missing out.”

  “I think you’re going to make a great mom.”

  “Yeah?” she asked, shyer than I’d ever seen her. I didn’t know she could be shy.

  “You’ve got good instincts,” I said. “So what did Tiny say?”

  “I haven’t told him yet.”

  I was about to duck in the first cave, but stopped. “Why not?”

  Peekaboo looked out from another cave. “You’re missing it. Come on, Mercy!”

  “I’m coming! Go ahead!”

  She disappeared and we followed rather slowly.

  “I want to get married,” said Fats. “I didn’t think I would, but I do.”

  We squeezed through a hole that we probably shouldn’t have tried to get through and found ourselves in the center where you could look up several stories and climb to a huge slide. Peekaboo decided she didn’t want to go up so we went back into the caves and out to the whale’s tail. Then it was racing up to the second story to watch her and Aaron brave the arching tunnels outside that lead to the airplane. We weren’t doing that. Fats would’ve been like a cork in the wrong wine bottle and I wasn’t great at those tunnels with two working arms.

  I convinced Peekaboo that I wasn’t feeling great, which was the truth, and we promised to watch. Fats checked her phone and said, “You can’t put it off forever. Mickey’s ending the first set now. He’s going to hunt you down.”

  “Why can’t I just hang out with Peekaboo and hav
e fun?” I asked.

  “Because Mickey wants more.”

  “He always wants more.”

  “Don’t we all,” said Fats, waving at Peekaboo.

  My phone buzzed and I ignored it. It might be Chuck and I didn’t want to hear it. Or worse, it wasn’t Chuck. I didn’t want to know that either. “You want to marry Tiny, right?”

  “Of course,” she said, punching my good shoulder and rocketing me to the side.

  “Great. Let’s break my other arm,” I said. “That’s totally what I need.”

  “You’re fine.”

  “So…”

  “I want him to ask me,” said Fats.

  Aaron and Peekaboo made it to the airplane and waved before ducking in.

  “I’m sure he will,” I said.

  “I want him to ask before he knows I’m pregnant.”

  “Oh, well, that might take a while. He’s barely up and around. If you stopped pulling his stitches that might help.”

  “I don’t have that much time before I start showing,” she said.

  I don’t know where this is going, but I don’t like it.

  “So…”

  “Can you talk to him?”

  “About?”

  “Marrying me.”

  Why am I involved in this?

  “I guess,” I said.

  Fats lowered her sunglasses and eyed me over the rims. “You don’t want him to ask me?”

  “I’m all for it. I just don’t know how effective I am at getting men to do stuff,” I said, pointing up at the airplane. Peekaboo was out in a tunnel and Aaron was nowhere to be seen. “Look at that. Where is he?”

  “He’ll do what he’s supposed to. They usually do.”

  “Do they?” I asked.

  She put her sunglasses back up. “When properly motivated.”

  Properly motivated. What was that? I had no idea.

  “There he is, the little turd,” said Fats, smiling.

  Aaron climbed into the tunnel and scrambled to catch up with Peekaboo. Fats phone buzzed and I cringed. Mickey needed to leave me alone. Seriously. I’d had enough. I was full up.

  Fats checked her phone and I gritted my teeth.

  “Answer your phone,” said Fats. “It’s Carolina calling you.”