Seeking Refuge

by Lenora Worth

  No. He knew the truth now. She’d seen the doubt and disappointment on his face. He wouldn’t be able to get past this and forgive her since she’d left him without an explanation.

  And refused to tell him the truth until she’d been forced.

  Josie stood on the breezeway and studied the dark clouds on the horizon, but she had to go to the main house and help Raesha with food and cleaning.

  Raesha had already planned a quilt frolic this afternoon, and Josie felt she should be there since they’d already invited everyone. No one here felt like quilting, but Naomi had told them they could not cancel it since they’d planned it weeks ago.

  “It will take our minds off the things we cannot change nor predict,” Naomi had announced, making it hard for Raesha and Josie to sit idle. “We must continue on and set people straight if they bring it up.”

  Someone would manage to ask pointed questions. Josie only had one question. She wondered if Drew’s parents were still in Campton Creek. They’d been insistent about seeing Dinah.

  But when she’d voiced her worries last night at dinner, her brother had frowned and left the house.

  Naomi told her Josiah acted as most men did in times of trouble. He took refuge out in the fields and in the barn. But Josie had to wonder if her brother was tired of the drama and scandal she’d brought into his life.

  Josiah used to tell Josie that because of her he’d found the woman meant to be his wife. Why had something so wonderful gut had to happen because of something so horribly wrong?

  She couldn’t get anyone to talk to her about this, so they all went about their lives as usual.

  The frolic was still on, and while they worried they also worked. That was how things were done around here. And on days when they had quilting frolics, Raesha left the hat shop early and her assistants took over.

  Josie enjoyed the timeless art of stitching patterns and colors into something tangible and useful. She could see life in their handmade quilts, all patterns and squares and bright colors, coming together to form something beautiful.

  Gott’s work in every stitch. That was what Naomi always said. And although Mammi’s eyes couldn’t see to stitch, she sat with them when they did and regaled them with her wisdom and wit. She always encouraged when someone messed up a stitch.

  “It doesn’t have to be perfect,” she’d say. “We are not perfect. Only Gott is.”

  Perfection. Josie had always dreamed of the perfect family, the perfect home with perfect children.

  Naomi was right. There was no such thing.

  Life didn’t need to be all wonderful to be life, she decided. She’d been forgiven by her community and by Gott. What more did she need?

  She wanted Tobias to forgive her for not turning to him.

  Josie needed the distraction of stitching and laughing, that was what she needed. She had not been sleeping well, and each time she finally fell asleep, she had dreams of someone ripping Dinah out of her arms.

  That nightmare could come true at any time now if the Beningtons found a way around the law.

  * * *

  Tobias held the chisel against the wood, determined to make another leg so the stool he had in mind would be balanced and precise. The tall, heavy stool wouldn’t stand on just three legs, after all. He’d measured and shaped, using an air compressor to run the band saw. After making the cut, he’d started gouging the line into the wood so he could form a tenon to meet the mortise. The tenon and mortise would hold the corner of the stool’s seat to all four legs. He’d take an awl to mark and make the spot where he’d add the special glue Abram used to secure the tenon joints.

  This particular stool—called an Amish folding step stool—would serve well in any kitchen. He could almost picture an Amish woman sitting on the high stool, peeling potatoes or snapping beans and then turning to use it as a stepladder by pulling out the small retractable steps hinged underneath the seat. This one was made from solid oak that would be sanded and varnished to a dark burnished golden-brown sheen.

  Josie came to mind, as she did most of the day and night. Why couldn’t he let her go?

  Maybe because he’d traveled hundreds of miles to find her, and now that he had he was too stubborn to give up? Most men would have by now, and especially after all the things he’d heard during the last few days.

  Two days since his world had crumbled with each new revelation. Two days ago, he’d only wanted to love Josie and know why she’d left him.

  Now he knew the truth and it stuck in his throat like a brittle bone. What she’d been through no woman should have to endure. Tobias didn’t know how to get around everything that now stood between them. So he kept whittling and shaving, using the wood to keep his thoughts centered and precise.

  “Do not gouge that leg to the bone, Tobias,” Abram cautioned as he hurried by carrying a two-by-four cut from pine. “Else that stool will look kind of funny and tilt to the left a bit too much.”

  Tobias stopped and stared at the wood he had braced on the saw table. “You stopped me just in time.”

  “You were not focusing on the carving,” Abram replied, his tone soft. “But once you get it together, that will be a mighty fine step stool that anyone should be proud to have in their kitchen.”

  Why did he get the feeling Abram wasn’t just encouraging him about his talent? The man wanted what was best for Tobias and he would forever be grateful for that.

  But he’d need a lot of tools to figure out the next step in his life. He loved Josie. That would never change. But could they work things out between them? A marriage shouldn’t start this way—with sad, tragic memories hovering between the bride and groom.

  How could he fix this?

  In a million little ways.

  That was what Jewel, Judy and Bettye had suggested. He didn’t have much time left to win over Josie. The house was waiting, but would she ever want to live there again? Would it be fair to her to make her live in a house that had brought her only fear and pain and nightmare memories?

  He had to put this out of his mind for now.

  Tobias worked on the stool the rest of the afternoon. The work did help his mind to settle. Maybe he’d carve some more trinkets. Those had sold well at the festival and now Abram had made a shelf in the showroom for what he called Tobias’s toys.

  “I could use more carved horses and maybe a couple buggies,” he’d told Tobias this morning. “The flowers and wooden dolls go over well with the women, of course.” Then he’d chuckled. “Your whittling fingers are going to be tired, for sure.”

  Tired would be good to Tobias. Maybe he’d sleep so deeply he wouldn’t dream of things he could not have.

  He and Abram were closing up for the day, the other workers waving as they left for home, some on foot and some picked up by cars or buggies. Tobias always stayed back to help since he rode home with Abram every day anyway.

  When they heard the front doorbell jingle, Tobias turned from tallying receipts to find Jewel hurrying toward him, her eyes bright.

  “Oh, good, you’re still here,” she said, eyeing Tobias.

  “Jewel, what’s wrong?”

  “The Beningtons, that’s what’s wrong,” Jewel said under her breath.

  “It’s all right,” Tobias said. “Abram knows all about what is going on.”

  Abram nodded. “Ja, I do, but I’ll give you two some privacy.”

  He shuffled toward the workroom.

  Jewel stared over at Tobias. “They want to see Dinah. They’ve talked to a local lawyer and one back home. That’s all I know. We need to get word to the Bawells and Josie.”

  “When do they want to meet Dinah?”

  “This weekend,” Jewel said. “Can you let them know? I tried to call the hat shop, but her assistant said she had taken the afternoon off. I didn’t want to send this in a message from someone else.”
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  Tobias glanced back to the workroom. “I usually ride home with Abram.”

  “I can drive you to the Bawell place,” Jewel said. “And give you a ride back to Abram’s house after.”

  “That is kind, but you might have to wait.”

  “I can do that. We’re done for the day, and the ladies can handle being upstairs alone without me for a little while. I’ll alert one of our on-call volunteers, too. Alisha Braxton might not mind coming to sit with her grandmother.”

  Tobias agreed and went to report to Abram. “I will be home soon. Don’t wait supper.”

  “Beth will leave you a plate on the stove,” Abram said. “I hope things get worked out for all of you, Tobias.”

  “I pray so,” Tobias said.

  Somehow, he’d become the go-between with the Beningtons and the Bawells. While this made him uncomfortable, how could he refuse?

  Josie would need him if...if the couple took little Dinah away.

  When he saw Jewel’s economy car pulling up outside the furniture market, he waved to Abram. Then he hurried out and hopped inside the automobile.

  “Let’s go,” he told Jewel.

  His friend didn’t waste time pulling out onto the street.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The ladies were leaving for the day. Chattering and hugging each other, they gathered onto buggies or headed out on foot, waving as they left the Bawell property.

  Josie let out a sigh. “I’m glad everyone came, but it’s hard to keep smiling and stitching when I can’t focus.”

  Raesha nodded, unable to speak for a moment. “I was determined to keep going on with life but, honestly, the hours seemed to drag by.”

  “You two need to be thankful that your friends didn’t ask nosy questions,” Naomi retorted. “They were kind and willing to ignore the tension we all feel. If they have heard anything, they had the gut sense and sweet grace to remain silent on things.”

  “You’re right, of course,” Raesha replied as she busied herself with a quick supper of sliced ham and fresh vegetables from the garden. “Josiah will be home soon and I don’t want to burden him with all this worry.”

  Josie figured her brother had burdened himself all day, worrying about what might happen next. He’d barely talked to her over the last few days. He seemed to carry a lot of guilt, too. Or maybe he wished he’d never found her and brought her here.

  Gott’s will, she reminded herself. The Lord God had brought them this far. He’d see them through.

  When they heard a loud knock at the front door a few minutes later, Raesha’s gaze met Josie’s, fear evident in the frown that marred her face.

  “I’ll get it,” Josie said, to save Raesha from having to leave the food simmering on the stove.

  She hurried to the door and opened it, thinking maybe someone forgot something from the frolic.

  Tobias stood there, his eyes bright with the same shock she’d experienced all week. “Josie, I need to speak to all of you.”

  Josie’s heart burned with fear and dread. “Drew’s parents?”

  He nodded, then glanced back at the car parked underneath the shade of a big oak. Jewel sat at the wheel, the windows down so she could have some air. She gave Josie a quick wave.

  Dread in her soul, Josie nodded and said, “Kumm inside.”

  When Raesha saw him, she sank down onto a chair and put her hands to her face. Naomi wheeled her chair close. “Wilkum, Tobias. Would you like something to drink?”

  “No, thank you, Naomi. Is Josiah nearby?”

  They heard the back door opening. Josiah walked in. “I’m here. I saw Jewel’s car out front.”

  “She gave me a ride,” Tobias explained. “I have news from the Beningtons.”

  Josiah quickly washed up and then sat down beside Raesha. She grabbed his hand like a lifeline. “What news, Tobias?”

  “They are still here and they’ve talked to lawyers here and back in Kentucky. They want to see Dinah this weekend.”

  The room went silent. Josie looked up at Tobias. His gaze held hers and her world seemed to tilt. “This is my fault,” she said. “I should have kept away. Dinah would be mine, free and clear. No one would have found her.”

  Tobias shook his head. “Drew had someone locate me, Josie. And they happened to find both of us.” Giving her a regretful stare, he added, “I’m the one to blame.”

  “Stop that nonsense,” Naomi said on a gentle admonishment. “Gott brought you both here for a reason. Dinah needed you, Josie, and she needs us. Tobias wanted to find you and he has. This is not over until Gott’s will shall prevail.”

  Raesha stood, her hands pressing against the heavy wood of the dining table. “Does Gott want us to suffer when we watch them take her away from us? They are strangers who had a horrible son. He’s dying now, so they want a replacement for him.”

  Naomi looked surprised, but her expression filled with compassion. “They also want our forgiveness.”

  Josiah stood and took his wife into his arms. “It will be all right. I’ll make it right, somehow.”

  Josie couldn’t look away from Tobias. His discomfort bristled off every pore. He did not want to be here. Maybe he didn’t want to be around her at all. She was damaged, ruined, a shame to her family and friends.

  “You don’t have to do this,” she said to him. “You have no part in this. Tell the Beningtons they can speak to me directly if they want to see our Dinah.”

  Tobias looked shocked, his cheeks reddening as if she’d slapped him. “I do not mind, Josie. I know the truth now, and that is all I ever wanted.”

  Josie advanced, her frustrations boiling over. “Now you know, Tobias. Now you see what happens when I’m involved. I tried to hide this from everyone and I almost lost Dinah and myself. I was better, healing, growing. But Drew had to do one last deed to destroy me. He might say he’s sorry, but he had to know what his parents coming here would do to all of us. Especially you. He wanted you to know and he wanted this to happen.”

  She froze, her hands going to her mouth. The hurt she saw in Tobias’s eyes almost did her in. But she couldn’t be the one to bring him comfort.

  “Josie?” he said, his plea a whisper. “Listen to me, please.”

  “Neh,” she replied, lifting a hand toward him. “I have to get out of here. I can’t breathe. I can’t go through this again.”

  She turned and ran out of the room, tears brimming over. She’d hurt him yet again, and that was the last thing she’d wanted to do.

  She needed air, needed to calm the nerves that jangled like chains across her body.

  Why did her shame always win out? Why couldn’t she just forgive herself and fight for the child she had to admit she loved? The child she had come to love too late.

  * * *

  Tobias couldn’t move. He stared at the door that had just slammed behind Josie. Then he looked at Naomi. “What should I do?”

  Naomi sat silent for a moment. “You should go and find her. Don’t question her. Just stay with her, Tobias. She needs to know someone will stay with her.”

  He didn’t question that.

  He took off through the house and went out into the growing dusk, the sunset drenching the coming night in a rich burnished red streaked with shades of pink.

  Where had she gone?

  He looked toward the old place and saw a slight figure running across the footbridge. Tobias took off after her, thinking Jewel would be worried. But Jewel would understand.

  He tore through the meadow, the scents of spring wafting out in sweet floral winds. The world looked etched in beauty and the woman running away from him seemed like someone in a dream.

  His dream. His Josie, running from what she couldn’t accept.

  He had to make her see that this was not her fault. Back then, he had acted out and shown off, tried to impress
her with his Englisch friends. And he had failed her.

  How will I ever make her see?

  He stopped to catch his breath and spotted her on the front porch of her old home. She seemed to always run back here when she was afraid.

  Running back to the one place that had always scared her in the worst kind of way.

  Josiah had found her at the Fisher place the last time she’d run away. She’d come and found Tobias at her old home when she’d first confronted him. Now she’d gone back to the house that stood like a constant reminder of her sins and her guilt. Did she think she was unworthy of running toward anyone or anything, that she had to come back to the place that tormented her to absolve herself?

  Maybe if he stayed with her and sat silent, she’d see that he had enough forgiveness and strength to cover both of their sins.

  With Gott’s grace and will, they had to find a way back to each other.

  * * *

  Josie sat huddled against the corner of the porch, her breathing shallower now. This had always been her safe spot on the bad days. She’d hide here and then scoot underneath the wide railings to run away into the yard and hide in the barn or inside her favorite cluster of trees and saplings.

  Now she sat, her knees pulled up and her arms wrapped tightly against her legs, the memories that had hovered like vultures circling now, returning with a force that left her stunned and speechless.

  When she heard footsteps on the old planks, the panic almost returned. But she knew the person coming to find her would not physically harm her.

  No, he just held her heart captive in a sweet, torturous way that brought a piercing joy and a cruel, even more piercing pain.

  Tobias came around the corner in a slow stroll and stopped when he spotted her there. Without saying a word, he sat down beside her. Without saying a word, he breathed along with her as the night settled over them like a warm cloak while the sun slipped away to be replaced with a thousand stars and a half-moon that shimmer like a beacon.

  After a while, he reached out his hand and wiped at her tears. Then he touched his hand to hers. He didn’t force her to move or to let go of herself.