Brood X: A Firsthand Account of the Great Cicada Invasion

by Michael Phillip Cash

  “An SUV! Ooh la la,” Marni exclaimed. “Mercedes, no less. How’d you manage that?”

  There was always an underlying jealousy between Marni and Lara. No matter how much Marni loved Lara, sometimes the green-eyed monster appeared.

  She was resentful that Lara lived in a beautiful house on the North Shore of Long Island. To be fair, Lara admitted she was a bit jealous of Marni’s five-foot-nine frame and supermodel figure. There wasn’t resentment, just a touch of envy.

  Lara never liked to brag about her lifestyle because Marni made her feel guilty. She certainly would have never told her over the phone about the Mercedes being a present from her parents.

  “Gee, the town’s deserted,” Dominic noted, sitting in the front with Seth. Except for their car driving through the town, the streets were empty. It was odd, the sound of silence. Not even planes were flying overhead. No birds chirping, no car doors slamming. “It is deserted,” Seth thought.

  “And with a sunroof, wow!” Marni continued. “Please,” Marni pleaded with Seth, “can we open it?”

  Seth smiled, all his teeth in a creepy grin, and opened the sunroof.

  He eyed his wife in the backseat, realizing she had had enough and getting some pleasure knowing that tonight she was going to hear “Serves you right.” Company was fine for a couple hours, but this was getting ridiculous. What did Benjamin Franklin say about fish and visitors, something about them both stinking within three days? That would make some useful repartee tonight, he thought wickedly.

  “Yes, the car was a gift from my parents. They give us one super-duper gift a year. Right, Seth?”

  “Super-duper,” Seth agreed sarcastically. Lara met his eyes in the mirror with a sweet smile.

  That stung Marni a bit. All she ever got from her parents was criticism. With Marni’s third-grade salary, it was impossible to make ends meet, Dominic’s DJ jobs brought little home, and his sales job was another story altogether.

  “You’re so lucky,” Marni replied. “Mine forget they even have a daughter.”

  “I said…” Dominic interrupted, apparently not finished with his subject. “The town is empty. You think it’s that cicada thing everyone’s talking about?”

  “Oh, cicadas are so last year,” said Seth. “I hear zombies are invading this month.”

  As Seth finished the word month, in what seemed like slow motion, a three-inch cicada came falling through the sunroof and landed belly up on the armrest.

  Dominic was the first to react and tried to get as close to the passenger-side window without falling out of it. Seth lost control of the car. It could have been from the bug or the other three screaming their heads off.

  “Get it outta here!” Dominic yelled.

  Seth fought to gain control of the car. The bug was rolling on its back with the jerky movement with the car. It finally rolled over to its feet and noticed the commotion. Buzzing furiously, it took off trying to escape. It hit Seth in his face as it tried to get past him to the open window, but Seth, in a quick reflex, swatted the bug back into the car.

  Desperately, it flew into the back. The girls’ screams echoed through the interior. Now the bug flew back to the front and landed on Dominic’s chest.

  “Get it off!” Dominic’s back was pushed up against the seat as Seth tried to pull over.

  The louder the girls yelled, the faster the cicada fluttered its wings. Its hard, spiny legs clung to Dominic’s shirt, irritating his chest. The legs easily tore through the cotton T-shirt he was wearing.

  Dominic felt the spiny legs latch onto his chest, freaking him out even more.

  “Where is the ice scraper?” Seth yelled.

  Lara grabbed an umbrella from the backseat and tried smacking it but only succeeded in jabbing Seth.

  “Lara, quit it! You’re just pissing it and me off more!”

  Seth snatched the umbrella from her in a vicious tug, and he and Dominic were able to throw the invader out the window.

  They all quickly closed their windows.

  “What was that thing!?” exclaimed Marni.

  “It was a cicada.” Seth was out of breath. Dominic’s face was planted in his hands. He was swaying back and forth.

  “Whoa, that was big! It was prehistoric,” Dominic muttered from behind his hands.

  “They’re fat, lazy, and harmless,” said Seth. “How long did it take to kill it? Two seconds? They are scaring the public with all this crazy talk.”

  “That was disgusting,” Lara shuddered.

  “But that bug was slow and cumbersome. Even you could take it, Lara. And you’re a hundred pounds dripping wet.”

  Always honest, Lara replied, “Really a hundred and twenty-eight.”

  “Oh, a real heavyweight. I told you there was nothing to worry about. Did it bite you, Dom?” Seth turned to Dominic.

  “But the size of that thing,” said Marni.

  Didn’t even faze old Dom here, did it?”

  Not wanting to appear any less macho, Dominic agreed. “It was like shooting ducks in a barrel.”

  “You mean fish?”

  “What? No ducks,” Dominic repeated. “It was really no big deal. Once you get over the size, they’re really easy to kill. It did try to pierce me with a stinger. It looked like it wanted to poke holes in my body.”

  “That’s because you’re so good looking. What’s another piercing with all your other body jewels?” Seth tried to lighten the mood in the car. “It looked just like the one I saw by the pool.”

  Seth knew their reaction was going to go two ways. Either they were going to laugh at the comment, knowing Seth was just messing around, or they were going to freak out.

  “What!?” exclaimed Lara.

  Seth thought it was too late to pull out of the dive.

  “Thanks for telling us,” Marni spat.

  “There was one in the pool?” Dominic was dumbfounded. “I didn’t see any cicada in your pool.”

  “Yeah, it was doing the backstroke,” Seth quipped. “You didn’t see it?”

  No one knew what the hell Seth was talking about. He could turn the sentence into a joke or tell them the truth. This was why nobody liked him. Always testing, he liked to see what he could get away with without really answering.

  “In all seriousness, it was by a tree. It was big but seemed harmless,” Seth said.

  “Was it dead?” Lara asked in a small voice. She locked eyes with Seth in the mirror. “Do you think it’s starting?” she added, her eyes wide with panic.

  Seth started humming the music from The Twilight Zone. “It was nothing. They’re too big to run.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything?” Lara asked softly.

  “Because it was no big deal,” Seth answered and reassured her with a saucy wink.

  “Enough cicada talk.” Marni wanted to change to subject.

  “Now you’re speaking my language, Marni,” said Seth. By now they had all calmed down. The conversation moved on.

  “Have you picked a name yet?” Marni asked.

  “Marshall,” Seth said at the same time as Lara said, “Mason.”

  “Is that all you got?” Marni laughed, all tension gone. “You guys are a riot.”

  “Yeah, like a barrel of cicadas.” Seth pulled into the bar.

  ***

  Lara was on one knee trying to dig out a pot to use for dinner.

  “Let me help,” Seth offered her a hand. “Why are you doing this alone? Where’s the devil’s handmaiden?”

  “Stop,” Marni offered. “It’s easier to do it by myself.” She walked over to the pantry. “Humph.”

  “What’sa matter, hon?”

  “Oh nothing. I thought I bought enough food, but I guess we used it up.”

  “Four is a lot to feed, Lar. Have you thought about cutting our guests loose. More toilet paper, paper towels, laundry detergent. Cheese, milk, eggs, salami... I will keep going if you don’t stop me.”

  “Stop. I don’t mind. It’s only supplies. I’ll go shop
ping tomorrow.”

  “Send them. It’s the least they can do,” Seth snapped. “Do you know where my pork rinds are?”

  “I don’t want you to eat those.” Lara called out to him as he rummaged the pantry. “Try the laundry room. I kept some extra stuff there.”

  “Out, out and out. I think the infestation has started.”

  Lara dropped the pan she was holding. “What, Seth. You mean cicadas?” she said nervously.

  “No, rats. Two big legged rats.” Seth slammed out of the house.

  ***

  The next day, Lara gazed out her big picture window, clearly annoyed. “I thought you spoke to Jeff and Cathy about that dog.”

  “I did. What’s he up to now?” Seth asked. “Well, hello, little lady.” He raised the ubiquitous camera as a basset hound strolled into the yard. “Looks like Casey is gonna get some nookie.”

  “Go out and stop them. Ugh. Not on my watch. Jeez, look at him!”

  They both laughed as the bigger, sandy-colored lab mounted a basset hound.

  “Well, someone’s not going to be too happy with that,” said Seth, nodding to the humping dogs.

  “Do you know who owns the basset?” Lara giggled.

  The sliding door was open, a breeze wafting into the house.

  “Do you hear that?” Lara turned to Seth.

  “What?”

  “That’s it. It went completely silent outside,” Lara whispered.

  “Probably a hawk is circling. Maybe they’re watching the porn... What the hell?”

  A deafening yelp erupted from Casey, and he started biting his left rear leg. The basset threw herself on the ground and rolled, howling as if she had been dowsed with acid.

  “Seth,” Lara screamed, as a blanket of black bugs descended on the tormented animals, obliterating them from sight. The roar of cicadas filled the front yard, and Seth opened the door to go and help the dogs.

  “Noooo,” Lara gripped his arm. “You can’t.”

  “I have to, Lara. This is crazy. Call animal control.”

  Grabbing a broom, he raced over the green grass to the now still hill of insects.

  Grimly he swept off the unresisting cicadas from the corpses of the dogs.

  “Shit,” was all he could say.

  ***

  The wail of sirens rent the air, and Seth burst through the front door holding the camera to see what was happening.

  Lara followed him out with a dishrag clenched in her hands.

  “What’s going on now?” she asked nervously.

  “I don’t know,” Seth responded. “I heard a crash. It was loud. Look, there it is,” he pointed to the end of the block. “Stay inside.”

  Lara retreated into the house.

  A crowd of people had gathered around two cars that had hit each other head on. The black BMW was badly banged up. The chassis was nearly bent in half and steam rose from its hood. The air bag deployed and filled the entire front of the car. The door was open and a man was sitting in the driver’s seat, talking on his cell phone.

  A silver Prius rested atop a broken fire hydrant. A geyser of water roared as it shot ten feet into the air.

  Sitting on the curb, a dazed woman was holding a towel to her bloody nose. His neighbor Cathy dashed out of her house to comfort the woman.

  “Are you OK?” Seth wandered over to the stricken woman.

  “I don’t know what happened,” the woman replied. “I was driving and out of nowhere the whole windshield was covered by bugs.”

  “Cicadas?” Seth inquired.

  “I don’t know what they were. But there were a lot of them. The wipers couldn’t get rid of them quick enough. They just kept coming.”

  Seth walked away as the woman started to cry. He looked at the totaled car. A brown residue of bug guts smeared the windshield.

  Police cars started rolling down the street and pretty soon the chaotic mess got sorted out.

  A cop walked over to survey the scene next to Seth. He turned to the policeman and asked, “What do you make of this?”

  The officer shrugged his shoulders and replied, “Probably just a swarm.”

  ***

  Later that night, Lara curled against Seth’s side, they watched the evening news.

  The newscaster was concluding a segment, “There are widespread and unprovoked bug attacks all over the tri-state area today causing accidents and mayhem everywhere. Although it was very disturbing, the governor is assuring everyone to remain calm. Cicadas usually die within a day or two. He is urging people not to panic.”

  “I feel so bad for Cathy,” Lara’s blue eyes welled with tears. “She loved that dog. This is getting scary, Seth.”

  “You heard what the cops said. They probably disturbed a nest. That’s what happened in Arizona too you know, with the killer bees. They have people there who just take out the nests for a living.”

  “What about the car accident?” Lara asked.

  Seth put a finger over her soft lips.

  “They told us not to be concerned. The cops were here in four minutes, and animal control said not to blow it out of proportion. Enough!” He kissed her lightly. “I said enough.”

  ***

  “I stocked up. Don’t you remember Lara. It was after we bought that stupid freezer. I bought two of everything. I spent close to eight hundred dollars.” Seth was furious. “What do you mean we are out of tuna? I bought rice, beans, all kinds of canned shit. We can’t be out.”

  “We are for now. I guess I didn’t realize how much we were going through. I’m sorry Seth.”

  “Ah ha. I knew it. They are eating us out of house and home,” Seth was angry. “They gotta go.”

  “Just another week,” Lara pleaded. “I promise I will speak to Marni.”

  “Freeloaders. I never saw anything like this. I thought my mom was bad. They take it to a whole new level. That’s it. I want them outta here.” Seth went outside to shoot some hoops, the screen door slammed behind him.

  ***

  “Let’s go for sushi tonight,” Marni said gaily.

  “Lara can’t eat that, “Seth replied morosely.

  “Chinese?” Dom volunteered.

  “Nope,” Seth walked over to the counter and started making a cheese sandwich.

  “Come on Seth, let’s go somewhere.” Marni started to put on her jacket.

  “See ya later. Lara, you want one too?” He held up a slice of bread.

  Clearly torn, her face a mask of appeasement, she walked over to Seth and stroked his back. “You feel like a steak?” she asked hopefully.

  “You don’t want to know what I feel like,” he continued with his sandwich.

  “I can’t believe it Seth. It’s dinner time. What do you expect us to do?” Marni shrieked at him.

  “I don’t care what you do, Marn. I am eating here, now. I am not going out. I am tired of paying the bill.”

  “Maybe I was going to pay for tonight!” Marni shouted.

  “He’s got you there, babe,” Dom came over to the counter. “You got any more cheese?”

  Seth nodded to the refrigerator, gave Marni a dirty look and with an expression that boded ill for tonight, he went into the den to watch the rest of a game.

  ***

  The camera was charging on the counter while news from a television droned in the kitchen. Reports of encounters with the cicadas were all over the news.

  “It kept batting into our Florida room,” the man on the television said. “Finally, I took a broom and whacked it.”

  “Seen any others?” the reporter asked.

  “Here and there, but I think we’ve got it under control. Aside from the noise, which is annoying, we seem to be able...”

  Marni slid onto a counter stool next to Lara with her coffee, muttering, “He was such an asshole the other night.”

  “I didn’t notice. I thought Dominic behaved.”

  Marni gave her a long look from beneath her ginger-colored lashes. “I was talking about Seth.”
<
br />   “Look, Marn. He’s a good guy. He takes care of me.” Marni snorted inelegantly as Lara continued, “He makes me laugh.”

  “Yeah. He makes me laugh too, but not in the same way. I can’t believe he’s been out of work this long.”

  “Marn, what happened with your apartment?”

  Marni bristled. “I thought I could tell you anything; apparently since you’re having his baby things have changed.”

  “What are you talking about?” Lara hissed.

  Seth entered the kitchen. He gave a stunning smile to his wife, then a grimace to her friend, “Good morning, Marni.”

  Marni stood and smirked back at Seth. “I’ll let you two enjoy some private time. God knows how much longer you’ll have for that.” She stalked off to find Dominic.

  “Dom?” she called to no answer. He finally appeared in the kitchen doorway, fresh out of the shower.

  “Hoops?” Dominic asked Seth.

  “You girls rustle up some breakfast while we go practice our jumping skills. We’re getting ready for the infestation!”

  “Get your own breakfast, Seth,” Marni sneered.

  “I heard it on the news this morning. We have to practice jumping per the National Cicada Prevention Society. Watch.”

  He leaped into the air, “Jump and squash. Right, Dom? Jump and squash. I have to do Lara’s share, as she’s confined to skipping until Rudolph arrives.”

  Dominic laughed and threw a basketball to Seth, who deftly caught it. “I have to remember that jump and squash.”

  “Take the camcorder so we can show your kid how I kicked your ass,” Dom added.

  “It’s charging. Let’s go.”

  Marni and Lara exchanged looks and started taking out things from the refrigerator.

  “OK, they’re both assholes,” Marni conceded as she and Lara watched their retreating backs.

  Years ago Seth had set up a regulation basketball hoop on the patio just off the deck in their backyard. He had been the high school point guard and always had a fondness for the game. Dominic would play, but he was terrible. He wanted to look good first and play good second.

  Seth had more control with the ball. He was accomplished enough to play well and look good at the same time. He gave it up during college because he gained too much weight from drinking. Once he found his perfect home with Lara, the flat screen and the basketball hoop were the first purchases he made.