Back to the Start (Dangerous Love Book 4)

by Elle Keating

  “No, Jarod and I are friends.”

  “So you didn’t sleep with him?”

  She narrowed her eyes and said, “Ask me the question I know you’re dying to ask.”

  Finally, his feisty girl had returned.

  “Are you still a virgin?” he asked. She stared at him. The only thing that accompanied the agonizing silence was the hum from the dishwasher.

  “Yes. Are you?”

  Part of him had prayed that she wasn’t a virgin anymore. Because maybe then he wouldn’t want her as much. But the fact that Jarod or any of those fucks who surely would have given anything to be with her, had not laid a hand on her, that she was untouched, made him aroused as fuck.

  But with her admission came a question he knew he had to answer. “No,” he said. He knew his answer would hurt her, though it wasn’t his intention. But she wanted the truth and he gave it to her.

  “I didn’t think so,” she said.

  He wished he could have told her that he was still a virgin. Maybe then she wouldn’t be looking at him like someone had punched her in the gut. Every girl he had slept with at college had served one purpose. To distract him from the one who had the ability to make him feel. He had fucked them to rid his mind of her, even if was just temporarily.

  Her eyes welled with tears but before they could flow over, she bolted out of the kitchen and left his parents’ home. He stood in the kitchen for a moment and breathed in her scent. She still lingered in the air, that strawberry smell he swore he could detect even in his dreams. What the fuck did he just do?

  Jake ran out the backdoor but as he approached her house, he noticed that her home was pitch black. He knew where she had fled to. He crept through the heavy overhang of the weeping willow and made his way through the thick foliage. She was standing in the center of her nook with her arms wrapped around herself and crying. The sound of her sobs ripped through him and he went to her. He grabbed her face and said, “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.” He kissed her but she didn’t kiss him back. Panic surged through his body. Was he too late? Did she no longer feel the same? “They meant nothing to me… I thought they would make me forget you.”

  Her entire body trembled in his embrace. How could he have hurt her again? The girl who had loved him as long as he could remember. The girl who had been right all along. She had told him that one day he wouldn’t want girls like Emma… because she would be the girl, the only girl he would want to be with. Jake begged her to open her eyes and look at him. Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks as he himself welled up. “You never hid from me. You knew even at five years old how this story was going to end. Every time I told you that I was too old for you, every time I denied you, it was because I knew I was falling deeper in love with you. And it scared the shit out of me. I’ve loved you before I knew what it even meant to truly love someone. And I’ve considered you mine even when I had no right.”

  A tear slid down his face and then another. She reached up and wiped them away with her fingertips. “I waited for you, Jake.” His heart was in his throat as her words sank in. She leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips and said, “Make me yours tonight.”

  Jake lifted her up and laid her on the cool grass. The moonlight spilled in through the tree branches, providing the sole source of light on that warm summer night. He stood over her, watching her quiver with anticipation. It was more than he could take. He kicked off his boat shoes, removed his t-shirt and fell to his knees. She reached out her hand and said, “Please touch me.”

  He took her hand and she pulled him on top of her. He propped himself up on his elbows and stared into her blue eyes. “It’s always been you, Morgan.” He slowly leaned in and when their lips finally touched, he felt the weight of all those years he had been living in denial fade away. He groaned as she kissed him back, as she opened for him. The gentle kiss grew urgent. He yanked himself away long enough to remove her shirt and bra and then lay back down on top of her. Her bare breasts brushed his chest, and he felt her nipples against his flesh. He trailed a string of kisses from her mouth, down her neck to her breasts. He took one taut nipple in his mouth, sucking and nipping at the tight peak while he kneaded the other between his fingers.

  She was so fucking beautiful in that moment. Her back arched. Her lips swollen from his kisses. Her chest rising and falling faster and faster as her need for him consumed her. With that thought in his mind he unbuttoned her shorts and inched them off, leaving her writhing in just her white lace panties. He could have stared at her like that, quaking beneath him, as she longed for more, for the rest of his days. He bent down and kissed her from her bellybutton to her panty line. Her fingers gripped the sweat-damp roots of his hair as she guided him lower. He could smell her arousal and feel her soaked panties against his chin.

  “More,” she pleaded.

  Her begging made him crazed and he ripped off her panties, spread her legs, and lapped at her like a man possessed. She was slick and hot against his tongue when he inserted first one and then when he knew she could handle it, two fingers into her heat. He felt her muscles contract and he knew she was close. But he didn’t want her to come this way. This wasn’t the way he had imagined their first time together.

  “I need you… now!” she moaned.

  He removed his fingers from her dripping wet pussy and shuffled off his pants and boxer briefs. She pulled him close as he positioned himself at her entrance. “I love you,” she said.

  Jake searched her eyes. The pain he had caused her earlier had disappeared, leaving the warmth he had always encountered growing up. “My heart belongs to you, this belongs only to you,” he murmured as he pushed into her. Her resistance gave way quickly and he was sliding in and out of her within seconds. He had been afraid that he would hurt her but when she grabbed his hips and urged him to give it to her harder, all his fears were laid to rest. He increased the pace, and his balls tightened against the seam of her ass. And then he felt her body shake as she let her climax overtake her. Her moans turned to cries. Her fingernails dug into his flesh. With one final thrust he exploded into her. “Morgan!” he groaned as his heart slammed against hers.

  They held each other for a long time afterward, talking at times, but mostly lying in silence as reality set in. In just a few hours they would be going their separate ways again, to two separate states. He hugged her close and said, “It took me thirteen years to wake the fuck up. Nothing, not college, not football or crazy schedules will keep us apart. We’ll make this work. I won’t lose you again.”

  She brushed the hair from his eyes and smiled. “You never lost me, Jake. I’ve always been here.” Morgan placed her hand over his heart. “And no matter how many miles are between us, I’ll always be right here.”

  Jake awoke to the scent of strawberries and the memory he had sworn he would never allow himself to relive. But his dreams often betrayed him. It was in that unconscious state his thoughts would play out that night in vivid detail. Where dreams often took twists and turns, distorting reality, the events of that night had always remained untouched. He would awake somber and joyful after dreaming of the first time he had made love to Morgan.

  Jake tucked Morgan deeper into his embrace and buried his nose into her hair as she slept. She still smelled the same. She still felt the same in his arms. But something had happened. Something had made her leave him all those years ago. He wanted to know but at the same time, he didn’t want to ruin what they had just shared. Did it even matter now? She was here in his bed… she was his. He needed to move on and let that piece of their past go if they had any hope of building a future together.

  But that’s easier said than done.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Morgan

  Morgan gave the white sheet a gentle tug and exposed him from the waist down. She felt like a pervert watching Jake while he slept, naked and positioned like some Greek god, but she didn’t care. She would never tire of this view… but nature was calling.

  Morgan sco
oted out of bed, but not before she took another peek at Jake’s tight ass and then reluctantly covered him back up with the sheet. She helped herself to his master bath and took a seat on his throne. The first droplets of pee made her tired eyes shoot open and she winced in pain. Despite the discomfort she finished going to the bathroom. She was all set to wipe when she noticed that the toilet paper roll was bare. She squeezed her legs together to thwart a drip to the floor and waddled across the room to find a roll under the sink. She was tearing the paper off the individually wrapped roll when she saw a couple drops of blood on the floor. The fact that sex had made her bleed a little was not a surprise. It had been months since she had sex and Jake had taken her hard. But what was a surprise was the memory the blood invoked and just like that she recalled the events of that horrific day and the fallout…

  “Hey, Mor, you home?”

  She heard her name. She wasn’t hallucinating. But the stabbing pain prevented her from answering Allison. Morgan lay there on the bathroom floor, her face pressed against the cool tile, and held her stomach.

  There was a knock at the door. Morgan summoned all her strength and said, “In here.” It was barely audible, but Allison had heard her somehow and barged right in. The room went black at that moment. She woke up a little while later in a hospital bed with Allison standing vigil. Allison called for a doctor as soon as she discovered Morgan was awake.

  “What happened, Al? What’s wrong with me?” Allison didn’t answer her. Morgan started to panic when she saw both sorrow and fear in Allison’s eyes. “Al? Tell me!”

  “Ms. Kelley, I’m glad to see you awake.” Morgan shifted her attention from Allison to the gray-haired doctor in the doorway.

  “What happened?”

  The doctor walked over and sat on the bed next to her. He took her hand in his and said, “It appears you are having a miscarriage.”

  The blood. There had been so much of it, in her bed and then in the toilet. She remembered waking up that morning to the most severe menstrual cramps she had ever encountered. When she had finally dragged herself out of bed, she noticed the bright red blood against her once crisp, white sheets. She had felt nauseous, but not due to the sight of the blood. Blood never made her squeamish, which was fortunate since she was going to be a vet, but this was different. She had rushed out of bed and made it to the toilet, but nothing would come up. It was while she was bent over, willing herself to expel what was causing her stomach to roil, when she saw the blood pouring down her inner thighs. Another round of gut-wrenching pain had seized her, and she had slid to the floor.

  “We conducted an ultrasound while you were unconscious and determined that you are approximately ten weeks pregnant.”

  He said ‘are’ pregnant. Not ‘was’ pregnant. She was still pregnant.

  Tears sprang to her eyes. “I want to see him… or her,” she said.

  The doctor’s pained expression turned to one of worry. “The heartbeat is very faint, Ms. Kelley. It’s best we talk about the D & C procedure that should take place to ensure your health.”

  Morgan didn’t want to talk about how her baby was going to be surgically removed from her body. All she cared about was seeing with her own eyes the baby she and Jake had created. “I want to see my baby!”

  The doctor nodded and walked over to retrieve the ultrasound machine. Allison rushed to Morgan’s side and took her hand. Morgan took a deep breath as the doctor raised her hospital gown and inserted the lubricated transducer into her vagina. Morgan kept her eyes on the swirling fuzz on the monitor. Her heart was pounding in her chest as the doctor positioned the transducer then stopped. The image was grainy, but she could make out her baby’s profile. Morgan squeezed Allison’s hand as the doctor pointed to the flicker on the screen.

  “That is your baby’s heartbeat,” the doctor said in a somber tone.

  Though her eyes burned with tears, she watched that flicker, her baby’s heart beat within her.

  “Ms. Kelley, I think it’s time we… ”

  “Don’t you dare move that thing,” she said through gritted teeth.

  The doctor complied and remained in position. Morgan covered her mouth with her free hand as she watched her baby’s faint heart beat fade away completely. “No!” she screamed.

  The doctor removed the transducer and stepped away from her. Morgan yanked her hand away from Allison’s and cradled her belly with both hands. “I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!” she sobbed into her pillow.

  “It’s not your fault, Ms. Kelley. You didn’t cause this miscarriage. Unfortunately, these things happen. More often than not we never know why some pregnancies do not go to term.”

  She didn’t want to hear what the doctor had to say. She knew that miscarriages were not a rare occurrence. Her mom worked on the maternity floor of a hospital and often shared with her the miracles she had witnessed, all the babies who entered the world kicking and screaming. But there were days when things didn’t go well and her mom had told her that she and her team had lost a baby.

  “I didn’t know I was pregnant,” she wept.

  She knew what the doctor had to be thinking. ‘How the hell did she not know she was almost three months pregnant?’ But she was telling the truth. Her periods had been irregular over the years, often skipping months.

  “Ms. Kelley, I know you’re eighteen and legally you’re an adult, but is there anyone you would like us to call… a parent, perhaps?”

  The doctor was being kind and attentive, but all his suggestion did was bring forth new fears.

  Her mom.

  Morgan couldn’t burden her with this. And there was no way Morgan was going to sit there while her mom looked on in disappointment. How many times did her mom talk to her about the importance of safe sex? How it only took one time without a condom to get pregnant?

  Too many times.

  Morgan fought back the urge to vomit. What had she done? She had been reckless and because of her, a baby had died… right before her eyes. The image of her baby, of his or her heart beating one minute and not the next, would forever be burned in her mind. She deserved to be tortured in that way. This would be her penance and her secret. She would just have to swear Allison to secrecy. No one else would ever know… not even Jake.

  “No.”

  The doctor gave her a sympathetic nod and left the room.

  The D & C procedure took place within the hour. By the next morning she was free to leave. With her discharge papers in one hand and her hospital bill in the other, Morgan slid into Allison’s car. Allison tried to drum up innocent conversation, but Morgan was lost in her own world.

  And that is where she stayed for the years that followed.

  A knock at the door brought her back to the present and she was again in Jake’s bathroom. She quickly discarded the toilet paper and flushed. “Be right out,” she said as she walked over to the sink. She was in the middle of washing her hands when Jake walked in and stood behind her. She looked up and met his heated gaze in the mirror. The intensity in his eyes made her heart skip and she suddenly felt very exposed in just his white t-shirt. The second she turned off the water, she felt him grab her by the waist and turn her around. He didn’t speak right away. He looked into her eyes as if he was searching for something… for answers, maybe.

  “Did I hurt you?” he asked. There was concern in his voice, but it was accompanied with what looked like need and desire.

  Morgan looked down and noticed that her hands were shaking a bit. As kids, a smile from Jake or on rare occasions a wink could give her butterflies. But somehow she had been able to suppress her nervousness and conjure up a healthy dose of self-confidence when the moment arose. So it surprised the shit out of her that she had no control right now. She stood in front of him, vulnerable and trembling. He took her chin in his fingers and forced her to look him in the eye. “Did I hurt you, Morgan?” he asked again. “Did I take you too hard?”

  Hurt her? Not really. Rip open a wound that she had foolishly th
ought at one time would heal? Yes.

  “No,” she said.

  His eyes narrowed as he studied her. There was nothing playful in his stare and she tried like hell to guess what he was feeling. He released her chin and walked over to the glass-enclosed shower. Jake turned the faucet and he stepped into a shower that was large enough to accommodate at least a half dozen people at once. Morgan watched the water saturate his skin and she took a moment to appreciate what could only be described as perfection. Morgan followed the droplets’ descent from his muscular chest to his abs… and then farther to his rock-hard cock. He was fully aroused and she hesitated for a split second when he reached out his hand. She swallowed hard as she attempted to recover from the sight of his shaft. Morgan lifted her t-shirt over her head and dropped it to the floor. She placed her hand in his and he pulled her into the shower.

  He turned her around so her back was to him. A few seconds went by and she wondered what he was doing. Was he just standing there? Staring at her? Preparing a line of questioning that she would not be able to handle? The thought of him probing her for answers to why she had left him, how she could have been so heartless, made her heart quicken and she felt the need to escape. But just as she was about to flee she felt two hands gently massage shampoo into her hair and she stayed put. His fingers, the way he weaved them through her hair and pressed against her scalp put her in some kind of trance and she stood there as he washed and rinsed the suds away. Jake remained silent as he swept her long hair to one side and started to wash her back with a bath sponge. Her body tingled and she felt the warmth between her legs spill over. She allowed a whimper to escape her lips and she immediately felt his hand cease against her back. The sponge now lay at her feet.