How Now Purple Cow

by Marja McGraw

  “We even know where it is. We’ve got to stick together because it wouldn’t do anyone any good if he cornered one of us. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  We all nodded.

  The twins looked uncomfortable.

  Carol looked at the floor and mumbled something.

  “What was that?” Chris, Sr. asked.

  “I said we’re sorry. We honestly understand how serious this is. We’ll do our best to keep our eyes and ears open.” She blinked rapidly. “And don’t forget, we’ve got the dogs here, too. They’d bark if someone came near the house, wouldn’t they?”

  She looked to me for an answer.

  I nodded my affirmation. “I’m sure they would. And Chris stopped to pick up some kind of protection, too.”

  Chris glanced at the dining table where he’d left the bag.

  His father’s gaze followed Chris’s.

  Judith set down the suitcase she’d been holding. “We’ve got to figure out the sleeping arrangements. There are only three bedrooms in this house.”

  Coral groaned. “Oh, I guess Carol and I could share a room.”

  Chris looked up at his mother, who still stood on the stairs. “No. Mom and Dad’s couch folds out into a bed. Pamela and I will stay down here. Besides, if someone does approach the house, we need someone downstairs.”

  It was ominously quiet as Judith and the twins climbed the stairs. I figured they were thinking things over.

  I couldn’t help noticing that Carol had two suitcases. I nudged Chris and pointed. “How the heck long are they planning on staying?”

  He chuckled. “Maybe she’s planning on moving back into her old room.”

  This time when I rolled my eyes, Chris just patted my back.

  We heard noises upstairs and assumed the twins were unpacking. Heaven forbid Carol’s clothes should wrinkle.

  Judith practically dragged her feet when she descended the stairs.

  Chris and I joined his parents at the dining table after Judith brought out coffee mugs and a pot of coffee.

  “So what’s the plan, Son?” Chris, Sr. took a sip out of the mug.

  “I don’t think we really have a plan other than to remain alert. Since the old man was here asking questions today, I have a feeling he’s getting ready to make a move. If he was a professional assassin, he’s not going to give hurting us a second thought.”

  I tapped my index finger on the table. “What about his partner? After all, we were followed by someone else today. It certainly wasn’t a coincidence.”

  “All the more reason to be on the defensive. We don’t know if his goombah is another old man or someone younger. Realistically, we’re really in a jam. Anything could happen.”

  I could feel a sense of terror rising to the top of my chest. “Chris, what exactly did we get into?”

  “I don’t know, sugar, but it probably ain’t gonna be pretty.”

  Chris was beginning to show signs of his Bogey Man personality. Somehow I realized that meant he was truly on alert.

  “Do you think his goombah… Uh, friend, is someone young?” Judith asked.

  “No clue.” Chris shrugged his shoulders.

  Chris, Sr. lowered his head and slowly shook it. “I can’t believe this is all because of some stupid purple cows. I feel silly even talking about purple cows.”

  Judith patted his hand. “Let’s go to bed and try to get some sleep. Maybe if we rest we’ll be ready if anything happens.”

  “Are the twins settled in for the night?” I asked.

  “I think so. Carol was going to take off her make-up and wash her face. Coral was bugging her to hurry up so she could do the same.”

  Chris sighed in relief. “Maybe we can have some peace and quiet for a while.”

  The older pair of Crosses left the table and made their way upstairs after the two men opened the sofa bed. Judith brought down sheets and a blanket so I made it up and sat down on the chair across from the bed.

  Chris turned on the porch light. “No point in making things easy for the Russian.”

  I used the downstairs bathroom and washed my face before brushing my teeth.

  Chris took the second shift and reminded me to be watchful while he was gone.

  I took the dogs outside to do their business and casually glanced up and down the street while I waited. Interestingly, after Watson found just the right spot, she sat down next to me and stared at the vacant house next door.

  We finally dropped into bed. It had been a long day.

  The dogs settled on a braided rug in the dining room.

  “We should be at home in our own bed, thinking about romance,” I whispered.

  “Not now, shweetheart.” At the moment Chris didn’t seem nearly as romantic as I thought the real Bogey would be.

  “Oh, Chris, why don’t we – “

  “Shhh! I heard something outside.”

  Chapter Thirty-two

  Sherlock raced to the side window and whined softly.

  Chris leaped out of bed and hurried to the dining room where he pulled whatever he’d bought at the store out of the bag. Holding it behind his back, he rushed to the window and slowly pulled back the drape.

  The silhouette of a face confronted him, and it wasn’t his reflection.

  Chris twitched and pulled his hand from behind his back before opening the window.

  The face continued to watch Chris, although it looked like he took a step back. Apparently the guy was so surprised he couldn’t move quickly enough other than the one step.

  Chris held his hand to the window with whatever he held in plain view. “What the hell are you doing outside this window?”

  “I, uh… I’m looking for my dog. I live next door.” The voice sounded odd, like it wasn’t his real voice. It was deep and nasal.

  “The house next door is vacant. Now what are you really doing out there?”

  “I told you. I’m looking for my cat.”

  “You said you had a dog.”

  “I meant to say my dog.”

  Chris waved me over and handed me pepper spray. “If this slug moves a muscle, push down on the red tab – and aim for his face. I’m going outside.”

  He left me standing by the window while he rapidly put on his jeans and unlocked the front door.

  “Chris, be careful.”

  I couldn’t help wondering if the spray would work with a screen between me and the stranger. I didn’t want it to blow back and get in my own eyes. In the time it took me to have that thought, Chris appeared around the side of the house.

  Watson had joined Sherlock at the window and they started barking, distracting me.

  The stranger turned to face Chris, and taking him by surprise, punched him in the chest and ran toward the street.

  The dogs ran to the front door and continued to bark.

  Judith and Chris, Sr. came down the stairs as quickly as they could, with the twins following.

  “What’s going on?” Chris, Sr. looked upset.

  The dogs were too excited to stop barking and I couldn’t talk over the noise.

  “Chris is out there,” I yelled.

  Running to the front door, I threw it open so I could go help him.

  The dogs whizzed by me, heading for the side of the house.

  Chris, Sr. grabbed my arm and told me to stay put, before following the dogs.

  The twins and Judith all spoke at once and I raised my hand to quiet them. I lowered it quickly when I realized I might accidentally pepper spray them. Or mace them, or whatever you call it.

  Sighing deeply, I set the pepper spray on the coffee table and headed for the door.

  “Don’t touch that,” I yelled over my shoulder.

  I didn’t get any farther than the porch.

  Chris, Sr. and Junior were coming up the steps. My husband held a hand on his chest.

  “That guy had quite a punch,” he told his father. “I feel like someone hit me with a brick.”

  “Did you recogni
ze him?” Chris’s father took my husband by the arm and made him sit down on the step.

  Chris shook his head. “It was dark and I was too busy falling down.”

  I heard the dogs barking, but they weren’t in the yard.

  “Chris? Where are the – “

  “They took out after him, but he must have been parked close by because they didn’t catch him. I heard an engine start, but the car didn’t pass the house. He must have been facing the other way.”

  The barking stopped and the dogs ran back to the yard. They were so excited that they practically bounced.

  Chris glanced over his shoulder at me. “Why didn’t you shoot him with the pepper spray?”

  “He turned toward you too quickly. What was I supposed to do? Shoot him in the ear?”

  “It might have slowed him down.”

  Chris, Sr. smiled his tight-lipped smile at me. “At the very least it might have given him an earache.”

  My husband patted the step next to him. “Come sit down.”

  I did, and I hugged him. “Are you okay?”

  “I may have a bruise on my chest, but yeah, I’m okay.”

  Judith stuck her head outside. “The twins and I think you three make an awfully good target out there on the porch.” She flipped off the porch light.

  Chris and I stood and turned to his father, and the three of us walked inside the house, with me calling to the dogs. They followed us, although reluctantly.

  The twins fussed over Chris while Judith excused herself and made her way to the kitchen to start another pot of coffee.

  Chris, Sr. and I sat down at the dining table.

  He sighed. “I wonder what might have happened if Judy and I had been home alone.”

  “I shudder to think about it. He must not have realized the rest of us were here.”

  “Well, Chris parked in the garage and closed the door, and the twins were parked across the street. Unless he’s been watching the house all evening, he wouldn’t know you were here. I figure he wouldn’t have guessed that you were all spending the night with us.”

  “Do you think he’ll come back?” I suddenly remembered the pepper spray and as much as I hate to say it, I didn’t trust the twins. “I’ll be right back.”

  Chris had disappeared.

  “Where’s Chris?” I asked.

  Coral reached for the pepper spray. “He went to the john.”

  I gently grabbed her hand and set it in her lap. “Don’t touch the pepper spray.”

  “That’s pepper spray? I always wondered what it looked like.”

  Carol tsked. “You keep your hand off that stuff. You’d probably shoot me with it. Now, if you shot yourself, I’d probably laugh ‘til I cried.” She reached over and rubbed Watson’s ear.

  Of course, Watson threw herself on the floor and rolled over onto her back. She was ready for some congratulatory scratching since she probably figured she and Sherlock had saved our hides.

  I returned to the table and sat with my father-in-law.

  “You asked if I thought he’d come back,” he said. “No, I don’t think so. Now he knows there are other people here.”

  I tipped my head and studied him for a moment. “You’re sure a lot more talkative than usual tonight.”

  He gave me his tight-lipped smile again. “I always had a secret desire to be a spy. I know things are dangerous, but I’m closer than I ever thought I’d be.”

  “I never knew you wanted to be a spy.” Judith walked out of the kitchen, obviously having overheard us. “This puts you in a whole new light. It’s kind of sexy.”

  “Save it for when we’re alone, Judy.”

  She grinned like a smitten teenager.

  I couldn’t help grinning, too.

  Chris joined us at the table. “What’s everyone smiling about?”

  My grin grew larger. “I’ll tell you later, Bogey Man.”

  “Okay. I’m going to call James and tell him what happened. He needs a heads up so they’ll be more watchful.” He poured himself a cup of coffee and carried it to the kitchen to use the telephone.

  The twins joined us.

  Chris, Sr. made a zipping motion across his lips and Judith laughed.

  “What?” Carol asked.

  “Nothing. I think we’re all in a good mood because the intruder didn’t make it into the house.” I held up the coffee pot, offering them a drink. “We did the right thing by staying here tonight.”

  Coral grinned. “It’s kind of nice to know we did something right for a change.”

  “I couldn’t agree more,” Carol said. “Hmm. That’s twice in the last few days we’ve agreed on something. Scary.”

  “Yeah.” Coral’s grin disappeared.

  Chris strolled out of the kitchen. “I woke James up, but he was glad to hear from me. This episode confirms that Grigori has help. It also confirms that they figure the microdot is in this house.”

  “So what do we do?” Judith asked.

  “James thinks you and Dad should get out of here and stay in a hotel for a while. He suggested you put the purple cows in a safety deposit box.”

  My mother-in-law looked indignant. “Not on your life! I’m not leaving this house so some strangers – spies – can come in here and rip the house apart, trying to find some little dot thingy.” She turned to Chris, Sr. “Tomorrow morning I want you to go to the store with Junior and pick up some pepper spray, and buy one for each of us, including the twins.”

  Her husband saluted her. “Yes, ma’am! And that dot thingy is a microdot.”

  “Whatever. And, Junior, I want the dogs to have the run of this place. Maybe next time, if there is a next time, they’ll run that goofball off before he reaches the window.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  I didn’t really want to put a damper on things, but I felt I had to speak up. “Maybe next time he won’t be alone.”

  I wasn’t sure who it was, but someone groaned and I knew I’d ruined their evening.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  We eventually went back to bed, but I don’t think any of us slept well. I know Chris and I didn’t.

  I arose early, and after a quick breakfast of toast I headed home to change clothes for church. I had a feeling I needed a dose of faith to get through the rest of our situation. Judith decided to go to church with me, while the twins offered to make breakfast for the men. I told my mother-in-law I’d pick her up on my way to church.

  Pastor Findlay gave a timely sermon about choosing our battles carefully. While he spoke I prayed for wisdom and safety. I prayed that Mikey wouldn’t end up without parents, but I realized the Lord already knew about my son’s needs. A feeling of peace descended on me and I smiled.

  Looking up, I saw Judith studying my face closely. We’d talk on the way home.

  After the service I stopped briefly to speak to a few friends, including the Church Ladies. They’re a story in themselves. Chris and I had once helped them find a missing friend, which led to... Never mind – long story.

  Judith and I left when the Church Ladies started asking us what was new in our lives. The last thing we needed was for more people to involve themselves in our problem, and these ladies would be delighted to become involved – but not this time.

  Judith started asking questions as soon as I pulled out of the church parking lot. “Pamela, your face was a puzzle in church. You went from looking stressful to fearful to happy. What was that all about?”

  I smiled at her. “Making choices. The sermon made me do some soul-searching. I prayed for wisdom and safety. And I prayed about Mikey.”

  “Say no more. My prayers kind of mirrored yours.”

  I glanced in the rear view mirror. “It doesn’t look like anyone is following us this morning. It’s a good thing because I can’t drive like Chris.”

  “You know, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since last night. Several things have come to mind. Piper said that Grigori guy is a master of disguise. How are we going to know h
im if we come face to face with him? And why would he be so bold as to stop to ask my gardener questions? That was pretty gutsy. We need to finally come up with a plan that can’t fail.”

  I glanced at her and back at the street. “We need something that will include his partner, too. We couldn’t see him last night. I wouldn’t know him even if he came up to me on the street and slapped my face. Figure of speech, of course.”

  “I know. Do you think Piper and James have been away from their profession for so long that they’ve forgotten how to be spies? They haven’t really come up with a good plan yet.”

  I smiled at Judith. “I have a feeling they’re just not sharing everything. I think by now they’ve come up with something, especially after the stranger made his late-night visit.”

  “You’re probably right.” Judith leaned her head back and closed her eyes.

  She dozed off on the ride home and the quiet time gave me the opportunity to think things through. Yes, we needed a good plan, and it seemed like one was beginning to form in my mind. I’d have to talk to the Hathaways and Rick about it.

  I realized my mother-in-law hadn’t fallen asleep when she suddenly sat up and asked, “What about the dogs?”

  “What about them?”

  “Those awful men know they’re at the house and they could shoot them or something.”

  I couldn’t help myself. I gulped with trepidation. “They’ll be fine. We’ll lock them in the back yard. They’ll send up a signal with loud barking if anyone breaks into the house. Do you have a neighbor you can talk to about calling the police if the dogs go nuts?”

  Judith took a deep breath. “Thankfully, yes. I’ll talk to her today.”

  Arriving at the house, we saw the cars of our new friends parked in front of the house. Inside, all of the men sat at the dining table, deep in conversation.

  Piper and the twins sat in the living room.

  “Come join us,” Piper said. “I’m talking to Carol and Coral about what’s going on.”

  I nodded and we sat down.

  Piper apparently picked up where she’d left off. “Now, ladies, I realize that to you this has been an adventure so far.” She glanced from one twin to the other, and then at Constance. “It’s not. We’re dealing with an experienced killer here. This man is a spy who terminated a number of important international figures in his day. He’s a man who carries a grudge against James and I’m sure he wants to avenge himself along with getting his hands on the microdot. Do you understand what I’m saying?”