Dealing in Dreams

by Lilliam Rivera

  “We need to speak to Déesse,” I say.

  “Are you crazy? The only thing we need to do is run before we are truly iced,” she says. Shi and Smiley rush to the elevator. “Didn’t you see where Santo was heading? This wasn’t an invitation to move in. There was never an invitation.”

  Truck digs her nails into my shoulders. My legs fail me. Santo, wake up so I can convince you.

  “Please, Nalah, I’m begging you. Déesse is gunning for us and we are here in her lair,” Truck says. “We have to go. Don’t let this be our end.”

  Footsteps approach from above. I finally snap out of it and head to the corridor. Smiley holds open the elevator, and we pile in. Truck pushes the button. What was a quick ascent seems to drag so slowly. She taps on the button marking the ground floor as if it will help propel the elevator to move faster.

  I never had control. I thought I could come back and stroll right into the Towers. All those years of throwdowns and breaking night. I worked hard. We were the best. Santo was never a brother. He chucked those hours spent together in seconds. I watch the numbers light as we continue to go down. Eight. Seven. Six.

  The elevator suddenly stops, and an alarm goes off. Truck freaks out.

  “Hell no. This is not happening,” she says. “We are not going out like this. Help me.”

  Truck starts to pry open the elevator doors. Smiley and I take the other end. My hands are sweaty. It’s hard to get a grip. Eventually we are able to open it. The elevator is situated between two floors. We don’t hesitate. While they keep the door open, I crawl through the small space and hit the floor below us. Smiley and Shi follow me off the elevator. Bigger than us, it takes a minute, but Truck eventually squeezes through.

  The halls are long and vast. Everything is so freaking bright. The alarm is blaring. People appear from their apartments to stare at the freaks that clearly don’t belong. We don’t wait. There is an exit sign above a door by the elevator. We take to the stairs.

  We pass the fifth floor, fourth. Truck suddenly stops. There are heavy footsteps coming from the floors below. We can’t continue. The soldiers are heading our way.

  “I remember seeing a maintenance room. They probably have them on each floor,” Shi says. “I don’t know how secure they are.”

  There’s no debate. We exit onto the third floor and enter another bright hallway. Off to the left of us, we find the sanitation room. We run inside and block the door. Truck smashes the camera located in the corner of the room. I try to hear above the ringing alarm. People are shouting. Voices complaining about the noise. Others are taking orders. The building is rigged with video cameras everywhere. It’s only a matter of time before they can pinpoint where we are.

  Smiley covers her mouth. Soldiers. I can see the shadow of their boots under the door. No one moves. The minutes drag. If they open the door they will catch these hands.

  The shadows move on. We can’t stay here. There has to be another solution. I look around the crowded room. There are buckets and brooms. A shelf with cleaning utensils. I am losing hope until I locate a vent.

  “Let’s go,” I say. I drag a table against a wall and climb on top of it. There is a vent right above me. I’m able to take off the covering easily. We climb one by one. The lightest of us goes first. On our knees, we crawl through the corridor, careful not to make any noise. I must focus on taking light steps.

  “What do you think, Shi?” Smiley asks.

  “It will probably lead to the end of the hallway. Maybe an exit?” Shi says. “I can’t be sure.” Shi has studied the Towers before. She loved to discuss where we could find the best views and which apartments are bigger. Sadly, she’s going by memories of illustrations she collected from the mercados.

  With Shi signaling us to go left or right, we do the slow crawl through the vent, careful not to puncture the ceiling. I will myself to think thin. To suck in my gut and hope we can get through this without collapsing to the floor.

  “Damn.” Truck curses. She makes a creaking sound. The vent is not steady enough to hold our combined weights.

  “Quiet,” I whisper. We are going to do this. We are close to the exit. Close to getting out of the Towers.

  “It’s just up ahead. We got this,” Smiley whispers. I can almost feel the grin emanating from her. We’re almost out of this hell. Once we are out, we can hide among the people. The crowd will help shield us. Only a few more feet. Truck presses on. We reach the end of the corridor. Below is another maintenance room. I climb down. The rest of them crowd in.

  “If each floor follows the same pattern, there will be a hallway,” Shi says. “At the end, a window. We climb through the window and jump down. Two flights. Not ideal.”

  “We don’t have a choice,” I say.

  We wait a few seconds and make sure there’s no one else in the hallway. The coast is clear, and my heart surges. We are only a few steps away from the window. Pull the sucker open and jump.

  “Chief Rocka.”

  It’s Nena. Nena calls to me.

  “Hey Chief.” Nena appears at the far end of the hallway, in the direction we are heading. She strolls as if she has no care in the world. “You left something behind.”

  Damn rookie. What is she doing in the Towers? Did she try to find us to make amends? She’s too late. We’re out. There are no Towers for the LMCs.

  With the alarm, I can barely make out what she says.

  “It doesn’t matter. I’ll buy ten more later,” I say. “We are leaving.”

  She now stands right in front of the window.

  “Move before I knock you out of the way,” Truck says. “We ain’t got time for this.”

  “You are not going nowhere,” Nena says. Before I can stop her, before I can change Nena’s mind with promises of a new tomorrow, Nena pulls a knife and plunges it into Truck. Truck drops without a moment to comprehend Nena’s deed. Truck collapses, and my whole world crashes with her.

  “See, Chief Rocka, I’m not the weak one. She is.” Her baby face is hard, unrecognizable. This is not the Nena who has been following me around from day one. This is another. She’s assured, certain what she’s done is right. Nena poses, ready to yield the knife again. I’m paralyzed, unable to look away from Truck. What has she done?

  “You had me wrong,” Nena continues. “From now on I’m the starter and the finisher. I’m going to the Towers, not you. Déesse heard me. She trusts me.”

  Déesse heard me, she said. Is that where she went when she deserted the LMCs last night? Straight to the Towers? Nena doesn’t have intel to give and yet she must have fabricated lies to gain favor. My world spins out of control. Nena gets ready to work the knife again. Her eyes are cold. The knife will end inside me just as it did in Truck. I can’t move quickly enough.

  Nena has an angelic smile. The big innocent eyes. Get hard or get dumped. I drilled that into her. She does what I taught her to do.

  Not Truck. Not my girl Truck.

  I brace for what will surely come to pass. This violence will definitely hit, and it should, because what happened to Truck should happen to me, too.

  Nena wields the bloody knife right toward me. Such anger. Such hate. I close my eyes. When I open to feel the thrust of the cut, I see instead Nena suddenly tumbling to the floor. Time whirls again, back to reality. Sule holds a tronic in her trembling hand. Sule, Déesse’s daughter, has stunned Nena.

  “You better get out of here,” Sule says. “Leave and don’t ever come back.”

  Smiley grabs Nena’s knife and places Sule in a bear hug. The knife grazes Sule’s neck.

  “Why should we listen to Déesse’s daughter?” Smiley says. “Your whole family is the problem.”

  “They’re coming. Go through the window now or stay here to die,” Sule says. She’s not afraid even though this is by far the cruelest act she’s taken against her mother. By aiding us she’s spitting at her mother’s world. “You’ve wanted to live in the Towers. Well, if you stay here you’ll be able to. They’l
l convert you into a piece of furniture for us to use.”

  Truck lets out a moan, and I snap into action. Who cares if Sule wants to play the rebellious daughter today? Truck needs me, and we’ve got to bail.

  “Let her go, Smiley,” I say. “Tend to Truck.”

  Smiley and Shi run to Truck and drag her body through the window. Smiley jumps first. We can’t cushion the fall for Truck. Shi jumps with her, and they both tumble to the ground.

  Blood is everywhere. Truck’s not out for the count. Not yet.

  “Why are you helping us?” I ask.

  Sule’s lips are blue. Her skin, an ashy gray. She can’t even hide it behind heavy makeup.

  “I can’t stop taking them. The sueños,” Sule says. She leans against the wall, frail and thin. I’ve seen this look before. The sueños are taking her down, just as they did Mami. “She keeps feeding them to me. It’s cruel what she’s doing.”

  I stand before Nena’s crumpled body. Do I punch her? Deform the innocent face with my fists? This is what I’ve been taught to do. My whole life spent defending what little I have. My actions failed everyone and everything, even Nena.

  This violence will never end. Not with this young soldier.

  I tear off the LMC necklace I gave Nena the night we let her into the crew and throw it to the ground. I feel it crush underneath my boots.

  Sule has closed her eyes. She is in a dream. I climb through the window and jump.

  CHAPTER 27

  BRING THE PAIN

  Truck barely moans. The silence is terrifying. Where is the anger that fuels her every day? Yanked away by Nena.

  “You’re going to be all right,” I say to her as we push against the crowd.

  The work shift is over. Toilers are busy tending to their lives. Buying things at the mercado. Hurrying to their underground homes to get ready for the amateur throwdown. No one cares to acknowledge the sight of three soldiers carrying a bleeding girl. They don’t want to get involved. To them the LMCs continue to be ghosts.

  Shi has her hand pressed against Truck’s stomach where Nena plunged the knife. We can’t tell if the bleeding has stopped. We need to find a place where we can assess the damage.

  Smiley tries to decide where to go. She pushes people out of the way to clear our path. We make a sharp turn to the left, away from the courtyard. We are too far away from the D. Even if we were to reach our station, we wouldn’t be able to lift Truck through our tunnel. Besides, the medical provisions we have are limited. We haven’t been in the city long enough to replenish our stock.

  Déesse’s soldiers will not stay in the Towers for long. We need to get off these streets and hide.

  “Head to the Luna Club,” I say. “It will be empty, and it’s close by.”

  Smiley rattles the door to the club. Doña Chela is nowhere to be found. She has to be in there. Where else would she be? Truck starts to tremble. She looks pale.

  “Doña, open the gate!” I yell. The others try to figure out another way in. I’ll freaking tear the place down. “Open it!”

  Doña saunters to the gate.

  “Sí?” she asks. “You can’t come in here with that.”

  “The hell we can’t,” Smiley says. “Open or you’ll be missing more than just your front teeth.”

  She doesn’t budge. Smiley grabs hold of one of Doña’s wrists from between the gate and squeezes. Doña protests. It doesn’t matter. She’s tough. She won’t bend except for sueños, and we are out of those.

  Truck goes in and out of consciousness. The tears start to flow from Shi. Doña isn’t moved by them. Truck is going to die because we came empty-handed. I’m desperate.

  “Cut her hand off,” I say. Smiley pulls the knife she took from Nena and gets ready to do what she has to do when Doña relents.

  “Abren la puerta,” the old lady says. The gate opens. Doña spits at our feet. “Malcriadas. You have a half hour.”

  We push past her and scramble down the stairs. The animal piñatas float above the dance floor to the beat of the garish music. I don’t know where to take Truck.

  “The rooms are locked,” Shi says as she throws herself against a door. They are hiding. No one wants to be contaminated by the bleeding losers. Where are the papis, the ones who love Truck?

  “Help us, please! It’s Truck, yo!”

  Finally, a young papi comes out. I recognize him. One of Truck’s favorites. He whistles, and a couple more join him. They lift Truck and take her inside a nautical-themed room.

  “She got knifed,” Shi says. “We need meds.” The blood trickles. This isn’t good. A papi rushes to find gauze to stop the bleeding. Shi does her best to check the damage. Truck needs a healer, not a big bandage.

  Someone places their hands on my shoulder, and I turn quickly, ready to fight. Books. It’s hard for me to keep my emotions from pouring out. He sees me, without malice. A completely different encounter from the one I just had with Santo.

  “It doesn’t look so bad. We need meds to ward off any infection. We also need to stitch the wound,” Shi says. “We don’t have anything to trade right now.”

  As if just the sound of sueños can attract her, Doña barges in, yelling for us to get out. No one moves.

  “You need to leave now!”

  One of the papis tries to calm her down with sweet words. They’d better leave us alone or I will yank the green hair off her head.

  “Help me,” I plead with Books. He doesn’t owe me a thing. Truck is my sister. I can’t lose her. “Please.”

  Books nods and walks out of the room with Smiley.

  “Nena . . . ,” Truck says. “Nena needs me.”

  I lean in. “Don’t worry about Nena. She’ll be fine,” I say. “We are going to be fine.”

  I squeeze her hand and wait.

  Books returns with the papi chulo named Hector. Hector is dressed in tight black clothes, as if he’s about to inflict pain on his next client. Why are they sending for him when we need a healer? I immediately want to protect Truck.

  Hector reaches over to her stomach. I stop him. “What are you going to do?” I say.

  He looks at Books.

  “I think it would be best if you leave and let him do what he does,” Books says.

  “What exactly is he going to do? I’m not going anywhere.”

  “I’m a healer. I’m going to take care of her. Your energy is not helping. I need you to leave.” Hector’s voice is deep and commanding. He’s not playing. Neither am I. Books gently pushes me toward the door. I try to fight him. I eventually give in.

  I hit the wall with my fists. This is my fault. This went down because of me. What am I doing? Destroying those closest for an unattainable goal. Nena did what I taught her to do. She sold us out for a dream I convinced her to believe in.

  Align yourself with the strongest or take them down. Lessons I learned in the training camp echo in my head, a cruel reminder that what happened to Truck was foreseen by those rules.

  I can’t stop crying.

  Santo’s harshness poisons my thoughts. The Codigos he so gallantly gave me. The bag of sueños for the Gurl Gunnas. He sent us on our way to either find out about the Ashé Ryders or to be swallowed up, never to be seen again. Either way, they would win. I was used by Santo and his family. They want power and will do everything to secure that status. I was a fool to think otherwise.

  Books sits beside me. He doesn’t say a word. He just pulls off his fake glasses and cleans the lenses with his shirt.

  The knuckles on my fingers start to swell. I can’t close my hand.

  “Do you want ice?” he asks. I want him to stop treating me as a customer. I don’t deserve anything good, definitely not the care of a papi chulo.

  How long before Smiley and Shi are knifed? This is where I’m leading the LMCs. I can’t protect them. I can’t even protect myself. Sisters for life. What good is that if we don’t live long enough to enjoy any of it? These swollen knuckles are the only thing I own. If I can no longer use
my fists, what am I? Who am I?

  “He’ll take care of her,” Books says. “Hector will know what to do. He used to work at the healing centers in the Towers until Déesse . . .”

  There’s no need for Books to complete the sentence. I know what happened. This is the recurring theme. Names listed in the Towers’ newsletter with their offenses. A person was shown the door for malicious gossiping. Another for harboring an illegal tenant. The most common offense: the overuse of sueños. How funny. I never realized it before. For a healer to work in the Towers, trying to care for addicts must prove a problem. No wonder Déesse kicked Hector out. Steady rotation of new healers ensures no one will truly pay attention to the addicts living in the Towers. How does Déesse justify her own daughter’s addiction? Sule says she keeps feeding her tabs. She ignores the problem by masking it with manufactured dreams. The line a person crosses is so moveable, there is never security.

  Mega City is held together by misguided ambitions that take root only when another person fails. The realization hits me, not as a ton of bricks, but more a slap. Books hands me a handkerchief. I push it away. I want these tears to cover my whole body.

  Doña Chela appears doing busywork. Two papis follow her around as she barks orders for them to tidy the place. She is ridiculous. So are the boydegas. I’ve spent so many hours here with Truck. We loved stunting on everyone at the Luna Club. When we entered the boydega club, we had swagger for days. We believed the club was ours. Ownership doesn’t exist in Mega City, not for anyone except Déesse and her family.

  Doña mutters how she will let Déesse know we are here. I stand to rush at her. Books stops me.

  “She won’t. She can’t afford to have Déesse come here. Doña is already letting a lot of the papis go,” he says. “People prefer the Temptation. Luna Club won’t last long.”

  I face Books. Really pay attention to him. Books is my age. We are on similar paths. We both hustle for others. Where exactly do we think we are heading?

  “What will you do?” I ask.

  “What I continue to do,” he says. “Survive.”

  Smiley returns with medical supplies. She walks right into the room. I start to pace. This city is a lie and I have fed off of it, knowing if I benefited, then to hell with everyone else. I didn’t care what happened to others. The toilers, the papis, the kids entering the training camps. They didn’t exist except when they were in my way.