by Claire Angel
I was biting my bottom lip and I touched his hand to see if I was going to get a reaction. He was too far gone to give a voice to my unprofessional behaviour.
“I feel the sun on my face and I hear birds circling the area above me,” He whispered and I saw him shiver from the cold of the water metaphorically touching his skin.
I saw his abdominal region prominently displayed through his shirt.
I could tell him anything and he wouldn’t dare tell a soul. My deepest thoughts and fantasies could be revealed in a safe place.
I was going a bit too far, but restraining my natural urges wasn’t an option.
He raised his arms instinctively and took off his shirt over his head before tossing it on the bed. I stared at it and then back at him.
Seeing him without his shirt certainly made my pulse race a little bit faster.
“I want you to tell me in your own words why your performance has suffered on the field. Don’t just blurt out an answer and I want you to dig deep into your subconscious. There’s always a trigger and we just have to find it. Don’t be afraid of the truth,” I encouraged with my hands getting a little bit too intimate with the upper half of his body by tracing those muscles without touching him.
My fingernails grazed the peach fuzz on his chest and traced those muscles without a flinch of disapproval. This only made me anxious and my daring behaviour became a little bit more brazen.
He screamed and opened his eyes, but I wasn’t sure he knew where he was. He abruptly rushed from the room without his shirt.
Chapter 4
Cadence
I was in a fog in the hallway before things began to come into focus. I didn’t even realize I wasn’t wearing a shirt until I was once again in full control of my faculties.
I felt this freezing cold and I found myself without my shirt running down the hall toward the elevator. A couple of girls of impressionable age didn’t seem to mind my underdressed state. In fact, they made a show out of using their phones to take photographs which they would most likely share with their friends until they went viral.
There was no point in telling them to stop and it would only make them want to do it more. I had no idea what happened, but I felt this black abyss and then the ocean tried to swallow me making me sputter water. I came up to the surface to a storm raging on the horizon.
There were whispered words, but I couldn’t make them out. I broke free of whatever was happening to find myself sitting there in the chair with her taking advantage of me. It didn’t bother me, but I still needed to get out before I hyperventilated.
The door to the elevator was closing and Deborah appeared with my shirt in her hands looking embarrassed. She handed it to me and I put it on to a chorus of disappointment from my adoring fans.
“I want you to know nothing like this has ever happened before. It would appear that I got a little bit too close to the truth and your mind defensively fought back. We still have a lot of work to do, but I will understand if you feel that I have overstepped my authority. I can refer you to several different therapists.” She tried to hand me a card and I vehemently refused by shaking my head and pushing her hand away.
“I would take you up on your offer, but you have been the only one who has made any headway. I know there’s something there, but for some reason, I can’t seem to reach it without you.” I was willing to put my psychological welfare in her hands even though she had done something reprehensible.
The elevator descended to the ground floor and I waited until the girls were out of earshot to continue the conversation. They had gotten their 5 minutes of fame and they were going to milk it for all that it was worth.
Tabloids would spend a fair amount on revealing photographs. It wasn’t like I was naked, but they could certainly fill in the blanks by suggesting that I was having an illicit affair with a married woman. Sneaking around a hotel room didn’t exactly give me any credibility.
“I feel I have to apologize for my unseemly behaviour in the room. I don’t know what came over me. It wasn’t like you were sending out signals. Are you sure that you really want to stay under my care?” She questioned and for some reason, I believed that she was sincere with her apology.
“I’m not sure what you are apologizing for. Care to elaborate?” I asked with this smirk on my face.
“You might have taken off your shirt, but I could have stopped the session. This is the first time and the last time something like that is ever going to happen. I know there’s no reason for you to believe that, but I vow to be on my best behaviour. I want to help you and I think I can. Give me a chance. This might be your only opportunity to take your life back.” She appealed and I was inclined to see if she could crack through the wall that I had put up to protect myself.
The lobby was busy and they didn’t seem to notice us trying to mingle with everybody else. I didn’t know how long it was going to take to open up my eyes, but she was on the right track and I couldn’t derail all the hard work that she had done. It wasn’t like she had seen anything more than what would be witnessed on a beach during a sunny day.
“I’m willing to see past this lapse of judgment. It felt like you were getting close to something. I would even consider going back under. It would be only fair for you to return the favour by taking off your shirt, but I think that would be going above and beyond the call of duty,” I said, wondering how her breasts would look unencumbered by clothing.
There was no doubt she had more than her fair share and she was trying to hide them. It wasn’t going to work. She was practically busting out of her top and I could see how the buttons were straining to remain attached.
I was assaulted by several different perfumes, but hers was stronger than all of them. I was captured in the halo of her essence surrounding me from every angle. I felt powerless and my mind came up with delicious ideas to spend a weekend getting to know her body from the tip of her toes to the top of her head.
I didn’t know how far she had gone while I was in a hypnotic trance. My only regret was that I wasn’t present and accounted for during her exploration of my flesh. She probably would’ve gone further had it not been for my break from reality.
“I called for a taxi. Don’t look so worried. This guy is discreet and I pay him handsomely for that service. I told him to meet me down the block away from the hotel. Keep your head down and I want you to wear this to become invisible.” She handed me a ball hat and she had somehow stolen it from the man arguing at the counter with the clerk.
The poor girl looked like she was frazzled and kept looking around for her boss to materialize out of nowhere. She was frustrated and her training made her unlikely to blow up at the slightest provocation. She was keeping a civil tongue and how she was able to stay neutral was beyond me.
We rushed down the sidewalk stopping to wait for the light to signal us to go forward. I was in the perfect position to see the nape of her neck. I could feel this hunger to extend the intimacy. I didn’t need a reason and I could’ve made her moan in compliance with my tongue circling her neck.
“He’s waiting, idling at the curb and I’m guessing the meter is running already. He’s a bit of a crook, but discretion is his middle name. I use him whenever I am in town which isn’t very often.” I watched her briskly move with the sway of her body dragging me along in her wake.
She ducked down and there was that brief moment where I could see the hint of her cleavage. I opened my mouth in shock. I stared at her body and the glisten of sweat making her a feast for my eyes.
I felt her fingers on my chin and she lifted my eyes until we were on equal footing.
“I do like the attention, but it’s rude to look at me like a sexual object. I know that is what I should say, but I did go a little bit too far back in the room. I can’t risk losing you as a patient for a frivolous moment of pleasure. You’re standing in the dark and I’m going to lead you into the light.” She held the door open to the taxi
with her legs dangling over the side of the seat with her heels touching the pavement.
Her legs were spread slightly and I could see the faint sign of what she was wearing underneath the red leather skirt. I swallowed hard with that anticipation of something physical happening between us.
Her legs were smooth and I found myself stone cold sober with this desperate need to touch her.
“I should be mad and screaming at you about ethics, but I can’t bring myself to do it,” I said, moving a little closer, but she shuffled back into the taxi to make it difficult for me to get any kind of satisfaction.
“Mixing business with pleasure is wrong. I could lose my license to practice. No man is going to make me lose my livelihood no matter how delicious he looks. I’m doing this for your own good. Having home field advantage gave me a license to act out. I can acquire an office for the remainder of my stay.” She was hinting at something and then it dawned on me that she wanted me to tell her that it wasn’t necessary.
“You don’t have to do that. We are consenting adults. I’m sure that we can find a way for you to work with me in your hotel suite. This whole thing has been blown out of proportion. Nothing really happened. It’s a little flattering.” I closed the taxi door and she rolled down the window signalling for the cab driver to stay exactly where he was.
“I’m not sure that I could be that magnanimous if the roles were reversed. I’m glad I didn’t do any irreparable harm to our working relationship. I can bring you a sense of peace.” Her fingernails lingered along the edge of the window and her blood red nails were bringing to mind how she could be raking them down my back during those moments of her sweet release.
“We can wipe the slate clean and start over. I can forget about this. Walking away isn’t in my vocabulary. I started something and I’m damn well going to finish it.” I put my hand on hers and she didn’t try to pull it away most likely thinking that the damage had already been done.
“You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Exposing your feelings isn’t easy. Don’t forget that you’re the one that’s going to have to take that step. Taking this leap of faith shows what kind of character you have. Come by my hotel room at 6:00 PM.” I gave her a cock of my eye and a grin of mischief.
“What exactly are you suggesting? Should I be ready to become an overnight guest? I’m just kidding and you should see the color of your face.” I had touched on a raw nerve and she rolled up her window with her arms crossed. “Was it something I said?” The taxi sped away from the curb leaving me choking in the exhaust fumes
She didn’t even bother to look behind her in one final glance. I probably should have quit while I was ahead. It was a knee-jerk reaction and making fun at her expense had only made things awkward. I was going to have to find some way to make it up to her without making it appear that I was overcompensating.
I had an ulterior motive. I actually admired her, but I secretly felt infatuated. I wanted to get closer to the flame at the risk of getting burned.
I looked down at my phone to see today’s date. I didn’t know why, but it felt like I had an anvil on my chest. It was just another piece of the puzzle which she was going to help to put back together again.
I flagged down another taxi and he took me back to the stadium where I had to sign autographed photographs for him and his little boy.
I promised him a free tour of the facilities if he would keep his mouth shut. He was quite willing to play along for appearances. It just went to show that fame and notoriety could be used for something productive other than hiding in the shadows away from the flashbulbs of the press.
Chapter 5
Deborah
The first session didn’t go exactly as planned. I couldn’t go back and change anything. I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to.
I wiped my hand across the mirror to see my reflection looking back at me.
My eyes were hazy and my skin was flushed localized along my chest and spreading downward. It was a telltale sign of arousal and there was no denying the effect Cadence had on me.
I put on the white fluffy robe courtesy of the hotel and cinched it around my waist. I sat down at my computer and did some calculations on the time difference between where I was in Chicago and where she was in England.
I logged into the chat site anonymously under an assumed name and found her waiting for me. Amy was well respected and had a reputation that rivalled my own. Her words of wisdom scrolled across the screen and they made me want to scream
“I read what you sent me and I’m a little surprised. I thought you were better than that.” Her scathing remarks had me on the ropes ready to come out swinging.
I began to type my rebuttal and I wasn’t afraid of getting into a verbal sparring match with her. I couldn’t count how many times we had differing opinions and didn’t mind getting into a spirited debate. It actually made me feel alive to let those tempers over heat until the pressure had to go somewhere.
“I feel bad enough as it is. I got in contact you as a professional courtesy to get your opinion. We have both known others who have gone down this road and they have never been the same. Do you have something constructive to say that will help me?” I asked and waited for her to respond in kind on the edge of my seat with my fingers drumming repeatedly against my knee.
“I could say that I have been in your shoes, but I would be lying. I suppose it’s only a matter of time before something like this happens and you’re going to have to be there to talk me down from the ledge. Need I remind you about the psychology ethics committee?” The very words sent a cold chill down my spine and they could be rather evasive with the rules strictly adhered to.
I could see the first snowflake hitting the glass and how quickly it melted from the heat that was being generated from inside the room. It turned to water but was soon replaced with another with no two flakes being the same.
It was never about summer and I was more inclined to enjoy the winter weather. Vacations could be spent on a tropical beach, but I enjoyed the rolling mountains and the snow-capped peaks. The romantic atmosphere of a cold climate would lend to evenings inside the room by a crackling fire and a bearskin rug.
“I understand what you’re saying, but this could be a different kind of therapy. Sometimes the human mind needs a good shock to break through the barriers. What better way than to ignite the pleasure centers in the brain?” I was justifying my actions and trying to give myself permission by pretending it was for his mental health.
“Don’t go there and we both know it’s not going to work. I’ve known others who have slipped and paid a horrible price for it. It’s not just the threat of losing your license, but you’ll lose a piece of yourself.” Amy was 1000 miles away and I could almost envision her sitting on the bed in the Lotus position taking my hands and making me see that I was going down a dangerous path.
I thought about Cadence and how easily it would be to get him to submit to an unorthodox treatment involving a more hands-on approach. I was reasonably certain that he would never tell anybody even in passing or under the influence of alcohol.
I just wasn’t sure if it was a risk that I was willing to take for a few hours that would leave me lying in the twisted sheets. I would be completely oblivious to everything that was going on around me unable to function until I once again had full control of my faculties.
I got up and paced back and forth in the room struggling with the decision. Amy did bring up some valid points. The big decisions in my life were methodically made with all the facts. I didn’t just jump into something without thinking about the consequences.
Spontaneity was never my strong suit, but maybe it was time to be impulsive. I wasn’t getting any younger and fantasies were meant to be lived and not sequestered in the dark recesses of the mind.
I jumped back on the bed getting in touch with my inner child by bouncing up and down. It probably would look crazy to most, but children had the righ
t idea. Flying by the seat of their pants with their imagination running overtime was healthy. We lost that as adults.
I typed, but I erased it several times before I finally sent something that would make any sense. It wasn’t easy to get my thoughts together.
“Amy, you have always known what to say to get through to me. Ultimately, this is my decision and what happens is something I’m going to have to live with. I promise to take all of your advice and think about this before I do anything I’m going to regret. Don’t be surprised to get a call begging you to talk me down.” I sat there debating at length the pros and cons of getting involved with Cadence in a strictly physical relationship.
“If you can look in the mirror and like the person looking back at you then you have nothing to worry about. The worst mistakes are made when the mind and the body are fighting one another. Losing oneself to pleasure is not an uncommon occurrence.”
I looked at my hand and it was visibly trembling and I had to put my other hand over it to study it from a strictly clinical point of view. It was all in my mind.
“This impromptu session has been illuminating, but I really do have things to do. You have no idea how much I appreciate that you are always there for me. It’s nice to know that I have a lifeline when I feel like I’m drowning.” There was no need for her to respond and I was left alone with those thoughts that haunted me in the middle of the night.
I brought up several articles on the Internet about him. My main focus was those photographs that had been taken in public when he wasn’t hamming it up for the camera. These were candid shots and it touched me to see him showing his softer side. He was sitting with those children with life-threatening ailments.
I had this catch in my throat. My hand touched my heart in sympathy.
I finally had to log out and close the computer before I went completely mad with desire. I lie back against the mattress with my head propped up on a pillow looking at the wall with my hands interlocked on my lap.
