Rebuild My Heart

by Ariel Tachna

  What time? he texted back.

  Whenever you’re finished. Thane should be home soon.

  Derek thought about his empty house and decided he didn’t need to go home first. He wasn’t particularly sweaty or dusty. He’d just take his boots off at the door and he’d be mostly fit for company. Be there in twenty.

  THANE’S truck wasn’t in the driveway when Derek got there, so he parked on the street before walking around to the back porch. He was untying his boots when Blake came out to join him. “Beer? Or are you in the mood for something stronger?”

  “Beer is fine,” Derek said, wondering who or what had given Blake the idea he might need something stronger. “I have to drive home tonight.”

  “You can always crash here if you need to. You know that, right?”

  “Of course I know. What’s gotten into you?”

  Blake didn’t answer, so Derek followed him back inside and accepted the beer Blake handed him. Blake opened his own bottle and sat down at the table across from Derek.

  “You know, Disney really screwed us over. ‘Happily ever after’ is a myth. Relationships are hard work, even after the end of the ‘story.’”

  Derek frowned at the complete non sequitur. “You and Thane seem to have done a pretty good job of it.”

  “Pretty good,” Blake agreed before taking a sip of his beer. “But that doesn’t mean we haven’t worked for it.”

  Yeah, something had given Derek away. He just didn’t know what. Still, Derek could play along. “Come on, Blake. Thane would do anything for you.”

  “Almost anything.”

  “What wouldn’t he do if you asked him to?” Derek scoffed. He had known Thane almost his entire life, and he’d never seen Thane as gone over anyone as he was over Blake.

  “He wouldn’t give up the boys,” Blake said casually, as if such a thing were even an option. As if Blake would ever consider it.

  “Of course not! They’re his nephews. At this point they’re your nephews.”

  “Yes, and that’s what happens when you’re a parent—or parental figure. The kids suddenly become the most important thing, no matter how you cut it. At least while they’re still dependent on us, they will always be our number-one priority. Somewhere down the road, when they’re off on their own, that might change, but for now their needs come first. As it should be.”

  “Did you have a point?” Derek asked, feeling defensive.

  “I happened to go in Hensley’s Books the other day,” Blake replied. “I needed to pick up some books, and I wanted to talk to Owen about possibly helping out with our GSA next year. I didn’t expect the reaction I got. He told me you’d broken up and you’d used Ephah as your excuse.”

  “That’s not what I said,” Derek protested. “I said I couldn’t ask him not to give Ephah what he needed but I knew myself too well to make us all suffer what would happen if I stayed. What kind of a selfish prick do you think I am?”

  “I don’t think you’re a selfish prick at all, but I suspect you feel that way or you wouldn’t have brought it up. And you aren’t asking the right question,” Blake replied. “The question is whether you would get what you need out of a relationship with Owen and his nephew. I always wanted kids. I talked for years about fostering troubled teens, even though I never did anything about it. So for me, Thane and the boys gave me everything I wanted in one go. That doesn’t mean it would be right for everyone.”

  “Honestly it’s not something I’ve ever really thought about,” Derek admitted. “Other than Lily, none of my close friends had kids, and they were in Louisville, so I’d see them at Christmas or when she came to visit Thane, but that was about it. I guess I always thought I’d figure it out if I got married and the person I was with wanted kids.”

  “Well, the person you were with has one now, so I’d say it’s time to figure it out. Unless you really are the selfish prick you keep accusing yourself of being. I’m not telling you it will be easy, whatever you decide. I just want you to consider if there are options besides walking away. Ephah is many things, but he isn’t a grieving child the way Kit and Phillip were when Thane took them in. He doesn’t need the same things from Owen that Kit and Phillip needed from us, and he won’t need even the things he does need for nearly as long.”

  “What are you saying?” Derek asked.

  “I’m saying maybe you should have given Owen a chance to answer your concerns before you walked out. But I’m also saying I would never criticize you for feeling like you can’t take on the responsibility of a child, even one as grown as Ephah. I’ve seen far too many kids in my line of work with parents who really shouldn’t have had kids. They pass them off to daycares and the schools to raise or let them run wild with no guidance, and it happens in all walks of life. Owen has made his choice, and I applaud him for it, but I understand why people would make a different choice. You have to do what’s right for you. I’m just not sure that’s what you’re doing.”

  “How am I supposed to know?” Derek asked.

  “If I had the answer to that, I’d be a very rich man,” Blake replied. “Just think about it. Really think about it instead of going with your first knee-jerk reaction. Ephah has one year of high school left. If the reward is a life with Owen, can you live with a year of helping him give Ephah the support he needs to graduate and get started on his own path?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I didn’t expect you to, but think about it. If the answer is still no, then that’s it. I won’t say another word, but if the answer is yes, I’ll support you in any way I can, because I do know what it’s like to be with someone who suddenly has kids to worry about.”

  Derek took a sip of his beer to cover the rising emotion. “Thanks, Blake,” he said when he could get the words out. “I don’t know what the answer is, but it means a lot that you’re willing to help.”

  “I THOUGHT you were seeing someone,” Marlene said as soon as Derek walked into the house on Sunday. He’d finally run out of excuses to avoid the weekly family dinners Marlene liked to host, so he’d decided to bite the bullet and get it over with, even if he didn’t have Brian to share the aggravation with. It would buy him a few weeks of peace at least, maybe more.

  “I was,” Derek replied tersely. “Now I’m not.”

  Marlene sniffed. “Not surprising, really. I mean, construction isn’t the most… distinguished profession.”

  Derek gritted his teeth. “That isn’t why we broke up, not that it’s any of your business.”

  “Derek, don’t talk to your mother that way,” Derek’s father snapped.

  Derek bit back the retort that Marlene wasn’t and would never be his mother. They’d had that argument more times than Derek could count, but nothing got through to his father where Marlene was concerned.

  “We care about what happens to you. Of course it’s our business,” his father insisted.

  Derek took a deep breath and reminded himself to let it go. All he had to do was get through one afternoon. He didn’t apologize, but he did nod to acknowledge the comment. God, he wished Owen were here. Marlene might have an issue with his accent, but she could hardly criticize him for his education or his profession. Although she would have a few things to say about his hair and his clothes, two of the things Derek had always found alluring. Damn her for bringing it up anyway.

  “How’s work?” he asked his father, hoping to turn the attention away from himself for a bit.

  The ploy succeeded at first, until Preston joined them, looking as preppy as always, a stark contrast to Derek’s jeans and T-shirt. They were clean, at least. That counted for something.

  “Preston, darling, come join us. Derek was just about to tell us about his newest project at work,” Marlene said, false interest dripping from her voice.

  “I just finished up a renovation at a local bookstore,” Derek replied. “Now it’s back to working on the apartment complex with Thane.”

  Marlene sighed. “I still don’t know what you s
ee in that man. With your skills, I’m sure you could work at any construction company in the city.”

  “Why would I want to do grunt work at one of them when I’m Thane’s partner in this one?” Derek asked. “And why would I want to work at another one when we’re the best?”

  “He’s just so—”

  “Whatever you’re about to say, don’t,” Derek ground out. “Because all you’re going to do is piss me off.”

  “Well, I never!” Marlene exclaimed. “You’ve lost all your manners since we last saw you, not that you had many to begin with.”

  Derek glanced from her to his father, hoping futilely his father would defend him, but he didn’t. He never had, and he never would. Derek had held his silence for years, biting his tongue and gritting his teeth, but that ended today.

  “You know what?” Derek said. “Maybe I have, or maybe I’ve just finally realized I don’t care what you think, either one of you. You’ve shunted Brian and me aside from the day you walked into this house. You think you’re so much better than everyone else, but I’ll tell you something. That boy from the wrong side of the tracks you’re so fond of insulting? He’d never treat anyone the way you treat me. And his husband”—Marlene blanched at the word. Good, Derek thought viciously—“is one of the kindest men you’ll ever meet. Preston, I wish you all the best. If you ever want out of here, you know how to reach me. Dad, Marlene, don’t bother calling again. I’m done.”

  Derek stalked out of the house, ignoring the shouts behind him. He took a deep breath when he climbed into his truck and realized the constant knot of worry in his chest was gone. It didn’t matter what Marlene or his father thought. They’d never loved him, but that was their failing, not his. He could stop defining himself by what they thought of him.

  He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and hit Thane’s number.

  “Derek, is everything okay? I thought you were going to your dad’s for dinner.”

  “I was. I snapped and told them off.”

  “About damn time.”

  Derek laughed. “Yeah, I see that now. Got room for one more at your table for dinner?”

  “Anytime, man. You don’t even have to ask.”

  And that, Derek thought, is what family is supposed to look like.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  “UNCLE Owen?” Owen looked up from the computer when Ephah came into his office.

  “Hi, Ephah. How was senior orientation?”

  “It was fine. I met with Mr. Barnes and got everything set for my classes. Ms. Bauer was able to get my transcript as my caseworker, so everything is official now. Turns out I only need two classes to graduate, a math and an English, so I’m going to look at finding an internship somewhere to round out the day. I’ll get credit for it, actual work experience, and possibly get paid.”

  “Have you thought about what you’d want to do? They probably won’t let you work here.”

  “Actually, Mr. Barnes and I talked about that. I worked with an electrician for part of the summer before I came here. That’s how I got the money to pay for the bus ticket. Mr. Barnes thinks there might be a place for me at Dalton Construction. If it won’t make you uncomfortable.”

  “I’m an adult, Ephah. I can handle you working with my ex.”

  “You sure? Because you’ve been hovering like crazy since you two broke up. If you keep doing that, you’re going to run into him again.”

  “It’ll be fine.”

  “Or, you know, you could stop hovering. That would be a thing too.”

  “Are you telling me I’m being overbearing?”

  “I’m telling you I don’t need a replacement dad. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, with the room and Mr. Barnes getting me into school and introducing me to Kit and Phillip, and I know you’d do anything I needed you to. I can’t tell you how much it means to me, but you don’t need to put your life on hold for me.”

  “That’s not what I’m doing.” Son of a sea cook, why hadn’t he and Ephah had this conversation a month ago? He might not have made the same mistakes if they had.

  “Maybe not consciously, but I know you canceled dates with Derek because of me, and now you’re not seeing him anymore. It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together and get four.”

  “Do not blame yourself for this,” Owen said hotly. “Whatever issues Derek and I have, they’re our own. You did the right thing coming here, and I won’t hear otherwise.”

  “I won’t say otherwise,” Ephah replied. “Just think about it, okay?”

  “Okay,” Owen said, but he already knew it wouldn’t matter. Derek had walked, not Owen. If Derek wanted to work things out, he’d have to take the first step.

  DEREK tightened the washer on the pipe he was installing in one of the kitchens in the apartment complex and leaned back to wipe the sweat off his forehead. He’d done a lot of soul-searching since walking out on Marlene and his father two weeks ago. He hadn’t realized how completely he’d been letting them define his views still. It hurt to accept his father wouldn’t ever take his side against Marlene, but he’d known that for years. He’d let it convince him that no one else would ever take his side against the world either, and that was bullshit. Thane had always taken his side, and even if adding Blake to the equation meant Thane had someone to share his life with in a way he didn’t share it with Derek, that hadn’t actually taken away from their friendship. Hell, if he’d had any doubts, Thane’s reply when Derek walked out on Marlene had laid them to rest. Anytime, man. You don’t even have to ask.

  Despite everything his father always said about Marlene planning for everyone to be there, Derek would never have shown up unannounced or uninvited, but he dropped in at Thane’s house all the time, both before and after Blake and the boys joined him. Sure, things had been a little dicey when the boys first arrived, but they’d all been grieving over Lily’s death, Derek included, and by the time that had passed enough to consider other things, the boys were part of the fabric of Derek’s existence as much as they were Thane’s.

  Derek wouldn’t wish that kind of grief on anyone, but the lack of it with Owen and Ephah had removed the instant bond that came from shared grief, and so Derek had felt pushed aside instead of part of the transition to include Ephah in Owen’s life. Not to mention he didn’t have the kind of relationship with Owen he had with Thane, one spanning so many years Derek didn’t even think about it anymore. It just was. Maybe if he and Owen had been together longer or had reached the stage of making more of a commitment, they could have figured out how to make those adjustments together.

  He missed Owen desperately, but he channeled his emotions into work most days. If he was exhausted when he got home, he could drop into bed and sleep without having to face empty evenings. On the nights he couldn’t sleep no matter how exhausted he was, he got lost in the memory of Owen’s face the last time they made love. That always resulted in him being a sweaty mess. Which was okay. The sweat hid the tears he couldn’t quite stop at the thought of what could have been.

  “That plumbing done yet?” Thane asked, interrupting Derek’s maudlin thoughts.

  “Yeah, just finished. Why?”

  “Because we need to get this unit done so you can sign off on it. I have a new job for you starting in two days,” Thane said.

  “Sure thing,” Derek said. “There’s a couple of little things left to do in here still, but I should be able to finish up before I leave today. What’s the new job?”

  “The second stage of the bookstore reno,” Thane replied.

  “Oh hell no, Thane. Get someone else to do it.”

  “Can’t,” Thane said. “Everyone else is busy.”

  “Fucker,” Derek muttered.

  “No, that would be you. You fucked it up. You’re miserable. He’s miserable. Fix it.”

  Wait, what? “He’s miserable? How do you know?”

  “Kit and Phillip saw Ephah at senior orientation. You’re lucky I’m the one in here kicking your ass
and not them.”

  Derek snorted. “I’d like to see them try.”

  “They did a damn good job on Blake and me. Don’t ever underestimate how sneaky they are. Hensley is expecting a crew to get started in two days. Take whoever you want, but fix it.”

  DEREK almost ignored Blake’s texted invitation to dinner the next night, still annoyed at Thane for trying to force the issue with Owen. Yeah, Derek wished things had gone differently, and yeah, he realized he was worth more than Marlene and his father would ever see, but that didn’t mean he was ready to see Owen again. He’d burned that bridge when he walked out. He didn’t see any way to go back. That wasn’t Blake’s fault, though, and eating dinner with them would be better than sitting at home alone, worrying about how the next day would go. He’d ended up tagging Kit and Phillip for his crew again, both because they were already familiar with the project and because they already knew the situation with Owen. He’d lose them once school started, but it was enough to get things started. By then Thane should have finished the apartment rehab and could give Derek a couple more men.

  Blake was the only one in the kitchen when Derek walked in. He stuck the six-pack of beer he’d brought into the fridge and grabbed one for himself. “You want one?”

  “I have a drink already. Thanks, though.”

  Derek popped the cap and took a long swig. “What can I do to help?”

  “Nothing,” Blake replied as always, not that Derek would ever stop asking. “Thane and the boys are getting cleaned up, and then we’ll eat.”

  Derek nodded. “How are things looking for school in the fall?”

  “Very positive. With the change in staffing at work, I’ve been assigned to work with the seniors instead of the sophomores this year, which is making Kit and Phillip alternately gleeful and miserable. I’ve been meeting with all the new seniors individually this summer since I didn’t get to meet with them at the end of last year like I did the returning seniors. The goal is to get a feel for their plans and how we can help them achieve those goals. It’s quite interesting, really. As educators it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking all kids should follow the same kinds of paths we did. We’ve been successful, so they will be too. But not all kids have the same vision of their future or of what success looks like as we do.”