Brood X: A Firsthand Account of the Great Cicada Invasion

by Michael Phillip Cash

  Lara was blushing and talking to her friend in a high-pitched, super sweet voice. She was sounding more and more like Kim Kardashian by the second. Hating this fake side of Lara, he caught her eye and gagged.

  Every single time she saw Marni, this overwhelming giddiness came over Lara. It made Seth sick. He dealt with it in college. Even after college for the dozen times he’d had to see Marni, he let his wife act all stupid in front of her. Marni was a troublemaker. She constantly stirred the pot, creating issues and drama. He knew she had spread a vicious rumor about him cheating. He never did and Lara would never forgive her for it.

  “What’s with the camera, Seth?” asked Marni.

  Seth paused and was about to say something rude and condescending, but he caught Lara’s silly grin. If Lara didn’t have ears, the tips of her lips would be touching. She was so incredibly happy to see her friend that Seth felt it would be just plain evil to destroy it. So, if his wife wanted to get all nostalgic on him, who was he to burst her bubble. Seth might be Lara’s numero uno, but Marni came in a very, very close second. It was too cruel to hurt her.

  Instead of sounding like a jerk, he spoke confidently, “I’m filming a documentary.”

  “About what?”

  “Friends with herp...” Much as he tried, he couldn’t help himself as he watched Marni’s condescending smirk.

  “He’s filming my pregnancy!” interjected Lara.

  “That’s so cute! Thanks for inviting us, Sethy.” Marni gave him the phony double-cheek kiss.

  “What? Are we in Europe?” he asked as she retreated and disappeared into the kitchen with his wife.

  Dominic sheepishly looked at him with dark-brown eyes and shrugged. “It’s all from that Housewives of New York. They all think they’re tray cheek.”

  “Tray Cheek?” replied Seth.

  “You know. French.”

  “Oh,” The light bulb went off for Seth. “Tres chic.”

  “Not chic, cheek.”

  Seth wasn’t going to waste another second on semantics with Dominic. Even if he wanted to, Dominic would have been too busy studying his pecks in the entry hall mirror. Stupid tribal tattoos covered both his arms. He used every opportunity to show off his six-pack. Seth could never understand why Dominic needed all that ink. What was he going to do when the six-pack sagged and turned into a beer barrel? Both of Dom’s parents were overweight.

  Dominic was ripped. Working out was like a second job for him. He was a gym rat. Last Seth heard, he got a great job in sales somewhere. Must be a gym, Seth shrugged.

  “Wanna beer?” asked Seth.

  “You buying?” Dominic asked, looking at his slicked-back hair in the mirror.

  “Well, we know you’re not!” Seth thought but then replied, “It’s good to have you as our guest, Dom.”

  The guys left for the kitchen in search of alcohol. As they entered the kitchen, the room got quiet and Seth knew the girls were having a serious conversation. About what he could only guess. Lara looked worried.

  Marni motioned Dom to leave the room with her and nodded to Lara.

  Both Marni and Dominic made a quick exit. Seth was dumbfounded.

  “That was quick. Was it something I said?”

  “Well…” Lara busied herself with chopping vegetables at the sink. “Well...”

  “What’s going on, Lara?” Seth felt a cold chill go up his spine. When Lara started any sentence with “well,” there was always a rub. Something smelled weird. Lara knew something, and she wasn’t telling her husband.

  “Well what, Lara? Spit it out.”

  “They were evicted.” Lara turned to him, her cleaver in midair.

  “You gonna use that?” He pointed to the knife.

  “Oh.” She quickly put it down on the cutting board. “I felt so bad. She would do anything for us, you know.”

  “That’s rather easy because we never ask.”

  “There for the grace of God go I,” Lara righteously stated. “You’re still looking for a job. What if you don’t get it, Seth? We’ve been lucky because we had some savings, but what if... ?” She paused. “I know she would do anything for us.”

  Seth started to feel bad for Marni and for Lara, even though he felt he shouldn’t. He knew Lara wasn’t joking. Seth wasn’t working, and he had an acquaintance he had known for over a decade who was homeless. Lara’s soulful looks tugged at his heart. Much as he didn’t want to admit it, he knew they would have to do the right thing.

  The economy sucked. The government promised more—more help, more jobs, more growth. Seth and everyone he knew wanted that change that never came. Here were people in the same boat.

  “Have I ever let you down? No, don’t answer that. I’ll get a job, Lara. You’ll never have to ask Marni for help.”

  He looked deep into her distressed face. “You are such a bleeding heart,” Seth said sympathetically. "OK, you can keep them, but you have to take care of them. Make sure they don’t pee on the rug.”

  ***

  “Get the orange juice.” Dom said as he prepared a cup for the coffee maker. He spun the rack, “Don’t they have anything but decaf.”

  “Ugh. I know,” Marni made a face. “It’s like low carb this, low fat that. She is the worst cook in the world.”

  “That’s your friend. Is there any bread?’

  “Whole wheat muffins?” Marni took a bite. “They’re like sawdust,” she rooted around the pantry. “Kashi, kashi and more kashi. Do you want to go out?’

  “With what money?” Dominic opened the refrigerator. “Look, cream cheese, a soy variety. What is Seth eating?” he continued to poke around the fridge. “Pay dirt!”

  “What? What did you find?”

  “Salami. It’s wrapped in a brown bag. You can’t hide good food from Dominic DiLeo. I am a hunter!” he roared.

  “Yeah, but what can I eat? I don’t like tubed meat,” Marni stared at the open fridge.

  “Since when?” Dom was stuffing his face with the salami. “See if there’s any cheese.”

  Marni took out a container of cottage cheese and ate right out of the plastic cup. “I saw some chips and dip in the laundry room pantry.”

  Dom unfolded himself from the chair. “Let me appropriate it and bring it upstairs before they come home.”

  She heard him digging through a closet in the laundry room.

  “Oh, you won’t believe this, there’s packets of water,” he shouted back.

  “What?” Marni asked, her mouth full of swiss cheese.

  “Water. If we take this, we don’t have to bring up the bottles in front of them. I swear Seth’s been giving me dirty looks every time I take a bottle of the water.”

  “Take the whole box, they won’t miss it.”

  She heard Dom race up the stairs. Bending low, she found a bag of chocolate kisses. “Holding out on me, huh, Lara. I knew you had a secret stash somewhere.” Marni raced up the stairs after Dom, her hands filled with Lara’s candy treasure.

  ***

  They all sat at the kitchen table, cards strewn about, half-filled glasses and bowls of snack food.

  “Another game?” Dominic reeled in a pile of quarters.

  “I’m pooped,” Seth stretched.

  Marni eyed Dominic’s growing pile of coins and urged, “One more game. Come on, you guys.”

  Lara stood up and started moving things to the sink. She yawned loudly, “I don’t know about you, but I’m tired. “

  “Leave it, babe. I’ll clean it up,” Seth volunteered.

  “I gotta piss. Marni grab the change and bring it upstairs.” Dominic beat a hasty retreat to the guest bedroom.

  Marni scooped the winnings into a cup and followed him, Seth watched with wide-eyed fascination at their gall.

  “I don’t believe them,” he put his glass forcefully on the granite counter. “They eat like they each have two assholes. Do you know they ate up that Spanish ham your brother sent me? Just took it and finished it, without even asking,” he paused
. “I want to know what happened with playing with bobby pins or peanuts.”

  “Yeah,” Lara averted her eyes, “that was pretty crummy for them to insist we play for real money. We didn’t lose much, Seth. It’s just pocket change.”

  “That’s not the point!” he washed out the coffee cups. “This is too much. I don’t like them, Lara. It’s enough. They’re taking advantage of us. It’s time for them to go home.”

  Lara sighed and put her china away.

  Chapter 6

  Emerge

  “Change doth unknit the tranquil strength of men.”

  - Matthew Arnold

  Their backyard was expansive, just as wide as the front. A suburban heaven, they had lavished a ton of their wedding money on the yard.

  Dominic was chipping on a mini backyard putting green off to the left, while the girls sunned themselves in skimpy bikinis on chaise lounges. Seth had a smoker, a gas grill, a charcoal grill, and fire pit. He never used any of them but the gas grill because it was the easiest to clean. When he was working, he bought every toy he could for his backyard, especially the grilling station.

  At the far back was an in-ground pool surrounded by a deep black fence. Seth manned the gas grill.

  “I’m putting up the sausages.” Seth dropped the camera on the custom-made picnic table.

  “I thought we were having chicken,” Lara piped up.

  “You,” said Seth, pointing his tongs at her, “thought wrong.” He left for the kitchen.

  Marni peeked over her shoulder and in a whisper asked Lara, “Is he at least trying to get a job?”

  Lara knew it was coming. She looked back to ensure Seth was deep in the kitchen.

  “He said hiring is slow this summer. A lot of people have left, and with the infestation, it’s like they are afraid to spend or create jobs.”

  “Oh, come on, Lara. Anyone can get him a job tomorrow.”

  “Shh,” Lara warned, “he’ll hear you.” Sniffing, a little miffed, she wanted to ask her friend why she was complaining about Seth when she was the one who lost her apartment, but good manners demanded the subject be dropped.

  The screen slid open and Seth picked up the camera again.

  “Are you going to heat up the pool?” Lara asked politely with her voice high and nervous.

  Seth walked down the hill to the pool with camera in hand. The grass was slightly overgrown and needed a mowing. They had let the gardener go last week; it was getting a little too expensive. Seth thought maybe he would have Jimmy come by and do a quick trim.

  As he reached the pool filter, he flipped the switch on. Pressing the motor, the filter came alive with the comforting sounds of a pool backwash.

  He moved over to the big-box heater unit. Bending down, he reached through a tangle of weeds, freezing, his hand came in contact with a slippery shell.

  “What the…?” he peered around the unit. There it was, in living color. The brown cicada shell was about the size of Seth’s pinky. He had never seen an exoskeleton that big before.

  It was wet, with a crusty brown shell exterior. It was split down the middle, and he knew that somewhere in his yard was a bug the size of a clothes pin.

  “Wow,” Seth was awed. “What are we going to do now? Call nine-one-one? Alert the military? How about we get CNN down here to discuss the mating habits of these fine creatures?”

  Seth peeled the shell off the heater unit and examined it. Sniffing it, he backed away from the crypt like, musty smell.

  Dropping it to the ground, he crushed it with the sole of his flip-flop.

  “It’s gonna be a turkey shoot, heh-heh,” he snickered.

  Looking back, he saw Lara at the deck, her hand shading her eyes as she scanned the yard looking for Seth. Thank goodness she didn’t have great eyesight. The questions would be nonstop for the rest of the summer. “What was it? Was it gross? Did it bite? Was it scary? Did you touch it?”

  Seth wasn’t in the mood for hysterics or an interrogation. He said the only thing he could think of to get everyone ready for the next activity as he played host,

  “Pool’s open!”

  ***

  The foursome floated in the refreshing water as the camera filmed them from the pool coping. Sunlight danced on the dappled surface. Lara’s nose was tinged pink. Seth fought the urge to kiss its upturned tip. She had been so moody lately.

  The reality of pregnancy was in full drive. Lara felt gross. Cumbersome as a beached whale, she was getting fatter as the days went by. At night she got round ligament pains and it drove her to tears. Her tight belly stretched to accommodate his growing child.

  He dove underwater and swam up behind her. Pulling her into his arms, he kissed the top of her head. They silently floated lazily in the shallow end.

  “Oh, that’s so cute,” Marni trilled.

  Seth thought her voice was like nails to a chalkboard.

  “How come you never do that to me, Dom?” Marni complained.

  “You’re not pregnant.” He dove quickly and resurfaced, his black hair slick against his skull.

  Lara was floating on Seth’s chest and stomach. Her belly and face were the only body parts above the surface of the water.

  Seth was gazing in the distance. He noticed something on a tree and froze. As he stopped the motion to continue floating, Lara sank a bit getting chlorinated water in the corners of her mouth.

  He could have sworn it was a tiny bird, or even a chipmunk, but the thing actually glided down from a tree. It couldn’t be an insect. Coming up sputtering, she glared at him.

  “Don’t tease me like that. It’s bad enough I’m swimming in all these chemicals, now you want me to drink the water.” She noticed Seth wasn’t paying her any attention.

  “What’s wrong?” continued Lara. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Lara turned in the direction Seth was looking to see what got his attention.

  Seth shook his head. “Nothing. I thought I saw something.”

  Lara turned back to him. “Seth, I know that look. What did you see?”

  He changed the subject. “Water’s nice, right?”

  “Yeah,” Lara replied dubiously. “It’s perfect.”

  They waded in silence as Seth thought about what he just witnessed. The broken shell really didn’t faze him until he saw the actual insect scurry down a tree. It was like staring at a familiar place and seeing a gnome run across the yard with an ice pick. It gained your attention. It certainly got Seth’s attention. Seth floated lost in thought, his eyes searching suspiciously everywhere.

  “How about some drinks?” Lara said as she attempted to break the suddenly sour mood.

  “What a great idea.” Seth gave Lara a look that didn’t bode well. It was bad enough that he was extending his accommodations to people he couldn’t stand, but this was too much. Seth had recently reviewed their expenses, and spending on Marni and Dominic's wine requirements wasn’t in the budget.

  “Yeah, our treat,” Dominic offered.

  Seth knew it was more of Dominic’s bullshit. The guy never went to his pocket for anything. It was tiresome. They would get to the bar, drink to their hearts content and Dominic would somehow find himself in the bathroom when the check came. Marni was conveniently oblivious.

  The truth was they were all bored. Enough sun, enough talk, and enough company.

  To Seth, it was like contacting a friend you knew really well in college. He got that nostalgic feeling and talked about the good old days for a little too long. Then the conversation dried up and it was time to move on. You sat and wondered why it was so important to reconnect with that person. Having nothing in common, you had to admit that some things should remain in the past. Jimmy’s words echoed in his brain. “Gone. Kaput. Finished.” Seth groaned.

  Summer should be over already. He wanted to be able to kick them out politely so he and his wife could enjoy the company of their new family—just the three of them. No stragglers. But summer was just about to get started. They had a few months
before things really changed.

  ***

  The phone was ringing off the hook. Lara called from the bedroom where she was changing, “Are you going to get that?” Seth looked at the caller ID and winced. “Seth!”

  Picking up the receiver, he cleared his throat. “Hi, Ruth. Fine. No we’re fine. I don’t know why she hasn’t, uh…No, I’m still looking. Hold on a minute.”

  He covered the receiver and called his wife. “Lara, it’s your mom. Come here and talk to her or I’m gonna hang up.”

  Seth got back on the phone. “Oh, hi, Artie. It’s just a bunch of nonsense. No, no, we don’t want to come to Arizona right now. She’s fine; we’re fine. It’s all hype. Really, Artie, I’m more afraid of the rattlesnakes in Arizona than cicadas in the Northeast. Oh, here’s Lara now.” He handed her the phone with a look of warning.

  “Hi, Daddy. You are so sweet. Seth’s got it all covered. He bought extra water, we have canned…of course I got the safe ones, no lead, right. I know…” She was nodding her head in assent. “He just pretends to be a wise guy; he really takes good care of me…No, don’t do that. We are perfectly fine. Yes, yes…yes. Uh-huh, yes. I will. We were just on our way out. Yes, yes, OK. I will.” There was a long pause, her eyes welling up. “I always listen to you.”

  She looked with a pleading expression to Seth, who was now punching in a number on his cell.

  “Oh, Dad, there’s a beep. I’m getting another call. It could be the doctor. No, nothing is wrong. Yes, I’ll tell Dr. Roman you said hi. I’ll call you Wednesday. Yesss. Wednesday, right…there it is again. Love you. Kisses.”

  “No, no, no,” said Seth. “Please tell me they are not coming.”

  “Good thinking with the phone,” replied Lara. “Nope. They are so cute. They’re just worried about the infestation.”

  “If they come, it’s a worst infestation,” Seth grumbled. He heard Marni and Dom heading out the door. “I don’t know what’s worse, leeches,” he said and nodded to Marni, “or killer bees.” he pointed to his in-laws’ pictures.

  “Oh, please. Old friends, concerned family…it’s all good.” Lara chuckled good-naturedly.

  ***

  Piling into Lara’s car, they pulled out of the subdivision. Marni was scoping out the power windows like a child. She was also playing with Seth’s camera, filming everything from the backseat.