Olivia's Awakening

by Ronica Black

The door opened and Molly hurried out to wrap her arms around Olivia. She grinned up at her.

  “Popcorn’s ready.”

  “Oh, good. I’ll be right in, okay?”

  “Huh-uh,” Molly said. She looked at Eve. “I think your friend should come too.”

  “Oh, honey, I don’t think—”

  “You haven’t even asked her. And you’re already being rude by not even inviting her in.” She took Eve’s hand. “Come on. We’re going to watch What About Bob? Have you seen it?”

  “I have seen it,” Eve said, being urged along after her. She looked to Olivia unsure what to do, but Olivia only shrugged as if she, too, were helpless.

  “Isn’t it hilarious? Auntie Liv has never seen it.”

  Eve stopped just outside the door and aimed her question at Olivia.

  “Is this—okay?”

  She laughed and walked up to place a gentle hand on the small of her back.

  “You don’t know my niece,” she said. “Even if this wasn’t okay, Molly would make it so that it was. She’s very strong headed.”

  “I wonder who she gets that from?”

  Olivia narrowed her eyes. “Get inside before I change my mind.”

  Molly tugged again and Eve stumbled along after her, once again back into Olivia’s home. She’d moved the furniture around and the whole place smelled of freshly popped popcorn. Eve still felt at home there. She wished she’d made Olivia feel the same way in hers. Not doing so, she knew, would be something she’d always and forever regret.

  Chapter Thirty-five

  Eve glanced over at Olivia when she lightly tapped her shoulder. She was sitting on the opposite end of the couch, and Molly was sprawled out between them, her head resting on a throw pillow on Eve’s leg. She was snoring softly, and Eve could see her eyes moving behind her closed lids.

  “Is she asleep?” Olivia asked, leaning forward for a better look.

  Eve nodded. “I think she’s dreaming.”

  Olivia came to Molly’s side and gently shook her awake. “Mols, come on, sweetie, let’s get you to bed.”

  Molly stirred and sat up but slurred her words with eyelids still half closed.

  “I don’t wanna. Wanna stay up with you guys.”

  “Shh, maybe another time. Come on, now.” Olivia helped her stand and then helped her walk through the living room where they disappeared into the hall. Eve scooted to the edge of the couch, not quite sure what would happen next. Should she offer to go? Or ask again to talk? But Olivia returned rather quickly, and she was playing with her hands, letting Eve know she was nervous, too.

  Eve stood, knowing she should probably go. It was past ten and neither of them had intended for this to happen. It just kind of did.

  “Thank you for letting me stay,” Eve said. “I had a really good time.” Molly was so much fun, just a kid so full of love and promise and adventure. Eve imagined she was looking at Olivia at that age, and it both warmed and broke her heart. She’d probably been a lot like Molly, yet all that wonderful hope and happiness and energy had been stifled.

  “We loved having you,” Olivia said.

  “She reminds me of you, you know,” Eve said.

  Olivia laughed a little. “She’s a character.”

  “Like I said,” Eve said with a smile.

  “She’s crazy about you,” Olivia said, absently picking at the armrest of the sofa.

  “What about you, Auntie Liv? Are you?” Eve flushed both with yearning and embarrassment. The questions just came to voice, as if they hadn’t been birthed in her mind, but in her mouth.

  Being in that house with Olivia was doing a lot more to her than she realized. And she knew with what she’d just said, she was either going to hold Olivia tight and tell her everything she should’ve told her a long time ago or Olivia was going to insist that she leave. But leaving on her own, she now knew, was going to be very difficult.

  Olivia looked up at her quickly and crossed her arms over her chest, just as she’d done outside.

  Eve’s heart pounded.

  “Olivia,” Eve said. “I can’t seem to shut up and I can’t bring myself to leave. Say something, anything. For God’s sake, help me.”

  “You know how I feel about you, Eve. It’s no big secret.”

  She sounded stern, like she was trying to be firm.

  “You still…”

  “Of course.” She stared right into her, and Eve watched as the stone look to her face crumbled and raw desire crept in. And when she spoke again, she sounded raspy and strained, her voice giving way to her passion. “What, you think I can just shut that off somehow? Like I’m some kind of person who can turn love on and off like a light switch? I told you I’m not like that. I love for life, Eve. I wasn’t bullshitting you when I said that. The way I feel about you, it isn’t just going to go away or disappear, no matter how badly I may need it to.” She began to tremble, and her voice was threatening to cave altogether.

  Eve approached her, uncertain and hesitant, but wanting to hold her, to comfort her.

  “Don’t you get it, you crazy woman?” Olivia said, taking a step back as Eve neared. “I love you. That hasn’t changed. That will never change. God, how can you be so smart and so stupid all at once? How can you be so gentle and kind and insightful and be so clueless? How—”

  Eve stepped into her and held her face with both hands. “I love you.”

  She felt Olivia shudder and her own eyes burned with tears.

  “I love you,” she said again.

  Olivia was searching her for answers once again. This time frantically. “But—”

  “I should’ve told you a long time ago. I should’ve said it when you first said it to me, and I definitely should’ve said it that night in the parking lot at the gym. But I can’t go back. I wish I could, but I can’t. All I can do is tell you now. That’s why I came here tonight.”

  “But you almost left earlier without telling me.”

  “Because a part of me thinks you might be better off. Don’t you see yourself at all, Olivia? You deserve so much more. You deserve someone who can tell you how they feel no matter how scared they might be. You deserve all the love in the world, and I—”

  “You what? You can’t give it to me? You don’t want to give it to me?”

  “I want to give it to you so badly it’s quite literally killing me. But I know I’m not perfect. I’ve got issues with trust and with sharing my feelings. And I definitely know I’m not good at doing this. I truly have no idea what the hell I’m doing. I don’t know if this is the right thing to do for you, and I don’t know if I’m saying things the right way. All I know is that I’m taking another risk, and yes, I may love taking risks, but when it comes to my heart, I’m truly fucking terrified. But you, Olivia, as I said before, are worth it.”

  She held on to Eve’s wrists. “I don’t need you to be perfect. I just need you. The you who is standing in front of me now. The you who has deep feelings and emotions. Because I already know they’re there. You don’t have to hide them from me.”

  “You don’t have to hide either. From anyone. Not me, not your family, not anyone. There’s nothing wrong with who you are or the way you feel.”

  She fell into Eve’s arms and they stood there just holding one another while the television flashed and Molly slept peacefully down the hall.

  When they parted, Eve stroked her cheek with her thumb, smoothing away what was left of her tears.

  “I should probably go,” she said, even though it was the last thing she wanted to do. “Molly’s here and I can tell she doesn’t know. I don’t want to make things uncomfortable for either of you.”

  But Olivia held her tight. “No, don’t leave.”

  “I can’t stay, Olivia. You know what will happen if I do.”

  “We can behave. We aren’t totally incapable of keeping our hands to ourselves.”

  Eve raised an eyebrow and Olivia laughed.

  “Please, stay. I want you in my bed, next to m
e.”

  Eve lightly kissed her face and shushed her. “I’m making an executive decision here. I’m going.” She pressed her finger to Olivia’s lips to keep her from protesting. “You don’t want Molly to find out by walking in on us in bed together. It wouldn’t matter if we locked the door or tried to wake extra early. If she were to wake up at all during the night, she would figure things out. She’s well old enough to. And I know you don’t want her to learn about you that way.”

  Eve kissed her face again and headed for the door. She unbolted the lock and pulled it open, intent on turning and kissing Olivia good night one last time. But she jerked with shock when she found a man standing there, looking as confused as she was.

  “Who are you?” she asked.

  “Who are you?” he asked in return.

  Olivia rushed up next to her and opened the door all the way. She gasped just as she had when she’d first seen Eve that evening.

  “Kenny. What the hell are you doing here?”

  Eve was suddenly ablaze with anger. She knew who he was. Olivia had told her all about him.

  “What am I doing here?” he said. “I told you yesterday I wanted to talk. And when I called today, Molly said you weren’t available. I told her to tell you I was going to drop by after my shift tonight.”

  Eve looked from him to Olivia, still reeling with anger but also with something new. Something else was trying to take root.

  Jealousy.

  “You’re talking to him again?” she asked, totally incredulous. She thought Olivia hated him. But then she recalled her words from just moments before. When Olivia loved, she loved for life.

  “Yes, she’s talking to me,” he said. “Not that it’s any of your business.” He shifted his leer from Eve to Olivia. “Who is this and why is she in my face?”

  “I’m Eve,” Eve said, pushing past him to step outside. “And I’m leaving.”

  She was so hurt and confused and riddled with fury, she couldn’t think straight. She was on autopilot and her autopilot was making her run. Far and fast.

  “Eve, no.” Olivia caught up to her and hurried alongside her in her bare feet. “This is not what it looks like. I had no idea he was coming.”

  “Maybe not, but it’s obvious you two have some things to discuss. And I really wish you would’ve told me you were talking to him again.”

  They crossed the street to her Tahoe, and it lit up as she unlocked it with her remote.

  “When was I supposed to do that? Within the last couple of hours of us finally speaking to each other again?”

  “Yes, before I—”

  Olivia grabbed her by the arm and turned her to face her.

  “Before you what? Told me you loved me?” She pressed her lips together and nodded like she knew better. “So, what, you wouldn’t have told me you love me if I’d told you he’d been calling me and bugging the hell out of me? Well, here’s what I wish I knew before you told me you loved me. I wish I’d known just how shallow and conditional your love actually is.”

  She tried to stifle a cry that seemed intent on breaking through. Eve reached out to her, but Olivia pushed her hand away.

  “Please, don’t. Just don’t. I, apparently, have enough shit to deal with. Because I now have to go deal with someone else who is insisting they love me. Only difference is, this one,” she said, hitching her thumb back toward him. “This one, I don’t love. I never have. So, go, Eve. Just go. I just want you both to fuck off. Because I simply can’t handle anymore.”

  She spun on her heel and stalked back toward her house where Kenny waited by the door, watching.

  “Olivia, wait!” Eve wanted to die. Olivia’s pain was killing her, and she didn’t know how to make it stop. She wanted to run to her, to tell her she had it all wrong and that her love for her was completely unconditional. But Eve knew she’d fucked up and almost said the exact opposite when all she’d meant was that she didn’t want to get hurt if Olivia was somehow back with Kenny. That, though, was fucked up too. How could she have ever thought she was back with Kenny after all the things Olivia had said to her tonight? What the hell had she been thinking? Was she really that jumpy and panicked in response to having opened up to her?

  Olivia didn’t look back and Eve climbed in her SUV. She watched as Olivia squared off with Kenny and jabbed a finger at him. He shook his head and said something in return, but Olivia pushed past him and slammed her door closed behind her. Eve waited, making sure Kenny left. He eyed her the entire walk to his car, so she stayed for another half an hour to make sure he didn’t come back. When he didn’t, she considered going to knock on the door, to see if Olivia would talk to her, or as she’d wanted before, to just listen. She owed her a huge apology and she knew she had to do whatever it took to deliver it to her face to face.

  But there was Molly to consider. She was possibly awake now, with the loud voices and the door slamming. And if she wasn’t, Eve didn’t want her to wake to any drama between her and Olivia.

  She had to go.

  She started the engine and drove away slowly, wishing once again that life had a rewind button.

  Chapter Thirty-six

  “Can we take this thing off now, please?” Olivia stumbled a little as Molly led her by the elbow.

  “No, you’re wearing a blindfold for a reason. This is a surprise.”

  “I don’t like surprises,” Olivia said, being guided up a couple of steps. She heard people talking as they walked by them.

  “It’s your birthday, so get over it,” Molly said.

  “This is all your idea, isn’t it?” Olivia asked.

  “Yep.”

  “Should’ve known. Now I’m really scared.” It was Saturday afternoon, her thirty-third birthday, and by all accounts, a beautiful, beautiful day. But it wasn’t as beautiful as it could’ve been. She tried not to think about how she’d spent every waking moment the last couple of weeks clutching her phone and checking it for a text or a message or a missed call. But there had been nothing. She really hadn’t thought she could ever feel any more devastated than she had the night she’d said good-bye to Eve in the parking lot at the gym. She’d been wrong. Devastation, it seemed, could be intensified, multiplied, and stacked upon. To what end? She didn’t know. She was terrified that it would continue to build upon itself and last for all eternity, keeping her in a heartbroken hell she wouldn’t wish on anyone, not even the devil himself.

  Molly stopped them and brought her focus back to reality. “I’m gonna get the door.”

  Olivia heard and felt a whoosh of air as a door was opened.

  She grinned right away as they stepped inside. “I know where we are.”

  Molly led her on. “Just keep walking.”

  “We’re at Fajitas. I would know that smell anywhere.”

  “Keep walking, smarty-pants.” Molly tugged her along, and Olivia knew they were now past the hostess stand and fully inside the restaurant. The air was cooler and smoky with the scent of fire grilled onions and peppers, steak, chicken, and shrimp, and freshly made tortillas. It was her favorite place to eat, and sadly, she hadn’t been there in years. She was touched, though, that Molly remembered how much she loved it.

  They headed up more steps and then stilled. She could feel Molly bobbing up and down next to her. “Okay, you can take off your blindfold.”

  Smiling, Olivia removed the blindfold, which was one of Aaron’s very few dress ties, and took in first her brother, who sat at the end of the table, and then the two people sitting on the bench side facing her. She laughed, short and sharp, and then went silent in both total confusion and shock. Aaron stood and grabbed on to her as if he knew her world was tilting. Molly continued to bounce with excitement.

  “Surprise!” Molly said, extending her hand outward toward their guests.

  Aaron spoke into her ear. “I know you weren’t expecting this, but for Molly’s sake, please try to hold it together.” He squeezed her arm. “You can do this.”

  Olivia nodded an
d tried her best to recover quickly with a smile, but everything around her had morphed into a blur.

  “Happy birthday!” Molly said, now tugging on her arm. “Are you surprised?”

  Her sweet face was so full of joy and an eagerness to make sure she was happy.

  “Yeah, I’m, uh, definitely surprised.”

  Aaron returned to his seat, but he was watching her carefully, like he was worried she might actually fall over.

  “Awesome!” Molly quickly pulled out a chair. “You sit here. Across from Eve. And I’ll sit here and, Dad, you stay over there next to Jake.”

  Olivia eased into her seat cautiously, convinced the whole world would just disappear beneath her and she’d be falling and flailing into a never-ending abyss. She gripped the table and used it as an anchor, seeking some sort of stability. She couldn’t bring herself to look at either Jake or Eve. They both had the ability to see right into her soul without her having to say a word. And she didn’t want to be seen like that at that moment. She wouldn’t be able to handle it.

  She didn’t dare sip her water for fear that everyone would see the glass tremble. As for any other thinking or reasoning or planning, she was hopeless. She had no idea what was happening, how it was happening, or what she was going to do about it. She just knew that Eve, who she had only managed a fleeting glance at, was sitting right there across from her, looking like the drop-dead gorgeous blonde that she was in a dark green halter top and deep red lipstick. She was so impossibly gorgeous and so incredibly close, Olivia wondered how she was able to even keep breathing in and out like a normal person. Or how she was even conscious at all. Maybe she wasn’t. Maybe this was a dream.

  Could it be?

  Slowly, she moved her gaze across the tabletop and up to Eve’s face. She was sitting with her elbows on the table, hands clasped under her chin. She was looking at Molly and smiling in the way that adults do when they don’t want a child to know that they are really worried about other things. Olivia allowed herself the great pleasure of a long stare, tracing the contours of her face, the line of her jaw, the fullness of her lips. The sweet bliss of studying her relaxed her a little too much, though, and Eve, as if she’d felt her eyes lightly grazing her skin, shifted her gaze and caught Olivia looking. She studied Olivia in return and appeared anxious but sincerely concerned, with the polite interested look she’d given Molly, gone. The change was subtle, so subtle the others probably hadn’t noticed. But Olivia had and it was more than evident that the other thing she was worried about, the one she was trying to hide from Molly, was her.