Finding Me

by Stella Rainbow

  “It’s nice to meet you, Blue. I’m looking forward to the support group meeting.” I really was. I hadn’t been able to gather up the courage to go before but now I felt like I could do it. I really wanted to meet more people like me, to know their stories and maybe form new friendships. I’d already met Jo and now Blue. I wasn’t sure how many members the group had, but I was looking forward to meeting them all.

  “Oh, you should definitely come! It’s a lot of fun. But for now, please let me know once you’re ready to order. Also, I’m not out at work yet, so…” Ze trailed off with a shrug and we nodded in understanding.

  “Give us five minutes, please. Could I have water in the meantime?”

  “Same for me,” Brady added and I remembered him telling me he wasn’t a fan of wine. Yep, me neither.

  Once Blue had left, we looked over the menu, though I spent half the time wondering which of these dishes I might be able to make for the café before finally coming to a decision about what I wanted to eat.

  “So, what are you getting?”

  Brady grinned at me, his green eyes shining bright as he spoke, “I have a sudden craving for good ol' lasagna, so I’m gonna go with that. You?”

  “I’m gonna go with Panzanella. I wonder if I could make it at the café as a special one of these days?” I knew before I finished speaking what Brady’s reaction would be and I grinned as his eyes widened and he shook his head adamantly.

  “Oh, no. You’re not bringing things like salads in my café. No way, no how,” Brady said with a dramatic flair, his face scrunching up at the word salad. I laughed at his over the top reaction and he grinned once he realized I’d been joking.

  “You peeps ready to order?” Blue asked. I hadn’t even heard zir approaching.

  “Yep,” Brady said and ordered for us, making a face yet again when he placed my order and prompting me to roll my eyes.

  Once Blue was gone, Brady turned to me with a soft smile and grabbed my hand into his smaller one and gave it a squeeze. “I’m so proud of you.”

  He didn’t need to tell me what he was talking about because I knew already. Honestly, I was feeling proud of myself too, and I let it show in my smile as I thanked him.

  We ate dinner while chatting comfortably and I even managed to convince Brady to let me make a salad for him that I knew he would like. It was an Indian recipe—yeah, Indian was my favorite cuisine because of its variety in foods—which included curd and a whole lot of things that would make the salad so delicious Brady would be licking his spoon and wanting more. I couldn’t wait to see his face when he first tasted it.

  After dinner, we took a walk through the park, enjoying the cool breeze and the silence. We didn’t talk, just basked in each other’s presence. I loved every second of it. When it was time to go home, I was reluctant to leave. But then Brady asked me if I’d like to come over to his place before going home and suddenly I wasn’t so reluctant anymore.

  “Hey, you,” Brady said, climbing up on the small couch and leaning over me with his knees braced against it. I hadn’t even heard him walk into the room, the sneak. He’d gone to take Cherry out while I waited for him on the couch, wondering what exactly he had planned for us. After all, it was his birthday. Who was I to stop him from demanding whatever he wanted?

  “Hello there,” I replied with a grin as he pressed forward and took my lips in a heated kiss. I opened up for him instantly and he didn’t waste a moment before pushing his tongue into my mouth. I loved the way he always took control, the way he was leaning over me and had me covered with his small frame. The taste of peppermint enveloped my senses as my tongue explored his mouth, mingling with his own sweetness. I leaned up so I could explore deeper, wanting to taste every inch of his heavenly mouth, seeking the feel of his soft, warm skin against mine.

  Suddenly, the warmth of his presence was gone and a cool breeze washed over me, raising goosebumps all over my skin as I tried to pull out of the haze I’d fallen into. It took me a moment to realize what had happened as I sat up and glanced around before spotting Brady sprawled on the floor beside the couch. I took one look at his green eyes and plush red lips wide open in an expression of shock and started laughing. Oh my god. He’d fallen off the couch while making out. His face! He looked as if someone had kicked him in the balls and did a runner on him!

  It took me a few minutes to get myself under control for long enough to extend a hand and pull him back up on the couch. Obviously, he'd been waiting for me to do that since he’d crossed his arms over his chest and glared at me while I laughed.

  He huffed at me once he was upright, arms once again crossed over his chest as he snarked, “Oh, thank you so much for thinking about me so quickly. You’re such a caring partner,” and I was laughing again.

  Once I’d finally, finally calmed down, Brady straddled my legs, gripping the headrest on either side of my head and holding my hips tightly between his knees as he glared at me, “This. Never. Happened. Am I clear?”

  I grinned at him and apparently that was the wrong answer because he pulled his right hand away from the headrest and gripped my chin tightly between his thumb and forefinger and leaned forward until we were nose to nose. He stared at me for a few moments, those green eyes of his heating up with want as they roved over me. I shivered as heat rose in my cheeks at the absolute lust in his gaze. I could see his want for me so fucking clearly in his eyes and it was a heady feeling.

  His lips hovered over mine as he breathed out in a sultry whisper, “This never happened. Are we clear?”

  “Yes,” I whispered shakily, my body buzzing with a need to kiss him as I gripped his small waist and pulled him flush against me, my blood rushing south as he grinned at me and traced my bottom lip with his tongue, still not kissing me.

  “Good answer.” He smirked before finally pressing his lips against mine with a passion that made me forget everything but the warmth of his body and the soft, plushness of his skin against mine. He was so small and fit so well in my arms and yet there wasn’t a part of me that thought I was the one in control. I loved that. I loved that he took control without me having to ask. I loved that he was so fiery and knew exactly what he wanted. And I absolutely loved that he wanted me.

  I groaned as he rubbed his pert ass against my groin, my cock straining against my leggings. I gasped in a breath as Brady pulled away, panting just as hard as I was. He rubbed his palm over my hard-on as he licked his lips and I bit back a moan. Damn, those red, swollen lips of his. Brady shuffled back until he was sitting on the edge of my thighs before gripping the waistband of my leggings and looking at me with a raised brow, asking for permission. I nodded because I knew what he was planning to do and I couldn’t wait to see those lips of his around my cock.

  I leaned up with my arms braced against the back of the couch as I helped him pull the leggings off. He left them around my thighs as his gaze snagged on my underwear. I was wearing skimpy red lace panties that I’d discovered online a few days ago on a website that catered to men who like wearing women’s clothes and vice versa. I hadn’t expected to be showing them to Brady today, but if the look in his eyes was anything to go by, it had been a good investment.

  “Damn, Charlie,” Brady murmured in a hoarse whisper as he stood up and knelt before me, pulling my leggings down and pushing my knees apart so he could crawl between my legs. Leaning forward, he traced my straining cock with his tongue, never straying from the lace, never touching my skin and driving me crazy with want. I groaned as I pushed forward, trying to get his tongue to where I really wanted it.

  “Uh, uh. No moving,” He reprimanded me, his grip on my hips tightening as he leaned forward and licked his way across the waistband of the panties, so close to my skin but still not touching it. My hips jerked off their own accord and Brady glared up at me before pinching the inside of my thigh. I jerked again, but this time in pain. “Sorry,” I mumbled sheepishly and he smirked at me before patting my hip.

  “Up.”

 
; I followed his command as he gripped the edge of my panties with his teeth and pulled them off with his mouth alone. I moaned, my voice loud in the quiet room as I watched him pull the panties all the way off my legs. I’d never seen anything hotter. Well, maybe if Brady wasn’t wearing so many clothes, I would.

  He sat up once he’d discarded the panties and his eyes heated as he stared at my cock, which was already wet with precum and pointing straight at him, it seemed. He leaned forward but I made a disgruntled sound and he looked up at me with a raised brow. “Too many clothes,” I complained and he grinned before straightening up and unbuttoning his shirt at a slow, steady pace that made me want to tear the shirt off. Finally, after what felt like years, he pulled the shirt off, revealing his creamy, pale body.

  Despite his small frame, he was all abs and hard muscles, showing me that though he looked small, he was in no way weak or soft. He was fierce and strong and so fucking hot. As I watched, he removed his jeans and underwear before standing up and ordering me to lean forward. I obeyed instantly and he pulled off my own top and threw it somewhere behind the couch. He sank to his knees again without a break in his fluid movements and grinned up at me, “Better now?”

  I nodded distractedly as my eyes roved over his body, wishing I could touch him but knowing I shouldn’t. He’d told me not to move and I intended to follow that.

  “Good,” Brady murmured before leaning forward and at last gracing my cock with that devilish tongue of his. He licked up the sides slowly, taking his time tasting my skin before taking the head in his mouth. He licked around the tip, sucking off all the precum and moaning against my cock, the vibrations making me groan in response. He bobbed his head a few times before taking my whole cock down his throat in one swift move. It took all my self control to not shoot off the couch as the heat of his mouth surrounded my cock. Sweat ran down my chest and I breathed deeply in an effort to gain some control because I did not want to come so quickly.

  Brady pulled back until only the tip remained in his mouth before surging forward again and I couldn’t stop the loud, long moan that came out of my mouth at the friction. I’d closed my eyes when the pleasure had gotten to be too much but I opened them now and watched as Brady took my cock to the back of his throat again and again. His left hand gripped my hip tightly while his right hand worked furiously at his own cock, a long, red tipped beauty that made my mouth water. I wanted to taste him but more than that, I wanted to know what he’d feel like inside me.

  The thought of him fucking me, holding me down and taking control, was enough to send me over the edge and I knew it’d only take me a few more strokes before I was coming. “Gonna…come!” I warned him but he didn’t pull away and I groaned loudly as I came down his throat, my whole body shuddering as the most intense orgasm I’d ever had rushed through me. I felt a wet splash against my leg and realized Brady had come, too. I’d closed my eyes again and I wished I’d kept them open because now I’d missed out on watching him come.

  When the world had finally stopped spinning and my ears didn’t ring anymore, I opened my eyes to see Brady smiling up at me from where he still knelt between my legs. I smiled back at him, suddenly feeling shy, and he grinned before clambering up into my lap and sitting sideways with his head resting against my shoulder. “Is this okay?” He asked softly and I hummed in reply as I curled my arms around him and pulled him closer as I relaxed into the couch.

  He looked up into my eyes as he spoke, “I didn’t expect you to be so…vocal.” I flushed under his gaze and looked away, biting my lip. This was all so new to me and I still hadn’t told him that. I had no idea if being vocal was a good or a bad thing. What if it was bad? What if Brady had been annoyed at how much noise I’d been making?

  “Hey, what’s wrong?” Brady asked, cupping my cheek with his palm and tugging until I looked at him.

  “Nothing, I just…” I shrugged, unsure what I could say, “Did you…not like it?”

  Brady’s eyes widened and he shook his head emphatically as his palm tightened its grip on my jaw, as if he didn’t want me to look away. “God, no. I loved the sounds that you made. I liked hearing the effect I was having on you.”

  I breathed out a sigh of relief. “Good. That’s good.”

  He cocked his head to the side as he watched me for a moment before saying, “Hasn’t anyone ever told you how sexy you sound before?”

  I flushed again, wondering how Brady would react. Had he forgotten our first few conversations? Or had I forgotten to mention that little tidbit?

  “Uh, I was in the closet for most of my life. I haven’t really…done this before. I mean, I’ve had a few hookups, but this was the first time someone did that to me… ” I trailed off, watching as Brady’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open. My mind went back to how they’d looked wrapped around my cock and I had to bite my lip to stop myself from pulling him into a kiss, to taste those lips and check if they tasted like me.

  “This was your first blowjob?” He asked softly, and I nodded, wary of how he’d react.

  I shouldn’t have worried though, because he just grinned up at me charmingly and said, “Well, it’s a good thing that I gave you one hell of an experience then, isn’t it?”

  I blushed and nodded happily before leaning down and kissing me. So I couldn’t resist for long, sue me. Brady was a hot, hot man and I was a goner for him.

  I ended up staying over at his place. And this time, I didn’t have to sleep on the uncomfortable couch in the living room.

  14 | Brady

  I woke up snuggling a warm body and it took me a moment to remember that Charlie had spent the night. I grinned as I remembered everything that happened last night. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d enjoyed my birthday so much and I only had Charlie to thank for that. I turned around in their arms, smiling when I realized they were still asleep.

  Stray strands of hair covered their face and I just couldn’t have that, so I carefully tucked them behind their ear, smiling at their sleeping face. They looked so much younger like this, with their face slack and devoid of any frown lines and a small, barely there smile curling their lips. Were they dreaming?

  I scratched my fingers through their beard, loving the feel of the scraggly hair against my fingertips. I wanted to wake them so I could spend more time with them but I also wanted to let them sleep since it was a Saturday and thus their day off. I glanced at the clock on my nightstand and realized I needed to get up if I wanted to be at Voice Out in time for my classes. Pressing a soft kiss on Charlie’s cheek, I slowly crawled out of their arms and made my way to the bathroom.

  I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth and then picked a simple t-shirt and jeans outfit out of my closet. Saturday was the one day I spent without makeup, at least the first part of it. Makeup and sweating buckets while training kids how to protect themselves from assholes wasn’t a really good combo and I’d learned it the hard way.

  Once I was dressed, I ran a brush through my hair, realizing my blue highlights had almost faded. What color could I get now? My eyes fell on Charlie’s sleeping form in the mirror and I wondered if brown would fit well with my blond hair. I loved Charlie’s hair color, but I wasn’t sure if it would look good on me. Maybe some purple. Not the smoky color like Jo's hair, but a darker, violet shade.

  Once I was ready, I walked over to the bed and shook Charlie’s shoulder. Their eyes snapped open almost immediately and then widened further as they roamed over me. In a sleepy voice, they mumbled, “I almost didn’t recognize you. What’s with the…get-up?”

  I grinned, even as a part of me wanted to dance for joy that Charlie really liked my makeup and clothes and didn’t just tolerate them like some of my exes had. My clothes and makeup were as much a part of me as my café was, and I hated when people didn’t seem to accept that for what it was.

  “I’m going to Voice Out for the self-defense class. You’re free to stay here as long as you want. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

 
“No, wait!” Charlie scrambled to their feet, hair in a disarray and wearing only those sinfully sexy red panties. They looked absolutely delicious. So of course I had to lean up and press my lips to theirs. Charlie surprised me by pulling away before I could do much else and I raised my brow at them.

  Charlie blushed, looking sheepish as they said, “Morning breath. I didn’t want you to kiss me with that.” They scrunched up their face and looked so adorable that it made me chuckle.

  “Can I come with you?” Charlie asked almost shyly and my smile widened. Another thing none of my exes had been interested in: my work at Voice Out. Then again, it was high time I realized that Charlie was unlike anyone I’d ever met.

  “You want to?”

  Charlie nodded enthusiastically, their curls bouncing against their shoulders. “Yeah. I love hearing about Voice Out so I wanted to come and see. Maybe I could help out in some way? And you told me that they have a support group for non-binary people. That’s tomorrow, right? Maybe I could look around the place, get a feel for it so I can go there tomorrow?”

  Charlie stopped speaking suddenly, as if they’d realized they had started to ramble and flushed, looking away from me. I smiled despite myself. I’d almost forgotten about the support group, but I was glad they wanted to go. I felt like they would feel more comfortable with themselves if they had more people to talk about their issues with than just their boyfriend.

  “Sounds perfect. Why don’t you freshen up and get dressed while I make us some breakfast?”

  Charlie glanced at me with a small smile and nodded.

  “Also, I’ll be happy to come with you to the support group if you want me to, but I’ll also understand if you’d prefer to go alone.”

  “I want you to come,” Charlie answered immediately, making me grin. I waved them away before I was tempted to kiss them again and made my way towards the kitchen.

  Ten minutes later, I had two plates of waffles ready along with two mugs of coffee—all courtesy to the café, of course. As I sipped mine, Charlie walked out of the bedroom dressed in the same clothes they’d worn last night. Since they had only worn them for a few hours before I’d taken them off, the clothes didn’t look too bad. Charlie smiled when their eyes fell on me and walked over to me, leaning down to kiss me as soon as they were close enough. I put my coffee away, pulling them into my arms and leaning up to kiss them. They made a noise in the back of their throat as their palms slid down my back until they covered my ass. Before I could react, they hefted me up as if I weighed nothing and placed me on the counter so our heights matched.