A Hilarious and Charming Feel-Good Read

by Saranna Dewylde

  “The press?” Red ended on a vocal note high enough for dogs to hear.

  Grammy winced and pressed a finger against her ear and shook her head. “So what happened? You can tell us, child.”

  “He missed.”

  “Oh no,” Red said.

  “Oh yes,” Lucky replied. “Yes, we fought about it and I said something in anger. I called him The Boy Who Missed, and the rest of the student body picked it up and . . . that is, as they say, history.”

  “And he still wants to be with you? Lucky. That’s amazing,” Red said. “When people find out what kind of baggage I’ve got, they usually run screaming in the other direction.”

  “We won’t,” Gwen rushed to reassure her.

  “We promise.” Lucky already felt a kind of steadfast loyalty to Red. She just knew that they were going to be friends for a long time.

  “Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Red said softly.

  “I said the same thing to Ransom.” She bit her lip and then put another piece of cake in her mouth. “The turd of it is, I mean it. I don’t think there’s anything you could tell me that would make me not want to be your friend. Weirdmaste, dude. The freaky curse in me acknowledges the freaky baggage in you.”

  “We’ll see if you feel that way after the wedding,” Grammy said.

  “That sounds ominous. You’re not going to shit in the cake or anything, are you?” Gwen asked.

  Grammy spat out her coffee. “Lands no, child. Where would you get such an idea?”

  “Well, you were saying after the wedding like something scary was going to happen. What else could it be?”

  “In time, darlings. In time.” Red nodded. “So what are you going to do with your free afternoon? Do you want to bake?”

  “I would love to bake!” Gwen said. “How does the bride-to-be feel about baking?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve never been able to do it. I tried once and I set the kitchen on fire. I could paint and watch you?”

  Grammy put her arm around Lucky. “You can do anything you want to do. You are the mistress of your own fate. At least in Ever After.”

  “I know! Let’s make those cupcakes and maybe Lucky could put her art on the frosting?” Red suggested.

  “That’s a fabulous idea! I think you’d love it,” Gwen encouraged.

  “I don’t know. What if I mess it up?” Lucky really wanted to try baking with Gwen and their new friends. It was something a lot of people took for granted, but Lucky couldn’t get near a stove without something going horribly, heinously wrong.

  “You just eat it,” Grammy said, as if it were the simplest answer in the world.

  So that afternoon, Lucky Fujiki decided to step out of her self-imposed unluck bubble and tried baking with her friends.

  She only set herself on fire once.

  It occurred to Lucky that even though she was a walking disaster, Gwen, Grammy, and Red wanted her there anyway.

  Chapter 11

  “Princes do not turn into frogs,” Steven insisted.

  “Duh, not by themselves. Don’t you read? They’re bad; then they are punished so they learn a lesson. Then a princess comes and kisses them, becaaaauuuussee, we all know kisses are true love, and—” Brittany stopped to pick up a pebble from the path.

  “Kisses are not true love. You don’t know anything, Brittany!” Steven yelled.

  “You’re so dumb.”

  “I’ll tell Mom you called me dumb.”

  “I’ll tell Mom you are dumb.”

  “No, you.” Steven crossed his arms over his chest and looked up at Ransom. “Girls, am I right? Sheesh.”

  Ransom, for his part, was thoroughly entertained by the kids’ shenanigans.

  “Little man, I hate to break it to you, but girls are fantastic,” Ransom replied.

  “Well, I guess you would say that. You get Aunt Lucky. I guess that’s okay. But come on.” He looked up to Roderick, possibly for some backup. The poor kid sounded so frustrated.

  Brittany wore a stern look that was all Gwen, and Ransom could tell that she was just waiting for them to team up against her.

  “I just don’t get why the princes always get the ugly curses. They get turned into frogs, they have to run all over heck’s half acre trying to save princesses, who probably should’ve just did what their parents told them and then they wouldn’t be in that situation. It’s not fair.”

  Roderick nodded along, but then he said something that surprised Ransom. “Sometimes, when princes save the princess, they’re really being saved, too.”

  Steven was skeptical. “Huh. I don’t see it.”

  Brittany put her hand in Roderick’s after that. “I like the stories where the princesses save themselves. Then they get to be with whoever they love.”

  “I like those stories, too,” Roderick replied.

  “Do you like those stories?” Steven asked Ransom. “My dad thinks they’re all dumb.”

  “I do like them. My favorite stories are the ones with the Happily Ever After.”

  “Why? My dad says they’re all pretend.”

  Brittany snorted but didn’t say anything else.

  “I don’t think that’s true. Listen, little man. I’m not going to tell you that your dad is wrong, but don’t let anyone convince you that bad things are easier to believe in than the good.”

  Two fat raccoons waddled across their path and stopped to look at them.

  Brittany did her best to contain a squeal, but failed miserably.

  The raccoons seemed to cringe, but waited.

  Brittany fumbled in her pocket and pulled out a bit of cake.

  Ransom tried not to snort. Pockets stuffed with cake. Poor Gwen had her hands full with these little darlings.

  Ransom couldn’t help but imagine that if he and Lucky were to ever have children, they’d be full of the dickens, too.

  Roderick whispered, “Uh, I don’t think they’re supposed to feed wild animals. Isn’t that a rule? Don’t give kids to bears, or something?”

  “This is Ever After, Roderick. These animals are unlike any you’ll find anywhere else. I bet they’ll take the cake straight from their little hands.” But still, he decided better to be safe than sorry. “Hey, Brittany. Just hold it out for them and let them choose how close to get, okay? Don’t touch.”

  “I know,” she called back.

  All enmity between her and her brother was gone as she patiently showed him how to hold out his hand. How to sit down quietly and wait for the animals to come to them.

  “Uh, you guys. Don’t try this anywhere outside of Ever After, either,” Ransom called.

  “Okay, Uncle Ransom,” Steven answered.

  Uncle. Ransom. His heart twisted on itself.

  He wasn’t unfamiliar with love. He wasn’t afraid of it. Not like some men who pretended they didn’t have feelings because it was unmanly or something equally ignorant. No, he was completely comfortable with emotions and admitting he had them.

  What he was unfamiliar with was the concept of where he fit into a family. When he’d been orphaned, he’d lost that sense of self and how he fit into something bigger. Ransom had the godmothers and they loved him incredibly well. They were the best thing that had ever happened to him, aside from Lucky.

  Though, there wasn’t a bigger family unit.

  One of the games he played as a kid was imagining himself as part of a big family, with cousins and siblings and those people you saw on holidays but couldn’t quite remember how they were related to you.

  Ransom had never felt like someone’s son. Someone’s brother. Someone’s cousin.

  Someone’s uncle.

  He knew in that moment, no matter what happened with Lucky, he was now and forever Brittany and Steven’s Uncle Ransom.

  “That just gotcha right in the nuts, didn’t it?” Roderick asked.

  His friend knew him too well.

  “Yeah, it did.”

  “I kinda like the small humans, too.”

  T
he raccoons had approached and had each taken a handful of the crumbly cake out of the kids’ hands and one had come back to grab another. Then, they waddled off toward the forest.

  Steven got up to follow them, but Brittany patiently explained why they shouldn’t follow them.

  “Maybe we’ll see them at the fountain. Do you remember how to get there?” he asked.

  “The path!” They darted forward, but then stopped and waited for Ransom to tell them they could go.

  He nodded. “They really are good kids.”

  “I guess their mom is okay, too. She’s dealing with a lot, huh.”

  “Yeah, and she’s still here to support Lucky.”

  “Why doesn’t she get a fairy godmother? Also, any idea when mine is going to be off the injured list?” Roderick asked.

  “I don’t know, my friend. You’re going to have to ask Petty about that. She might know.”

  Roderick seemed to consider it for a moment. “Nah, probably better not. What with all the matchmaking.”

  “I think that’s a godmother’s bread and butter.”

  “I could use some of those godmother cookies, though.”

  “Man, I can barely see the kids. Those little legs sure do move fast.”

  “I know, right?”

  They picked up the pace to keep time with the kids and they made it to the fountain in no time at all.

  The mermaid fountain babbled and gurgled happily while the kids chased each other around the perimeter. There was no sign of the raccoons, but Ransom figured they’d done their duty.

  Suddenly, Brittany shrieked with glee. “I found him!”

  Ransom looked over to see the roundest, fattest, angriest toad he’d ever seen in real life perched precariously on one of the mermaid’s shoulders.

  “It’s the prince!” she squealed.

  “It’s not a prince. It’s a dumb, old toad,” Steven argued.

  Ransom raised a brow.

  Steven held out his hands as if to say, but it is dumb.

  Ransom just shook his head and Steven did an impression of a glower, but his little shoulders sagged.

  The frog made a sound that might’ve been a “ribbett” on a smaller creature, but this one sounded like the doorbell to the underworld.

  It made Steven giggle like a loon and when he stopped giggling, the frog would do it again.

  Ransom sat down on the edge of the fountain and acknowledged the frog. “Hey, buddy.”

  It blorped at him, and Steven and Brittany were both infected with the giggles.

  “What’s going on? I want to play,” Roderick said, and joined them.

  Brittany approached the frog carefully. “If you sit still, Mr. Frog, I’ll give you a kiss.”

  Ransom wouldn’t have thought that frogs had eyebrows, but this one seemed to arch a brow with doubtful invitation.

  Hell, maybe he really was a prince waiting for someone to break the spell.

  Steven grabbed his sister’s arm. “What are you doing? You’ll get warts.”

  “That’s just a story. I will not.”

  “You will.”

  “If I do, our fairy godmother will fix me right up,” she said with confidence.

  Brittany leaned over slowly, and just as she was about to smooch the frog on his giant, bulbous head, Steven poked him in the hind parts with a stick and the frog launched himself into the air.

  Brittany screamed as she fell into the fountain and the frog landed on her head.

  “Oh, I’m going to get you.” She sat up slowly, purposefully. She exhaled with a huff. “I’m sorry for my brother’s rudeness, your majesty. It’s too bad we can’t actually put him in the dungeon.”

  The frog made a sound that might have been agreement.

  Brittany picked him up gently and kissed his head before setting him on the edge of the fountain.

  “Didn’t work, huh?” Roderick asked.

  “Nah, I didn’t think it would, but I had to try.”

  “That’s very brave.”

  Brittany beamed at him. “I guess I like you. Lots of boys can’t tell when girls are brave, or strong, but I think you can. That doesn’t mean you can marry my mom, though.”

  Roderick held up his hand. “Wouldn’t dream of it. We could be friends, though.”

  “Not the sleeping over friends, though.”

  Ransom coughed and choked.

  Roderick cleared his throat. “No, Brittany. Just regular friends. Like you and me.”

  “Okay. That’s good.” She stood up. “Now, Steven is going to pay.”

  Steven shrieked and ran into the bushes with a sopping wet Brittany on his trail.

  “Stay where I can see you, you guys!” Ransom called.

  “You’re kind of good with these kids. All responsible and dad-like,” Roderick said. “Is that what you want? Do you want the whole two-point-five kids and a dog and a . . . frog?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “And you want it with Lucky, don’t you?” Roderick asked.

  “I don’t know. I’ve always loved her.”

  “But . . .” Roderick prompted.

  “But what if our children had whatever she has?”

  “That’s assuming you actually get to have penetrative sex. Ever. I don’t know that I would risk it. Feral hogs? How does that even . . .”

  “All of that is worth it for me. I don’t care about that. I’m signing up to deal with that. Any little humans we decide to make, they’re not choosing that. We’re choosing it for them. Is that a risk we can take? If it’s not, can we adopt? Some people are immune to Lucky’s misfortune. Like Gwen. But what if they’re not? Do I want this relationship more than I want a family?”

  “You have a family, Ransom.”

  “Yes, I do. I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant children. I want to be a father.”

  “I think you’d be good at it. For what it’s worth, I think Lucky would be a good mother, if that’s something she wants. I’ve watched how she puts everyone else around her first.”

  “I don’t think she’s ever let herself consider it.” Ransom considered for a long moment. He thought about telling him about the quest, but ultimately decided against it. “What about you, Roderick? You’ve never mentioned if you want kids, or if you’ve even thought about it.”

  “I guess I’ve always thought I’d have them. Like, I’d meet someone, get married, and that would be the natural progression. I’ve never thought about whether I wanted it or not.”

  “Maybe you should.”

  “Oh, not you, too. I thought we were past that. I’m not about to run around and get involved with a woman fresh out of a relationship and her kids. Even if I like her kids.”

  Ransom held up his hands. “It’s just that the godmothers are never wrong. That’s all.”

  “That takes all the mystery out of it, doesn’t it?”

  “I don’t think so. It’s like a road trip. I know where I’m going to end up, but I don’t know what’s going to happen on the way there.”

  “We should talk about the press junket.”

  Ransom saw Brittany and Steven both covered in mud making their way back to the fountain. They each had toads in their hands the size of the one they’d just molested. The animals didn’t struggle and allowed themselves to be transported.

  “Guys! I said no touching.”

  “I asked him if I could pick him up and he let me!” Brittany said.

  “We wanted to introduce them to the other frog in the fountain. Maybe they can be friends,” Steven said.

  By all that was holy.

  He sighed and sank down in the park bench, and Roderick sat beside him.

  “Okay, put them in the fountain, but if they decide to hop off, you let them.”

  “Yes, Uncle Ransom,” they said in practiced unison.

  “Press. Junket,” Roderick reminded him.

  “I know. I know. I’m dreading the damn thing.”

  “I know you are. Which is why I don’t unders
tand why you won’t agree to the waiver.”

  “Because we had a hard enough time getting the press to agree to come to the middle of Missouri. The main reason they want to be here is to ask me about what happened. If they can’t ask the questions they’ve been dying to know the answers to, why would they come?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Because you’re a billionaire getting married in a kitschy little tourist town?”

  “Maybe I just want to get it over with.”

  Roderick’s phone buzzed. He pulled it out and his face was a stone mask. “They were going to do it anyway, I suppose.”

  “Has it started?”

  “Yeah.” Roderick passed him the phone.

  The headline read: THE BOY WHO MISSED TO WED.

  He scrubbed a hand over his face.

  He briefly considered buying the gossip rag outlet and selling it off for scrap. He could do it a thousand times over. Except he wasn’t that kind of man, he didn’t want to be.

  Not even in moments like this.

  He had to keep proving to himself he was more than The Boy Who Missed.

  It was a mistake. An accident. It had clung to him like the stench of an unwashed gym sock almost his entire adult life.

  He’d done so many things.

  He was so many things.

  He was more than this.

  Except the press didn’t want to talk about the schools he’d built, or the medical research he’d funded, the acres and acres of rain forest he saved, or how he paid workers’ tuition and that of their immediate families. No, that didn’t matter.

  The only thing that mattered to them was that he’d had a mishap that happened more regularly than people might think.

  So why him? Why did it stay with him?

  His only answer was that there was something else wrong with him. Some other, underlying cause or unworthiness.

  The same unworthiness he’d felt his whole life.

  That’s why it made him so angry. That’s why he retaliated. He needed to prove he was more. He needed to prove that he could. He wasn’t helpless. He wasn’t a failure.

  Ransom repeated his accomplishments over and over to himself, a litany and an armor, but somehow, those sharp little arrows always managed to get through.