Amish Love and Healing

by Rachel Stoltzfus

  “Ja, of course! I’ll be passing by the bishop’s in a few minutes, and I’ll let him know what happened.” Caleb Yoder looked up as he heard the wail of a fire engine coming down the road. “Well, it’s a bit late, but maybe they can put out any hot spots.”

  The English fire department helped put an end to the blaze, and after, a fire inspector came and looked over the charred remains of the barn. It was after dawn, and most of the other community members had gone back to their homes to recover from their night’s hard work.

  The fire inspector, Jim Hollis, a stocky, middle-aged man named with a shaved head and a short-cropped, salt and pepper beard, held up a broken and partially melted gas lantern. “You keep those lanterns in your barn, ja?”

  “Ja,” Mr. Shrock said. “But they won’t catch fire without being lit. You think one of the kinder left it going? Nee, my kinder are too old to be forgetting to blow out the lanterns. Why my Mark is on his rumspringa, and Hannah, my youngest, will be at fifteen this November.”

  “Hmmm...”

  Tom Shrock’s eyes widened. His thoughts drifted to the mud smeared on the Yoder’s barn. And now his had been burned down. “You think someone might have done this on purpose?” he asked.

  “We won’t draw any conclusions until we’ve finished investigating. You don’t have any insurance on the structure, which is usually why someone might start a fire on his own property. It’s possible this was an accident. Have you had any other incidents of unexplained fires in the area? Small bonfires in the fields?”

  “Nee...but there was the Yoders’ barn....” In a low voice, Tom explained about the mud smearing, the painted sign, and the other threats to the community. “The deacon and bishop suspect it might be one of our own who started these rumors. Do you think she might have started a fire here too?”

  “We aren’t even certain this fire is anything other than an accident. But if you give me the young lady’s name and address, someone can speak to her, just to be sure.”

  “Ja, denki, Mr. Hollis,” Tom Shrock gave the information for Katie Miller. Though the investigator hadn’t made a determination about the fire yet, Tom felt an urgent need to talk to the bishop about what he had learned. He said his goodbyes to the fire-inspector and though he was tired to his bones, made his way on foot to the Bishop Lapp’s home to share what he had learned.

  AFTER TOM SHROCK HAD left, Bishop Lapp and his wife discussed the situation.

  “But we don’t know if she’s responsible for the fire or if anyone is,” Lovina said.

  “It is some coincidence though,” John rubbed his hand on his cheek. “And both are within walking distance of the Miller house.”

  Lovina sighed. If Katie was responsible for the fire, then she would have to leave. She was putting the lives of her neighbors in danger. “We need evidence.”

  “Ja. We shall see what the fire inspector turns up. It may have been an accident. The Stoltzfus family had a barn fire two-years-back. They were using the old gas lanterns, like the Shrocks. I think we must alter our Ordnung to insist that families use flashlights instead of those lanterns in their barns. It is dangerous.”

  “Ja, that is a gut decision,” Lovina said.

  “Let us sleep on it,” John took his wife’s hand. “And see what the fire inspector’s investigation turns up. In the meantime, it is a gut thing we have begun to isolate Katie from the others.”

  “There will be a barn raising at the Shrocks this weekend. If she is responsible, maybe we can get her to trip up on herself there.”

  “Gut thinking.”

  ON FRIDAY IN THE LATE morning, an Englisher knocked at the door of the Miller home. He was stocky with a short, black beard salted with white. Katie opened the door, and he flashed a badge. “Is this the Miller household?”

  Katie’s eyes widened as she looked at the badge. Finally, she nodded. “Ja, I’m Katie Miller.”

  “May I come in?”

  “Ja. My dat is in the fields. Did you want to speak with him or Mam?”

  “I was hoping to speak with you first. I’m Jim Hollis, an inspector with the fire department.”

  Katie’s stomach churned. Why would a fire inspector be here? She hadn’t done anything to the Shrocks. Mei Gott! What if they suspected her anyway?

  “Ja,” Katie said. “We couldn’t save the barn, but the animals got out safely. Did something else happen?”

  “No, Miss. We’re still working to determine the cause of the fire. So far, it is inconclusive, but one of your neighbors shared some other disturbing incidents that have happened in this area, including two incidents of vandalism, so I am doing my due diligence and speaking with all of Mr. Shrock’s neighbors.”

  Two incidents of vandalism. Katie couldn’t breathe. The room seemed to sway, or maybe she was swaying.

  “Are you okay, Miss?”

  “Ja. Ja.” Katie swallowed. “That fire was more than just vandalism. It could have killed someone!”

  “Yes. We are taking this very seriously.”

  From the kitchen, Katie’s mam shouted, “Katie! Is your dat home for lunch already?”

  “Nee. Mam, it’s a fire inspector about the fire at the Shrocks’,” Katie shouted back.

  “Fire inspector!” The sound of a pot hitting the counter, and then Mary’s footsteps rushing down the hall. “Is everything okay? Did something happen?”

  “No, ma’am. We are just asking some basic questions.” Mr. Hollis introduced himself to Mary and continued. “Mr. Shrock informed me that there have been some incidents of vandalism in this area—.”

  “And you think the Englisher might have started the fire!”

  “Mr. Shrock was concerned that there might be a connection. Have you seen anything out of the ordinary or had anything unusual happen on your property in the past few months? Missing items? Sounds in the middle of the night?”

  “Only Katie and her insomnia.”

  Katie felt sick. She went to the couch and sat down.

  “Miss Miller, have you seen anything unusual?” the inspector asked.

  Katie shook her head. She just wanted this to be over. Yes, she had lied, started that horrible rumor, and even desecrated the Yoders’ barn, but she’d never set a fire. She didn’t want to truly hurt anyone. But once they found her guilty of the rest, why would they believe her when she said she never started the fire?

  They won’t.

  They’ll send you away to jail, English jail, forever.

  Whether it was her own voice or the endless admonitions of the two English ladies, Katie couldn’t really tell. She couldn’t separate her stories from reality. Maybe she had started the fire? Maybe she’d just told herself she was sleeping and now believed it as the truth.

  “Nee,” Katie said finally.

  “But didn’t you say you felt like you were being watched?” Mary chimed in. “Remember? You were so scared you ran the horse from the fabric store until his sides were heaving.”

  Katie nodded. “Ja...” She had felt like she was being followed. She took a breath. If nothing else, these strange incidents gave her somewhere else to direct the fire inspector’s attention. “It wasn’t just then. I think someone has been watching me.” She explained about the other times over the past few weeks she’d felt like she was being watched. “I know it sounds...Do you think it was an Englisher?” Katie shivered. The Englisher had been a story, but what if the story was real?

  “I don’t know. The behavior you are describing isn’t typical for arsonists. With that said, I would be very careful about going around on your own. I will see if anyone else has reported similar experiences.”

  “Denki,” Katie said. In a fit of inspiration, she remembered what Libby had suggested. “And we should see about getting the city’s English leaders to speak to the community. I was hoping Dat could talk to the elders.”

  “When were you going to ask him this?” Mary asked.

  Katie looked down at her hands. “I meant—tonight.”

 
“Was there anything else, Mr. Hollis?” Mary asked.

  “I will just need an accounting of your whereabouts for each incident.”

  Both women gave their accounts, stating they had been in bed when the sign was painted. Katie looked down at her hands for the entire time she spoke. When they had finished, Mr. Hollis said, “Thank you. You have both been very helpful.”

  They said their goodbyes. As Mr. Hollis pulled away in his car, he let himself filter through all he had seen at the Miller house. Through the interview, Katie, the daughter, had shown clear signs of fear. She had also made a point of specifically separating the other acts from the fire itself. He wasn’t sure what to think about her story of being followed, though she had provided a more than cursory amount of detail.

  He had no evidence yet, but his instincts told him Katie was involved somehow. Though whether she was merely a vandal or a full arsonist had yet to be seen.

  Chapter 7

  Amos came to take Katie out on Friday night, but as they rode away from her house in his buggy, Katie couldn’t focus on him. She felt the walls closing in on her. Though the fire inspector hadn’t said anything about suspecting her, she’d spent the day and a half since he’d left on edge.

  “Katie, are you okay?” Amos asked.

  “Ja. It’s only, did Mr. Hollis visit your house to ask questions?”

  “Who?”

  “He’s investigating the fire at the Shrocks’.”

  Amos shook his head. “Nee. I’d heard the city sent an investigator, but it was an accident. Why is he asking questions?”

  Instead of reassuring her, Amos’s words only made her more scared. “He said he had basic questions about the Englisher and the threats that have been made against us.” Panic made her voice pitch higher as she spoke. “He said he was interviewing all of Mr. Shrocks’ neighbors.”

  “Well, I don’t live so close to the Shrocks. It’s twenty minutes by buggy for me to pick you up.”

  “Ja...ja...” But had anyone else been questioned? “Sorry. It is just making me worried. Has Annie mentioned anything to Eli about Mr. Hollis?”

  “I don’t know. It’s probably nothing.” Amos averted his gaze. “You said it was just regular questions, right? Do you think someone set fire to Mr. Shrock’s barn? The same person who painted the fence?”

  “Nee! This is totally different from the fence!”

  “You seem really sure about that.”

  Katie put her head in her hands. “I mean...” She couldn’t give herself away. Even if she confessed to the rest of it, they wouldn’t believe her if she said she had nothing to do with the fire. “I’m just tired. Maybe I should just stay home tonight.”

  “I thought you liked the English arcade. Are you sure?”

  “My head hurts. Mr. Hollis said I shouldn’t go out by myself because of the person who’s been watching me.”

  “You’re sure someone’s watching you?”

  “You don’t believe me, do you?”

  “I didn’t say that.” Amos felt worse and worse. He knew Annie was following Katie and doing it now with the elders’ approval. But Katie didn’t know that Annie wouldn’t hurt her. She didn’t even know it was Annie, and clearly, Katie was scared. While Amos knew Katie was responsible for the notes and probably the signs and all of the rumors, he couldn’t believe she’d also started a fire. But he also knew she lied. She had lied to his face. It meant as much as Amos wanted to, he couldn’t fully trust Katie either. He sighed. “If you’re feeling bad, maybe I should take you back home so you can get some rest. The barn raising is tomorrow.”

  “Ja. I want to be well for that.”

  Amos turned the buggy around, and within ten minutes, they were back at Katie’s home. She looked into his eyes, and at that moment, Amos wanted to kiss her. But he felt too guilty. His silence was no more truthful than her lies.

  “I should go,” he said. He took her hands and gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

  “Ja,” she said, stifling her own disappointment with a weak smile. “See you tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow.”

  That night, as Katie baked chocolate chip cookies for the barn raising, she tried to create a better story for herself. Everyone was just busy and tired. They weren’t avoiding her. Amos had only been concerned about her health. That’s why he’d avoided kissing her. And Mr. Hollis had spoken with everyone. The fire had been an accident. Soon, the rumors would fade, and finally, Katie would be able to keep a lid on her mouth.

  She put a dash of cinnamon into the cookie dough and began to spoon out the spheres evenly onto the pan. Tomorrow would be better.

  You know you’re just pretending.

  It would be better if you disappeared forever.

  Go away and don’t ever come back.

  Ignoring the two English women in her mind, Katie opened the oven door. Heat rushed over her as she laid the pan of cookies onto the rack.

  AT THE SCHROCK FARM, Katie disembarked from her dat’s buggy, looking around expectantly. Her dress was one she’d worn the day before, but her head covering, bonnet and apron were all fresh. Removing the cookies she’d made the night before, she smiled at a few of the other young women she spotted.

  Esther, Frances, Joan and Teresa all turned away from her, their faces set. Eli, Joseph, and Ben all changed direction as they carried long lengths of lumber to waiting saw horses.

  I told you they hated you.

  Go away.

  Disappear.

  Katie clutched her pan of cookies. It wasn’t better. She should have stayed home.

  “Katie, why are you standing there with that pan?” her mam asked, nudging Katie with her shoulder. “We should put the trays of food on the tables.”

  “Ja,” Katie followed her mam to a trio of picnic tables that already had trays of food arranged on. Katie quickly set down her cookies. The young men and boys had already begun clearing the area where the old barn had burned down.

  The Shrock family had decided to put the new barn away from the area of the fire, and another group was involved in laying out the foundations for the new structure. Katie spotted Amos loading his tool apron near where the new barn would be laid. She hurried to him. “Amos! What’s going on? Has someone said anything about me?”

  “Like what?” Amos kept his gaze focused on his tools.

  “I just feel like people might be avoiding me.”

  Amos shrugged. “It’s just busy right now.”

  He’s lying to you.

  Katie closed her eyes. “If you don’t want to be with me anymore, it’s okay.”

  Amos looked up, his eyes wide. “I didn’t say that!”

  “Amos!” Eli shouted and waved at Amos from the other side of the open area for the new barn.

  “I have to go!” Amos said. “Excuse me.”

  Feeling completely downtrodden, Katie wandered around, hoping to see Libby. After a few minutes, she saw her friend riding up in her dat’s wagon. “Libby! There you are!”

  Libby smiled at her friend as she alit from the buggy carrying two more trays of food. Katie’s mood improved some when her friend didn’t immediately flee.

  “I’ll take one,” Katie said, grabbing the topmost tray before Libby could demur. “We have to put everything down here on the tables.”

  “It looks like a lot of food.”

  “Ja.” Katie felt less exposed walking beside her friend, but as she tried to meet any of the other young people’s gazes, none would look directly at her. They walked in groups, talking softly to each other. Katie tried to start a conversation, remarking on the location of the new barn and how quickly the men seemed to be working, but Libby was absentminded. Katie asked, “Is everything okay?”

  “Ja. Woman troubles.”

  Katie grimaced in sympathy. “Drink something hot. Do you have a hot water bottle for at night? And some Motrin? We can ask Mrs. Shrock if she has any in her cupboard.”

  “Nee, I’ll be okay.” In truth, Libby was strugglin
g with her own doubts. The bishop had informed her and Amos about the fire inspector’s suspicions that the fire might have been set deliberately, and if so, Katie was the most likely suspect. Had Libby been wrong to want to stand by her friend? Katie had left those notes, and her lies were responsible for the current rift between their community and their English neighbors.

  As if called up by her own suspicions, Katie asked, “Has Mr. Hollis visited your home? He’s an inspector with the fire department. He said he wanted to know if any of the neighbors had seen something suspicious.”

  “Maybe we don’t live close enough to the Shrocks,” Libby said. “Why was he asking?” Libby pitched her voice lower, whispering. “Does he think it’s the same person who has been writing those notes.”

  “Nee! It can’t be!” Katie shook her head vigorously. “They can’t be the same person.”

  “But you think someone set the fire?”

  “Nee. I don’t know.”

  Libby didn’t either. That’s what made all of this so difficult. She sighed. “Well, one thing I do know is that there are many thirsty, hungry men out there needing a mid-morning snack, so we’d better get these out to them. Why don’t you go to the kitchen and get some drinks?” Picking up a tray of food at random from the table, Libby hurried away.

  First the girls, then Amos, and now Libby. None said they suspected her, but Katie couldn’t help but wonder.

  When she went to the kitchen, Nancy Benjamin was lining up glasses filled with ice on a large tray. Katie forced a smile. “Nancy, did you need some help?”

  “I’m gut,” Nancy said, lifting up the tray even though half of the glasses still lacked ice. “I’m just going to take these outside.”

  Katie picked up the ice tray, “But—.” But it was too late, Nancy had already pushed open the side door from the kitchen and was heading down the outside stairs.

  She’s scared of me. They’re all scared of me.