Still Jaded

by Tijan

  "It's what you want. That's the issue here. That's always been the issue. You just never choose. No, you choose and then you change your mind. You can't keep doing that."

  I tried to ignore my racing heart and sweaty palms. "Is that why you called? You want me to choose?" I stood and looked out the back window. The view might've been breathtaking, but I barely registered it. A moose could've been staring back at me, and I wouldn't have even blinked. "You called me for this? You want to have this talk now over the phone?"

  "No. I called because I talked to Grace."

  "Why didn't you say so right away?" And why was he bringing up the other stuff?

  "Because I'm drunk and you're running away. I don't want you to run away." He sounded sheepish.

  "Oh." A ball had formed in my throat. "What'd Grace say?"

  "Nothing." He burped and laughed. "You're right. She's really watching what she says. But I think you're wrong that she doesn't trust you. She does. It's just…I don't know what it is. You're right that something's going on with her."

  "What exactly did she say?"

  "Nothing, like I said. She asked how you were. I told her we weren't talking anymore and then I laid on the charm."

  "And?"

  "Nothing. She rejected me. She no longer carries a torch for me. I'm going to die alone, Sheldon, unless you…"

  "Shut up." I rolled my eyes now. "She didn't even flirt back a little?"

  "Nope, but she kept looking over her shoulder the whole time."

  "Like someone was watching her?" My heartbeat had calmed, but now it picked up again.

  "You mean like she has a stalker? Why would Grace have a stalker? She's so…blah." He burped again.

  "Not to some people. And I'm not talking about a stalker. I'm talking about people making sure she doesn't say anything to the wrong people."

  "I don't know. Grace has always been the kind to run to the police right away or organize a prayer circle for someone. Being threatened or blackmailed doesn't make sense. Grace stood up to us in high school. Why wouldn't she to anyone else?"

  "Yeah. You're right." It felt like someone had just popped my balloon. Although we never threatened to hurt her physically, we would've destroyed her emotionally.

  "No worries, Sheldon. We'll figure it out. We always do."

  "Until then…" I was about to say that I'd have Bryce to figure out in the meantime. Then I remembered who was on the other end and shut my mouth. "The doorman is waiting for me. I have to go, Corrigan."

  "Yeah." He sounded disappointed. "Stay warm in New York. It gets freaky cold sometimes."

  "I will. Bye." I put my phone away and stood still for a moment. My heart was trying to leap out of my chest. Taking a few deep breaths, I waited until it calmed a little and then shook my head to clear my thoughts. Sometimes I felt as if the world was going to collapse on top of me. As I rubbed my clammy hands on my pants, I looked up and took in the view of Denton's backyard.

  It was breathtaking. There was a small creek that wound through his yard. Trees were densely clumped on both sides of the bank, and a few large boulders sat in the middle of the small river. When I had imagined seeing a moose before, I hadn't been far off. I could envision one right then and there, walking through the trees, or at least some deer. Maybe a bear.

  "Hello?"

  I jumped at the sound of a woman's voice. My heart rate shot right back up as I moved in the direction of the front door. As I got closer, I heard the sounds of someone taking a coat off.

  This woman seemed familiar, very familiar with Denton's house.

  "Sheldon?" She called out, "My name is Dr. Thompson. Sondra Thompson. Denton asked me to come and look at your dressings."

  I stepped around the corner. "You're the one that texted him about me?"

  She screamed, "Oh my God!" She laughed and put her hand on her chest. "You scared me, appearing out of nowhere. You were there the whole time?"

  I nodded.

  "And here I thought I'd have to look for you in this huge place. Yes, I'm the one that texted Denton. I know he cares for you. He told me you were friends with his sister."

  "I was, once upon a time." I watched her, still cautious. She was a willowy blonde with a stick thin figure and a plain looking face. Her hair hung loose past her shoulders, which gave her a frazzled look that was in contrast with her square jaw. Her face made her look sturdy, as if she could withstand anything. Then she smiled and it lit up. Her green eyes sparkled. My eyes narrowed. "And you're friends with Denton?"

  She laughed. "Goodness no! You think I'm crazy? There's no way I'd have an affair with a superstar like him. He's good friends with my brother. Lawrence is his agent."

  "Oh." I scratched my head.

  She motioned towards the kitchen and grabbed one of her bags. "Come on. Let's take a look at your wounds. We can dish about Denton over a glass of wine. He's got a great selection."

  Before I followed her, I saw that she had three other bags. "Are you planning on getting wasted?"

  "What? Oh, the bags." She flashed a smile. "I'm not planning on getting drunk, but I'm not against it either. Denton asked me to stay a couple days till he could get back from New York. He gave me strict instructions to change your dressings, but leave you alone for the rest of the time. I packed enough reading material to last me months. This is a little vacation for me too. I love Denton's house. It's a world away from my crazy one."

  Indeed it was.

  She watched me intently. "Does that sound okay with you?"

  I shrugged and sat down on a chair in the kitchen. "It makes no difference to me."

  She placed her bag on the table and started rifling through it. I saw that she was trying to hide a smile. "Okay. Let's see your stuff here."

  I was quiet as she took off all my dressings, poked, prodded, and mumbled under her breath. It tickled my skin as she bent close a few times, and I could smell coffee on her breath. She applied ointment and new dressings and then stood back. It seemed like hours later. "Your stitches look good. They should dissolve with no problem. Do you have enough pain medication?"

  "He gave me a couple months' supply."

  "I don't know how long you'll be sticking around, but I can write you another script when you're out."

  Tentatively, I touched my cheek. It was where she had prodded the hardest. "How long till everything heals?"

  "I'd say a couple weeks, at least."

  I hoped she wouldn't stay the whole time, but I didn't have much choice. I didn't want to head back until I was recovered, so it looked like we'd be roommates till Denton returned. "Did Denton tell you why he needed to go to New York?"

  "Nope, just that it had something to do with Mena. He's normally tight-lipped when it comes to her." Her voice was business-like as she packed everything back in her bag before she straightened again. "Okay! We're done here. I'm going to open a bottle of wine and fix something to eat. You are welcome to join me, but I'd understand if you want to lay low. You've been through a lot." Something flashed in her eyes, but it was gone quickly.

  What had that been? "You said that Denton's agent is your brother?"

  "Lawrence Thompson. He's been Denton's agent since the beginning. He discovered him at the mall. Can you believe that?"

  "So your family is from around here?"

  She nodded as she washed her hands. When she grabbed a wine bottle and started to open it, she said, "Yeah. My folks hail from early Hollywood. You?"

  "Me too, but we don't run in the same circles. Do you know the Hempler family? Cadence Hempler?"

  With a frown, she uncorked the wine and stood back. "Uh…I think so…Hempler, Hempler. Yes! William and Cheryl Hempler? Cheryl died in a sailing accident?"

  "Do you know their daughters?"

  "Uh…there's three? And a boy. I've met them, but I don't know them well. You said Cadence. She's the one in university?"

  "She goes to my college."

  Sondra shrugged and poured the wine into two glasses. "I haven't he
ard anything special about the girl. I just know I steer clear of them."

  "Why?"

  "Too high society for me. They think they're better than most. Not me. My family has Hollywood in their blood, but I still steer clear. I like to keep my vision clear, not money-colored like them."

  My respect went up a notch for this doctor. "I think I might go to my room for the night."

  She gestured to the wine glass. "Take it to go. One glass won't hurt you."

  I'd rather have taken the bottle, but I smiled politely. "Thanks and thanks for the help with my bandages and all."

  "No problem. Have a good night, Sheldon." She smiled warmly and then started looking through the cupboards. As I walked down the hallway, I heard the clang of pots and pans. Music was turned on next and she started to sing along. Her voice faded as I moved further towards my room.

  When I entered my room, I didn't turn the lights on. It had grown dark some time ago. There was something peaceful about sitting in the dark and looking out the windows. The stars were bright. The moon was even more so and lit the trees up around the house. As hard as I tried, I couldn't remember the last time I saw the stars.

  There was something lonely about that thought.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  As I settled into a chair next to one of the windows, I grabbed a blanket for my lap. Then I took a deep breath and looked at my phone. I scrolled through the messages until I found Bryce's. The text stared back at me; it haunted me. So I took a deep breath, called him, and waited as it rang.

  "Sheldon?" He sounded out of breath.

  "Where are you?"

  "I'm…," he hesitated. "I'm out right now. You're in New York?"

  "My mom's gone. She needed someone to watch the apartment, and I wanted to get away."

  "You're running away." He sounded as disappointed as Corrigan had been.

  "Are you with her right now?" Corrigan might've said the affair was faked, but my gut said otherwise. I went with my gut.

  "Oh come on. I'm in love with you and you know it. Whatever is on the television is because Mathias is pushing that with a publicist. They want to rev up this entire media about me. They think it'll sell more tickets, and the Suns will give me more money because of it. They just want more money themselves. That's the bottom line. There's nothing going on with me and her."

  He never answered the question. My gut sank. "Were you with her before I left Spain?"

  There was a long pause on his end. And then, after what felt like an hour, he answered, "I have never cheated on you, not after I told you that I loved you in high school."

  "When were you with her?"

  "Sheldon—"

  "Tell me!" I shouted as my chest heaved. Then I clamped onto the sides of my chair and forced myself to stay seated. If I started pacing now, I didn't know what I'd do. I bunched my hands into the blanket and willed myself to think clearly. I can't get worked up. I cannot. I can't trash Denton's place. I could scare a moose.

  "What do you want me to say, Sheldon? In high school, you got pissed if I didn't sleep with other girls. Then fast forward a bit and you can't handle it if I even look at one?"

  I took another one of those deep calming breaths. It didn't work. "Are you kidding me?! You use that as a justification? I am fully aware that I'm not the mentally healthiest person around, but I'm not an idiot. I've been to counseling. You screwed another girl and you're blaming me for it?"

  "Sheldon…"

  "Do you still have balls? Or did she take them?"

  "Sheldon!" He growled into the phone.

  Chair be damned! I shot to my feet and started to pace. He had the nerve—the bastard had the nerve to flip it on me. I was the reason why he screwed that hussy. I was the reason why she was still around. Me! I could've done him harm if he was in the same room. As I continued to pace, I felt my heartbeat skyrocket. This always happened. I'd get upset, start moving around, and before I knew what I was doing, I'd have half the room trashed—or I would've screwed my neighbor. Denton always had impeccable timing for situations like this.

  "Sheldon, can we talk about this when you get back?"

  "Now you talk to me like a reasonable person? Are you kidding me? Go and screw that bitch for me. Do me a favor and give her a tip afterwards. She earned it." I threw my phone across the room and screamed. How dare he?!

  "Sheldon?" The doctor poked her head around the door. She looked apologetic. "I heard you yelling. Are you okay?"

  "No! No. No, I am not. He has the nerve to blame me! Blame me! He's just like all the rest of them."

  Sondra entered the room but leaned against the wall beside the door. Her hands were folded behind her back, and her gaze never wavered from me. "This would be the Bryce fellow that Denton mentioned? He plays soccer?"

  "Yeah, he does." I expelled a deep breath and felt my soul go with it. I couldn't believe him. "Do you have that wine? I need to drink. I need to drink a lot."

  She beamed and brought the bottle from behind her. "I thought you'd need some of this." Two glasses were in her other hand, and she filled both up, then handed one to me. As she placed the bottle on a small table, she folded into one of the chairs by the window. I gulped that glass down like it was water after a day in the desert. Without thinking, I handed it back and she refilled it. As I took it, I kept pacing. I couldn't do anything else.

  She waved a hand in the air. "I am aware that I should be the responsible doctor and advise you against drinking when you're on medication. I'm good at my job, but I've heard your history from Denton. I'm sure your body can handle it. Bodies have a way of dealing with things. It's like magic sometimes. That's what I love about human anatomy."

  I downed my glass and then filled it again. I didn't give a damn about human anatomy. "I can't believe him. Is this the same guy from high school I fell in love with?"

  She frowned now. "Maybe you shouldn't drink…"

  My heart was pounding, but I was so mad. I had flipped out on the phone. Corrigan said it had all been fake, but when I pushed Bryce about it, he acted guilty. He was with her. I know a lie by omission when I hear it. He was with her, which was why he started with the media set-up right away, but the cheating. Had he cheated? I was so confused.

  The doctor stood back up and crossed the room to me. She didn't touch me; I couldn't have handled it if she had. She was taller than me by a few inches so she bent down as I stopped pacing. Then she gave me a reassuring smile. "I don't know much about your life, or about this soccer player, but I can see that you love him. I'm really sorry if he's done something to hurt you, but I also know there must be a reason you care about him so much." She chuckled, and it sounded self-deprecating. "You got a guy like Denton, superstar stud Denton Steele, interested in you, and you're still interested in this soccer player. Most girls would drop anyone and anything to be with someone like Denton, and I don't mean that because of his money. He's a good man, but that only tells me that you must really love this guy. And if that's the case, keep talking to him, keep listening to him, keep trying to work it out. I only know of two other people that Denton has brought here. That says something about you." Then she nodded again, smiled, and left.

  Oh God.

  Everything she said gave me hope, but then the pain came back. It was suffocating me. I took a deep breath and grabbed all the wine paraphernalia. The hallways were dark, but I let them be. Enough moonlight shone through the windows that I could see where I was going. A chill came over me as I entered the kitchen, but it felt refreshing. I'd been so heated about Bryce earlier and then from the wine later. I had cooled down since then, but it never bothered me to be a little cold. The kitchen windows overlooked a lake tucked in a valley. I sat in a chair and watched the water glisten under the moon. Denton's home was peaceful and exactly what I needed. I needed something to refresh me, help me look at things differently.

  I stayed there the whole night, moving only once for the bathroom. I returned with a blanket and drew my knees against my chest. I rested
my chin on my knees and studied how the lake seemed to change color while the sun rose. The doctor came in after