“Teasing me, Miss Sanghvi?” He grins, brushing his lips against my forehead.
A giggle escapes me. “A little bird told me, you’re into me.”
He throws his head back and laughs. “I’m going to get Asad for this.”
“Are you into me?” I ask on a serious note. I need to hear it from him.
He loses his laugh, to trail his fingers down the side of my cheek in a gentle caress. “I am. And I always will be.” With that he dips his head to capture my lips in our most heartfelt, gentlest kiss yet.
And just like that, I fall head over heels in love with Ajaz Markos.
Eight
A forever love.
Can you dream and still be awake? In my case, it seems a possibility. I turn nineteen on a cool October morning. It’s Halloween. Bombay is always warm in October but today it’s actually chilly. Or is it just me?
Two months ago, my life went through a drastic change. I didn’t tell Ajaz what I felt for him, nor did he for that matter, but our bond is stronger than before. We’re taking more risks, hanging out more often but we’re not taking it further.
Ajaz wants to throw a party for me but I want an intimate dinner for just the two of us. I tell Saumya and Grandma I’m off to celebrate my birthday with friends, when in reality I head for Ajaz’s apartment.
It’s a familiar place for me by now. I’ve used it quite often to change in and out of outfits. The couch has been witness to our fair share of necking but we’ve never taken it further. He’s holding back and so am I. Lucky for me, I haven’t had any chilly spells of arousal since New Year’s night.
I walk into his apartment to find it decorated with candles and red roses. Somebody kill me already! I actually have a boyfriend who knows what a woman wants?
A small heart shaped cake sits on the centre table. I’m grinning ear to ear. I can’t help it. My boyfriend is perfect! We cut it together and this time since we’re alone, he does suck on my fingers. He’s not done. He follows through with a round of some serious lip locking. Best. Birthday. Ever!
He’s even remembered to get me a gift. It’s an amethyst stone pendent on a silver chain. I stare at it in wonder. It’s as perfect as him.
“Like it?”
“Love it!” I laugh, flinging myself in his arms. “Why amethyst?”
He shrugs. “I guess it reminded me of the purple flecks in your eyes. I haven’t seen them in a bit so I don’t know if I imagined them.”
“Oh.” That’s all I say. A faint memory tells me, I’ve seen the purple flecks in my eyes too.
He takes my hands in his. “I have something to tell you, babes.”
A smile plays at my lips. “What?”
“I got accepted for my masters in the US.”
Wait, what?
“But,” I’m at a sudden loss for words. The candles that flicker around me could be my heart. Nik had told me the same thing and left. “I don’t understand,” I manage, “I thought you were doing your masters here.”
He seems apologetic. “I am. But that’s because last year I didn’t get accepted in the US college where I had applied. This year I did.”
I look at him perplexed. What’s he telling me? That he’s leaving me? “Are we breaking up?”
“Hey, no!” He closes the gap between us, holding my cold hands in his warm ones. “We’re not breaking up. I’ll be gone only two years and I’ll be back before you know it.”
Two years! Sudden panic begins to set in me. I can’t live without Ajaz! How can he do this to me? I rise, making him drop his hands. “I need to go.”
“What? No, please don’t, Prish.” He’s in front of me, begging, looking helpless. I’m trying to save my heart from being totally broken. Asad had warned me!
Realisation dawns upon me. Ajaz probably knew this months ago, before his birthday. He knew that night! Why did he hide it from me?
“I didn’t tell you before because I didn’t want to lose you,” he says, reading my mind as usual.
I stare at him surprised at his selfishness. That’s true but it would’ve saved me this pain. “I can’t believe you just said that. You didn’t want to lose me?” My voice rises with the anguish I feel. “How about now? Are you prepared to lose me now? And did you think it would be easy for me to lose you?”
Slow tears start forming at the corners of my eyes. I’m not proud of the way I’m reacting but I can’t help it. I guess I’m the one who’s being selfish. I can’t stand between him and his future but I can’t deny that my heart is breaking into a million pieces.
“Prish...” he begins and stops as I head for the door. “Don’t leave me. Not like this, please.”
I spin around in anger. Tears are now in a free fall down my face. I love him so much. I’m glad I didn’t tell him.
Love! I love Ajaz!
The pain is overwhelming for me. I almost faint. How can I live without him? My knees buckle and my legs give away under me. He catches me before I fall, gently bringing me back to the couch. He sits me down to crouch before me.
“It’s not over between us, Prish.” He places his hand on mine while I try to wring my dress to death in my lap. He reaches up to cup my face in his palms. “We’re not over, okay? I’m coming back and then we’ll be together forever.”
No, no, no! Lies, all lies! I sniffle, not able to stop my tears. I need him to say the words I want to hear.
He leans in to place a kiss on my softened lips. “I love you, Prisha, I love you more than you’ll ever know.” His words are a whisper but they break my resistance.
The tears don’t stop but my arms go around his neck as I pull him closer. I need him just as much as he needs me.
A familiar chill takes over me, sneaking up my toes like a lazy river of desire. I mould closer to him, drinking in his intoxicating scent. Ajaz rises slowly, pushing me back into the couch leaning over me. Our kiss changes its pace and intensity. A purple haze engulfs both our senses.
He’s more confident now that he’s confessed his love for me. I’m more confident now that I’ve heard his confession. We’re both lost in that moment.
He kisses me endlessly by the dying light of the candles. But unlike them, our passion seems to flare around us, capturing us in a moment we can’t resist. He rises with unspoken words, holding his hand out for me. When I take it and stand, he swoops me in his arms and takes me to his bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him.
The move evokes another swell of mindless desire in me. I want to drink him in. I kick off my shoes as does he. We fall on the bed, twisting in each other’s arms. Wild desire takes over our senses as we tear at each other’s clothes.
My skin sizzles where he touches me. He’s bare chested now, I’m down to my undergarments. I explore the firm, supple skin that hide his flexing muscles. I’m electrified, I need more of him.
Ajaz takes his time exploring my body. He’s a thorough lover, gentle but insistent. I’m on fire within despite the chill that has spread and lodged deep into my core, pulsating for release. I’m soft, he’s hard, we’re perfect. We don’t second guess our mutual decision.
When he rids us of our last vestige of clothing, he lets the amethyst remain. It’s going to witness our union. The intoxicating whiskey eyes gaze deep in mine. I know he’s seeing purple flecks in them. I can see the purple haze clouding my senses. It’s swirling around us, cajoling, enhancing our determination, our need, our pleasure.
Ajaz couldn’t stop even if he wanted to. He worships me with his body while I push up to him, demanding, seeking the ultimate pleasure only he can give. He smiles before he captures my mouth is a deep, sinful kiss. He’s going to catch my cry of his possession.
The pain dissipates faster than I expected, leaving a gnawing need behind. A need that demands, pushes and pulls. No words are spoken, we move as one speaking a universal language. Nothing has prepared me for this kind of raw, carnal pleasure. I want to own him.
He takes me higher till I feel I’m soaring above us, l
ooking down at our union. “Ajaz!” I cry out as I fall over the precipice into a mindless haze of unending pleasure. It goes on almost driving me crazy as I hold on to him never wanting to let go.
Ajaz rides and falls over his own precipice, completing our bond, possessing and marking me in every way possible.
He remains with his face buried in my neck as he tries to steady his breathing. When he’s more in control, he raises his weight off me to gaze into my brightened eyes. The look says it all but he wants me to hear it from him. “You. Are. Mine. Forever.”
My heart crushes under the weight of his. I can feel his love and I’m sure he can feel mine.
The purple haze is languorous as it lifts, leaving us content and concerned. We lie in each other’s arms, aware that we’ve taken a risk that we shouldn’t have. Is this what happens with young people? They throw caution to the winds for a moment of passion only to regret it for the rest of their lives?
I’m tensed but Ajaz isn’t. He rolls on his back, pulling me in his arms as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. He turns me over to spoon with me. It’s perfect, it’s us. We fall asleep like that, closer to each other than ever before.
~ ~ ~
Pregnancy is not a viable option at this point. But I’ve done some research and counted the number of days from my last period. Ideally, I shouldn’t be pregnant. Ajaz seems less anxious than me. He’s apologised for taking the risk but I can tell he’s not sincere in his apology. It’s almost like he wants me to get pregnant so that he doesn’t have to go and we can be together.
Nature has different plans. I get my next period on time. On time to say goodbye to him as he leaves me perhaps forever.
We haven’t made love again in the days after our first time. We don’t say it but we want it to be our best memory together.
He promises he’ll be back but promises can be broken or altered with time. Right now we have no idea what’s in store for us.
His flight is in the early hours of the morning. He has his family at his apartment, we have no privacy but a last bike ride will do.
I lay my cheek on his back, storing the moment into my memory bank. His scent will forever be a part of me. He finds an isolated spot under the trees of an isolated street. Standing me between his legs as he supports his butt on his motor bike seat, he kisses me long, deep and forever. I need to cry but I don’t. He’s not going forever and that’s not a lie.
That night, I do cry. My heart is completely broken. He’s at the airport checking in and I already miss him.
I hear the soft ring of the phone in the living room. I rush to pick it before Saumya or Grandma hear it. I wasn’t expecting him to call.
When I pick up, he doesn’t speak immediately. I know he’s reaching out, listening to my breathing. When he does speak, his voice is hoarse telling me he’s as affected as I am.
“I’ll be back, okay?” It’s a reassurance for both of us.
“I know.”
“Yeah. I’ll be back, Prish, you’re mine, don’t forget that.”
My heart wants to sing but it’s broken and out of tune. Don’t leave me! “Come back to me.”
“I will.” He pauses, we listen to each other’s breathing. “I love you.”
And just like that, Ajaz Markos cuts me from his life.
* * *
Nine
Waiting for love.
Moments turned into minutes, minutes into hours, hours into days and days into months. New Year’s Eve couldn’t mock me that year. I stayed in, watching a soap, digging into a bowl of noodles.
Ajaz called me to wish and drew out all the pain I felt for him. Nik called and I landed up asking him to shut up as usual because he was cracking some silly joke. He could sense my heartbreak but he couldn’t do anything about it.
I immersed myself into my architectural studies. It’s a demanding course and I didn’t have time to think about Ajaz or Nik for that matter.
Both called me once a week but those days, long distance calls were expensive and there were no shortcuts.
Frustrating as it was, Ajaz did his best to reassure me of his continuous presence in his life. I took each day as it came. I missed him way too much to forgive him for leaving me.
~ ~ ~
Memories – Prisha – 1992.
I’m a workaholic there’s no doubt about that. I pay attention to the minutest of details in projects and often find myself at the receiving end of abuses from my team members. Well, tough on them, I’m a perfectionist who’s trying to keep my loneliness at bay. That’s not something I can go around explaining to everyone.
I get to be an intern with a leading architect and it thrills me to no end. I get busier than ever. Just in time for Saumya’s wedding.
Sudha, my mother and Leena are back to plan for Saumya’s wedding. Her marriage is an arranged one and Sudha loves her new son-in-law to bits. He’s runs a successful business, is rich and has his own house in an expensive city like Bombay. Quite an achievement. But he’s also almost a decade older than Saumya, looks like her uncle and gives me the creeps.
None of it matters to Saumya or Sudha who jump into the wedding planning with a fervour I haven’t seen before. I manage to avoid all their inane shopping sprees. The only time I go along is when I need to buy the outfit I’ll be wearing at the wedding. There’s a lot of difference of opinions before we land on one we all like. Since the bride is wearing a bright pink, I need to stick to a similar shade even it isn’t my first choice.
Saumya’s getting married in the first week of January so she’s decided to keep her ‘sangeet’ ceremony at an outdoor lawn venue on New Year’s Eve. I’m okay with this plan of hers for once. Last year I had avoided going out with my friends, this year I have a better excuse.
I’m twenty. I feel taller although I’m not. I feel more mature which is again debatable. I feel lonely, which is a fact. I miss my boys, the one I love and the one I don’t. I suppose I’m just a needy person. I’ve spent my life seeking validation from my mother, my sisters and others around me. Why do I lack self-confidence? The pretty face that looks back from the mirror tells me that I’m blooming well despite not being the prettiest sister. They both are fairer, I’m duskier.
Sudha comes around to inspect us as we get dressed. I’ve chosen an embellished lilac ‘chania choli’ that shows off nothing but is graceful. She doesn’t like my choice.
“I had told you not to pick this one up, Prisha!” she scolds, fussing over the material, helping me drape the transparent duppatta. I wonder why she’s interested in helping me. “Mrs. Kaushik said she has a nice boy in mind for you. It will do you well to look pretty for once!” Oh, that’s why. “You’re twenty and with that ordinary face if I start looking now, someone should pick you up in a couple of years.”
We’re in a Jane Austen book only it’s happening in India. I bite down a snarky reply. No point riling her up. But she decides to go too far. “Not one boy looks your way. Your dress sense is so pathetic, always in jeans, no make-up.”
I look mean as I stare at her in the mirror. “Would you like boys to look at me? There’s this guy at work who’s been asking me out.”
My statement startles her. She stares back at me wide eyed. “You are not supposed to go out with boys! What will people say about us? They’ll gossip that our girls are easy!” She goes on grumbling. I wonder if she will have an apoplexy if she knows I’m not a virgin anymore.
The thought brings sweet memories of Ajaz to my mind. I gaze at the amethyst stone around my neck, the one I wear daily since he left. The one that was witness to our passion, our love for each other.
I shake off the morose feeling. I can’t spoil my mood for my sister’s party. As much as we dislike each other, she’s still my sister and I wish her well.
The ceremony is in full swing with performers and guests singing and dancing and having a good time. I feel lost but I laugh just the same. I even try dancing which is almost a mini disaster as I step on my skirt
. Thankfully no one notices the stumble I take before I land my butt on the trimmed hedges.
“Whoa!” I manage to step on someone’s toes behind me. I spin around and gape in shock. It’s Asad!
“What are you doing here?” I almost yell at him. I’m actually happy to see him.
He chuckles making me smile. “Oh, nothing, just sneaking around parties to see if I can spot my brother’s forlorn girlfriend.”
My smile widens. I can’t help but like this joker. “Your brother, I’m afraid, left his girlfriend for finer destinations.”
He shifts on his feet. He’s looking handsome in a white ‘pathani’ suit. He’s also looking very much like Ajaz. His memory makes every beat of my heart painful. Asad looks into the distance, he’s not smiling anymore. When he looks back at me, his look is almost apologetic. “He’ll be back before you know it, Prisha.” He looks at his feet, rocking on them almost as if he was delaying something I need to hear. My anxiety is about to touch the roof.
True Rising: Mark of the Defenders Page 8
