Because I Love You

by A'zayler

  “She was very beautiful,” Dream told Logan.

  “Gorgeous, with a heart of gold.”

  I sucked my teeth as I listened to them talking across me. My anger at the world was so great that just listening to them talk as if my number one person wasn’t lying there dead pissed me off even more. I pushed away from both of their happy go lucky asses and went to the side of my mother’s bed. With barely enough strength to stand on, I kneeled and grabbed her hand.

  “Fuck, man!” I whined like a little ass boy.

  My head had fallen forward on the bed, and I was crying again. Fuck, I was so tired of this shit already. Ready for it to be over, and it was sadly just beginning. The next presence I felt was Dream’s. She was next to me, rubbing the back of my neck. I was so happy that she hadn’t opened her mouth and said shit because it was probably going to be something I ain’t want to hear.

  A while passed with me kneeling there just staring at my mother. I’d kissed her hand so many times that I’d lost count. My father had sat up and was watching me while Logan and Auto stood behind me. Dream was seated on my mother’s nightstand, still rubbing my back. The room was silent minus my sister and my daddy talking about funeral arrangements. I tuned that shit out as best as I could, and when I couldn’t anymore, I jumped up and kissed my mother’s forehead. I needed to get out of there.

  Too bad that when I kissed her, I could smell her, and it set me off all over again. I’d been a mama’s boy for as far back as I could remember. No matter what I ever did, she was always there, always in my corner. Never talking down on me, and always comforting me. Whenever my father would go off about me and whatever trouble I’d been getting in, she was there to defend me.

  Just this morning she’d told me I was her number one boy and that she’d love me forever. Now, she was gone. Damn, had forever come that quick? Fuck forever, fuck cancer, and fuck every good thing in the world. My mother had been the nicest person on earth, and she’d been mine. Now, what was I going to do? Who would I be number one to now?

  “You want to go outside?” Dream whispered to me. “They’re about to come get her.”

  “Ahhhh, man, Maaaa.” I shook her lightly. “Mama, Ma!” I grabbed both sides of her face and pressed my forehead to hers. I was crying so hard I couldn’t breathe for real then. “Mama, hold on, Ma, you can’t go yet. Get up.” I shook her some more. “Come on, Ma, please.” I fell on the side of the bed and cried like hell.

  My chest was hurting so badly that I just wanted to snatch that shit off. My pain had overwhelmed me, and I needed to breathe before I died too. My head fell back. Maybe I should die. At least I’d be with my mama, again.

  “Come on, Egypt. Walk outside with me.” Dream had squatted in front of me and was pulling my arms.

  I looked at her and nodded. She pulled me to my feet with Auto’s help. As soon as I was on my feet, he grabbed me and hugged me. I hugged him back just as tight. Our hug was short lived because the moment Logan began to whimper behind us, he let me go and went straight to her. I wasn’t mad, that’s where he needed to be. My sister was strong, but she and my mother had been close as well.

  I watched him console her until I felt Dream grab my hand. When I looked at her, she gave me a small smile and pulled me from the room. When we finally got outside, I felt like I could breathe again. No longer being so close to my mother allowed me time to gather myself. We both took a seat on the stairs of my front porch and sat quietly.

  Obviously, she felt like she needed to say something because she rubbed my hand and said the dumbest shit I’d heard to date, and the one thing that would make me hate her for years to come.

  “She’s in a better place now, Egypt. She wouldn’t come back here for nothing in the world.” She sighed while looking up toward the sky. “The kind of peace and happiness she has now, nothing can beat that.”

  I was frowning like fuck as I sat there looking at her stupid ass talking like she knew my mama. She didn’t know where the fuck my mama was or if she’d come back or not. Why wouldn’t she come back? I was here. Her family was here. Everything she loved was still here, and that dumb hoe had the nerve to say she wouldn’t come back? I almost knocked her the fuck out.

  “Man, get your stupid ass away from me.” I pushed her so hard she lost her balance and fell into the metal railing. “You don’t even know my mama. The fuck you talking about?”

  She looked dumbfounded as hell as she held her arm that had just hit the pole.

  “Get the fuck up and dip. I don’t even want to look at your dumb ass no more. You don’t know shit. You don’t know what she would do or what she would want. You just stupid. You don’t know where the fuck my mama might be.”

  “Egypt,” she said my name slowly.

  “Don’t call my fucking name! Leave!” I screamed at her.

  When she didn’t move fast enough for me, I snatched her up from the ground and pushed her toward the street.

  “Get the fuck away from me! You don’t even belong here!”

  She was standing there looking crazy as hell with water in her eyes. I waited for her to beat her fucking feet and get the hell away from my mama’s house. Fucking outsiders. She didn’t know shit.

  “Go!” I yelled.

  Dream nodded and took off walking down the street. I could tell she was crying because I could hear her, but I didn’t give a fuck. She could cry a fucking river. Hell, I had to. I watched her for a while before hopping in my car and driving away without looking back. Had I known how wrong I really was, I never would have treated her that way. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that until it was too late.

  Chapter 3

  Five years later and Egypt and Azayna were still dreaming…

  -Azayna

  The sun was blazing, and the air was stiff and hot as I walked down the street. It was a typical day in Miami, and I was enjoying the hell out of it. I’d been cooped up in the house all week, anticipating the start of the weekend, and it had finally come. Summer time was my favorite time of year. I could be as naked as I wanted to be without anybody looking at me crazy.

  The hot pink romper I had on right then was evidence of that. It was a short, form fitting little ensemble that hugged every curve God blessed me with. It had been on sale in one of my favorite stores and was an easy outfit to toss on for the day. The gold thong sandals and jewelry that I wore with everything made it look like it cost more than the five dollars I’d paid for it, but that was my little secret.

  It was a nice afternoon, and I was actually itching to make some money. On most days I preferred to wait until night time to entertain my customers, but today was different. I was in desperate need of some transportation. Walking everywhere I had to go was getting old. Master had offered to buy me a car plenty of times in the past, but I’d rather get my own stuff. That way, it could never be taken away from me.

  The minute niggas started giving you stuff, it was up for grabs, and I wasn’t having that. I didn’t care how many more miles I had to walk. I’d walk them. I had been in the game for five years and only made enough money to keep a steady roof over my head. That was a damn shame, and I knew it whether I said it out loud or not.

  “Please let the niggas be out today,” I mumbled to myself before crossing the street.

  I was headed for the corner where I knew all the dope boys hung out. Whenever I got desperate, that was where I went. If they didn’t do anything else, they showed me love. I don’t know if it was because Master had told them to or they just liked me like that. Whatever it was, they were always good for a good time and some fast cash.

  I had just come out of the corner store and was leaning on the wall drinking a Powerade when a couple of old school cars swerved up to the pumps. I smiled as I recognized who it was. The black one was Egypt’s, the blue one was Bo, and the dark purple one was Myiesha. She was a stud who I’d let sample the pussy a few times simply because her money was long, and she didn’t mind spending it.

  I watched as all o
f them filed out of their little candy painted cars and headed for the entrance of the store. I caught Myiesha's eye first, Bo’s was next. Egypt’s old crazy, stuck up ass didn’t look my way, which didn’t surprise me. He was bat shit crazy and didn’t like me for nothing in the world. Definitely one thing we had in common. I couldn’t stand his ass either. From the way he’d tripped out on me all those years ago, I’d been hating him and made it blatantly obvious whenever we were in each other’s presence.

  “Dream, what you doing out here, girl?” Myeisha’s eyes traveled over my body before she licked her lips. “Ain’t got no clothes on. Fuck you trying to do?”

  Myiesha’s tall, lean frame was twice my length, so, of course, she effortlessly towered over me. For Myeisha to be a girl, she was tall as hell and had hella swag. Literally, had more sauce than niggas. I never could understand how a nigga could let a woman put on man clothes and make it look better on her than it did on him. That mess should have been a crime. The skinny distressed shorts and plain white muscle shirt she was wearing with the fresh white FILA’s looked damn good on her and almost made me think twice about swinging her way.

  “Nothing for real, just getting some sun.” I smiled at her a little too hard to let her know I was game for whatever she was game for.

  “You look good like you are. You don’t need that shit,” Bo chimed in before leaning in to hug me.

  I smiled because that was just like Bo. He was always so nice to me. No matter where we were or who was around, he was always the same. Never once treating me like the hoe I was. I chuckled to myself because that was really big of him since I was, in fact, a really big hoe.

  “Damn right. You too pretty for this shit you on anyway,” Myeisha added, ruining her chance of getting anything from me that night.

  Aww hell, here we go with this shit. I rolled my eyes, already getting annoyed as hell. True enough, she was right, but that didn’t mean I wanted to hear it. I already knew how pretty I was, just like I knew that selling my body wasn’t the most sought-after profession. Whenever it was brought to me, I got mad.

  A little on the short side, I was 5’4”, with a pretty average body. My butt was the biggest thing I owned, which wasn’t saying much because I was only in a size seven pants, meaning I really wasn’t that big. I had a small set of hips, pretty, perky breasts, and smooth brown skin. The blue contacts I kept in were prescription, but I’d gotten that color to help conceal my identity a little more.

  I was a pretty girl who had been dealt a pair of ain’t shit cards and did what I had to do to make life worth living for me. It wasn’t the best, but it was mine. So, Myeisha and anybody else who wanted to educate me on how much better I could do, and all that other encouraging shit could keep it to themselves. I was about my money, plain and simple.

  “What y’all doing out here in the city? You know y’all too big time for us small timers.” I changed the subject as fast as I could to keep me from having to go off on Myeisha and slitting Egypt’s throat.

  I didn’t have to be told that if I got into it with Myeisha, his lunatic ass would have something to say.

  “Shid, I wish we were big time. We trying to eat just like you,” Bo said.

  “I feel that.” I took another sip of my drink and cut my eyes at Egypt.

  He was standing next to Bo and not paying me the least bit of attention. His li’l sexy ass. I hated how fine that arrogant muthafucka was. He was a bright skinned nigga with light brown dreads that he’d let grow free form. He kept his sides shaved with different designs in it with a mouth full of gold. He wasn’t the tallest nigga, but he most definitely wasn’t short like me. His body was cut as hell for him to be as lean as he was. I could see his muscles and the veins in his arms without him even flexing. When did this fool have time to go to the gym?

  The red and black ink that covered pretty much his entire body made me wet him every time I saw him. As much as I hated it, I wanted that nigga every day and every night. He just looked like he could fuck. Three in the morning, headboard banging, loud screaming, sweaty body, pussy aching the next day kind of fucking. I wanted it bad as hell too. Unfortunately, that would never happen. He hated me so much that he barely even looked my way, which I still couldn’t understand. Even after all these years, he still treated me like shit.

  I’d been standing there talking to his people for the last few minutes, and he hadn’t looked at me once. His eyes had literally looked everywhere but at me. I knew for sure that the dirty gas station and the passing cars weren’t more interesting than me, but I also knew he’d make me feel as if they were without even trying. Egypt was like that. His silent yet angry demeanor made me so uncomfortable that even though I knew my mouth could lay a cussing on him that couldn’t wait, he made me scared to do so.

  There was no telling what he might say or do to me. I’d seen him nut up really bad once, and I had been treading lightly ever since. The first night we met, we bumped heads and talked shit like no other, but once I felt his wrath after his mother died, I’d learned to pick my battles, and he was one that I didn’t see myself winning.

  “You been busy today?” Myeisha questioned.

  Just like a woman. Always in some business that didn’t concern her. I looked at her and fought against rolling my eyes because I already knew why she was asking.

  “Nah.”

  “Bet. Wait right here for a minute.” She winked at me, and I gave her a fake smile.

  She’d already ruined my mood for anything concerning her or that tongue she bragged on for nothing. She could eat pussy, but I’ve had better. You would think with her being gay that she’d have that tongue work for your ass, but she was just average. How in the hell she kept so many women was beyond me. Maybe she could work that strap better than that tongue. Who knows?

  She’d tried to use it on me, but I didn’t let her. I preferred the real thing, and she just didn’t have it. I wasn’t judging her, though, because she really was mad cool and made me wet with some of the things she said. She’d just pissed me off too fast today, and it was taking me a minute to come back from it.

  As soon as she walked in the door, I rolled my eyes and tried to mentally prepare myself to get this bread. I needed it more than I hated Myeisha, so no matter how much shit I talked, I was about to slide with her. Even with me being as tired of my lifestyle as I was, it paid the bills, so I was there and doing it.

  “Dream, come here and let me holla at you real quick!” A guy shouted from across the parking lot.

  I used my hand to shield my eyes so that I could see who was talking to me. I was down to make money, but I still didn’t just ride off with any old body. Master didn’t play that for one, and two, I’d watched so many of my girls get killed like that, so I had to be extra careful. Master had turned into an overprotective maniac after the third one of his girls was found dead, and with good reason, so I didn’t buck. I just appreciated him for it.

  I was still squinting and trying to see who had called me when I recognized one of my favorite customers named Joshua. I was definitely about to go with him, but just as I took a step in his direction, Egypt strolled his fine ass back out of the store. After that, I purposely waited to walk to Joshua, trying to give Egypt some time to go to his car, but that hadn’t worked.

  I don’t know why, but whenever he was around, I felt ashamed, and he was the only person who had ever made me feel that way. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it was something about Egypt that made me feel like I should have been doing more. Maybe it was how many times he’d called me stupid that night that had me shook or feeling less competent, I didn’t know, but I was always self-conscious as hell when he was near.

  He was posted on the brick wall on the opposite side of me eating a bag of Cheetos, once again not giving me any of his attention. Although I was sure he knew what I did for a living, I still didn’t want him to watch me do it. It felt… wrong, for lack of a better word.

  “Dream.”

  I looked up ag
ain in annoyance when Joshua called my name. The fuck was this nigga on? Yelling at me across the parking lot and stuff. I was so irritated with him for that, but I had to do what I had to do. So, without rendering so much as a goodbye to Egypt, I walked toward Joshua with a smile on my face. He wasn’t the finest nigga, but he was paid and had enough dick for ten bitches.

  “You got some time for me right quick?”

  Joshua wasted no time invading my personal space. His hands were on my butt and shamelessly pressing me into his midsection. Just forget the fact that we were outside in broad daylight where people could see us.

  “For you, always.” I got into character with a smile.

  “Alright, hop in the back seat, and let’s ride out.”

  I stopped smiling and looked at him like he was crazy. “Get in the back for what?”

  “My nigga about to slide with us. We got a move to make afterward.”

  My annoyance grew a few more notches as I weighed my options. I could act stuck up and turn Joshua down, or I could put my pride to the side and make my money. I sighed and nodded.

  “Okay.” I walked to the backseat and got in.

  The cool leather seats of his Tahoe cooled the back of my thighs as I waited for him and his friend to get in. I wasn’t sure who his friend was, or how long we’d be waiting, so I pulled my phone out and continued scrolling through the website in search of an affordable car. It wasn’t long before both front doors opened, and the men got in.

  I felt like a whole fucking fool when Egypt joined us in the truck. Fuck! I screamed in my head. This “date” was getting worse and worse. First, the nigga had to know I sold my body to niggas, and now he was about to wait while I gave it away too? This was nothing but the devil. Straight devil’s work. God was too good for a setup like this.

  “You good?” Joshua asked once they were both settled.