How Now Purple Cow

by Marja McGraw

  Carol and Coral nodded.

  Constance didn’t react.

  “Do you really understand?” Piper looked deeply into their eyes.

  They nodded again. This time Constance did, too.

  She turned to Judith and me. “What about you two?”

  “Yes,” I said. “We’ve been doing some deep thinking this morning. We know we need a better plan, and – “

  Piper interrupted me. “We’ve come up with a better plan, but let me tell you how sorry we are that we involved all of you. We should have just taken the purple cows and left; however, I have a feeling that unless we’d walked out the door with the cows held high over our heads, the opposition would have kept coming back to this house.”

  Judith sat up a little straighter. “I think you’re right. We’re involved whether we want to be or not, thanks to a couple of cows.”

  Piper was quiet for a moment. “Okay, let’s get to it. It’s time all of you became masters of disguise.” She turned to Carol. “Did you bring those wigs you said you had with you?”

  “I did.” She pointed in the direction of the stairs. Obviously she’d left them upstairs.

  “Okay. Pass them out. I want each of you to carry large purses, but not so big that they draw attention to you. Put a wig or two in each purse.” Again, she turned to Carol. “You do have several wigs, right?”

  Coral chuckled. “You have no idea. My sister used to love to change her look as often as street lights change color. I brought a couple, too, that I used for costume parties.”

  “Uh huh. Okay. A couple of wigs to each woman. Pick out some light-weight clothing you can also hide in the purses. It’s got to be light-weight instead of bulky or this won’t work. Don’t put anything else in your purses.”

  I glanced at the men and they weren’t paying any attention to us.

  Piper ignored them. “You need to be able to change your look in a hurry. You need to be able to go from upper class to frumpy in a flash. Wear flat shoes and keep a pair of high heels in the purse to change your look and your height. Stand straight or be ready to slump a little. Be young one moment and old or tired the next.”

  Coral smiled. “Well, at least part of this is going to be fun.”

  Piper simply looked at her without replying.

  I raised my hand like a child in school. “What do all of the changes mean?”

  “James and I are going to remain visible, but you’ll be following us all the time, in shifts. While two of you are following us, the others will be turning into a different woman. That way the opposition won’t have a chance to recognize each of you. The men will be in our little parade, too. They may walk with you or in front of us.

  “Rick is going to follow us, too, and he’s going to use his age to be a bit too obvious about it. That’ll be another good distraction.”

  Piper reached down and picked up a large purse, setting it in her lap.

  For some reason, Constance grinned. “You’ll love this.”

  Piper’s lips turned up at the corners. She pulled two purple cows out of her purse and set them on the coffee table before she set the bag back on the floor.

  Coral sucked in their breath. “I don’t believe it!”

  Judith pursed her lips. “How did you find those cows? Did you search our house?”

  Piper let the turned up corners of her lips enlarge into a self-satisfied grin. “No. Rick found identical purple cows at an antique store. Grigori, we believe, was in James’ office sometime the morning of the fire and we believe he saw the purple cows. They would have attracted anyone’s attention, don’t you agree?”

  “You bet,” I said. “They sure got Marguerite’s attention. Otherwise why would she have escaped from the fire carrying them? I’m surprised James didn’t see her with them, now that I think about it.”

  Piper squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. “She must have set them down somewhere before she found James outside. If she’d only thought to give them to him…”

  “So why did you buy another set?” Carol asked.

  “As soon as we know the house is being watched again, James and I are leaving, carrying the cows in plain sight. After all, we’re just a doddering old couple, right? We’ve been very visible, not something an agent would normally do. So we’ll try to look sneaky as we leave with them. Seeing the cows should keep Grigori and friends away from this house.”

  “And the dogs,” Judith said. “If we leave the dogs in the house, they’ll think we’re leaving them as protection and trying to trick them.”

  I felt a small portion of the tension I’d been carrying around in my chest disappear.

  The dogs weren’t going to be an issue.

  Chapter Thirty-four

  “How are we going to know if they’re watching the house?” I asked.

  Piper pointed at the men. “Your father-in-law has already talked to a neighbor. Apparently she’s the neighborhood snoop.”

  Judith giggled. “Ah. He must have called Mrs. Engles. She would have made a good spy. She has her nose in everyone’s business.”

  “He told her he thought someone had been watching the house, maybe with a plan to rob it. He described the vehicles we’ve seen so far and asked her to call him if she sees one of them parked on the street or driving by on a regular basis. He told her not to call the police because he wanted to take care of it himself.”

  “I’ll bet she liked that,” Judith said. “She probably offered to help him.”

  “I don’t know about that, but your husband tickled my funny bone. He told her he thought someone had been ‘casing the joint’.”

  “Like son, like father,” I said. “Chris and his slang are rubbing off on his father.”

  Piper got a faraway look in her eyes, but it quickly disappeared. “I remember using phrases like that when we were younger.”

  I picked up on the fact that she said younger, not young. I had a feeling that no matter what her age was, and I was thinking late eighties, she still felt young at heart.

  Apparently, Coral had been thinking the same thing. “Piper? How do you fight aging? I hope I’m not being too personal.”

  Piper studied Coral for a moment. “You don’t fight aging. You glory in every wrinkle. You earned them. You laugh at life. You earned that right, too. And then you remember that even with the aches and pains, so much of age acceptance is a state of mind.

  “You have a choice to make. Lie down and give up, or keep on living – your choice. And that’s all I have to say about age.”

  Coral smiled at Piper. “Good answer. Thank you.”

  “Okay.” Piper looked at Judith. “I understand you told your husband to stock up on pepper spray.” She turned back to the group. “I want each of you to carry one, and I want you to learn how to use it – just in case you need it. James and I will be carrying… Well, we’ll be better armed than you.”

  “I have a question,” I said. “If you have the cows in plain view and you take them home, why would Grigori or his pal follow you?”

  Constance leaned forward. “We’ve got that figured out, too. When Piper and James get out to their car, James is going to put the cows in a cloth carrying bag. Piper is going to make a production of bawling him out and telling him they need to be wrapped so they won’t break. She’ll get a newspaper out of the car and wrap them and replace them in the bag.”

  “So much for acting sneaky,” Judith said.

  Piper picked up the story. “Then we’re going to run some errands. Our last errand, if they don’t make a move to take the cows from us, will be a stop at the bank. I’ll put the cows back in my purse and when we leave the bank I’ll have the cloth bag folded so they can see it’s empty. They’ll think we put the cows in a safety deposit box.”

  “Oh,” Carol said, “so this is all going to happen tomorrow when the banks are open. I mean, it is Sunday.”

  “That’s the idea.”

  Coral spoke up. “But what about tonight? They might come back here
?”

  Piper smiled at her. “Smart woman. I don’t think they’ll be back tonight since they’ve surely realized by now that you’re all staying here. They’d wait until you were all out somewhere to come back. So obviously they’ll watch the house tomorrow, and that’s when we put our plan into action.”

  “I sure hope you’re right,” Judith said.

  “Me, too.” I didn’t want to lose a lot of sleep again. I wanted to be fresh for our stakeout on Monday.

  Piper began to fidget. “Today I want you all to go home and figure out what costumes you’ll wear tomorrow. Get your big purses together and put what you need in them. In the meantime, Chris and his father can stop at the store and pick up the pepper spray. Now, why don’t you all run upstairs and pick out the wigs you want to wear?”

  All of the women stood and headed for the stairs. I noticed Piper was still fidgeting.

  “Are you okay?” I asked.

  She stopped and sat very still. “Yes. I’m anxious to get this over with, to be honest. I’m not all that young anymore, regardless of my comments about aging, and this whole thing is wearing me out. And, yet, at the same time I feel absolutely exhilarated. It’s good to be back in the game. Does that make sense?”

  “It makes perfect sense to me. One way or the other, I have a feeling this will all be wrapped up soon.”

  She leaned over and placed her hand on top of mine. “I really meant what I said. I’m sorry we dragged all of you into this. When we thought it was just Grigori, it didn’t seem so bad. After all, he’s an old man and we’re fairly familiar with his methods. I’m sure he’s at least in his early nineties. Unfortunately, now we know there’s a younger man involved, too.”

  I could see the worry lines on her face deepen.

  Never one to call it quits, I patted the hand she’d placed on top of mine. “Don’t worry. We can take care of ourselves. We’re like cockroaches. We’re survivors.”

  Piper chuckled. “I’ll have to remember the cockroach line. We’re survivors, too.”

  “Just out of curiosity, how did you and James end up working together? Were you on a mission or something like that?”

  “I can’t tell you about most of our assignments. I can tell you that I met James on assignment in Iran during the 1950s, but that’s all I can tell you. Well, without going into too much detail, the British owned fifty percent of the Anglo-Iranian Oil Company, and Mohammad Mossadeq nationalized the oil industry much to their chagrin, to put it mildly. There were also fears about the Communist Party influencing Iran. We had our work cut out for us.”

  “That must have been difficult for you. I know you have red hair now, but I seem to recall one of the twins mentioning you were a blonde. You wouldn’t have exactly fit in with the locals.”

  “Ah, but I did,” she said. “At the time my hair was dark brown, my natural color. I’m Italian on my father’s side, and I could pass for a local. Besides, most of the time I wore a burka and had my face covered.”

  I thought about what she’d said. “With the right disguise, I’ll bet you could have blended in. You’ve lived such an exciting life. I can’t even imagine.” And I meant it. My life had been exciting in its own way, but hers? I honestly couldn’t imagine what it had been like. Oil and Communists? Were the two related? She didn’t sound like it, so I’d ask her about it one day.

  “You have no idea. I met James again in Guatemala after there were rumors that President Arbenz had let his government become dominated by Communists. Rumors and rumors of plots and coups abounded in those days. Apparently, they were involved to some extent, but Arbenz wasn’t a Communist, long story short. It would take hours to explain everything about the two countries to you.

  “That’s when we became involved on a personal level. Years later, James saved my life during my last assignment, and he had to retain his anonymity at the same time. It was pretty involved. Anyway, that’s when my cover was blown. My husband is quite a man.” She glanced at him with a look of sheer delight on her face.

  “Thank you for sharing that with me. Now I’m going to check out the wigs,” I said, “or the good ones will already be gone.” I honestly didn’t know how to respond to her stories.

  “Here’s a tip for you. Don’t look for stylish wigs like the others will. Use something that you can turn into a common look.” Piper smiled. “I think you have the best chance of going undercover and getting away with it. You’re a smart woman.”

  “Thank you.” I left her on the couch and hurried up the stairs to see what was left, still thinking about covert operations and wondering how you could sandwich romance into that lifestyle.

  Not surprisingly, I found the twins trying on wigs in front of the mirror with Judith supervising. “No, Carol, that color is all wrong for you. And, Coral, go with a shorter style.”

  I noticed a few wigs set aside. “What are these?” I asked.

  Judith left the women in front of the mirror and joined me. “I set those aside for you and me.” She spoke very softly.

  I picked up the wigs, one at a time, and noticed they were simple styles. One was even gray. I picked it up. “I want this one. I can be an old lady.”

  “I was going to use that one, but okay. You take it.”

  I pulled the gray wig on over my hair. “I feel like we’re preparing for a costume party.”

  “In a way, we are. Maybe we can switch off the gray wig and both use it.”

  “So, in essence, we’d each have three wigs instead of two. Good idea.”

  My mother-in-law picked up a dark brown wig and put it on, carefully tucking in the ends of her own hair. “What do you think?”

  I smiled. “I think Piper will approve. You kept the least noticeable wigs for the two of us to use. The twins can draw attention to themselves but no one will notice us.”

  “I heard that,” Coral said. “We’re not supposed to be noticed. But ya know? Carol and I could be good diversions part of the time, and the rest of the time we can be part of the scenery.”

  “Very good.”

  We all turned to find Piper standing in the doorway.

  “I’ve been listening outside the doorway to get a feel for how you’d all handle this. I’m impressed.”

  “As you should be.” Carol sounded pompous, and I wasn’t sure if it was an act or not. Then she plopped a black wig on her head without tucking her blonde hair under it and grinned.

  Even Coral laughed. “Let’s go home and find some clothes to go with the wigs.”

  Carol plucked the wig off her head and walked past her sister. “I’m sure you can find something dowdy in that closet of yours.”

  “Are you kidding? I was going to go through your closet.” Coral passed her sister and hurried down the stairs.

  “She’s such a joker.” Carol hurried after her, mumbling under her breath.

  I picked up two wigs, one blonde and the gray one, and headed for the stairs.

  “They’re right,” I said. “It’s time to get all our paraphernalia together and get ready for tomorrow. I want to call Mikey again, too.”

  “Sometimes I wish James and I had children.”

  Turning around, I saw Piper staring longingly at a picture of Mikey that sat on the dresser.

  “I’ll let you borrow him sometime,” I said. “He’d like you.”

  Chapter Thirty-five

  The rest of the day was, thankfully, uneventful. Chris and I loaded the dogs in the car and went home to see what we could find in the closet.

  We had plenty of vintage clothes but I wasn’t sure they’d work as a disguise. Since they were vintage, they might actually call attention to us. Ah, well, we’d figure it out.

  Chris simply grabbed some jeans and a backpack. He stuffed a couple of shirts and baseball caps in the bag and added a pair of glasses. Those would be the glasses he only wore when he absolutely had to. His peepers needed a little help and he didn’t like to admit it.

  While I pulled things out and quickly returned th
em to the rod, he got the dogs’ food and a few toys together and put them in the car. I finally found what I wanted to wear and put the clothes in a large purse, along with a pair of heels.

  I stopped and thought about the disguises for a moment. I had three wigs and my own hair to draw from, which equaled four disguises. I pulled a second large purse off the shelf and packed two more light-weight outfits and a pair of flat shoes. Of course, I’d be wearing athletic shoes initially.

  I smiled, feeling fulfilled and smart. I could leave one purse in the car, or I could carry something in a shopping bag. I could always ditch the shopping bag, and I’d packed clothing I could throw away when I was through.

  After eating a snack – we hadn’t had lunch – I picked up the phone to call my son.

  My mother answered the phone after two rings. “Monson’s Grocery. This is Elaine. May I help you?”

  “Hi, Mom. It’s me.”

  “Hello, sweetie. It’s good to hear from you again.”

  “How’s Mikey doing?”

  “You mean Ace?” I could hear a smile in her voice. “Apparently you’re the only one who’s allowed to call him Mikey. He’s having a wonderful time, but I have a feeling he’s just a tad worried about you and Chris. What’s going on there? He said something about spies.” She sounded just a bit too casual for someone who’d just used the “s” word.

  It took me a moment to answer her. “Oh, Mom, we’ve met some elderly spies. I mean people who were spies back in the day. I think Mikey believes we’re involved in some covert situation because of them.”

  “Are you?”

  Her simple question sounded like an inquisition to me, her casual tone gone.

  I thought about my reply for too long.

  “Well?”

  “You know, Mom, I’m going to be honest with you.”