by Ronica Black
“I want you to give me eight more,” Eve said, still feeling the gravity of what had just transpired.
Olivia was quiet as she finished her set and started in on the last two. Then, Eve had her switch legs and begin again. She held her carefully, ensuring her balance and couldn’t help but notice the glide of her muscles beneath her smooth, satin-like skin. And when Eve checked her form as she extended her leg, she had to close her eyes every now and then to try to keep herself calm after observing the hypnotic dance of her rounded glutes as they shifted in constriction and release.
“I’m finished,” Olivia said as she straightened. “My legs and butt are toast.”
Eve kept hold of her and eased her onto the bench. “Here, sit down for a few.” Her legs were trembling from the extensive lower body workout she’d gone through today, and Eve wanted to rest her hands on them to help her relax, but she knew it wouldn’t be effective and would probably only make matters worse for the both of them. But the need to do so, to touch her and comfort her, remained, regardless.
“You’ll be a little sore tomorrow. Comes with the territory, I’m afraid.”
“I’m sure those words will be a great comfort when I scream in pain as I sit to pee in the morning.”
Eve couldn’t help but laugh. “If it makes you feel any better, the same thing still happens to me when I go hard on my lower body.”
“Even now?”
“Even now. It’s not awful though. And it shouldn’t be for you either. That’s why we warmed up and stretched more than usual today. To help prevent that toilet sitting trauma you referred to.”
“Funny.”
“I thought it was pretty clever.”
Olivia rubbed her quads. “Anything else I can do? Like when I get home?”
“You could take an ice bath.”
“Ugh, oh my God no. No thank you.”
“Don’t like cold water, I take it? You’d only have to be in it for ten minutes.”
“Um, no, won’t be doing that.”
“Well, be sure to drink plenty of water, just like always. And later tonight, a few hours from now, you can use a heating pad.”
“That sounds so much better.” She stood and stretched some. “Okay, bring it on. Let’s get this over with. What’s next?”
“I was kidding. We’re done for the day.”
“Oh.”
“Don’t tell me you’re disappointed. First the cussing and now disappointment over our session coming to an end? You can’t shock me like this twice in one day, Olivia. I don’t think my heart can take it.”
Olivia put her towel and tank top in her gym bag and zipped it closed. A quietness seemed to have come over her again.
“I am disappointed, Eve. Just not for the reasons you think.” She slung her bag over her shoulder and drank from her water bottle. “And your heart? Well, if it’s anything like mine, then you’re in trouble. Because mine is so overused and overloaded sometimes I think just one more heated look from you, or one more smile, or one more touch of your hand might literally send me into cardiac arrest and kill me. And you know what? I’d die with the biggest, happiest, dopiest grin on my face I’ve ever had.”
She moved to walk past her.
“Does that sound anything like your heart?”
Eve didn’t respond, wasn’t sure how to, and Olivia moved on, headed for the front entrance.
“Olivia, wait up.” She hurried after her, but Olivia had parked close and she was already climbing into her car. Eve knocked on her window, but she seemed to be ignoring her and she started her ignition. Eve grew desperate and rounded the vehicle to open the door and climb into the passenger seat.
“What are you doing?” Olivia asked, appearing a little astonished.
“I’m trying to talk to you.”
“I don’t think that’s a very good idea right now.” She stared straight ahead through the windshield.
“Why? What’s going on? Talk to me. What you said back there—”
“What I said back there was stupid. And I apologize. Again. For saying stupid shit. For going against our agreement.”
“Hey.” Eve reached out and lightly touched her arm, unable to resist the urge to ease her pain. “What you said to me back there and the other night in the park, Olivia, you, you just have no idea of the power of your words.”
“I do, though,” she said. “Because that’s how I feel. And what I feel for you is that powerful.”
“Olivia.”
But instead of answering her, she closed her eyes and breathed deeply.
“Eve, you really need to move your hand.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Please.”
“I don’t want you to hurt. I can’t stand to see you hurting like this.”
Olivia looked at her then with such intensity and emotion, Eve’s breath caught in her chest.
“This isn’t me hurting, Eve. This is me trying my damndest not to come over there and take your mouth with mine and devour you vehemently, like you are the only thing, the only thing left on this earth that will feed my body and my soul and keep me alive.”
Eve couldn’t think. She couldn’t breathe. Her heart was either beating beyond her awareness or it had stopped altogether.
“Olivia,” she whispered. She touched her face and felt the burning of her cheek. Olivia closed her eyes and sighed and then ran her hand along Eve’s arm to cover hers. She opened her eyes and Eve leaned toward her, desperate to capture her lips with her own. But Olivia gripped her wrist and pulled her hand from her face.
“Don’t,” she rasped. “We can’t.”
Eve searched her eyes, needing more than anything, to kiss her, to connect to her, to fucking meld together with her.
But Olivia remained firm.
“We can’t. I don’t think it would be smart.”
Eve leaned back, completely weak and devastated from the rush and downfall of emotion. She opened the door, her throat too tight to speak.
“Eve,” Olivia said.
Eve looked at her once more.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” she managed. She smiled, but it was weak, just like the way she felt. She crawled from the car and closed the door. Olivia drove away, leaving her standing like a rag doll, ready to collapse. “There’s no need to be sorry.”
But inwardly, she really did wonder how much more either one of their hearts could take.
Chapter Nineteen
“You don’t understand,” Eve said as she quickly sorted through a rack of Adidas T-shirts, one after the other, causing the loud, ear-gouging metal on metal scrape of the sliding hangers. “I have never, ever been more turned on in my life.”
“Why? Because a seriously prude woman told you her heart ached for you?” Karen was at the next rack, doing the same as Eve only with Under Armor tees. They were inside Dick’s Sporting Goods at Arrowhead Towne Center, and thankfully, because it was midmorning on a weekday, no one was nearby to overhear their conversation.
“It was so much more than that,” Eve said. “She actually told me she wanted to act on her feelings. And the way she said it…my God, it was like lightning surging right through me.”
“Yeah, okay, sure. If you say it was hot, then it was hot. Who am I to judge?”
“Precisely. Who are you to judge?”
Karen held up a T-shirt for examination. “She just sounds so God damned puritan.”
“And there went the no judging right out the window,” Eve said as she, too, held up a T-shirt. It was light pink with the white Adidas stripes on the sleeves and, not only was it her size, it was on sale. She draped it over her forearm and continued. “Puritan or not, she gets me hot. Beyond hot. I’m talking burst into flames hot. I mean every single cell in my body goes haywire.”
“Uh-huh. I’m pretty sure Hester Prynne had that same effect.”
Eve rolled her eyes.
“Will you quit? I’m trying to tell you that she’s different.”
“So you’ve said.”
“She’s got layers to her, and every time I see her, I swear she pulls back another and shows me something unexpected. She’s very intelligent and the way she expresses herself, she’s like a poet. An incredibly eloquent romantic poet. I would love to curl up next to a fire and read her all night long.”
“I bet you would. But not because you’re such a diehard romantic.”
Eve laughed but continued with her point.
“She’s confirmed to me that she’s never been with a woman, yet she’s somehow able to convey all that burning passion and insatiable yearning that women feel when they desire another woman. It’s like she already knows what being with a woman feels like. I can’t imagine what she would be like when she really did make love with a woman.” She cocked her head. “Actually, you know what? I can. I think about that all the time, and let me tell you how it’s wreaking havoc on my sleep at night.”
“Well, you sure sound smitten, like you’re two star-crossed wannabe lovers. But didn’t she cancel your session yesterday?”
“She said she had to meet her group for a class project.”
“Do you believe her?”
“I have no reason not to.”
“Eve, it’s summer. Is she even enrolled in a class right now?”
Eve’s stomach fell. “I would assume so. That’s what she said she was doing.”
“You don’t think maybe her poetic confessions of desire scared her back into her shell?”
“God, I hope not. I hope she’s not freaking out to the point of avoiding me. I don’t know what I’d do if she is.”
“What could you do?” Karen started in on the opposite side of Eve’s rack.
“I’ve tried to pull back a little with her. Tried to keep things less personal and more professional. After our conversation in her car and how she insisted we keep things status quo, I thought maybe that would help.”
“Has it?”
“I don’t know. We didn’t talk a whole lot. We focused on our workout.”
“I don’t know how you’re doing this. You’re up and down and all over the place with this woman emotionally. And you’ve told me more than once that your libido is so high you’re practically pelvic thrusting when the wind blows.”
“Yeah, well, I can’t deny that. It’s more than true.”
“And the ol’ vibrator’s not cutting it anymore?”
“No.”
She tsked. “That’s a crying shame.”
“You’re telling me.”
Karen finished with the shirts and winked at her. “So, are we done here? Did you get enough goodies to last you a while?”
Eve held up the five T-shirts and three pairs of shorts folded over her arm.
“I think I’m good.”
They walked to the register and paid for their clothes, then headed for the interior of the mall with their bags in tow.
“I don’t know about you,” Karen said. “But I’d blow my ex-husbands twice right now for a soft pretzel.”
“Ugh, Jesus, thanks so much for that image. I think I just threw up in my mouth. I could’ve gone for a pretzel too, you know.”
“Oh, get off it. You’ve heard worse from far better.”
Karen nudged her as they continued on, now with the pretzel stand as their unspoken destination. Eve inhaled the smells that only a mall could bring and stared up into the bright light beaming down through the skylights.
“I worked here in high school,” she said. “Hard to believe that was more than ten years ago, now.”
“Ha, talk to me when it’s been thirty, kid.” She shook her head. “So, where did my little Evie-Eve work?”
“Dairy Queen and PacSun.”
“No kidding? Huh. You probably made about a million Blizzards for me.”
“It’s possible.”
“You guys put crack in those things, don’t you?”
“What?” She laughed. “No, there’s no crack, Karen.”
“Don’t fuck with me, Monroe. I can’t handle being accountable for my issues with ice cream at the moment. My blood sugar’s dropping and I can’t even smell the pretzel place yet.”
“We’re almost there.”
“I’m obsessing already. Should I have the cream cheese with my pretzel or the nacho cheese?” She shook her head. “You’re going to say neither if I want to keep my girlish figure.”
“You know me better than that. I’m not going to say a word.”
“Maybe I need you to. Help keep me in line.”
“No. I know very well you’re capable of making decisions about food on your own.”
“Yeah, well, not here. Walking through the mall with all these smells and temptations, it’s like going to the God damned state fair. Fuck the rides, the games, and the cute little farm animals. I go for the food.”
Eve cracked up as Wetzel’s Pretzels came into view. Karen sighed with apparent relief as they stood at the counter and looked at the menu. After Karen finally decided on her cheese preference, they ordered and then took their food and drinks to search for an empty bench. They settled into one next to a large silk plant, and Karen busied herself tearing her pretzel apart to dip it in nacho cheese.
“You’re still going to go Friday night, right?” Karen asked just before taking a bite.
“Hm? Oh, you mean for drinks?” She shrugged. “I guess.”
“Good, because you know, I’m bringing that friend of mine. The one I told you about.”
Eve forced down a swallow. “No, Karen. Don’t. Oh, God, I would’ve said no if you’d told me that sooner. You know I would have.”
“Which is why I didn’t tell you. I probably shouldn’t have told you now. But I’m not a total schmuck, so I thought I should let you know.”
“I’m not up for meeting anyone.”
“You may not want to, but you need to. At the very least to just enjoy the company of another lesbian. And it wouldn’t hurt if it led to a little sex now, would it?”
“Karen.” Eve looked at her, ready to fight it out.
“You owe me, Monroe,” she said. “I hate to call it in for something as trivial as this, but it seems I have to.”
Eve sighed as she recalled Karen saving her ass on a double date they’d gone on over a year ago. Karen and her date had hit it off, but Eve’s had been a nightmare. She couldn’t totally recall why it was a disaster, but she did remember that the woman was overly loud and obnoxious. Eve had been so turned off she’d been willing to chew her own arm off to escape. Thankfully, Karen saved her by claiming that she felt ill. She’d insisted Eve take her home and they’d left. Karen, however, had yet to let it go.
“You’re wrong,” Eve said. “You are a schmuck. A big, giant schmuck.”
“I may be, but I’m also your friend and I care about you. So, be there, Friday night, eight sharp.”
Karen popped in another bite and Eve sipped her drink, hating both Karen and her life at the same time. She rubbed her temple, unable to find a way out of the arrangement. She finally sat back and crossed her ankles, the fight in her unwilling to even spark. She thought about the date and realized that she’d never dreaded an oncoming Friday night before. Fridays were supposed to be fun, light-hearted, and a promise to a wonderful weekend ahead.
But not this one.
This one, Eve knew, was going to be anything but fun.
Chapter Twenty
Olivia wound her way through occupied tables, following the bubbly young hostess who had greeted her at the door. Jake, who had made the reservations, was already seated and studying a dark red menu so intently, she wondered just how special the sushi was there. He didn’t even bother to look up when she sat and opened her own menu.
“I’m fine, thank you, and yourself?” She waited for a response, hoping her rib at being ignored was successful. She even raised an eyebrow, mocking the way he often did it to her. He didn’t notice.
“Hello, Olivia, how are you?” he said dryly
, eyes still trained on the menu.
“I’ve been better. Not that you really care or anything.” She scanned the list of food and then realized it was pointless. She knew what she was going to have. It was what she always got when Jake insisted on sushi.
California rolls and miso soup.
“You still wigging out?” he asked. When she didn’t say anything, he finally closed his menu, rested his cheek in his hand, and looked at her. “You are, aren’t you?”
Olivia took in his perfectly styled hair, his fashionable eyeglasses he wore just for show, and his perfectly pressed dress shirt. His blond hair and white shirt contrasted nicely with his newly tanned skin. He almost…radiated. A sense of familiarity flooded her mind, nearly carrying her away, as she remembered the way Eve looked that night at the park.
“Yeah, you’re definitely wigging on me.”
She sipped her water and cleared her throat.
“Did you see her yesterday?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“And?”
“Everything was fine.” She gave the well-practiced smile she’d always used to convince everyone that she was fine. But lately she was having a hard time pulling it off. Especially with Jake.
“I call bullshit.”
“What do you want, Jake? Do you really want to hear how we could hardly look at one another? Or how we gave awkward, forced, polite smiles when our eyes did meet, or that the uncomfortableness between us was so heavy it was hard to breathe? Or how about how she spoke to me? Soft and quiet, like I was fragile and about to break. Which, I can only surmise, must also be the reason why she wouldn’t touch me. At all, Jake. Not even when she should have, like to help me stretch or spot me.”
“Sounds like she’s wigging out, too.”
“Yes, and it’s because of me. Because of all that stuff I said to her. I broke our agreement. And now she’s only continuing to see me because I practically begged her to and she’s being polite. Because that’s how Eve is. She’s nice.”
“Olivia, stop, take a breath. Rein your drama llama a little.”
“I can’t. I’m freaking out. I think about never seeing her again and I literally freak out. And, Jake, I’ve never freaked out before. I don’t know what to do with myself.”
