by Jacqui Penn
‘No. I’ll bring down another box of my dad’s and start sifting through it. I quite like doing that. I’m finding out little bits about him.’
‘Alright, sweetheart, I’ll see you in the morning.’ She straightened her back to kiss Sophia. ‘Good night,’
‘Good night. If you need anything, give me a shout. I’ll only be next door.’
Sophia peeped in to look at Giorgia, who slept soundly. She went through to the back room and lifted the smallest box. She didn’t intend staying up much later herself.
She took the box down to the front room hearing Nellie’s consistent breathing as she slept. She knelt on the floor and peeled off the wide tape holding the box lid together. As she opened the cardboard flaps, a photograph of her mother took her by surprise. She lifted the photo as though it was a treasure. Her blond hair. It could have been Sophia’s, and her hazel eyes. The similarity was unmistakable. She hadn’t seen anything of her mother until now and assumed that Jean had rid the house of anything to do with her husband’s first wife. Sophia must have seen pictures of her mother to know it was her, but she couldn’t recall, and the vision in her mind looked nothing like this picture. It could be possible she’d completely fabricated her mother in her head. She placed the photo on the floor and reached into the box for a silk scarf which she brought to her face, taking in the musty aroma and the softness.
The feeling that her mother had been the last person to wear the scarf brought water to her eyes. She’d never felt any real sentimentality over her mother. She’d often yearned for a normal loving family, with a mother and father, but over the years the grief she felt over Kara had exhausted her emotions. She held the scarf, smoothing it over her cheek, until the moment passed and she tucked, as much as she could get, into her shirt pocket.
Next were a pack of handwritten envelopes, neatly tied together with string. Love letters? Did she want to read them? She had to at least look at them. She took the top one from the envelope and went straight to the end.
My love as always darling, Mummy. xxx
Sophia had never known anything of her maternal grandparents. Her father’s reluctance to talk about her mother had of course extended to the rest of the family. Sophia had been quite young when her father had married Jean, and his last wife was a taboo subject in front of her, and also it pained him to talk of the woman he lost in the tragedy of childbirth. She quickly turned to the beginning of the letter.
My dear Sheila,
I hope this finds you over that dreadful cold, and now looking forward to the imminent birth of your first child. Daddy and I will come to visit soon after the birth when you are settled. Of course, if you need me at any time, I will come, but don’t feel rushed on our account.
I daresay your cold was due to this dreadful cold spell and the rain doesn’t help. I was soaked to the skin on Monday and I only went as far as the corner shop. Hopefully, it will be brighter by the time the baby arrives.
I haven’t heard from you, did the cheque arrive? I daresay I would have heard if it hadn’t. Anyway, I hope it helps you.
Joe sends his love, as do the rest of the family. They came to visit on Thursday, and how little Henry has grown. He’s toddling around and getting into everything. I needed eyes in the back of my head, especially when he took a liking to Granny’s precious vase.
Have you been resting? This is the last chance you’ll have for a while. Granny always said a rested mother is a peaceful baby. It seemed to work when I had you. I couldn’t have wished for a more content daughter.
All for now. Maybe the next correspondence will be congratulating you.
My love as always darling, Mummy. xxx
So it seemed her mother had a brother. She hadn’t known that. What had happened? Why hadn’t he kept in touch with his sister’s daughter? Her grandmother sounded kind. What an awful shock to have her daughter taken at what was supposed to be one of the best times of her life. Sophia opened the next letter again from her grandmother.
Dearest Sheila,
It was so lovely to talk with you yesterday, but I’m worried about you. I have enclosed a cheque and hope this will tide you over and get you what you need for the baby. I haven’t told Daddy. He’d be so angry with Anthony. I suppose this means he’s still frequenting the turf accountants? Granny always said never let your right hand know what your left hand is doing, and I am now passing that on to you. I want the money spent on what you need and not another one of Anthony’s horses.
I also spoke with Joe yesterday and he’s promised to visit soon. He sounds happy but works too hard.
I’m going into the village to post this letter and then changing my library books.
Take care and lots of love to you.
Mummy xxx
Sophia sat up until the early hours reading all her grandmother’s letters, at least twice, devouring every snippet of information about her family. She couldn’t recall any of them. She replaced the letters in the box and closed the lid without looking at the rest of the contents.
She couldn’t sleep. Were her grandparents still alive? What about her uncle, and she had a cousin? Why hadn’t she ever considered where her mother’s family were? Why hadn’t any of them taken her instead of seeing her put in a children’s home and more importantly, why hadn’t they stayed in touch? Just as she drifted to sleep, Giorgia woke for a feed. After positioning the pillows, Sophia fed Giorgia her mind once more focused on her unknown family.
‘Seems like we might have some family after all. It’d be nice to belong to a family, wouldn’t it? We’re family, but to have some relatives would almost make us normal.’ She looked down at her now sleeping daughter, ‘Thanks. That was hardly worth waking up for, was it?’ She lifted Giorgia back into her cot, pulled the covers up and climbed back into bed, once again wide awake, her mind overactive with questions, but no answers.
‘Good morning,’ Sophia said handing Giorgia to Nellie who was already sitting in a chair by the window looking out to the garden. ‘Isn’t it a dreadful mess? That’s my next job. Did you sleep well?’
‘Good morning.’ Nellie stroked Giorgia’s head and smiled at her. ‘Like a log. I never knew a thing until about an hour ago. How about you?’
‘I must have had about two or three hours at the most.’ She filled the kettle and flicked it on. ‘I found some letters my grandmother had written to my mum. My mum had a brother, Joe. And he had a son, Henry, so I might have some family lurking somewhere after all.’
‘That’d be nice for you both. Where did they live?’
Sophia gave a little laugh. ‘I was so intent reading the letters, I never looked at the address. I’ll look now. How stupid, I can’t believe I’ve done that.’
‘Oh, I expect it was so lovely, almost like making people real, if you know what I mean.’
Sophia headed out into the other room. ‘Not only real, but realising for the first time that my mum had people. I suppose I’d always just believed her parents to be dead, or I would have known about them. My dad wouldn’t speak about her at all.’ She came back clutching a wad of letters, made tea, set the cups down and opened the first letter in the pile.
Her eyes went straight to the address. ‘Balfour Road, Ilford, Essex. Oh, my. I’ve got butterflies in my stomach.’ She sighed. ‘They’ve probably moved on by now. Those letters were written before I was even born.’
‘It’s a start though. What will you do, write and address it to the present owners, at least that way it’ll get opened?’
‘I’m going to go and knock on the door. I can’t wait around for any more letters that are never going to arrive. My life seems to be waiting for the postman and then getting let down when nothing arrives.’
‘Let’s go now. We’ll have an adventure.’ Nellie looked down at Giorgia. ‘We’d like a bit of an adventure with mummy, wouldn’t we?’ Giorgia smiled up at her.
Sophia gulped and bit into her bottom lip. ‘I went to my dad’s old house and he’d left no forwarding ad
dress. It was horrible.’
‘Well, you’ve got us now. We’ll look after you. Drink your tea and get dressed, you’ll only be brooding all day and wondering what to do.’
Sophia nodded and stood. ‘Yep. You’re right. Let’s do it.’ She downed what was left of her tea, put the cup in the sink and headed up the stairs, two at a time, for a shower.
She felt excited and optimistic. At least she had an address, not like Gio who’d disappeared without any trace. Where did he go when he was on leave from the Airforce? She knew so little about him. She’d love to be following up a lead on Gio today, but her mum’s family was the next best thing. After pulling on a pair of jeans, she tried three tops before settling on a white, cotton shirt with an embroidered flower motif. Best to be casual and comfortable when she didn’t know what the day had in store.
They set off half an hour later, after a bowl of cornflakes each and a slice of toast. Giorgia sat in her car seat in the front, while Nellie sat in the back in charge of the map. It was mainly motorway until they reached Ilford. They stopped at a garage for fuel and Sophia asked where the road was. They were only a short distance away and Sophia could feel herself panicking as she climbed back in the car.
‘Do I really want to do this? What if they don’t want to know?’ She stared out of the front window at nothing in particular, deliberately not looking in the rear-view mirror at Nellie in case she cried. Why would she feel like this? It wasn’t as though she knew these people. It might even be a dead end, and that thought distressed her even more.
‘It’d be their loss, and then you’d be stuck once again with little old me. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Do you want to go for a drink, a brandy, or a whisky would calm you down.’
‘I’ve got to drive home’
‘I could drive us,’
Sophia looked at Nellie in the rear view mirror. ‘Do you even drive?’
‘No. But I’d have a go!’
Sophia burst out laughing. ‘You are so funny.’ Her mood lifted immediately. ‘Right, let’s do this.’ She took a deep breath and started the car.
She pulled the car alongside the curb and looked at the house. ‘Shall I leave Giorgia asleep, or should I take her with me?’ She was stalling for time.
‘We’ll be right here. Good luck.’
Sophia sighed and pulled herself out of the car. ‘Do I look alright?’ She glanced at the house which was a big, double fronted semi, before bending down to look at her reflection in the wing mirror.
‘You look lovely. Just go.’
Sophia nodded and ambled across the crazy paving to the wooden front door. There was a bell at the side of the door and a knocker. She put her finger to the bell then withdrew it, screwed up her fingers and then pressed it. It rang from inside the house and she realised her breathing had quickened. Footsteps came to the other side of the door and it opened.
A clean-shaven, dark-haired man about fifty stood before her. He suddenly looked taken aback. ‘Good morning,’ he said.
Sophia was suddenly lost for words. She hadn’t thought of what she would say. ‘Umm. Good morning. I’m looking for someone who lived here about twenty or thirty years ago.’
‘This house has been in my family for about forty. How can I help you?’
‘My mum’s mother lived here—’
He looked stunned. ‘What was your mum’s name?’
‘Sheila.’
He brought his hand up to his mouth. ‘You’re Sheila’s daughter? I can see it. You look so like her.’ Tears came to his eyes. ‘Oh, God! Sorry. Come in… Please come in. I’m your Uncle Joe.’
Sophia’s eyes filled with tears. Joe stepped forward and hugged her close. ‘We thought you were dead. We were told Sheila and the baby had died. Anthony said… Well, it doesn’t matter.’ He released his hold. ‘Come in. Please’
‘I’ve got my daughter—‘
‘You have a daughter? Mum, Mum! You’re never going to believe this.’ He hurried past Sophia towards the car and bent down to the window. Sophia followed him.
‘This is Nellie…’
‘Oh, she’s beautiful. Nellie…’
Nellie shifted forwards. ‘No, I’m Nellie, that’s Giorgia.’
Joe jumped back. ‘Sorry, I didn’t see you there.’
A voice came from the house. ‘Joe, what’s going on? Who’s here?’
Joe ran back to the house. ‘Mum, it’s Sheila’s daughter.’
The old lady looked baffled and screwed up her face. ‘What are you talking about…? She…’ Her eyes stared at Sophia in disbelief. ‘Sheila.’
‘No mum, it’s her daughter. I didn’t even ask your name?’
Sophia smiled as he charged back towards her. ‘Sophia. Nellie, I’ll get your chair out.’
Nellie had looked on in amusement. Sophia’s face had been a picture as she’d followed Joe to the car. Now she beamed. ‘Don’t worry about me. I’m happy to sit and watch you all.’
The old lady had slowly made her way to the car. She stopped next to Sophia and stared into her face. ‘Sheila, you are my Sheila’s girl.’ She took Sophia’s hand as tears streamed down her cheeks. ‘How could he have been so cruel? I don’t—‘
‘Come on, mum. Let’s get you inside. We’ll all go in and have a proper chat. The neighbours will be having a field day with all this activity out on the pavement on a Thursday.’
Sophia felt dazed. She had a family. Her father had told them she died along with her mother, he was even crueller than she thought. He could have given her to them; he never wanted her. Joe seemed lovely and her grandmother had looked into her eyes with love and warmth.
Joe pulled his mother’s arm through his own and guided her back to the house, while Sophia got Nellie’s wheelchair from the boot. Once Nellie was safely in the chair, Sophia reached in and unclipped Giorgia from her chair. As she lifted her out. Joe came up behind her.
‘Here give her to me. Giorgia, isn’t it?’
Sophia handed her over. ‘Yes, that’s right.’
‘What a beautiful name for a beautiful baby.’ He shook his head. ‘I don’t know what this is like for you, but it’s surreal for me. I can’t believe this has happened. How on earth did you find us?’ He tittered. ‘No, don’t say a word. Come in and tell me and mum together, or you’ll be having to say it twice and there’s already so much to catch up with.’
‘I can’t believe I’ve found you. You’re my only relatives apart from Giorgia.’
‘And your dad.’
Sophia shook her head, ‘No. He died a couple of years ago.’
‘Good job or I might have had to kill him.’ Joe’s face dropped. ‘I’m sorry, that was tackless.’
‘No, not at all. If he was alive I might have to kill him myself for what he’s done.’
She’d always felt he’d been mean and cold to do what he did to her. She’d always made excuses for him because of what happened to Kara. She understood how difficult it must have made things for him, especially as Jean had lost her only daughter. Now, she saw him as wicked, cruel and heartless.
Joe handed Giorgia back to Sophia at the door so he could wheel Nellie up the step into the house. ‘Go through to the room on the right,’ he said. ‘Mum’s in there.’
Sophia realised she didn’t know her own grandmother’s name. The old lady sat in an armchair just inside the door. Her face lit up as Sophia entered the room. Sophia handed Giorgia to her and saw a teardrop roll down her cheek.
‘What a marvellous day. Sorry dear, what is your name?’
‘Sophia and the baby is Giorgia. I don’t know your name either.’
The old lady ran her bony finger gently around the curve of Giorgia’s face. ‘Susan. I am your grandmother.’
Sophia smiled. ‘I know.’ She wondered for a moment if she should call her by her name, or grandmother. It might be easier not to call her by any name; it felt strange to call her either.
‘You can call me Gran, or if you aren’t comfortable, just call
me Susan. It doesn’t matter. You’re here and that’s the main thing.’ Her hand shook as she continued to stroke the baby. ‘I feel quite strange. It was quite a shock seeing my Sheila—‘
Joe pushed Nellie into the room. ‘It’s not Sheila, mum. This is Sophia, Sheila’s daughter.’
The old lady tittered. ‘I know that. I’m not senile yet. Are you going to make them a drink? There’s some cake in the tin and plenty of biscuits.’ She looked at Nellie, seeing her for the first time. ‘Oh! Another one. Who are you?’
‘I’m Nellie. Sophia’s friend. Pleased to meet you.’
‘I’m Susan, and great, grandmother of little Giorgia here.’
Nellie nodded. ‘And you’re very lucky to hold that title. These are two very special people.’
At nine o’clock that evening, Sophia left her newfound family with a promise of another visit very soon. They hadn’t wanted her to leave. In the afternoon, Joe’s wife, Marian, had returned from a visit to her father. Henry and his sister Dawn had come from work. The afternoon had been filled with gasps and tears when they found out Sophia had been left all those years in a children’s home. By the time she left for home, they had made a pledge to make up for lost time and not to spoil things by dwelling on the past.
Nellie made herself comfortable in the back of the car. ‘Are you okay to drive? You must be shattered.’
Sophia indicated and pulled onto the main carriageway. ‘I feel so awake, like alive. I can’t believe today. They are all so lovely and I have a family. A real family.’
‘I’m just so happy for you all. It’s hard to imagine that your father told them you’d died. It’s unbelievable that anyone would be so cruel, to you and them.’
‘But he blamed me for my mother’s death, so I suppose the last thing he wanted was her family around. I don’t think they got on very well. In those letters, Susan often mentioned his gambling and I got the impression that she thought he didn’t look after mum properly.’
