Where the River Ends

by Jacqui Penn

  The woman looked at Sophia. ‘I’m Glenda. Who is it you’re looking for? I know most people around the area.’

  ‘I’m actually looking for Gio, Giovanni Moretti. He doesn’t live here, but he came to stay for a while with his father.’

  The woman looked disappointed. ‘Giovanni, can’t say I know anyone by that name. What’s his father’s name?’

  ‘I don’t know. He lives in, or at least he did, live in Bramley Park Way. Oh, and he’s Italian.’

  The woman’s eyes brightened. ‘Paco is from Italy. He lives in Bramley Park. I bet it’s him, there surely can’t be two Italians on the same road. He’s gone to stay with his son and see his new grandson.’

  Sophia’s throat tightened and she gulped for air. ‘Oh. Right. Umm… thanks.’

  The woman looked back down at Giorgia. ‘She looks like she could have a bit of Italian in her. Why did you want to find Paco’s son?’

  Sophia wanted to slap her. She turned, walked to a metal bin next to the bench where they were standing, and threw the remainder of her ice-cream in it.

  ‘Look at the time. We’d better get going,’ Nellie said with some urgency after looking at her watch. ‘Thank you for your help. Is that man over there waving at you? You’d better go and see what he wants.’

  The woman stared across the park. ‘The one with the red T-shirt? I don’t know…’

  ‘Well, he obviously knows you… Come on, we’ll be late. Bye.’ Nellie wheeled herself away and Sophia released the brake on the pushchair and followed her.

  The woman absentmindedly said goodbye and continued to look quizzically at the man in the red T-shirt.

  ‘You’re awful,’ Sophia said as she came up alongside Nellie.

  ‘Nosey old bint.’

  Sophia laughed. ‘That poor man is going to get accosted now. Look at her charging towards him.’

  Nellie stopped her chair and looked across the park. She started to laugh. ‘I’m already out of breath from pushing this thing. Now I have no strength left at all.’

  ‘You need an electric one. I don’t know how you manage to push yourself everywhere?’

  ‘It’s only when you bring me out to places with hills that it gets a bit of a struggle,’ she said. ‘Oh, look at her. He’s not going to get away, poor chap.’

  ‘Poor chap! You were the one who sent her over to him.’

  ‘I saw the look on your face. It wasn’t safe for her to stay with us.’

  Sophia sucked in her bottom lip. ‘I feel sick.’ She let go of the pushchair and brought her hands up to cover her mouth and nose. ‘Gio has a son only a few months younger than Giorgia.’

  Nellie looked at her sympathetically. ‘We don’t know that.’

  ‘I just imagined him being heartbroken and… of course, he found someone else and now they have a child.’ Sophia’s body trembled and she began to cry before turning a deathly white.

  ‘Come on love, let’s get back to the car. That old busy-body might have got it all wrong.’

  Sophia didn’t think the woman had it wrong at all, but she knew Nellie was trying to cheer her up. She wanted to be at home, safe and secure, not knowing where Gio was or anything else about him. Not knowing was far better than the way she felt now. An emptiness had gripped her chest and she felt weak.

  Slowly they made their way to the car. ‘What am I going to do?’ Sophia said. ‘I’ve pinned all my dreams on that man and finding him. I just always thought I’d find him and… Even before the letter… I feel like my world has fallen apart.’

  ‘Things might not always seem fair, but you have Giorgia and she is your world.’

  ‘I know, but I wanted her to have her daddy.’ Sophia burst into tears again. She pointed the zapper at the car and it unlocked. ‘Let’s just get home. There’s nothing here for us.’

  Nellie looked sternly at her. ‘You’re wrong. Firstly, there could be two Italians living on the same road. Second, that old bat could be wrong and his son has a new puppy.’

  Sophia managed a weak smile.

  ‘Thirdly, nothing has changed.’

  ‘Of course it has.’

  Nellie shook her head. ‘Just because Gio maybe has another child, doesn’t mean he won’t love Giorgia and want her to be a part of his life. He’s still her dad and they still have a right to get to know each other.’ She paused for breath. ‘You never had a real relationship with him and things might not have been as rosy as you’d imagined once you got to know each other properly. You had dreams, but that’s what they were and unfortunately, dreams don’t always come true.’ Nellie knew her words were harsh, but nonetheless, they were true and Sophia needed to toughen up or this situation could break her. Nellie was well aware of Sophia’s background and knew she’d placed her trust in finding Gio and living the dream. Happily ever after was for fairy tales and Nellie could see her young friend’s heart breaking. She searched in her bag and pulled a tissue from a mini-pack. ‘There you go, sweetheart.’

  Sophia clicked Giorgia into her car seat, took the tissue and wiped her eyes. ‘You’re always so bloody right. For once in my whole life, I just wanted someone who loved me, and Giorgia of course, but lots of people already love her.’

  ‘And don’t ever underestimate the people who love you too. You’ve had it tough, but that’s gone.’

  ‘We’d better set off for home.’

  ‘I think we should find a bed and breakfast for tonight, and head back home tomorrow. You’re in no fit state to drive all that way. You’ll feel better in the morning.’

  ‘I’m so tired. I’m tired of thinking and of dreaming.’

  Nellie heaved herself into the car. ‘Don’t you ever stop dreaming? Just because dreams don’t always come true, it doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t have them. And anyway, life would be boring without a dream.’

  Sophia put the chairs in the boot and slammed it shut. She wished Nellie would shut up. She wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep, forever.

  Chapter 34

  Sophia woke with a start and looked around the room for a second before she remembered where she was. She groaned and pulled the covers over her shoulders. She was pleased she and Nellie had separate rooms. Nellie meant well, but Sophia felt distraught and didn’t want to be jollied along when there was nothing she felt jolly about. Her stomach rumbled. She’d had one slice of pizza the previous evening and had only nibbled at it. Nellie was right about Giorgia and Gio. They were father and daughter and had every right to get to know each other and hopefully be part of each other’s lives. It was only her who would be standing on the side-lines and left out of the equation.

  She pulled back the covers and peeped at a sleeping Giorgia on her back without a care in the world. Sophia searched her mind unsuccessfully for a time when her own world had seemed perfect. Other people seemed to be much more settled than she’d ever been, but maybe it was just that no one ever knew what really went on in other people’s lives. She supposed that people who didn’t know her well would assume she was happy. If she was honest, she had a lovely life. She had a beautiful daughter, a lovely home in a quaint village, and wonderful friends. She really should be looking at what she already had.

  She grabbed her towel from the rail and padded along the hallway to the shared bathroom, relieved to find it vacant. She splashed cold water over her face several times hoping to reduce the redness around her eyes. She failed miserably. The fact that her eyes were watering and on the verge of tears didn’t help. She stared at her reflection. You have to get over him, she told herself. It’s not like he’s ever been a big part of your life. You need to move on. The words were what she needed to listen to and act on, she had to be strong, but she had an awful feeling that letting go was going to be easier said than done.

  When Sophia returned to the room, Giorgia was still asleep as she quietly clicked the door shut. A glance at her phone told her it was just before seven. No wonder no one else was around. She went to the top drawer of the dressing table where she’
d seen some sheets of writing paper the previous evening. She took a sheet and then fished to the bottom of her bag for a pen.

  She sat at the dressing table.

  Dear Gio,

  I happened to be in the area – she scribbled it out. She’d do a rough copy and then copy it out onto a fresh sheet.

  I have to tell you – she put a line through it.

  You have a daug - now she was angry at herself. Come on. Get a grip!

  I hope you are okay. I only received your letter a few days ago. Simon had kept it from me!

  I have been looking for you for a while now; the Airforce had no forwarding address.

  A lot has happened in my life and I really would like to meet up with you at some point soon. Don’t worry, I’m not holding you to what you said in the letter, but I do need to see you. As you already know by now, I came to try and find you at your dad’s house, but no luck.

  Please get in touch… She read it back to herself a couple of times. Maybe she needed to make it sound more important than a catch-up, or would he realise something was wrong when he found out she’d come all this way to find him? She couldn’t think straight. If she put her address and phone number then the rest would be up to him. If he didn’t get in touch then she’d have to write again and tell him about Giorgia. What would that be like? To find out you have a daughter in a letter. She told herself that it wouldn’t be the first or last time that had happened to someone somewhere.

  For a moment her mind went to Gio with his new-born son and she felt a green-eyed monster lurking. She had her chance and chose not to take it, more fool her!

  Giorgia stirred. Sophia pulled on a pair of faded jeans and a pale pink T-shirt before going to the side of the cot and smiling down at her daughter. ‘Good morning, how’s my little pickle pot? Oh, Mummy sounds just like Nellie now.’ She tittered to herself as she lifted Giorgia. ‘We’re going home today. Things haven’t turned out as I hoped, but then they rarely do, I should be used to it by now.’ She pulled up Giorgia’s vest over her head, took off her nappy, and wrapped the now naked child in a towel. ‘Let’s go and get you in the bath, you’re a little stinker.’ Another Nellie saying, what was going on today?

  Nellie already sat at a table for four in the breakfast room when Sophia arrived downstairs. ‘Hello, you two. I chose this one so we’d have a bit more room. Shall we put her seat on a chair? How are you this morning?’

  Sophia smiled to herself, happy again that they’d had separate rooms. She must be feeling worse than she thought. She’d never wanted a bit of peace from Nellie before now. ‘Better than yesterday, but… you know.’ She put Giorgia’s chair on the two spare chairs she’d pushed together. ‘I’ve written Gio a letter, well, more of a note really, asking him to get in touch. I’ll go and buy some envelopes—’

  ‘Good morning, I hope you slept well,’ Hilary, the guesthouse owner said as she approached the table. ‘I couldn’t help overhearing. I have a stack of envelopes behind the desk in the hall if you’d like one.’

  ‘That’s kind. Thank you,’ Sophia said.

  ‘What can I get you for breakfast? There’s juice, cereal, yoghurt and all that over there if you’d like to help yourselves.’ She motioned to a long table on the far side of the room, then reached into a large pocket in her apron and pulled out a small pad and pen. ‘Then you can have whatever you fancy. Full English, bacon, eggs, mushrooms, tomatoes, sausage, hash brown, toast and marmalade?’

  Nellie beamed. ‘Do you know I can’t remember the last time I had a good old fry-up for breakfast. I’ll have whatever there is, please.’

  ‘I’ll have a sausage and some scrambled eggs, please,’ Sophia said.

  ‘Okay, that´s easy.’ Hillary put the pad and pen back in her pocket without writing anything. ‘Tea or coffee?’

  ‘Tea, please,’ Nellie said. ‘Do you want tea or coffee?’ She looked at Sophia.

  ‘Just to be awkward, could I have coffee?’

  Hillary nodded. ‘No problem. Now go and help yourselves to what you fancy over there, and I’ll be back with the tea and coffee in a few minutes.’

  ‘I’ll sit here with Giorgia while you go and get what you want,’ Nellie said.

  ‘I’m just having the sausage and egg. I don’t feel like anything else.’

  ‘Oh. Okay.’ Nellie hesitated for a moment and then looked across at the table. There were so many different bowls and plates; it looked far too interesting not to take a peek. ‘I’ll just go over and see what’s there. I doubt I’ll have anything though.’ She turned her chair and wheeled herself across the room towards the table.

  Sophia felt strange. It was like everything was in slow motion and she wasn’t really there. She felt sort of hazy, and a couple of other guests who were giving Hillary their order sounded distant and robotic. She held on to the edge of the table. A sudden bout of nausea came over her and she rushed for the door, her head thumping.

  She retched into the toilet, flushed it away, and then bent under the tap to swill her mouth. She pulled some sheets of paper from the roll and dried her mouth.

  ‘Are you okay?’ It was Hillary at the bathroom door Sophia hadn’t had time to shut.

  ‘Yes, I don’t know what the matter with me is? Sorry.’

  Hillary shook her head. Don’t be sorry. You’re white as a sheet. Why don’t you go and lie down for a while? I’ll keep an eye on the little one.’

  Sophia felt hot. ‘Thank you. I will.’ She should go down and bring Giorgia back upstairs, but she was too wobbly to manage the stairs. She was sure, if she just sat down for a few minutes, she’d feel better. Anyway, Nellie was there. What was wrong with her?

  Sophia woke to a tapping on the door, and for a moment forgot where she was, then panicked when she realised she’d fallen asleep and left Giorgia down in the breakfast room. How long had she been asleep? She dragged herself from the bed and made her way to the door and opened it. Hillary stood before her.

  ‘I’m sorry. I must have fallen asleep,’ Sophia said.

  ‘Don’t worry. You don’t look well at all. I just came to let you know that I’ve told Nellie I’ll take her and Giorgia to the park for the morning. Is that alright?’

  ‘I don’t want to put you out. You must be busy.’

  ‘I have some help this morning and spending some time in the park would be a nice change from this place. Can I take the baby’s pushchair from your car?’

  ‘Of course.’ Sophia turned into the room and then back to Hillary. ‘I left my bag under the table.’

  ‘Nellie has it. Are the keys in there?’

  ‘Yes.’ She was going to be sick again. ‘I have to go… Just ask Nellie to get them… Thanks.’ She rushed past Hillary, into the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind her.

  Sophia didn’t know much about the rest of the day. It was five o’clock when she next looked at her phone. Oh my God! She’d been asleep all day. Where was Giorgia? She knew she didn’t have to worry with Nellie in charge, but even so, with Nellie being in a wheelchair she couldn’t do much with Giorgia. She sat on the side of the bed and waited to see if her nausea would return. She felt okay and her fuzzy, pounding head seemed to have cleared. She made her way down the stairs and knocked on Nellie’s bedroom door. She wasn’t there, so Sophia looked around the other rooms. The one they’d sat in for breakfast was deserted. A lounge with pamphlets neatly placed on a coffee table in the middle of two sofas was also empty. She wandered out to the front of the guest house and looked up and down the street.

  A car tooted and pulled up to the kerb, not far from where she was standing. She saw Hillary driving and Nellie in the back. Giorgia was in her car seat. Sophia felt a surge of relief. She’d never been separated from her baby for so long, and even though she hadn’t been aware of the time that had passed, the few minutes she’d been awake had been enough time to feel uncomfortable.

  ‘We’ve had a lovely day.’ Nellie said, through the open window. ‘Good job you left the bottles in the
fridge.’ Sophia had made them up the evening before in preparation for the journey home. ‘Hillary has been wonderful.’

  ‘Nonsense!’ Hillary said as she climbed out of the car and shut the door. ‘I’ve enjoyed every moment of it. Giorgia is a little gem. She’s been no trouble at all, which is more than I can say for Nellie.’

  Sophia smiled. ‘What have you done?’

  Nellie chuckled. ‘How are you feeling?’

  ‘You certainly look a lot better than you did this morning,’ Hillary said. She’d walked around to the passenger door and was unclipping Giorgia from the seat. ‘You certainly seem to have it all organised,’ Sophia said as she watched Hillary. ‘I feel okay. Thank you for looking after Giorgia both of you. I’m sorry to have caused so much trouble.’

  ‘I’ve had a lovely day off from work,’ Hillary said, handing Giorgia to Sophia and then going to the boot to get Nellie’s chair.

  Nellie opened the car door and pulled herself around. ‘We went to the park, then had a wander around the town, and I even managed a late lunch.’

  Sophia stroked Giorgia’s cheek. ‘And you look like you’ve had a good day, too.’ Giorgia smiled at her. ‘So what did you do, Nellie?’

  ‘Nothing! It wasn’t my fault.’

  Sophia giggled. ‘It never is!’

  ‘She accosted a poor man and made him push her up the hill.’ Hillary was trying to keep a straight face. ‘And then she told him to put a bit more effort in or they’d be going back down again. The poor man was doing his best.’

  ‘Yes. That’s our Nellie,’ Sophia said and shook her head while looking at Nellie. ´What are you like?’

  The following morning, after breakfast, Sophia loaded the bags and chairs into the car, ready to head home. She felt disappointed in herself that she’d pinned so much hope on finding Gio, or at least discovering his whereabouts, that she hadn’t planned for a downfall. She’d been naïve. She should have considered that people move on and nothing stays the same for long. Now she had to come to terms with a life without Gio, at least for herself. She hurt.