How Now Purple Cow

by Marja McGraw

  “Junior, shouldn’t we go help him?” Judith tugged on her son’s sleeve.

  “No, Mother, we’re not agents. Remember? This isn’t our job. It’s Randy’s.”

  Chris, Sr. cocked his head and stood, moving away from me. “Randy’s job? What’s he got to do with this?”

  While Chris explained, I stood and started walking up and down the sidewalk, trying to walk off the shakes.

  Piper approached me and took my hand. “If you hadn’t been yelling, we’d probably be lying on the sidewalk bleeding right now, or worse yet, we might be dead, for real this time. Good work, Pamela. You sounded the alarm.” She pulled me close and hugged me.

  My reaction? I started laughing, harder than I’ve ever laughed at anything in my entire life. Don’t they say laughter is good medicine? They’re right, whoever they are.

  “James! Come here.” Randy stood at the corner, motioning to the old man to hurry.

  They both disappeared around the corner.

  Chris took hold of my shoulders and turned me toward him. “You realize we were just pawns in this little game, don’t you?”

  “I do. They used us. But honestly? I’m glad they did. Somehow this put the things we’ve done in the past in perspective for me. Don’t ask me to explain, though. I’ve got more thinking to do, and right now I’m all out of thoughts.”

  My husband smiled and held me close.

  While there hadn’t been too many people on the street that morning, the few who were there began quietly walking out of the stores. Yes, they looked as shocked as I felt.

  It had all happened so fast and I knew they wouldn’t have a clue as to how to describe what they’d witnessed.

  Police cars arrived and questions were asked. A fire truck and the EMT’s arrived and turned down the side street.

  All the while our little group stood silently and watched.

  The twins pulled off their wigs and shoved them into their bags. Carol couldn’t stop fluffing her hair.

  Coral stared alternately at the ground and her sister.

  Chris, Sr. had a perpetual grin on his face. Turning to Judith, he said, “I did it, sweetheart. I was a spy, even if it was only for a few minutes.”

  She nodded and squeezed his arm.

  Rick and Constance sat on the park bench, grinning at each other.

  “My hero,” she said. “All it took was one well-placed kick to back of the knees.”

  “I’ve still got it.”

  Chris left me and walked down to the side street. Before he could turn the corner, James and Randy stopped him.

  Randy pointed toward us. I could see his lips moving, but I couldn’t hear what he said.

  The three men walked slowly, deep in conversation.

  “What’s going on?” a woman asked me.

  I shrugged and she slowly walked away, turning at least once to look at me over her shoulder.

  Another black SUV pulled up and an older, shorter, husky man stepped out. He approached the police and offered his identification. The officers nodded and after a very brief conversation, went back to asking questions of bystanders.

  The man approached Piper, looking very serious.

  “Max,” she said. Her voice had an element of warmth in it. “It’s been a long time.”

  His face broke out in a wide grin and he pulled off his sunglasses. “Yes, Marsha, it has.”

  “Piper, please,” she said. “There is no more Marsha.”

  He nodded and lifted his gaze to James. “Good job.” He held out his hand.

  James pulled his stogie out of his pocket and shoved it between his teeth before taking the proffered hand. “Good to see you, Max. Aren’t you getting a little long in the tooth for this kind of work?”

  Max laughed. “Aren’t you?”

  James finally took a deep breath, pulled a lighter out of his pocket and lit his cherished cigar.

  Randy joined the two men while Chris took hold of my arm and pulled me aside.

  “Grigori is dead.” He looked upset, not surprisingly.

  “Dead?”

  “Yeah. Executed. Bullet to the back of the head.”

  I rubbed my hands together, suddenly feeling cold. “I guess he wasn’t of any use to them anymore. Are you sure it was Grigori?”

  “James identified him by a snake tattoo on his arm.”

  “Ah. Will they tell us anything? You know, the why and, well, the why?”

  “I don’t know. As soon as we’re released from the scene, we’re going to meet Randy back at my parents’ house.”

  “Are the coppers going to question us?”

  “According to Randy, no. They’re going through the motions because they have to. If you were to look around the corner, you’d see a couple of black cars parked with men in black suits doing whatever it is they do.”

  “I get it,” I said. “They don’t want bystanders to know what happened here. They want it to look like something other than what it was. Right?”

  Chris rolled his upper lip under and rocked back on his heels. “You got it, cupcake.”

  “We really were just pawns, weren’t we?”

  He pulled on his earlobe. “Yeah. But if you’ve got a beef, you might want to keep it to yourself. This really is a big deal. You know, spy stuff. Purple cows. Microdots. Lives in danger.”

  “I want to go home and call Mikey. I need to hear his sweet, innocent little voice.”

  “In due time, angel.”

  When things finally calmed down, we drove back to my in-laws’ house, followed by the rest of the crew. To say we were subdued would be an understatement.

  Chris parked in the driveway, and when I looked out the rear window I saw both Max and Randy walking toward the front porch.

  Piper and James followed on their heels.

  Our day wasn’t over yet.

  Chapter Forty

  James stood in front of Judith. “I need the real cows now.”

  She nodded before turning and heading toward the kitchen and the basement door.

  Piper glanced around the house. “This place has a lot of hiding places, doesn’t it? I’m not surprised. Marguerite was all about mystery. She had a flair for the dramatic.”

  “I’d bet a lot of authors are like that.” It was a guess, but it made sense to me. If I was a mystery writer, the idea of being involved in a real case would seem ideal, not to mention owning a house full of secret compartments.

  However, I wasn’t a writer, although I’d seen my share of mysteries.

  Judith reappeared bearing two purple cows which she unceremoniously handed to James. She’d stopped and let the dogs in, too.

  Tails wagging maniacally, they ran from person to person, collecting head scratches as they went. They finally settled down in front of the twins.

  Before passing the cows to Max, James turned the mama cow over and studied her belly. “Moisture will open her up. The microdot is secured inside. I know a number of agents are pushing up daisies now, but there are some on the list who’ve moved into positions in the government and they need their pasts kept secret.” He paused for a moment, looking wistful. “It’s all about secrets.”

  Max nodded. “If the wrong factions had gotten their hands on this list, all hell would have broken loose. You know that, right?”

  James looked uncomfortable. “I’m old, not senile. I know how much that list means.” He sighed. “I didn’t think it would ever be an issue again. If only Marguerite had kept her ideas to herself.”

  “Mother meant well,” Carol said.

  “I know.”

  Randy sat down on the couch and took a deep breath. “Grigori got back what he gave out, so to speak. I’d say reciprocity, but there was nothing kind about the things he did. He was an assassin, and look how he checked out. Got a taste of his own medicine.”

  “Why do you think he became bullet bait?” Chris narrowed his eyes, seemingly very curious about the outcome.

  Randy shrugged. “No telling. Maybe he lost
his usefulness. Maybe it was something else. We’ll know more after the Russian agents are questioned. They didn’t seem like brain surgeon material to me. I think they’ll be easy to break.”

  Max’s cell phone rang and he excused himself, carrying it out to the porch.

  I turned to the twins and Judith. “In your wildest dreams, did you ever figure you’d be involved in espionage? Did you ever think you’d be involved with spies?”

  “It never crossed my mind,” Carol said. She reached out and scratched Watson’s back.

  Coral lifted her head and looked down her nose at her sister. “Growing up with Mother prepared me for anything. I still can’t believe Daddy was a part of all of this, though. Our parents were pretty special people. Carol, do you believe Mother didn’t know about Daddy?”

  Carol contemplated her fingernails for a moment. “I think she knew. Don’t ask me why, but yes, I think she knew.”

  Judith never answered my question.

  Max returned shortly. “I’ve got to get back to the agency.” He turned to Piper and James. “You’ll be needed to answer some questions, but you can ride with Randy.”

  James grinned and his mustache jiggled a little. “We’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

  I had a feeling he missed his old job, and yet there was something about his expression that stumped me. It suddenly struck me. “James? You never truly got out of the business, did you?”

  “This old world takes us to all kinds of unexpected places, Pamela. You and your husband know about that. I’ve heard stories over the past few days.” Other than that, he wouldn’t give me a straight answer.

  I glanced at Piper. She sat with her eyes closed and her hands folded in what looked like prayer.

  And then her face lit up and she laughed.

  I wasn’t sure where they’d been, but Rick and Constance finally arrived. They carried a couple of bags and I soon understood they’d stopped to bring food home. They laid sub sandwiches out on the table and told everyone to dig in.

  Max grabbed one for the road and headed out to his car.

  I suddenly felt ravenous and, picking up a sub, stuffed myself.

  As soon as I finished eating, I excused myself and called Mikey from the kitchen.

  He answered the phone at the grocery store. No voice had ever sounded sweeter to me.

  “When can I come home, Mom?”

  “As soon as you want to.”

  “It’s over, huh? Will you ever tell me what happened?”

  “I’m going to let your father make that decision. You know, Son, sometimes you’re too smart for your own good.”

  I talked to my mother and we made arrangements for Mikey to come home. I couldn’t wait to see him and hug him.

  When I got off the phone I found Chris sitting on the front porch, looking very serious and being awfully quiet.

  “What’s up, Bogey Man?”

  He looked at me for a moment without saying a word. He rolled his upper lip under and tugged on his earlobe, but suddenly shook his head and unrolled the lip.

  “We need to talk.”

  “Okay.” I sat down next to him.

  “Angel, we’ve put ourselves in danger before, and that includes Ace and the dogs. When we have to send our son out of state so we can work on a case, I know we’ve got to make some changes in our lives. Maybe we should just concentrate on the restaurant and let someone else take over.”

  “You’re right, sweetie. If anything ever happens again we could turn it over to our private eye friend. She knows what she’s doing. And we can stay out of Janet Riley’s way. After all, she is a homicide detective.”

  Chris rubbed his chin. “How do we keep getting dragged into these things?”

  “Well, don’t forget, sometimes it’s happenstance – like finding a dead body in the basement of the club. Now, that wasn’t our fault.”

  Chris reached over and pulled me to him. “The next time someone wants our help I’m going to tell them we’ve retired.”

  “Good idea.”

  “I have to admit that I’m curious to learn more about Grigori and those other two Russians.”

  “Me, too,” James said, standing in the doorway.

  Chris looked up at him. “I didn’t like being used, James. I know we didn’t have much of a choice, but I didn’t like it.”

  He rolled his stogie back and forth between his thumb and index finger. “I understand. It won’t happen again. Piper and I are retiring, too.

  “Funny story. When I reached into the bag and pulled out the purple cow? I was actually reaching for my gun. That should tell you why my wife looked like she was praying a while ago. She must have been giving thanks.”

  Chris smiled. “And I thought we were novices.”

  “Take life as it comes,” James said. “Be ready for anything. The Babe and I have been through a lot together. I’m not planning on kicking the bucket anytime soon, so I’m sure we’ll go through a lot more. Between you and me, people thinking we were dead actually opened all kinds of doors for us. We never really stopped working. Now we will.”

  Carol joined us on the porch. “I’m done for today. I think I’ll go home and take a nap.” She wiggled her fingers at us and climbed down the porch steps, looking tired and with no spring in her step. “I’ll pick up the wigs later,” she said, over her shoulder.

  Coral wasn’t far behind her. “I’m going home, too. I think I’ll work in my garden for a while. Knowing that Grigori was murdered made me realize just how real all of this was.”

  Randy was next out on the porch. “Come on, folks. Let’s go. The agency waits for no man.”

  “I have a question,” I said. “Do you really have a wife?”

  “Yes, and it really was her birthday.”

  “Does she know what you do for a living?”

  “She has a general knowledge of what I do, but she doesn’t know details. And she never will.”

  “I see.”

  Randy left with Piper and James, telling them he’d take them to pick up their car after a meeting at the agency.

  Rick and Constance left, too. Rick said he had to attend the meeting after he dropped Constance off.

  I watched them walk down the walkway, arm in arm, wondering if this might be a lasting relationship or not. I’d never seen Constance so taken with anyone, and considering Rick’s age, it was kind of a big deal – at least to me. I noticed he walked a little taller with my friend on his arm.

  Judith and Chris, Sr. joined us on the porch.

  Chris studied his mother before patting the chair next to him.

  “Come here, Ma. I’ve made a decision and I want to tell you about it.”

  Chapter Forty-one

  Judith listened while Chris told her he’d decided not to take any more cases. “I think you’re making a wise decision, Junior. This business with the spies made me realize how dangerous life can be. We treated it like a game, and it was more than that. Things ended quietly, considering the way things could have happened, but still… You need to think of Pamela and Ace.”

  Sherlock and Watson sauntered out the front door and sat next to Chris and me.

  My mother-in-law watched them. “These crazy dogs have never understood what was going on. They’ve acted on instinct alone. You’re right when you say it’s time to devote yourself to the restaurant. I support you wholeheartedly.”

  Sherlock jumped up and put his front end on my lap. I stroked his beautiful yellow coat, knowing he’d defend us with his life if need be, but knowing I didn’t ever want that to happen.

  Jealous, Watson tried to jump up, too, but my lap wasn’t big enough for both of them. She turned and jumped up on Chris.

  Chris, Sr. had been taking everything in and finally spoke. “I had my fifteen minutes of fame today, even though no one will ever know it except for us. That’s enough for me. Son, you and Pamela are exceptional people in my book, but you’re right, it’s time to let go. I wanted to be a spy, and you wanted to be a
private eye, but we were both wrong. You need a normal life for a change. So do I.” He closed his mouth in that tight-lipped smile of his and sat on a porch step.

  ~ * ~

  Mikey came home on Wednesday and after the dogs went nuts and licked his face, shoes and whatever else they could reach, I hugged him until he called Uncle.

  Chris took him aside later in the day and told him only a little of what he’d missed, and he didn’t make it sound like fun.

  I advertised that week and we set up Afternoon Tea. Judith was so busy that she didn’t have time to think about anything else. She and her scones were a hit. The tea patrons started arriving before the lunch crowd was gone.

  One evening Piper and James showed up for dinner at the restaurant, and Randy and his wife joined them. So did Chris and I.

  Randy glanced at his wife and cleared his throat.

  She excused herself, saying she’d be back soon. She gave her husband a pointed look. “I have to run out to the car to get something.”

  Randy smiled at her back. “She knows when I want to talk business. Okay, we have more information now and you wanted details. The Russian who dressed like Grigori was, in fact, his grandson, Dmitry. There was no love loss between them. As far as Dmitry was concerned, Grigori had served his purpose. He said his grandfather was becoming demented and he was more of a danger than a help. He sent Viktor, the other Russian, to take care of the old man. I guess he couldn’t do it himself.”

  James listened intently. “No, I guess he couldn’t. He didn’t like the old man though. Said he was a ‘disgusting piece of garbage’. There was no family loyalty between those two.”

  Chris sat back with his arms folded across his chest. “I didn’t like being used. I didn’t appreciate my family and friends being used, either.”

  Piper chimed in. “Chris, sometimes we do things we’d rather not. This was one of those times. We needed you for a diversion, and believe it or not, we had your backs at all times. That is, with the exception of Pamela’s incident in the alley. We couldn’t have foreseen that.”