Still Jaded

by Tijan

  sunrise, frowned at me, and grunted once. She made coffee and then left.

  Sometime in the afternoon, I collapsed on my bed, but I still turned so I could look out the window. It was like I needed to watch the outdoors, like I was starving for it, but it wasn't long before I found myself woken up.

  I grunted and rolled over. The doc smiled in an apology. She looked refreshed, like she'd taken a shower. "I need to change your dressings. You can go back to sleep after that."

  I groaned but moved how she wanted me to. When she was done, I didn't register her departure or that she turned the lights off. It was night again…but I'd fallen asleep once more.

  That became the pattern for a while. I'd sleep at random times and wake for a time when I'd look out the windows. Sometimes I watched television. I couldn't turn the channel when Bryce's team played. My eyes were glued to the screen. The doctor joined once, but she only noted how handsome Bryce looked. "No wonder you've got the hoot-n-nanny for him. He's lethal to the loins." Then she laughed, sipped some more wine, and snuggled underneath her blanket. Her snores kept me company for the rest of the game.

  I turned the television off an hour later and stayed in my seat.

  "I was at an awards show not long ago."

  Denton spoke from behind me and dropped a bag in my lap.

  I screamed and then clamped a hand over my mouth. "Holy shit! Can you announce your presence next time? I think I crapped my pants just now."

  Denton smirked and fell in the chair beside mine. He indicated the bag. "Look in there. I got goodies for you."

  A movie, a book, and a scarf were in the bag. I pulled each out and flashed a smile. "Thanks, Denton. How'd you know this is what I always wanted?"

  He stood and crossed the room. When he pushed a button, a portion of the wall slid away and a bar extended out towards us. My eyes went wide. How hadn't I found that nice little invention?

  Denton poured a drink for himself and a second one that he offered to me when he resumed his seat beside me. "As I was saying before, I went to an awards show last week and, lo and behold, guess who sat in the two seats beside me."

  I already knew where this was going. The same headache threatened to spill over me again. "Please don't."

  "That enticing Spanish model who's hoping to become the next big thing in America. Guess who her date was. Guess, Sheldon."

  I already knew. "Lance Armstrong."

  Denton chuckled and sipped his drink. "No, no, no. Your one and only love." He finished his drink and gritted his teeth, as if it was sour. A hard look came over his eyes. "You didn't tell me he was cheating on you."

  I closed my eyes. It was worse than I thought. "Because he still says that it's a lie to stir up buzz."

  He should know a thing or two about that business, but when I looked, I saw that Denton was a frozen statue in his chair. Anger simmered in his eyes as he shoved out of the chair to pace in front of the television screen. "I don't know if it's a lie, but I don't care. Are you together now? Do you love him?"

  I felt whipped by his words, no—I felt whipped by the unspoken words. He didn't ask if Bryce loved me. That was the real question for me.

  I opened my mouth to answer, but I couldn't. The answer wasn't that simple, but maybe it was. Maybe I didn't want to hear what he was going to say because I knew what it would mean.

  Denton stopped in front of my chair and gripped the sides as he trapped me. His eyes bore into mine, and I felt his breath on me. "You gave your heart to him a long time ago. I was there. I saw it. Did you take it back?"

  I looked away, but Denton caught my chin and forced me to look at him. His eyes demanded an answer. "I…" I couldn't finish it. I didn't want to hear this. I didn't want to be any part of this. Then I cried out, "We broke up in Spain."

  "And now? I saw you with him on those gossip shows. You were together then; I know you've seen him since. Right? You have, haven't you? Are you together now?"

  I opened my mouth, but I had nothing to say.

  That was happening a lot to me now.

  Denton held my chin firm. I couldn't look anywhere but at him. "Love is love, Sheldon. I haven't committed to anyone for a long time. I'm only going to do it when I know she's the one. I thought, for a split second, a long time ago that I found that girl, but it only took one look at you, and I knew you weren't her. The reason why I'm so heated is because if I had you, there's no way in hell I'd be caught dead with someone else. Now, I saw Bryce's look. I saw it in his eyes. He was playing the part, and my guess is it's because his agent got him to do it like you said. But you hear me—no agent would make me do anything that would hurt the woman I loved. I wouldn't let them. A job is a job. A lot of people put their jobs first, but the relationship should always be first. When a job is gone, that woman is going to stay with you. The job won't do that."

  "So you think he's with her because of his job?" Hope blossomed…

  I felt faint and my heart was beating so fast, but I couldn't look away from his eyes.

  Denton let go of my chin and straightened as he raked a hand through his hair in frustration. "I don't know. I'll be honest. He did look confused."

  A whimper choked out of me. What did that mean?

  Denton turned striking eyes to me. "Don't get me wrong. Confused or not, he shouldn't be where he is. He needs to get his priorities straight, and if he doesn't…"

  I couldn't look away. The threat was there, brimming to the top. I waited with my breath held. I didn't know if I wanted to hear this, if I should hear this.

  "I'm coming after you, Sheldon. I backed off because I saw you loved him, but if he's not treating you right then nothing's going to keep me away. I'm coming after you."

  A shiver went down my spine and I gasped, already heated, from his promise. It rang in his words and in his eyes. I couldn't look away from him. Nothing else existed in that moment. Denton spelled it out, and I was excited. I should've been ashamed to admit that but I was. Four years earlier I would've thrown myself at him, but this time I jerked out of my seat. I stumbled to catch my balance because I couldn't look away. He had a hypnotic pull over me, a power that I hadn't felt in a long time.

  It shouldn't have been from him, not now.

  Then I rasped out, "Should I pass that message along?"

  "Denton! When did you get home?"

  The doc woke up. Talk about the most inopportune time. I moved to leave, but Denton stopped me. His voice was chilling, full of promises. "Sheldon."

  I paused, but I didn't turn around. I didn't dare.

  "I know both of them love you. You're going to have to make a choice, and if you can't choose either of them…"

  I heard the unspoken words. He'd be there. I hung my head and hurried to my room. Once inside, I fell on the bed and curled up in the blankets. Something inside of me was reeling from what he said. There was something about Denton—who was I kidding? There'd always been something about Denton. When I first saw him in the hospital, I thought things were fine and in control. Then I thought he was a friend. Now I admitted that he wasn't at all.

  I closed my eyes and heard his words again. "You didn't tell me he was cheating on you."

  I fumbled for my phone and dialed his number. When Bryce answered with a sleepy hello, I barked out, "Are you with her or not?!"

  "What?"

  I sat up in bed and drew my knees against my chest. I held my phone in front of me. "Are you with her or not?! I have to know, Bryce."

  "I'm not with her. What time is it? It's four in the morning. What are you—Oh. You're on New York time."

  "You were at an awards show with her. You were her date. Are you with her or not?" It was a lie, it all about the media buzz, but I couldn't ignore what else Denton had said. Did it matter if it was a lie? Did Bryce care enough to stop it if it was hurting me?

  "I'm not! Wait! What? What awards show?"

  "It doesn't matter, Bryce."

  Denton was right. Bryce shouldn't have even been in that position
. He didn't need to make more money from the Suns; they were going to keep him. I knew how good he was at soccer.

  "Wait a minute." He sounded clearer now, more awake. "What are you saying?"

  I took a deep breath and jumped out of bed. I couldn't do this sitting down. "I'm saying that I've loved you for years now. I committed to you a long time ago. These other girls shouldn't be a part of us."

  "We were broken up—"

  "You dumped me."

  "No, I didn't. You ended things and left Spain."

  "You didn't come after me. You let me! You let me say those words, and you just sat there. You liked it. You were getting your freedom, and you wanted it!" Tears were rolling down my face. I ignored them. "You weren't there for me. I had to rely on Corrigan because you buried yourself in soccer. And when it was painfully obvious that things weren't good between us—you did nothing. You wanted soccer more, Bryce! You chose everything else except me. You're still doing it. You're with her!"

  "No, I'm not. Mathias wanted this—"

  "—I slept with Corrigan!" I cried out as my tears blinded me. "I slept with him, because a part of me fell in love with him. He was there for me. You weren't."

  I waited with my heart pounding and chest heaving.

  Bryce said nothing on his end.

  "You still aren't here for me. You keep choosing her over me."

  Bryce still didn't say anything.

  I stopped and dry heaved. I held the phone with shaking hands. As I closed my eyes, I wanted to hear him say something. I needed to know what he felt, the slightest of an inkling how he felt, but there was nothing. When someone cleared their throat, I looked up and saw Denton. He didn't move or say a word.

  I held his gaze and spoke into the phone, "I won't be with someone who doesn't make me his first priority. You were always first for me, Bryce. You always will be, even if we're not together anymore."

  I waited and then saw Denton's reaction. He closed his eyes and his face seemed to shut off from me. He straightened in the doorway and nodded before he turned to leave.

  Then I heard Bryce say, so faintly, "Okay, Sheldon. I understand."

  He hung up, and I was left without any answers.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  The next day I stayed in bed. The doc knocked a few times and changed my bandages, but she said I was healing fast. She'd only need to change them a few more times, and then I'd get a clean bill of health. As she said this, I noticed a hard edge in her voice. She seemed more business-like, less friendly. A part of me wondered if it was about Denton; no doubt she heard his proclamations.

  Denton poked his head once, but I threw a book at him. His voice was muffled through the door a second later. "I'll come back tonight."

  "Just try it." I glared at the door.

  Then I remembered who I should've been mad at. Denton hadn't cheated on me. He'd been the messenger. Feeling horrible, I buried my head in the pillows and rolled over with my blanket. If I were one to listen to sad music, it would've been blaring. I felt like I kissed both my best friends goodbye. No pun intended.

  A few hours later, I heard another knock on my door. As I sat up, I rubbed at my eyes and realized that I must've fallen asleep. When I looked at the window, I was surprised to see it was dark.

  "Who is it?"

  There was a moment of hesitation before Denton replied, "You have…open this door, Sheldon." His voice was muffled, but I heard the weird tone in his voice.

  I scratched my face and dragged my feet over. Then, because I was curious, I opened the door and saw a Denton that I'd never seen. He looked like he had to vomit, but I knew that wasn't right. "What it is?"

  He cleared his voice and gestured down the hallway. "You have visitors."

  My eyes went wide. My mouth dropped. And for the first time in a long time, I was scared. "Who?"

  His eyes flashed in sympathy. "I think you know who."

  Shit.

  My stomach bottomed out, and I wondered if my guts were on the floor. "I can't go down there."

  "They came a long ways."

  My eyes bulged out this time. "They?!"

  Denton nodded, looking resigned. "Yep. They both came, Sheldon."

  "Quick. Alcohol."

  Denton smiled and squeezed my hand. "I think you need to face this one sober. They deserve that."

  "What's with you? I thought you'd be happy that things aren't good with me and them. You're their loudest cheerleader now."

  Denton shrugged and leaned against the doorframe. "Contrary to what you think of me, I'm actually not the selfish s.o.b. you think I am. I'd snatch you up in a second. I will if those two don't make you happy, but I've seen how you are with them. They're your family. You love them unconditionally—I can tell. They might screw up. You might screw up, but as long as you guys keep going to each other, it'll always be you and them. Don't get me wrong. The second I don't think you're happy, I'm coming in and I'm coming in hard. I'm not scared of those two."

  I found myself fighting against a grin. "Maybe they should be scared of you."

  Something flashed in him, but it was unreadable and gone in a second. Then he took my hand and nudged me forward. "Go. They're waiting for you."

  One foot fell in front of the other, and I found myself going down the hallway. I looked back once, but Denton nodded in encouragement. When I turned down the stairs, I could feel their presence. It was looming and suffocating. My shirt felt like it was constricting me at the throat. They weren't speaking, but I knew they were there. There'd always been something about both Corrigan and Bryce. Neither had to say a word, but all eyes went to them. They held some unspoken power, each of them. As I stepped off the last step, I felt that same power turn towards me.

  Then I took a deep breath and looked up. They had varying expressions of hostility on their faces. Bryce glared from the middle of the room and Corrigan straightened from the couch. They turned and squared their shoulders at the same time.

  I gulped. This was not good. My heart started to pitter-patter like a horse race.

  Bryce stepped forward in a calm and methodical move, but his eyes were fierce. It scared the crap out of me. With his arms folded over his chest, he forced himself to take a deep breath. "You want to tell me why we found you at Denton Steele's cabin?"

  Corrigan jerked forward too. "You lied to us."

  I saw his eyes and heard what else he thought. 'You lied to me.'

  "I'm sorry I lied, but I felt like I had to."

  They jerked forward, stopped, and looked at each other. Each gave the other an uneasy look, but it was barely kept in check by the fury each harbored. Then Bryce bit out, "You have some nerve, Sheldon." He clenched his fists again, glanced at Corrigan, and stepped backwards. It was as if he was removing himself from us.

  Corrigan jerked to the side in response. After a cursory look at both of us, he resumed his seat on the couch. Then he leaned forward on his knees and looked at the ground. I knew he wanted to check out, but it was too late. He'd already boarded the train to this wreck.

  I didn't react to Bryce's comment. I had no justification so I perched on the end of a chair that was beside me and looked out the window. A part of me wanted something to happen, something to distract everyone. Perhaps a moose would pick that time to walk by. Another part of me hoped both would disappear and I'd wake up from the awful dream.

  "This is ridiculous. No one's saying anything."

  Corrigan looked up. "What do you want us to say? Sheldon lied. We caught her. She doesn't care. Now what?" His tone sounded resigned as if he accepted the situation how it was. Then he shot me a glare that said anything but.

  I looked away, but sighed. Bryce was right. This was ridiculous. I started it all the night before, and I should have the balls to nip this in the bud then. If I did, maybe things wouldn't get worse…I didn't know if I could handle that yet. "Okay. I lied. I've lied a lot. Bryce, Corrigan and I never slept together—"

  "Well, we did." Corrigan coughed and jumped
up, but regret flared in his eyes a second later. He pulled at his shirt collar and mumbled something underneath his throat.