Homicide and Hot Tubs

by Annabel Chase

  I thought of all the belongings that Ariadne left behind when she ascended and knew it would be a shame to let the instrument go to waste. “I don’t see why that should be a problem.”

  Louis lit up. “Really? Thank you. I appreciate it.”

  “Are you sure want that one, though? You’re not worried that it’s bad luck to play it?”

  “He didn’t die while playing it,” Louis said. “He didn’t even have it with him.”

  “Fair point.”

  “Would it be okay with you if I stop by his house to get it? I figure if I audition for Hat Trick with it, I might be more likely to get the spot.”

  I clapped my hands together. “No need to go all the way to Zone 2. The sax is here.”

  His brow wrinkled. “Why is it here?”

  “I collected most of the valuables from the house, just in case. I know everyone says it’s safe here, but it seems like these times, they are a-changing.”

  He nodded grimly. “I’m a vampire and I can honestly say I’ve felt pretty unsettled recently.”

  I opened the drawer in the wall to retrieve the sax. No one would even know to look here for any valuables. The most they’d expect to steal is a beaker of an unknown substance.

  I handed over the sax and his fangs retracted.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  He sniffed the mouthpiece. “This smells weird,” he said. He touched it. “I think there’s something on here.”

  “Like flavored lip balm?” I remembered as a kid thinking that cherry lip balm was a snack and being so disappointed when I was forced to spit it out.

  “No.” He inhaled again, a thoughtful expression on his face.

  “Can you lick it?” I thought of Jules tasting the substance on a plume that Cole and I had found in Zeus’s house. We’d worried that it was poison and Cole knew that Jules would be able to identify it thanks to her vampire senses and also, I suspected, her familiarity with deadly substances.

  Louis examined the mouthpiece more closely. “I don’t think I want to taste it. It smells bitter.”

  I took the sax and brought the mouthpiece as close to my nose as I was willing, but I didn’t smell anything. “Are you sure it stinks?”

  “One hundred percent. Your senses aren’t as finely tuned as a vampire’s,” he said.

  I stared at the saxophone thoughtfully. “What about a jinni’s sense of smell?”

  “More like yours than mine,” Louis said. “Werewolves and vampires have the strongest sense of smell in Divine Place.”

  “There was an unknown substance in his system,” I said. “Maybe this is where it came from. Do you use lotions or potions on the mouthpiece for any reason? Maybe if you have a lip ulcer or a herpes flare-up?”

  “No,” he said with a firm shake of his head.

  I gaped at the mouthpiece. “Louis, what if this is the murder weapon?” None of the confessions quite fit with the evidence, but maybe this would.

  “Does this mean I can’t take it?” Louis looked so disappointed that I actually felt sorry for him.

  “Let me get it checked out first. If we can rule it out, I’m happy to let you take it to be valued.”

  “I suppose if you rule it in, then maybe you’re right about it being bad luck to own it.”

  “Only one way to find out,” I said. I hugged the saxophone to my chest, careful to keep the suspicious mouthpiece out of range of my mouth.

  “Where are you taking it?” he asked.

  “To one of my consultants,” I said. It sounded more professional than ‘the owner of a bar.’

  “You’ll let me know, right?”

  “I promise. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d better get a move on. The sooner I have this analyzed, the faster I can give you an answer.” I didn’t want him lingering in the lab and seeing all the notes.

  We left the healer’s office together and he carried on to the Gods Complex and I drove my golf cart to the wharf. I wished there was a faster way to Bloodlust in Zone 2. Although the ferry was impressively frequent, there were times when I wanted a jetpack to help me fly across. The golf cart around the perimeter would take too long.

  As I stood on the wharf waiting for the ferry, I remembered Seth’s mention of magic carpets. Why was no one riding magic carpets across the lake? That seemed much more convenient. I had a brief fantasy of Cole and I riding around on a carpet and singing A Whole New World. He was way hotter than Aladdin, although Aladdin was my second favorite Disney prince, right behind Flynn from Rapunzel. Yes, I was forty-seven years old and had them ranked by preference. So what?

  Usually the ferry cut through the mist within a couple of minutes, but three minutes had passed and there was no sign of Charon or his boat. A head of unruly blonde hair popped up out of the water, and I jumped back in surprise.

  “Are you the human?” he asked in a low and sexy voice.

  Too much more of this and I’d be pulling a Britney Spears and shaving my head.

  “That’s right. I’m Eloise.”

  The handsome face grinned. “Nice to meet you, Eloise. I’m Aidan.”

  “Are you half octopus or what?” He looked pretty hot from the shoulders up, but tentacle porn wasn’t my jam.

  He laughed. “I’m a merman.”

  “And you live in The Great Divide?”

  “No, when I’m on land, my fin transforms into legs. I live on Brimstone Lane.”

  “Man, Ariel went through all that with Ursula for nothing,” I mumbled. “What a con.”

  “Pardon me?”

  I smiled sweetly. “Nothing.”

  “If you’re waiting for the ferry, it might be late. I passed Charon earlier and he was on a break.”

  “Figures,” I said. I was in a hurry, so why not take a break?

  “If you need a ride across, I can help.”

  “Thanks, but in case you haven’t noticed, I’m carrying a saxophone.” I tapped the instrument. “I can’t get it wet.”

  “I can keep you dry,” he said. “Unless you like to get wet.” His smile deepened, showing off two dimples.

  Wowzers. A scorching merman was flirting with me. This was an unexpected turn of events. “I do very much like to get wet,” I said slowly. “It’s just that, right now, my priority is preserving this very important piece of evidence.”

  He glanced skyward and whistled. In less than a minute, a large black bird flew down from the clouds. I recognized the raven.

  “Hey, it’s Yeti,” I said cheerfully.

  “Yetl,” the raven said. He skimmed the water and landed in front of me. “You need an assist, Aidan?”

  “My new friend Eloise is in urgent need of a ride. Unfortunately for me, she isn’t in the market for getting wet. Today, at least.” He winked at me.

  “I’d be happy to fly you across,” Yetl said. “Just hop aboard.”

  “You don’t mind being a taxi service?” I asked.

  “Always happy to help a friend,” the raven said.

  “I don’t have any money on me,” I said.

  “I’m not charging you,” Yetl said.

  I frowned. “You’re doing this nice thing for the sake of doing it?”

  “My shuffleboard game is finished, so why not?” Yetl replied.

  I slid across the raven’s back and held onto a clump of feathers with one hand, while tucking the saxophone underneath my other arm.

  “Thanks, Aidan. I appreciate the help,” I said.

  Aidan flashed those dimples again. “Raincheck then?”

  “I live at 47 Hamilton. Call me on that disc thingy.”

  “Or I could just stop by,” he said.

  My heartbeat sped up at the thought of a booty call from this guy. “That works too.”

  Before Aidan could respond, Yetl took to the skies. We soared over the lake and I prayed that I didn’t lose my balance and plunge into the lake. I didn’t worry about drowning—I was a good swimmer. I did, however, worry about losing the only evidence I had. This saxophone w
as the key to unlocking Akwan’s obliteration. I felt it in my bones.

  Yetl landed smoothly on the sidewalk in Zone 2, not far from True Brew. “Where are you headed with the sax?”

  “Bloodlust,” I said.

  “You’re going to play? Shouldn’t you be solving the obliteration?”

  “I am,” I said. I unhooked my leg from his back. “Thanks for the lift, bird god.”

  “You’re welcome.” He flew off and I made my way to the bar to see Jules.

  Bloodlust was surprisingly busy considering the time of day. There were two bartenders behind the counter hard at work. I spotted Jules in the back corner with her foot on a chair, deep in conversation with the two patrons at the table. As I drew closer, I understood why her leg was on display.

  “I’m keeping two knives concealed now,” she was in the midst of telling them. “Everyone thinks a vampire’s fangs are enough of a deterrent, but I’m someone who likes a solid Plan B.”

  The two patrons were staring at her with a mixture of fear and awe—basically the way everyone looked at Jules.

  I placed a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, teammate. I could use your expertise if you can spare a sec.”

  She narrowed her eyes at my hand. “Do you know how dangerous it is to sneak up on a vampire and lay a hand where it doesn’t belong?”

  My hand quickly slipped off her shoulder. “Nope, and I don’t want to find out either.” I was about to say I didn’t have a death wish, but that seemed unnecessary given that I was already dead.

  She turned to face me. “What’s with the necklace? It’s too big and ugly for your frame.”

  “It’s not a necklace. It’s a saxophone.”

  Her expression lightened. “I know that.” Her tone suggested that she really did think it was some kind of strange human accessory.

  “Listen, I need you to lick my sax.” I practically shoved the sax at her mouth.

  She pushed the mouthpiece aside. “Whoa. Number one, I don’t think you realize how sexual that sounds, but I’m game whenever. Number two, you don’t shove anything in a vampire’s face.”

  “Or anyone’s face,” one of the patrons piped up.

  “I lived in a Mid-Atlantic state in America,” I said. “We learn to shove objects in faces as part of the elementary school curriculum.”

  “Under certain circumstances, that might be quite desirable,” the other patron said. He looked about sixty in human years, with a gaunt face and a goatee on his angular chin.

  The woman beside him chided him gently. “Maximus, you devil. You haven’t been that saucy in centuries.”

  “Are you an actual devil?” I asked. He didn’t have horns or a tail, but what did I know about real devils?

  “Heavens no,” he said. “I’m a druid.”

  “And I’m a banshee,” the woman said.

  “Did you know each other in your former lives?” I asked.

  They exchanged adoring glances. “No,” she said. “We met here.”

  “In Bloodlust?” I asked.

  “No, in Divine Place,” Maximus said. “Betsy had just come out of the HOA office after her orientation. I swooped in before anyone else saw how beautiful she was.” He patted her hand affectionately.

  “He asked me to dinner that very night and we’ve been together ever since,” she added.

  “Wow,” I said. “You didn’t want to play to cool and check out all your choices first?”

  She nuzzled his nose with hers. “Why would I bother? I knew the moment I set eyes on him that I wanted to spend eternity with him.”

  “It was really that instantaneous?” I asked. “You didn’t just think he was boneworthy and then decide later that you also were in love with him? Maybe after he flossed your teeth after you passed out drunk without brushing because he knows how important dental hygiene is to you?”

  They both turned to gawk at me. “Haven’t you ever been in love?” Maximus asked.

  “Doesn’t sound like it,” Betsy replied.

  Jules couldn’t hide her amused expression. “Tell us, Eloise. Have you ever been thunderstruck?”

  An image of Cole flashed in my mind, but I quickly quashed all thoughts of the demigod. Our connection wasn’t love; it was pure lust. I wanted a piece of him, not his heart.

  “You didn’t even know each other,” I said, somewhat heatedly. “How can you possibly claim to have loved each other?” If the term ‘soul mate’ came out of either one of their mouths, I was going to grow fangs for the sole purpose of biting their heads off. The whole idea of soul mates was a fairytale perpetuated by men to keep us from realizing that our independence was so much better. At least that’s what I told myself whenever another boyfriend dumped me.

  Maximus looped an arm through hers. “I always tell the other villagers that it was a transcendental moment. It wasn’t about reason or logic. It just was.”

  I faked a smile. “Well, that sounds lovely. How lucky for you both that you ended up here and not in one of those other places.”

  Jules eyed the saxophone. “So do you want to tell me why you want me to make out with that thing?”

  I motioned for her to follow me to a quiet corner, out of earshot of the alleged soul mates. “I need you to tell me if there’s poison on this mouthpiece, or any kind of potion.”

  Her gaze lowered to the instrument. “Is that Akwan’s?”

  “It was,” I said. “And I think it might be the murder weapon.”

  Jules took the sax from me and held the instrument up to her mouth, giving it a careful sniff first. “There’s definitely something on here that doesn’t belong. Smells bitter.”

  “That’s what Louis said too.”

  Her tongue darted out and swiped the mouthpiece left to right. She let the taste settle on her tongue before she spoke.

  “It’s ricin.”

  “Ricin,” I repeated. “Isn’t that a toxin?” I had a brief memory of the news in my lifetime, where the Russians were accused of shooting ricin umbrellas at people’s feet as they passed and killing them. What a crazy world.

  Jules gave me a dark look. “Yep.”

  Another memory tugged at me from the corner of my mind. It wasn’t about the Russians. It wasn’t from my old life at all. It was from right here in Divine Place. I debated whether to bring Jules along as backup but decided against it. Since when did I need help with everything I did? I’d managed perfectly fine on my own for forty-seven years, through illnesses, financial hardship, broken relationships, and job transitions. This whole afterlife thing was making me soft.

  I took the sax from Jules and started walking past the soul mate table. “I need to go.”

  “That’s it? One lick and you’re out?” Jules asked.

  “One lick was all I needed to get the job done.”

  As I headed out, I heard Betsy sigh. “If only I could say the same.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  The sign on the door read Closed for Repairs. I wondered what kind of repairs were necessary and whether it wasn’t simply an excuse to stay out of the public eye until Akwan’s obliteration blew over.

  I ducked into the building and headed straight for the back. A shadow across the corridor told me that he was in his office. Good. Catching him off-guard was my best bet. I plastered on a smile to put him at ease before I knocked on the doorjamb and poked my head through the doorway.

  “Hey, buddy. Got a minute?”

  Seth glanced up from the newspaper on his desk. “Hello again. I hope you’re not going to beg me to open the kitchen for you because I’m afraid the answer has to be no.”

  I slipped inside and dropped into the chair. “What’s the problem?”

  The jinni jerked his thumb to the side. “The grill is acting up. I’ve called someone to repair it, but they can’t come until tomorrow.”

  “That’s got to be bad for business,” I said.

  “It isn’t great, but then again, I’ve come to accept that about my afterlife.”

  Seth
sounded as bitter as his ricin smelled to vampires. “Funny story. I knew this guy in Chipping Cheddar. Todd. He liked to parade around town shirtless—which I’m not going to lie, I was into it—so I started hanging out with him. He had this friend, Doug. They were more like frenemies, although I didn’t realize it at first because that term usually gets reserved for women, which is just another form of misogyny, but I digress.”

  Seth blinked at me. “I’m waiting for this to connect to my broken grill.”

  “I’m getting there.” Sort of. “So Todd secretly resented Doug because he blamed Doug for the failure of his bike rental business. See, Doug decided to start a Vespa business around the same time and, as it turns out, people are inherently lazy, so the Vespa business took off and Todd’s bike rental business went down in flames.” I paused. “Literally. He set the bikes on fire to try and collect the insurance money. Dumb move because security cameras caught the whole thing. Anyway, Doug had no idea that this was an issue. He thought Todd was like a brother to him, even asked him to be best man at his wedding. Is this story ringing any bells?”

  Seth scratched his chin. “Since I know neither Todd nor Doug, no.”

  “You’re lucky because they were both complete babies. Seriously. You never heard two grown men whine like them. I actually mailed them each a box of adult diapers. That’s how bad they were.”

  “And how does this story relate to me?”

  “I think you’re Todd in this scenario.”

  He straightened in his chair. “Me? I would’ve ridden a magic carpet. I’m one of the inherently lazy ones.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Seth, you’re smarter than this.” Time to lay my cards on the table. “Smart enough to poison your faux friend Akwan and almost get away with it. The thing I can’t figure out is—why?”

  At least Seth had the decency to look outraged. “Poisoned him? How can you prove such an outlandish claim?”

  “I have the obliteration weapon, bud. When you were at his house, you rubbed ricin all over that saxophone of his, knowing that he’d ingest it without even realizing it.”