This Ain't Love: MC Romance (BDMC: Second Generation Book 1)

by A. M. Myers

  Oh, God.

  What the hell have I done?

  Glancing over at the phone, I jump up out of my chair. Diego can’t know about this or he’ll start to connect the dots and it could put him or our baby in danger. With renewed determination, I walk to the edge of the deck and power off the phone before chucking it into the woods. Leaves crunch as it lands somewhere in the distance and I suck in a breath, hoping that will be good enough as I turn back to the envelope. Swiping it off the table, I go back inside and grab the lighter out of the kitchen drawer before going to the sink. As I hold the tiny flame to the edge of the envelope, I hold it over the sink and watch as the fire eats away at the evidence. I release it into the sink and let the rest of it burn before turning on the water to wash all the fragments down the drain. Once it’s all done, I step back and brace my hands on the counter as the room starts to spin around me and my stomach rolls.

  “Breathe,” I whisper to myself as I take a couple of deep breaths and my surroundings slowly right themselves again. Diego is going to be back soon and I need to get control of this before he does. All it would take is one look at me right now to tell that I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown and I can’t have that. Whatever I do, I have to protect him.

  Walking back out to the deck, I sink into my chair and try to feel the calm I was basking in earlier but it eludes me. My mind is consumed with thoughts of what Dominic is going to do to me once I turn myself over to him and the pain in my chest is only getting worse. Spots flicker in front of me again and everything starts to spin. I grip the table, praying for relief that I’m not all that sure will come. A sharp, piercing pain lances through my belly and I cry out, grabbing my phone off the table as the world whirls around me.

  “Please,” I hiss, tears streaming down my face as I try to focus on the screen, looking for Diego’s name. Through the haze, I find it and stab wildly, letting out a sigh when the call goes through. Darkness creeps in around the edges of my vision.

  “Hey, baby.” I hear him say as the phone slips out of my hand and everything goes dark.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Diego

  “Move, motherfucker!” I yell, trying to merge into the lane next to me so I can pass this asshole in the green SUV as I try Izzy again. The call immediately goes to her voice mail and I resist the urge to chuck the thing across the cab of my truck. I’m still five minutes out from the compound, at least, and my mind is spinning. No one could get onto the property to harm her but that is the only small comfort I have right now as I press the gas pedal to the floor. The SUV honks at me as I pass it but I don’t give a shit. Looking back down at my phone, I dial Storm’s number as I struggle to catch my breath.

  Please, please tell me that this is all just a bad dream.

  “What’s up?”

  I release a breath. “I need you to go check on Izzy.”

  “Why? What’s wrong?”

  Shaking my head, I press harder on the gas, urging my truck to go faster. “I don’t know. She called me but didn’t say anything and then it sounded like the phone fell and now it’s just going to voice mail.”

  “Yeah,” he says. “I’ll head over now. How far out are you?”

  “Two minutes if no one else gets in my fucking way.”

  I hang up without saying good-bye but I’ll apologize for that shit later, once I know my girl is okay. The rest of the way passes in a blur and once I’m on the compound, I turn toward my house and floor it, spitting gravel behind me. It’s not safe to go so fast down these roads but I can’t bring myself to care. Not right now. My only focus is getting to the house and making sure she’s okay.

  Fuck.

  I can’t lose her.

  A familiar agony rips through me and I grab the steering wheel with both hands before jerking at it repeatedly like I can somehow rip it out of the vehicle.

  No.

  No.

  No.

  Izzy finally just agreed to be mine. We’ve spent the last three weeks so fucking happy and in love so I can’t lose her now. Her honey eyes and bright smile pop into my mind and pain explodes through my chest.

  “Please be okay, baby,” I whisper as I whip around the last curve before our house. “Please.”

  My truck skids into the driveway, sending more gravel flying, but my focus is on the deck where Storm is standing, talking on his phone. He glances back at me, one hand in his hair as he tugs on it. His face is white, all the color leached from his skin and my stomach drops.

  Oh, God.

  Where is she?

  Throwing the truck in park, I shove my door open and jump out, not bothering to close the damn thing as I run up to the deck. As soon as I get closer, I see her. She’s hidden behind Storm but when he steps to the side, my entire world comes crashing down around me.

  I jerk my head back like I can physically flee from the memory currently tormenting me as I let out a sigh. For the rest of my goddamn life, I will remember the cold fist of fear that punched through my ribs and latched onto my heart when I saw her, unconscious on the front porch in the same chair I left her in earlier. It was the single worst moment of my thirty-four years and let me tell you, there have been some fucking doozies. Storm already had nine-one-one on the phone. I rushed to her side, wishing I could hold her but I didn’t have any idea what was wrong so I didn’t want to risk it.

  “Hey,” Chance says as he walks into the waiting room with Carly at his side. “Any news yet?”

  I shake my head as they sit across from me. After she was brought into Baton Rouge General by ambulance, the doctors quickly assessed her and made the decision that our boy would need to be delivered immediately by C-section. Izzy’s blood pressure was through the fucking roof and there was a risk of heart attack or stroke if they didn’t act fast. As they rushed her to the operating room, a nurse informed me I wouldn’t be permitted in the surgery since it’s so high risk and she directed me to this waiting room where I’ve been sitting for the past hour.

  “They say what happened?” Carly asks and I nod, filling her in on all the details I know. She frowns, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms over her chest. “Izzy is healthy. Why would her blood pressure be so high?”

  “Gee, I don’t know, Princess,” Chance replies. “It could be the fact that someone wants to kill her is causing her some stress.”

  Her scowl deepens. “Right.”

  “How is she?” a frantic Ali asks as she rushes into the room with Storm behind her and I give them the same update I gave Carly and Chance. Ali paces back and forth, chewing on her bottom lip.

  “They’re delivering the baby now? It’s so early.”

  I shrug, dragging a hand down my face. “She’s thirty-five weeks so she’s not that early and they said it was the best way to help her. I didn’t question it.”

  “No,” she answers back. “Of course not. I’m just worried about her.”

  Yeah, I know the feeling.

  Along with this pit in my stomach that I’m about to lose everything again except this time would be worse because I truly believe I’d never find anyone else like Izzy.

  “Can you guys give us a second?” Storm asks, looking at his wife and her friend. They share a look and nod before moving to the other side of the room. Storm slides into the chair next to Chance.

  “She seemed okay last time I saw her,” Chance mutters, staring at the floor. We all got together for dinner a few nights ago and he’s right. Izzy was almost back to her usual self, cracking jokes and busting our balls. “Did something happen?”

  I shake my head. “Man, your guess is as good as mine.”

  “Listen, we’re going to have the guys keeping watch outside her room so you don’t have to worry about Dominic.”

  Chance nods. “Besides, he’s not dumb enough to come after her in a hospital.”

  “Any word back from him yet in response to the messages from Maverick and Tate?” I ask and they both shake their heads. It’s odd that he hasn’t reac
hed out yet. Then again, Dominic King is very much a man who likes to be in control so maybe I shouldn’t be surprised. He’s dragging this out, making all of us miserable and he won’t give us an answer until he’s good and ready to. Meanwhile, my life with Izzy is just in limbo.

  “Maybe we need to have them reach out again,” Storm offers and I wince. Getting Kodiak to agree to this plan was hard enough the first time so I doubt it’ll be any easier a second and I can’t say that I blame him. If I were him, I wouldn’t want my wife having any kind of communication with that bastard.

  “What do we do if he never answers? Or he refuses?”

  Storm releases a heavy breath. “I don’t fucking know. Right now, how about you just focus on your girl?”

  “I’d love to if they’d ever let me see her.”

  As if summoned by my words, the doctor appears at the edge of the waiting room. I jump up and rush over to him, an equal mix of relief and terror twisting through my body.

  “How is she?”

  He nods. “Both Izzy and your baby are doing well. We gave her medication for her blood pressure and that combined with delivering your son worked to bring the numbers down. She’s awake now and I’ll take you to see her if you’d like.”

  “Yes,” I snap. He jerks back at the harsh tone of my voice and I grimace as I drag a hand through my hair. “Sorry. Just been a long night.”

  “I understand,” he answers with a nod before turning away from me. I follow him down the hallway, questions racing through my mind.

  “Hey, doc. Is she really okay?” I ask and he slows down, allowing me to catch up and walk beside him. “Like, there is no long-term damage or anything?”

  He shakes his head. “We don’t see any evidence of that at this time but we’ll keep an eye on her over the upcoming weeks.”

  “And my son? I know it’s too early…”

  “Actually,” he cuts in, offering me a smile. “Your son seems to be doing exceptionally well. He’s breathing normally and eating from a bottle like a champ.”

  Pride swells in my chest.

  “When can I see him?”

  He stops in the middle of the hallway, gesturing to the room behind me. “He’s doing well enough that he doesn’t need to be in the NICU so I’ll have a nurse bring him in shortly.”

  “Thank you,” I say, shaking his hand and he nods before leaving me on my own. Turning toward the door, I suck in a breath and step inside. Izzy is lying on the bed with her eyes closed and a blanket pulled all the way up to her chest. She has tubes and wires running all over her body but the heart monitor next to her bed beeps steadily, reassuring me that my girl is still with me. I walk further into the room and stop at the end of her bed.

  “Iz?”

  Her honey eyes fly open and land on me as she gasps. “Diego.”

  “Hey, Mama,” I answer her, moving to the side of the bed and placing my hand against her cheek as I look her over. “How are you doing?”

  “I’m okay.” A flicker of fear dances through her eyes but it’s gone just as quickly as it appears. I decide not to push her too hard for more than that because I’m sure this evening has already been traumatizing enough for her. It sure as hell has been for me. Thinking about everything that could have gone wrong, everything I could have lost, I can’t stop myself from leaning down and pressing my lips to her. She sighs, a sound so full of relief that my knees almost buckle.

  God, I am a lucky bastard.

  The door to the room opens and we pull apart, glancing up as a nurse wheels a tiny little crib into the room. I get my first glimpse of my son and every ounce of tension I’ve been feeling since the moment I got that phone call from Izzy melts away. A feeling unlike anything I’ve ever experienced explodes through my chest and I look over at my girl, unable to contain my grin.

  “Look at him, Mama,” I whisper. “You did so good.”

  With tears shining in her eyes, she reaches out. “I want to hold him.”

  The nurse looks on, smiling as I round the cart and gently lift my son out of his crib, unable to take my eyes off him. They put a tiny blue hat on his head and wrapped him up in a matching blanket like a little burrito and all I can do is stare at him, take in every single one of his features. He’s perfect, better than I could have ever dreamed, and I swear I grow a couple feet as I carry him over to Izzy. I lay him in her arms and she gasps. A steady stream of tears drip down her cheeks as she stares at our child. Looking at the both of them, my life feels so fucking complete.

  “Let me know if you guys need anything,” the nurse whispers, pointing to the door. “I’m just right out there.”

  I nod. “Thank you.”

  “He looks just like you,” Izzy breathes, pulling my attention back to her. She lets him wrap his entire hand around the tip of her index finger as she turns to me. Her eyes shine with love for our son and I shake my head, unable to believe just how much things have changed.

  I’m a father.

  Shit, that’s a crazy thought but as I stare at my son and the woman I love, I make a promise to them to be better than my old man was.

  “I love you,” I say to both of them, and Izzy glances up at me again, that fear flashing through her eyes once more. Her lip wobbles as she nods in agreement.

  “I love you, too, Diego. No matter what happens, remember that.”

  I scowl, shaking my head. “Hey, no. None of that here. This is a good day and absolutely nothing is going to happen to you, do you hear me?”

  “Okay,” she murmurs but it doesn’t quite sound sincere. Turning back to our boy, she smiles. “I think I came up with a name for this little guy.”

  “Thank God. It is about time,” I tease her and she turns a glare on me as I laugh.

  “Do you want to hear it or not?”

  I nod. “I do. Please tell me that name you think is perfect for our son.”

  “DJ,” she whispers, turning back to look at his perfect little face and I scowl.

  “DJ?”

  She looks up at me, flashing me a full smile. “Diego Junior.”

  “Fuck,” I breathe, my lungs expanding until it feels like they’re going to burst out of my chest. “Have I mentioned that I fucking love you?”

  “Once or twice,” she answers, pulling a tiny little hand up to her lips and pressing a kiss against his fingers. Watching her fall in love with our son only makes me love her more, which I didn’t think was possible but here we are. It’s not hard to imagine what the next fifty years are going to look like with her and all the possibilities fill my mind. I can’t wait to see her walk down the aisle in a white dress to say “I do” and I can imagine her chasing our kids through the yard, laughing as her gorgeous eyes sparkle. I see Christmases and birthdays and all of the other things I was so close to giving up on and I want them more than ever before.

  “Marry me, Iz.”

  Her head jerks back before whipping around to stare up at me with wide eyes. “What?”

  “I said,” I start, sinking down to my knees at the edge of her bed - one hand on our son and one on her. “Please make me the happiest man to ever walk this planet and say you’ll marry me. I don’t have a ring right now but I’ll go out and buy you the flashiest thing I can find if that’s what you want.”

  She shakes her head and my heart sinks into my stomach. “I just want you, Diego.”

  “Is that…”

  “Yes,” she answers with a grin that fills her eyes with warmth.

  Holy shit.

  She said yes.

  There’s a part of me that can’t quite believe it but I’m not going to ask questions. She’s agreed to spend her life with me and I am just going to thank whatever higher power decided that I get to keep this incredible woman forever.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Isabelle

  Diego,

  I’m so sorry.

  I love you more than you know.

  Maybe I shouldn’t say that last part. Maybe I should try harder to convince him t
hat I’m leaving him and our son because I got scared or I can’t handle loving him after all but I can’t bring myself to do that. I’ve been sitting here, trying to write this letter for an hour and I’ve gone through eight sheets of paper because I can’t think of the right words. I’ve been so close to explaining everything to him. So close to telling him that Dominic is forcing me to turn myself over to him in order to save them both but somehow, I stopped myself. If Diego knew everything, he would come for me. He would search to the ends of the earth for the rest of his life and I can’t risk it. The only good thing about the sacrifice I’m about to make is knowing that the man I love and our son will go on. They’ll be safe and someday, they’ll be happy again.

  Over the last five days, I’ve frantically stored away every tiny little moment I could, clinging to the memories of my guys to get me through whatever hell Dominic has planned for me. In dark moments, my thoughts would drift to the possibility of Diego finding someone else, falling in love all over again, and another woman taking over as a mother to my son. It was agony. But if it would make them happy, if there was someone out there that could take my place and give them the love I won’t be able to, I can’t deny them that. Tears burn my eyes, blurring my vision and I clench my teeth as I drop the pen onto my letter, turning toward the living room. My sweet baby boy is in his swing, rocking gently, without a care in the world and my arms ache to go hold him for a moment. I can’t, though. If I hold him, lift him to my nose and breathe in his perfect scent, I’ll never be able to force myself to leave. And I have to leave him, leave them both but I’m still not sure how to make myself do that. It feels like my heart is being torn from my chest and all I want to do is crawl back into bed next to Diego and get lost in him like I have so many other times before.

  A sob rips itself from my throat before I can stop it and I smack my hand over my lips, squeezing my eyes shut and gripping the countertop as my knees buckle. White hot pain spears through my chest and I shake my head, gasping for breath as a torrent of tears spill down my cheeks. This is agony. True to his word, Dominic sent instructions for me yesterday just four days after I gave birth to DJ and it’s time for me to go but my feet won’t move. His threat about what would happen if I was late pops into my mind and it’s enough to propel me forward.