Because I Love You

by A'zayler

  “Sorry, I just wanted to see your beard.”

  “Why?”

  “I like it.” She smiled and looked away for a second before putting those pretty eyes back on me. “I like this too, though. It makes you look so thugged out and scary.” She was smiling while pointing at my bandanna.

  I ain’t say anything. I just stood there watching to see what she was going to do next.

  “Tonight…” She paused and touched my chest. “Tonight was good.”

  I nodded once. “You out?”

  “Yeah, I’m not trying to get killed.”

  I felt her, so I didn’t press.

  “You be safe, okay?”

  I twisted my mouth to the side. She should have known better than to say that to me. I looked down at the Mac resting in the holster beneath my arm and patted the handle.

  “Don’t ever worry about me. I’m always straight.”

  Her eyes went to my gun then to my chest, probably checking out my vest. She leaned her head to the side some before biting her bottom lip and straightening herself back out.

  “You’re still only one man, Egypt. Just be safe for me, okay?”

  For her? I caught that little bit, and for a split second, I could see why street niggas kept a solid woman on their team. To hear something like that made a nigga want to come back alive. I swear it did. I wasn’t even in no shit right then, but I wanted to watch my back just for her. Crazy. So crazy that I didn’t even know what to say back. Thankfully, I didn’t have to come up with anything. Zebrina had just walked back up and grabbed her hand.

  “Aye, Zay, let’s dip. That boy just said something about a nigga getting capped, and you already know BB don’t want me nowhere near that.”

  Dream nodded at her, and they took off walking. She pulled her hand away from me in the process. Baby didn’t stop to say bye or nothing. I’d already known Zebrina wasn’t with that hood shit like that, and apparently, neither was she. They were hauling ass to the other side of the building. I only watched them for a few minutes before going to check with BB. I needed to see what was good.

  I was in the corner talking to him when I felt somebody pulling at my hand. My hand went to my gun out of reflex, but I simmered down when I realized it was a female touch. The hand was too soft and too small to be a man’s hand. Furthermore, no nigga was grabbing another nigga’s hand in the club. Not a straight one anyway.

  I looked over my shoulder and right into Dreams’ face. It was etched with concern and nervousness. I could tell she was trying to hold her composure, but the way she was barely making eye contact told on her.

  “What’s up?” I asked to get her going.

  “You about to go?”

  I frowned. That wasn’t her business. “Nah, why?”

  “I umm…” She looked off again.

  “What’s popping, ma?” I rushed her. That scared act was lame as hell.

  “Those men over there got guns. I heard them say something about bloods and seeing BB. Brina didn’t hear them; she was already gone.”

  My body instantly went rigid. These niggas were trying it tonight. They were capping out loud like that? Oh, they were tripping bad. They were most definitely about to get their issue.

  “Aight, appreciate that. Go home.”

  She moved like she was about to walk but stopped again. “I heard your name too, Egypt.” There was that nervous look again. This time she even looked a little bit scared.

  Was she serious? Was she really scared for me? Baby was showing the fuck out tonight. Her hearing my name wasn’t shit. I was about to bust the moment she walked out of the door anyway just off the strength of them speaking on BB. Now, I was really about to let bullets fly.

  “Aight, appreciate that.” I looked around her. “Where’s Zebrina?”

  “She went to the car. I wanted to come tell you what I heard first.”

  “Bet. I’m good. Go get in the car, and y’all dip.” My eyes scanned the room for any signs of chaos.

  Everything looked calm, but that was almost worse than it being chaotic.

  “What you waiting on? Get out of here.” I pushed her lightly toward the door.

  She stood there like she had something else to say, so I looked at her before pulling her in front of me and discreetly reached for my gun.

  “I don’t want you to get hurt. Why don’t you just leave with me?” she asked while watching me check my gun.

  I looked at her like she was crazy while shaking my head. “It don’t work like that.”

  I made sure my gun was fire ready before looking back at her. She was watching me like she’d never seen a gun before.

  “Oh, Lord.” She palmed her forehead. “I should have never said anything.”

  I chuckled. She was scared as hell. Without thinking, I leaned forward and kissed the space just below her ear before whispering in it.

  “Yes, you should have. You did good, boo. Now, leave. I don’t want you getting hurt either. I got this. I’ll hit you when I get home, so you’ll know I’m good.”

  I had absolutely no plans of doing that, but I was ready for her to get out of my way so I could catch these niggas slipping. Luckily, that got her moving.

  “Okay.” She leaned in and hugged me tight as hell.

  She didn’t let me go right away. Instead, she kept her arms around my neck for a few minutes. I didn’t hug her back at first, but I did eventually. With one arm, I wrapped her body closer to mine. I held her there a few seconds longer to make her feel good about leaving me before pulling away.

  “Gone, ’head.” I pushed her away from me, and that time, she went.

  As soon as I watched the screen door slam behind her, I went to BB. Shit was about to get real.

  Chapter 5

  -Zebrina

  My heart dropped the moment I heard a car door closing outside of my window. I hopped up and looked through my curtains, hoping to see BB. When I saw him standing at his trunk, probably putting his guns away, I wasted no time running out of our bedroom and straight out of my front door. Barefoot and barely dressed, I ran down the stairs leading to our house and along the cement sidewalk.

  He must have heard me coming because his head dipped around the trunk of his car before the rest of his body followed. I’d been scared out of my mind all night, so of course, I didn’t give him any time to prepare before I launched myself onto his tall, skinny body. My eyes closed, and I could finally breathe again when his arms circled my waist and held me to him.

  “What I told you about coming outside like this?”

  He was talking, but I didn’t care to hear what he was saying. All I cared about was that he was safe. His large, open palm was pressed against the back of my head, holding it on his shoulder as he held me up with his other arm.

  “How many times do I have to tell you that I’ll always come home before you believe me?”

  “Every time.” I squeezed him tighter because he was my life.

  BB was everything to me. He could tell me a million times that he’d be home, and I’d still hold my breath every single time until I was in his arms again. See, he was accustomed to this street stuff, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t raised in the hood and wasn’t privy to the street lifestyle. I just happened to fall in love with a bad boy and had been stuck ever since. Not necessarily stuck, though, because being in love and in a relationship with BB wasn’t what you would refer to as being stuck. I would use words that were more fitting like, privileged, honored, rewarding, happily ever after, things of that sort. Definitely not stuck.

  BB kissed my neck and continued rubbing the back of my head. “Look how much love you showing me. You really think I wouldn’t do my best to come home to this every night?”

  BB had closed his trunk, locked his doors, and we were now on our way in the house with me still wrapped around his body. An obvious expert at doing everything with one hand, he’d locked the front door, set the alarm, and was kicking his shoes off, all while still holding on to me.

&n
bsp; “Here, Brina, sit right here. Let me take these clothes off.” He talked to me while sitting me on our bed.

  In my silk, white gown, I sat with my hands in my lap, itching to jump back into his arms. Even with him standing directly in my face, I still wasn’t close enough. I wanted to be touching him, holding him, kissing him or something. Since leaving the club earlier, I’d been a nervous wreck.

  “I did better this time. I didn’t call.” I gave him an innocent smile, even though I was still doing my best to calm my shaking limbs down.

  “That, you did, baby. You’re getting better at it.” BB removed his shirt and began unbuckling his jeans while I watched.

  You’d think I’d be used to seeing and being with him by now since we’d been together for almost two years, but I wasn’t. I still got butterflies whenever he was around. My hands and body would shake with anticipation whenever I knew he was coming, and I didn’t even want to get on the way my heart sped up at the sight of his smile. BB was literally my world.

  Everything he was, was me. Though I wasn’t very good at it, and he didn’t allow me enough space to learn, I was still him in a calmer, more sheltered way.

  “I’m finna hop in this tub. You gon’ sit in here or you coming with me?” He smirked because he and I both knew that I was going with him. He laughed, and I smiled. “Come on with your clingy ass.”

  BB stretched his hand out to me, and I took it in a hurry. More laughter came from him as we walked hand in hand to our bathroom. Once inside, I took a seat on the side of the tub while I watched him remove all his jewelry.

  My mouth watered at the way the muscles in his long arms flexed as he unhooked the gold chain with the large, gold B on it. I’d gotten it for him as a birthday present last year, and he’d been wearing it ever since. I was glad he did because it looked so sexy against his honey brown skin. BB was such a turn on. I loved everything about him.

  From the low-cut fade he wore down to those sexy, thick lips that I sucked on morning, noon, and night. The lean, not too muscular, not too skinny, frame he had was always dressed impeccably, and boy oh boy did his clothes look sexy on him. I hadn’t met a man yet who could rock a pair of jeans like my baby. I swear on my life, jeans were made for BB. His long legs always looked so good in pants, then to add the extra sag he sported made my baby look like a model straight off a Levi’s runway.

  His physical attributes were sexy as ever. The chinky, hazel eyes, forearms filled with tattoos, and his small beard were amazing, but they had nothing on the man inside. BB was the calmest most collected person I’ve ever met. Even with all his blood gang stuff, he never raised his voice, never cursed at me, and never allowed anything or anybody to rile him up. The couple of times when I’ve actually seen him angry, he was still calm, but he was extremely quiet as well.

  I could always tell when I’d pissed him off because he’d just stop talking. Literally wouldn’t speak for hours at a time, but I guess that was better than yelling. My parents had raised me to find a man to love and cherish me, and BB was all of that and some.

  This man worshipped the ground I walked on, and it made me feel like I lived out of this world. Because of that, and because I was hopelessly in love with him, I treated him the same if not better. BB could and would forever get all of me. Which is why the moment he’d asked me to be his wife, I’d said hell yeah and hadn’t regretted it yet.

  “Brina-Breen.” BB’s voice made my heart smile.

  He was in front of me stark naked, rubbing his hands all over his chest, and winding his hips in a slow circle. I smiled so hard my eyes closed, but I opened them right back. I wasn’t about to miss him looking like that. He was smiling, making his eyes smaller than they already were, and rapidly flicking his tongue at me.

  “Bring them legs here. Wrap them around my waist.” He walked to me and pulled me to my feet.

  I shivered when his fingertips grazed the sides of my thighs and trailed along both sides of my body as he pulled my gown over my head. He had a handful of my hair immediately after holding my head back, so he could kiss around my neck.

  “The way you were dancing tonight…” He sucked the center of my neck while simultaneously pressing his hand to the bottom of my back so that our bodies were touching. “Made me want to love you deeper than I already do.”

  My eyes fluttered as I fell a little limper in his arms.

  “I was watching you work your body, wishing you were up on me doing all that.” He pulled away and looked into my eyes before kissing my mouth. “Come do it for me.”

  When he pushed our shower curtain back and climbed in, I followed and turned straight to the wall, bending over just enough for him to put it in.

  “Turn around, I want to see your face. I been looking at these ugly niggas all night. I need to see something pretty.”

  I was blushing when I turned to face him. His smile matched mine, already knowing what his words did to me. His penis was long and waiting for me, so I walked closer to him, so he could pick me up. Even with BB being on the smaller side and me being thick as grits, he handled me with ease. His grip on my waist was firm as he hoisted me in the air and slid me onto him.

  I moaned and squeezed his head to my chest. He didn’t fight it. Only laid his head against my chest and worked my body into a frenzy slowly and sensually.

  “I love you, B.” I could feel the tears rising.

  It never failed; whenever BB and I made love, I cried. It had been that way from the very first time and hadn’t stopped since. I loved him past this world, and feeling him in my body always pushed me over the edge of eternal bliss.

  “Mmm hmm, love you back Breen.” His voice was husky and warm against my neck.

  His grip on my legs tightened, but he kept the same pace, stroking me so perfectly. I was juicing and crying at the same time. All of this water at once was overwhelming, and he was completely unbothered by it. All he cared about was making sure we both got what we needed, and anytime he was in it, my orgasm was inevitable.

  “Look down here, Breen.” BB’s gaze was between our legs where we were connecting.

  I followed his lead and watched the way our bodies meshed together.

  “It’s magical, baby.” He pecked my nose. “You and I, ain’t nobody better.”

  I hoped his words explained the overflowing tears that I couldn’t stop. He did this to me every time. I couldn’t stop it and didn’t want to. It was like the sight of my tears egged him on to make it worse.

  “Tell me you gon’ love me forever so I can die happy.”

  “Don’t say that, BB.” I sniffed hard. “You know I hate that.”

  The breathtaking smile that only I saw appeared and made me cry harder. I couldn’t imagine ever seeing a day without having that smile in my life, and he loved to tease me. Which was the meanest and most not funny thing I’ve ever heard.

  “Say, I love you, BB, forever.”

  I rolled my eyes at his taunting, but I said it. “I love you, BB, forever.”

  His head fell backward, and he closed his eyes while nodding his head. No more words came from him as he continued making that sweet love to me. When I felt my stomach flutter, I clenched my legs around him, snatching him to me. Like the king of my life and my body, he commanded everything about me with his strokes, and somehow, I ended up climaxing at the exact same time as him.

  No condoms, hopefully, a baby. We’d been trying for the past three months but hadn’t been successful yet. Although a baby would be nice, we were in no rush. All it meant was more alone time for us.

  “You good to stand?”

  I nodded and let my legs fall from him. Before letting me go, he made sure I was steady on my feet. We stood in each other’s space for a few minutes, just getting our breathing together before moving. He moved first and soaped up a washcloth. I knew before he even turned around that he was going to clean me first; he always did.

  “Wipe your face. The sex is over.” He chuckled at the tears in my eyes.


  As bad as I didn’t want to, I laughed with him. “You make me sick. You always ruin my mood talking like that.”

  “It’s facts, baby. We’ve all got to die one day.”

  I sucked my teeth and moved around him. He knew what I meant, but he wanted to be funny when there was nothing humorous about it. He stood there long enough to allow me time to bathe my whole body before his arms were right back around me.

  “Brina, you’ve got to get a grip, baby. I’m going to die one day, and so will you.”

  “Whatever.”

  “What you so mad for? You know I bang.”

  I cut my eyes at him. “You know I’m not worried about you dying like that.”

  His lips to my shoulder was his response. He knew it, and I knew it. He could act like it didn’t matter to him all he wanted, but it mattered to me. See, BB has sickle cell, and it gets really bad sometimes. A few times in the past, I hadn’t thought he would make it out of the hospital, so when he makes his sickness out to be a joke, it pisses me off. With his condition, death is possible, and I’ll never ever laugh about him passing away.

  “You ready to get out? I’m ready to lay down.”

  I nodded and reached around me to turn the shower off. As soon as I turned to get out, he grabbed my face and passionately kissed my lips. I savored the feel of his mouth. He stared me in my eyes when he pulled away.

  “I’ma be here with you forever, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “Let’s go to bed.”

  After getting out and drying off, we made our way to our bed and snuggled together. Sleep came easily. The next morning when I woke up, he was already out of bed and kneeling on the side of the bed. His eyes were closed, and his head was down. I wasn’t sure whether he was sleeping or praying because of the way his body was positioned, so I sat there staring at him for a while.

  He wasn’t making any noises, but I could see him breathing. Still a bit tired, I lay back down on my pillow and watched him. Seconds later, he raised his head and smiled at me.

  “Good morning, beautiful. I’ve been waiting on you for almost two hours.”