Homicide and Hot Tubs

by Annabel Chase

  “I don’t even know what ricin is.”

  I wagged a finger at him. “Now that’s a lie and you know it. You told me yourself that you’re fecally challenged.”

  Seth’s eye twitched. “And? Is that so uncommon? The food in the afterlife doesn’t necessarily agree with everyone.”

  “I guess your mouth runs more than your bottom half because you also told me you regularly took castor oil to help with your issue and that it’s homemade,” I said. I folded my arms proudly.

  He shrugged nonchalantly. “What can I say? I like to make my own remedies so that I know exactly what’s in them. It isn’t a crime.”

  “No, but extracting the ricin from the castor beans in order to obliterate your friend is a crime. A very serious one, in fact.”

  His jaw clenched. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Sure you do. You’re handy in the kitchen, so I have no doubt this part was easy for you. You squeezed out the oil and then extracted the ricin from the leftover pulp. Then you went over to Akwan’s house under false pretenses and used the opportunity to rub ricin all over the mouthpiece. You knew he wouldn’t taste it or smell it and that ingesting it would be fatal.” Even more so because Akwan was breathing it in every time he played a note. From what I remembered, the toxin was even more effective when inhaled.

  Seth’s nostrils flared as the reality of the situation seemed to hit home. I knew the truth and he wasn’t getting away with it. “It was easy enough,” he finally said. “I knew he’d be practicing after I left. I also knew that, because of the ricin’s delayed effect, I’d be nowhere in the vicinity when he met the true death. I had no idea there would be a parade of others rushing to confess.”

  “That almost worked out for you. Too bad none of the evidence was sufficient enough to support any of their confessions.”

  “Very unfortunate,” Seth said. “I can’t claim to be surprised though. Akwan managed to create trouble wherever he went.”

  “Trouble? You said you spent your university years breaking into libraries to read their books. Why would you want to hurt him? He was your friend.”

  “He was my albatross!” Seth slammed a fist on the desk, causing the contents of his desk to shift. The framed photograph from Akwan’s chest toppled over and it was then that I knew.

  “What happened to your friend, Seth?” I asked.

  His gaze drifted to the photo. “Kajeem,” he said softly.

  “Kajeem is the reason you’re here, isn’t he?”

  His eyes flashed with anger and resentment. “Akwan is the reason I’m here. I can only hope Kajeem went to one of the heavenly realms where he belongs.”

  “What happened to him?” My fingers gripped the sides of the chair as I waited to see what Seth would do next. The only weapon within reach was a stapler—because every desk needed a stapler. Would he answer or attack? Hopefully Seth would feel that he had nothing left to lose and spill the secret.

  He held the framed photograph in his hands, looking fondly at Kajeem. “The three of us were friends for most of our lives. Kajeem was like our little brother. He was always following us around, wanting to learn more advanced magic from us.” The jinni smiled at the memory. “As Kajeem blossomed into a more powerful jinni, Akwan grew envious. Kajeem seemed to attract good fortune wherever he went and it bothered Akwan.”

  “Kajeem had a Midas touch,” I said.

  Seth nodded. “Yes, exactly. Akwan’s jealousy increased exponentially when Kajeem drew the attention of a young woman that Akwan was attempting to woo. He couldn’t handle the rejection, so he devised a plan to teach the upstart a lesson.”

  “Was Kajeem an upstart? It sounds like he was just blessed.” Like my cousin Maggie. Big boobs, legs for days, eyelashes that didn’t need mascara. Ugh, I hated Maggie. The worst part was that she seemed to have no idea how amazing she looked. She always seemed genuinely pleased and surprised when someone complimented her or was interested in her. Barf.

  “Kajeem was wonderful. The best of the best. He didn’t deserve our ire.”

  “Our? You said Akwan was the jealous one.”

  Seth released a quiet breath. “Akwan colored my view. He persuaded me that Kajeem was a problem, that there was a risk he would amass too much power and that it was our responsibility to keep him in check.”

  “And how did you do that?”

  Seth set the frame back on the desk. “Akwan developed a bit of magic that would strip Kajeem of his powers temporarily. He believed that if Kajeem lost his magic, that all his good fortune would be lost as well.”

  “Including that chick’s affection.”

  He smiled grimly. “Especially that.”

  “I’m going to venture out on a limb here and say that the plan backfired?”

  “It seemed that Kajeem suspected something was amiss, so Akwan rushed at the last second. When he released the dark magic, it acted like a black hole, sucking all three of us into its void.”

  That sounded like a movie I would have really enjoyed. With buttered popcorn and a cherry slush.

  Seth suddenly seemed far away. “I knew we wouldn’t survive, but not before I watched Kajeem die in front of me.” Seth fell silent for a long beat. “There was nothing I could do. If I could’ve saved Kajeem, even knowing that I wouldn’t make it, I would have. He didn’t deserve such a fate.”

  I considered whether I deserved to die on the floor of my house in a hot dog suit, thanks to a supernatural snake bite. Probably not. But what did it matter now?

  “What made you go along with it? You had to know it wasn’t cool to do that to Kajeem.”

  Seth rubbed his face. “It was force of habit. I’d been blindly following Akwan for years, but he’d never given me a reason to doubt him until then. I’d been a good jinni up to that point. Used my magic for good deeds. I let his insecurities feed my own.”

  “And then you both ended up here.”

  “It was the salt in the wound. I resented him for my death and I resented him even more for ruining my chances for a better afterlife.”

  “But you stayed friends here.” That was my impression anyway.

  “On the surface, yes, but I’d withdrawn over time. It was easier when Akwan discovered his love of music. He didn’t seem to notice my absence as much.”

  “What made you decide to act now, after all this time?” I asked.

  Seth grunted. “It was a small matter, really, but it rubbed me the wrong way. Reminded me of how we ended up here in the first place.” Briefly, he closed his eyes. “Memories of Kajeem came flooding back to me and my anger became too much to tolerate.”

  “Was it to do with the band?”

  “No, it was Linzy,” Seth said.

  “His girlfriend?”

  The jinni nodded. “He’d already seen Linzy before the night they met. He told me he was going to use magic to win her over, so that she would break up with her boyfriend.”

  “And you felt sorry for Jakob.”

  “He seemed nice. It didn’t seem fair to interfere. Jakob hadn’t used magic to win Linzy. Their relationship had been built honestly. I didn’t like that Akwan was succumbing to jealousy again and using magic for selfish purposes. It seemed he’d learned nothing from our former lives.”

  “So you decided to take matters into your own hands.” Although it seemed extreme, I understood. Seth’s resentment had been building and bubbling for centuries.

  “And, it seems, I must do the same again now.”

  The moment I glimpsed his regretful smile, I knew I was in trouble. I leaped out of the chair and dashed out of the office. I only made it halfway through the restaurant before I heard a sizzling sound behind me. I jerked my head to the side to see Seth conjuring some kind of orange glow stick.

  “I can’t let you leave here, Eloise. Surely, you realized that.”

  “There’s no point in hurting me,” I said. “If they find an obliterated body in Burger Bar after Akwan’s untimely demise, they’re
going to know it was you.”

  “What makes you think they’ll find you here? I’ll simply hide you and wait the requisite forty-eight hours or so until your body disappears.”

  “Why didn’t you do that with Akwan?”

  “Because that would’ve been more suspicious. It was better to have it happen in a public setting where I was nowhere in the vicinity.” He chucked the glow stick and I ducked just in time. It smashed into the wall and left a gaping hole.

  “Now you need another repairman,” I said. “These things always happen in threes.”

  “I’ll make sure of it.” He threw the next bolt of energy so that one of the larger tables blocked my path to the door. I darted to the left and sought refuge behind the pickle bar.

  “You’re not going to get away with this, Seth,” I called. As I raised my head to see where the jinni was now, I became momentarily distracted by the wide variety of pickles available. How had I missed this on my other visits? There were sweet pickles. Bread and butter pickles. Dill. Even one batch mixed with jalapeños. If Seth didn’t obliterate me, I’d come back when this place was under new management.

  The sound of the door opening seized my attention. My stomach turned when I saw the hapless vampire step inside.

  “Louis, what are you doing here?” I demanded.

  “I followed you. I wanted to know about the sax. When you didn’t come out after a few minutes, I decided to come in and check things out.”

  I gaped at him. “Man, you must really want that saxophone.”

  Louis shrugged. “I thought I made that clear.”

  “Yeah, well. Your timing isn’t great.”

  Louis’s gaze flicked to Seth, appearing to size up the situation. “On the contrary, I think my timing is perfect.”

  “I beg to differ,” Seth said, preparing another strike.

  “No,” I insisted. “Louis, I mean it. You need to go.”

  The vampire showed his fangs. “I’m not leaving you to be obliterated by this guy. If you’re going to oblivion, it should be because of someone much cooler.”

  I stared at him. “Yes, that’s my concern right now. The level of cool I assign to my murderer.”

  “You’re more than welcome to stay,” Seth said. “There’s enough magic at my disposal to get rid of you both.”

  I shot up to a standing position. “Dude, you don’t even have enough magic at your disposal to make decent cheese fries.”

  Seth snarled. “My cheese fries are excellent! Everyone flocks here for them.”

  “Only because you don’t have any competition,” I said. “There’s a reason why monopolies are bad and your cheese fries are a prime example.”

  Seth opened his hand to reveal a small ball of crackling energy. I had no idea what that magical hand grenade was capable of, but it didn’t seem good. Before I could make a move or even a snappy comeback, he threw the ball straight at me. Time seemed to slow as the magical weapon sailed through the air toward me. My feet felt cemented to the floor.

  “No!” a voice shouted. The next thing I knew, Louis was flying through the air in front of me. The vampire intercepted the grenade and energy exploded in a flash of brilliant light that forced my eyes closed.

  Louis! I couldn’t get my lips to move, so I shouted his name in my head. What was he thinking?

  It was only when I opened my eyes that I realized I’d been blown backward across the floor. I sat up and scanned the room for Louis. His body lay in a heap. I was so focused on my savior that I barely registered the fact that Seth was still standing. He stared down at the vampire’s lifeless body with a mixture of surprise and sadness on his face.

  As I crawled toward Louis, unable to rise to my feet, I noticed that the vampire’s body began to glow with a white light. I watched in awe as tiny sparks burst from the light. They reminded me of fireflies on a clear summer night. A sense of calm washed over me as the dots of white light gathered above his body and rose upward until they disappeared. When I looked back at the floor, Louis’s body was gone.

  “Holy Houdini,” I said. “What just happened?”

  Seth dropped to his knees, still staring at the empty space above our heads. “Louis ascended,” he said in a loud whisper.

  “So you didn’t obliterate him?”

  Seth’s body trembled. “No. His sacrifice must have been enough to move him to the heavenly realms.” With those words, the jinni started to cry. I was torn between running for my afterlife and comforting him. I wasn’t much of a hugger, but the guy seemed like he was about to crack like an egg during my high school egg baby experiment.

  I edged toward him, wary that I could still be his next victim. “It’s okay, Seth.” Sort of. I mean, he did obliterate Akwan, so it wasn’t all puppies and rainbows for him.

  He buried his face in his hands as his sobs escalated. “I only wanted to level up. I never felt like I deserved to be here, that it was only because of Akwan that I was sentenced to this place.” His shoulders moved up and down as he continued his emotional outpouring of grief.

  “I guess you’ve changed your mind?”

  He wiped away tears and looked up at me. “It wasn’t just Kajeem’s death that brought me here. All this time, I’ve blamed Akwan.” He shook his head. “But the truth is that I am responsible for being here. Louis has been striving to be better ever since he arrived.” He motioned to me. “Look at what he did for you. I never would’ve done that for you or anyone else.”

  “If it’s any consolation, I wouldn’t have either, so I guess we’re both where we belong.” Except for the whole human element.

  He sniffed and pulled a handkerchief from his shirt pocket. “I’m sorry I tried to kill you. I’m even sorrier that I obliterated Akwan. He tried to make amends with me many times, but I always refused to forgive him. Really I needed to forgive myself.”

  I felt bad that he’d come to his realization too late. Then again, if he hadn’t obliterated Akwan, he likely would’ve carried on with the same misguided belief for eternity. It was a shame that Akwan had to pay the price for his willful ignorance though.

  Seth fixed his sorrowful eyes on me. “What happens now, marshal?”

  “That depends. Are you going to try to kill me again?”

  He tucked away his handkerchief. “No. I now see the error of my ways. I’ll come willingly.” From his place on the floor, he held out his hands. “If you don’t have handcuffs on you, I can probably conjure a set.”

  I gave him a thoughtful look. “I don’t think I need handcuffs, Seth, do you?”

  The jinni shook his dark head. “Take me to the HOA office. I swear to you that I won’t try to escape. Do with me what you will.”

  No, he wouldn’t escape—because this was Divine Place and we weren’t going anywhere unless the Powers-That-Be decreed it.

  I extended a hand to help him to his feet. “Come on, Seth. I don’t have any say in what happens to you. I’m only the wrangler. The rest is up to the tribunal.”

  He placed his hand in my mine and I pulled. Back in Chipping Cheddar, when people used to talk about lifting each other up, this wasn’t the scenario I imagined. I usually pictured cheering on someone competing in a hot dog eating contest or helping a drunk stranger safely navigate their way to an Uber. Strangely, despite the simplicity of this moment, it felt like one of the most important things I’d ever done.

  Chapter Eighteen

  The village square in Zone 1 was overflowing with supernaturals for the fête. I could see why this was a popular spot for a performance. There was plenty of room and, with the lake in the background, it made for a picturesque setting. The perimeter of the square was lined with food carts, including one that only served gelato. I decided I might need to wait in that line twice.

  A large white gazebo had been set up for the band. I spotted a centaur with a saxophone strung around his neck with a thick band. He appeared to be in his element with a perpetual grin on his face. For a fleeting moment, I felt sad that it wasn�
�t Louis up there until I remembered that the vampire was now in a much better place.

  “Enjoying yourself, Miss Worthington?” Hera appeared in front of me with a giant rainbow snow cone. Naturally her frosted brown hair looked as though she’d come straight from the salon. Her pink and green sheath dress made her look like a flower growing straight out of the square.

  “Well, it’s a party and no one’s been obliterated. What’s not to enjoy?”

  “Excellent work with Seth,” Hera said.

  “You can thank Louis. Without him, I might have been toast.”

  Hera crunched on her snow cone. Naturally, the color didn’t transfer to her face. If I were eating that, there’d be a rainbow streaked across both my cheeks. “Louis doesn’t need my thanks now that he’s ascended. His reward is much greater than anything I could bestow.”

  “About that,” I said. “I don’t understand how one act can change someone’s fate. Louis was sent to Divine Place, but all he had to do was throw himself in front of me and—bam! Instant ascension.”

  “It’s not that simple,” Hera said. “Louis had been slowly building his case for years. That slight transgression of adding tonic to Akwan’s drink was nothing compared with all the goodwill he’d amassed during his time with us. You don’t need to be perfect to deserve entrance to the heavenly realms.”

  “What about you?” I asked. “You have the thankless job of being in charge of the HOA. Why doesn’t that qualify you for a better address?”

  Hera became intent on her snow cone. “Our former lives dictate much of what happens here. I was a goddess and lived far longer than most. As a result, I have a lot to atone for, much more than Louis ever did.”

  It was the first time I’d heard Hera admit weakness. It was a nice change. “Have you sent any memos about me?”

  “Memos?” she repeated.

  “You know, sent word to the Powers-That-Be that Eloise Worthington has shown up in the wrong place. There must be some form of communication between you and them, right?”

  “My ability to communicate is somewhat limited, as you can imagine.”

  “But you’re the president,” I said.