by Lenora Worth
“No, most of that was others doing things to hurt you. I am not one of those others. I’m Tobias. Your ToTo. The man who never forgot you. I’ll be here, no matter what.”
He tugged her into his arms and held her close. “I have missed you, Josie.”
Josie allowed this small comfort. Tobias wouldn’t leave her and he would never hurt her. He would wait for her. She had to cling to that.
Then she lifted up to stare at him. “You are not to blame, so don’t go thinking that about yourself. I came out here to tell you that. I want you to understand.”
Tobias looked bashful and unsure again. “I feel responsible, Josie. I was trying to be someone I could never be, and I left you while I trudged around that big house with Drew’s friends. When I look back on it, I’m ashamed that they probably knew what was going on and lured me away. And I fell for that because my pride wanted to believe I was somebody important to them.”
Seeing the raw torment in his eyes, Josie touched a hand to his face. “We have both changed and now we see the clear path. But we don’t have to rush anymore, Tobias. We start over, in a million little ways.”
His torment changed to mirth. “Now you sound like Bettye. She told me that is how I should win you back—with a million little ways.”
Amazed, Josie took his hand and tugged him toward supper. “So you sent flowers and carved me the butterfly, and then our worlds fell apart again when Drew’s parents showed up.”
“Ja, but I have a lot of little things left to make you forgive me and...come back to me.”
Josie shook her head. “That could take a while.” Then she amended, “There is nothing to forgive, Tobias. But I have to be sure. I’ve been hiding here so long, isolated and in fear, I’m not sure I can be the girl you fell in love with, ever again.”
“As you said, we don’t have to rush,” he replied. “Except to supper. I am for sure starving.”
Josie smiled at him. “This was a hard day. The worst. But you made it tolerable.”
“That’s why I’m here,” he said, his tone and his expression turning serious. “To make up for everything that has come before.”
* * *
When they got back to the house, Josiah had returned and washed up. He glanced toward them when they came in the back door. “Supper,” he said, his tone almost angry.
Josie’s mind whirled with a shaky anticipation mixed with a tentative contentment. She and Tobias had reached a crossroad of sorts, although there was still so much between them. Dinah had to come first. Josie would not lose her yet again.
Raesha and Naomi gathered them around the table and Raesha passed out roast-beef sandwiches on fresh sliced bread, as well as pickles and fresh tomatoes. Naomi served the potato salad from her wheelchair. Then she poured fresh cold tea into their glasses.
“Denke,” Tobias said. “For letting me stay today and for supper tonight.”
“You are wilkum anytime,” Naomi replied. “Now let us pray.”
Everyone bowed their heads in silence.
Josie knew what her prayers held. She wanted Dinah here and safe, and she told the Lord she’d show more love than she already had to her child. She also prayed that, somehow, Drew’s parents would not press the issue of taking Dinah away. Then she asked the Lord to show her the way back to Tobias, with no guilt or regrets between them, so they could have the life they’d always planned, but here, together.
And then she prayed with all of her might that she’d be able to live in the house that had shaped her and changed her and still to this day frightened her.
How could she ever make that happen?
* * *
Tobias followed Abram into the workshop the next morning, his heart lighter now that he and Josie had gotten closer. It would be a long haul to bring her completely around, but at least she was willing to allow him back into her life.
“So how did it go yesterday?” Abram asked after he’d examined a cabinet they’d been sanding. Finding a rough spot, he picked up a sanding cloth and worked on the dark wood. “It was late when we heard you return. You must have gone to bed right after.”
Tobias picked up a polish rag and started going over the wood so he could stain it and bring out the beautiful grain that reminded him of a tiger’s stripes.
He nodded. “It was a hard day, watching Drew’s parents with little Dinah. She is a precious child, and Josiah and Raesha have done a wonderful good job of taking care of her.”
“But?”
Tobias dropped his rag. “But I see Drew in her and...I resent that.”
“You resent what your friend did, or you resent the child?” Abram asked, his hand stilling on the wood.
“I resent and regret all of it. I was supposed to protect Josie from such awful things and I failed.”
“Let’s get some of that fresh coffee I smell,” Abram suggested. “At least our craftsmen know how to make gut coffee, ain’t so?”
Tobias followed him to the corner break room and took a cup of the hot brew. He wished he’d never mentioned his feelings, but he needed to vent to someone and Abram was a wise listener and counselor.
Abram wasn’t about to let up, either. “You have much on your shoulders,” he said, his voice low while the other workers laughed and went about their duties. “Too much. You need to remember Gott has a plan for each of us.”
“I tell myself that,” Tobias replied. “But I get impatient with whatever the good Lord has cooked up for me. Josie and I have lost a lot of time together already.”
Abram stared into his coffee as if trying to see answers there. “I do not think He’s cooked up anything. His timing is perfect, even when we veer off the path. If we stay the course in our faith, He will bring us back around again.”
Tobias gave him a smile. “Josie and I did reach a truce of sorts. She has agreed to me buying the Fisher place.”
“Well, there you go,” Abram said before draining his coffee. “See, that’s a good step in the right direction.”
“It is,” Tobias agreed. He took a couple of sips and then rose to get back to work. “I’m going to meet with Josiah today to get all the paperwork straight. But we are moving along.”
“And Josie is okay with that, you said. So there is hope.”
Tobias nodded. “She is okay with me buying the property, but we have a long way to go to get back where we were.”
“If you marry, will she live in that house?”
“That’s the part I’m not sure about,” Tobias said, his gaze moving over the cabinet he needed to finish. The wood had started out rough and edged with splinters. Humans could be much the same. “I have to keep working on things with Josie, I think. We’re polishing out the rough spots, and I hope one day, together, we’ll both be healed.”
“Now, that’s the kind of attitude I like to hear,” Abram said, slapping him gently on the back. “It will all work out for the gut, Tobias.”
Tobias wanted to see that day. “I’d best get this polished and stained so it can dry properly before Nancy Henderson comes back wanting to load it on her truck.”
“She is persistent and she has green money,” Abram said, chuckling. “The Englisch do have their bright spots.”
After they’d both settled into their routines, Tobias thought about all the changes in his life. He was so close to having what he wanted at last—a new home and being back with Josie.
But he feared she might not ever want to live in the house he was buying. She’d asked him to be patient and he would be, but had he pushed her too much, insisting he must live in the one place she’d tried to escape? Would it be a mistake to ask her to live there with him?
In Gott’s time, he reminded himself.
Meantime, he’d start courting her properly again, and he’d plan out next spring’s crops so he could get his farmers’ market up and running. Betwee
n work here and doing that on the side, he’d be a busy man. Josie might enjoy helping with the farmers’ market. He’d build a strong shed out by the road and make it comfortable enough so they could both sit there and sell fresh produce. That would be nice.
Staying busy and saving up money between now and then would be his next goal. He wanted to make sure Josie had everything she’d need to start their new home together.
But he would never be too busy to forget how much he had missed Josie and how his insides boiled with anger each time he thought of how Drew had treated her.
He’d have to send up a lot of prayers to get past that image. Before he could even form a prayer, the furniture market’s front door opened and Mary Zook peeked inside.
“Tobias, you’re here. I’m so glad.”
Chapter Twenty
Josie finished snapping the beans she’d gathered from the garden. She and Naomi would have beans and ham with fresh sliced tomatoes tonight for their dinner. They needed some quiet time.
It had been a week since the Beningtons had visited and, while the whole family had calmed down, Josie couldn’t rest. She checked on Dinah all day long and took her for walks around the property, pointing out trees and flowers along the way.
Dinah loved to chatter and she absorbed new words easily. “Tree. Pine?”
“Pine is correct,” Josie proudly told her this afternoon.
“Bidge,” Dinah said, her hand waving toward the arched footbridge to the Fisher place.
“Bridge,” Josie replied. “Bridge.”
“Bidge. Go.”
They’d walked across the footbridge over and over until finally Dinah had turned toward home because she wanted a drink of water.
Home. What if Dinah lost her home and had to go to a new home far away? The thought of Dinah growing up in that huge, cold house where she’d been conceived in such a horrible way made Josie feel ill.
She didn’t like having these disturbing flashbacks.
“What is wrong with you tonight?” Naomi asked. “I know you are concerned, as we all are, but I thought things were better with you and Tobias.”
“Things are better,” Josie said, heading to the sink to wash the beans and get them boiling in the pot. “Or at least I thought they were.”
Rumors showed a different picture, however. Another thing for Josie to fret about.
“Child, come and tell me,” Naomi said from her comfortable chair in the small living area.
Josie watched the water begin to boil. Then she dropped in the beans and seasoning, making sure the bits of ham she’d broken to flavor the beans covered the top.
After lowering the heat, she sat down across from Naomi. “Katy told me Mary Zook is bragging about how Tobias helped her design a side table for her mother. Apparently, she spent most of this week in and out of the shop, checking on the progress of the piece.”
“I see,” Naomi said with a soft smile. “Well, he is talented and he has to make money, so why does this bother you so?”
Josie stared across at Mammi, wondering what was going through her mind. “I don’t mind him making furniture or money, but I do mind Mary Zook spending a lot of time with him. She’s been after a husband since before I came back home.”
“Oh, I see. So you don’t want her to have the man who should be your husband, ain’t so?”
Josie blinked and frowned at Naomi. “I didn’t say that.”
Naomi went back to her knitting. “No, you didn’t say that at all. But your expression and the jealousy in your words told me that.”
Josie got up to check the beans and slice the ham. “You are imagining things.”
“I might be old and I can barely see what I’m knitting, but I know you still care deeply about Tobias.”
“I will always care about him.”
“So why are you worried about Mary Zook?”
Josie whirled, shame coloring her face. “Because she told Tobias she’d heard he was seeing a lot of me and then she asked him if he knew about me.”
Naomi’s teasing expression turned sour. “That young woman needs a good talking-to. She knows not to spread gossip.”
“But it’s true,” Josie said. “It’s true, and since I haven’t heard from Tobias all week, I’m wondering if he sees how horrible it would be if he’s with me.”
Naomi tried to stand. “Bring me my chair.”
“Neh,” Josie said, thinking Naomi would make her hitch the buggy so they could go confront Mary. “I am okay. Tobias is free to talk to other people. It’s just that I’ll never be completely forgiven and this community will never completely forget.”
Naomi settled back, her frown remaining. “You need to know that the people who count have accepted you back and you do not have anything to be ashamed of. You confessed before the church, and the bishop himself approved you living within our community. Mary Zook is just trying to stir up trouble because she is the jealous one. She knows you are loved and she knows what she’s doing.”
Josie was about to tell Naomi to calm herself when they heard a knock at the back door.
“That is probably my brother wondering if we’re arguing. I’ve already had a talk with him about keeping it secret that Tobias had made a down payment on our old place.”
“We never argue,” Naomi said on a soft huff. “We heavily discuss. And besides, Josiah knows tonight is our alone dinner here at home. He’s probably embarrassed that we found out about what he’s done and he’s come to apologize for keeping all of us, including his wife, in the dark.”
“I’ll just go and see.” Josie hurried to the breezeway door and opened it wide, expecting to see Josiah or Raesha waiting.
Tobias stood there, looking uncomfortable and unsure.
Had he come to tell her he didn’t want to be with her after all? His gaze shifted everywhere but on her.
“May I come in?” he asked when he finally did look at her, his eyes full of a mysterious light.
Josie glanced back at Naomi. “We’re about to have supper.”
“Let the man in,” Naomi said with a wave of her hand. “And invite him to eat with us.”
Josie moved aside, hoping Naomi wouldn’t keep chattering. “Have you eaten?”
“I came straight here from work,” Tobias replied. “I have my own buggy now. Abram helped me fix up an old one, and he loaned me a buggy horse he keeps in town to make deliveries.”
“We are about to eat,” Naomi said, hearing him. “Josie, turn down the beans and we’ll fry up the ham after Tobias washes up. Take him out to the pump on the porch.”
Josie took the hint and turned back toward the porch. “She can be bossy sometimes.”
Tobias tried to hide the grin tugging at his mouth. “She wants us to have alone time, which is what I need right now.”
Forgetting the pump and water, Josie whirled. “You came to tell me that you’ve changed your mind about everything, haven’t you? You’ve come to your senses and you don’t really want me in your life anymore?”
Tobias stepped back, drawing his head away so he could see her clearly. “Whatever gave you that idea?”
“Mary Zook,” she said before she could stop herself. “She’s telling everyone that she and you have been spending a lot of time together. And that you should stay away from me.”
Tobias started laughing.
“You think that is funny?” Josie asked, an image of him laughing with Mary making her want to run away and get out of his sight. Or maybe throw cold water on him.
“I’m laughing because I’ve never seen you so worked up, not since I’ve been here. And I’ve seen you a lot of ways, Josie. Sad and upset, embarrassed and afraid, but not like this. You do care about me certain sure.”
“I only care that you’ll fall into Mary’s trap. She wants a man, Tobias. Any man.”
“Oh
, so she’s just flirting with me because she’ll take any man who comes along?”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”
He tugged her close, his hands holding hers, his eyes full of confidence and hope now. “So what do you mean?”
Josie tried to pull away. “Nothing. It’s just she’s gossiping about me, telling people you shouldn’t be with me.” Shrugging, she added, “Hearing that brings up all of the bad memories I’ve tried so hard to push away.”
Tobias touched a hand to her cheek, his fingers rough from work but soft to the touch. His jaw muscles went tight, his eyes no longer full of teasing mirth. “This is why I came to see you. I heard what she’d said and, Josie, I set her straight about all of it.”
Josie’s heart went from hurting to rejoicing. “What did you tell her?”
“I told Mary Zook that I’d finished the little table she had to have for her mamm’s birthday and then I loaded it on her buggy for her. She gave me some freshly baked oatmeal cookies and I ate one while she smiled at me. Then I explained that I did not like people gossiping about you and that I came here because of you.”
Josie took in a breath and put her hand over his on her cheek. “You said that to her?”
“Ja, and more.” He grabbed her hand and brought it between them, putting it close to his heart. “I told her I know all about what you’ve been through and that I admire you even more than I did before. And then I said that one day I plan to marry you.”
Josie felt his heart beating against her palm, her own pulse matching the steady rhythm. “You said all of that with a mouthful of oatmeal cookie?”
“I waited until I’d chewed that one, and I ate the second one after I’d explained things to her.” He grinned, his nose touching Josie’s. “She left in such a rush she almost slung that pretty little cabinet off into the gravel.”
“She did not.”
“She did,” he said, leaning close. “I told you the truth. Mary Zook is not the woman for me, and I’m pretty sure she won’t be gossiping about you ever again.”
