Where the River Ends

by Jacqui Penn

  Gio raised his eyes up to the ceiling. ‘God give me strength. What the hell are you going on about? You seriously think that seeing her is going to make me feel better?’

  Paco smiled. ‘Yes, I do. When people have phobias, the way they get over whatever it is, is to be exposed to it.’

  Gio laughed. ‘You want me to be exposed to Sophia! Now I really have heard it all. You are a total nutcase. I’ll just move in down the street from her and say I’ve come to be exposed or am I there to expose myself to her?’ He laughed at his own humour then picked up his glass and swigged the last of the beer. ‘Do you want another one?’ Paco nodded and handed Gio his glass. ‘Why don’t you ever finish your beer? There’s always a good half-inch at the bottom.’

  ‘Never have, never will, and don’t change the subject. You might think I’m a fool, but all you’ve done so far is run away, and where has that got you? You’re living a lie and you’re not happy. Do something about it.’

  Gio walked to the bar and waited for the barman to finish serving someone else. He hadn’t run away. He’d left because he didn’t think he’d be able to control his feelings if he stayed. To be truthful, he thought he’d forget her after a while. His dad was right there, it hadn’t worked. Imagine bumping into her in the town, or the garage, he smiled to himself, that had felt good. Maybe his father wasn’t such a fool. There was no way he could go swanning off down to Kent, he had responsibilities here. His life was here, but how long could he live the lie?

  He went back to the table and put the beer down. ‘There you go.’

  ‘Saluti,’ Paco said and held his glass out to Gio.

  ‘Saluti.’ Gio tapped his glass on his father’s. ‘I couldn’t just leave everything here.’

  ‘I’m not saying you should. I’m saying that you’re not happy. You have one life and you’re not living it. You just need to start thinking about what you want to do.’

  Gio stared into his beer, running his finger around the rim of the glass. He had to start looking at all the possibilities. A spark of light had triggered his brain and although he hated to admit it, his father was right, he had to do something. As he saw it, there were two choices, get on with it, or get over it.

  Sophia had been grateful that Nellie had stayed with her for a couple of days. Now there was just her and Giorgia. She had to get on with life and accept that Gio and her were a non-starter. They were not meant to be.

  ‘Someone will come along and sweep you off your feet,’ Nellie said trying to cheer her up.

  ‘Having a man is far too complicated for me. It’s never really worked out and felt right with anyone.’

  ‘Oh, and there speaks the voice of authority. It’s not like you’ve had that many men in your life, don’t tar them all with the same brush.’

  ‘Nellie, you just love clichés, don’t you?’

  ‘Because they’re true, and they’re true because that’s how things are in this world.’ Nellie rewound the musical elephant and waved her hand around for Giorgia to watch as the elephant flew above her head. ‘People handle things in different ways, but there’s always a cliché that fits because someone, or actually millions, have been there and done that same thing before.’

  ‘Ah, look at her. She likes that, don’t you, Giorgia? Anyhow, the good thing is it’s no longer about Gio. He was always the reason I thought I’d never been interested in anyone else. Now, I’m totally over him. I feel so much better having seen him and clearing my mind.’

  The washing machine finished its cycle and Sophia emptied the clothes into the basket and took them out to the line. She loved the smell of fresh laundry and took in the floral aroma of each item as she pegged them onto the line. Nellie was still amusing Giorgia with the elephant as Sophia went back into the kitchen. ‘Do you fancy a walk along the prom?’

  Nellie sat up straight. ‘Yes, I do. I’m going to wear those new sandals I bought in Spondon.’

  Sophia smiled and raised her eyebrows. ‘You know how to live, don’t you?’ She picked Giorgia up and held her above her head. The baby kicked her legs in excitement. ‘Let’s go and get you ready.’ As she changed Giorgia, her phone rang in the kitchen. ‘Nellie, are you near that? Can you answer it, please?’

  ‘Oh, gracious. Okay.’ Nellie grabbed the phone from the worktop and clicked to answer. ‘Hello.’

  Sophia listened from the bedroom. ‘Tell whoever it is, I’ll ring them back.’

  ‘Hello. Sophia´s upstairs with the baby, she says she’ll ring you back… Okay, I’ll tell her. Goodbye.’

  ‘Who was it?’

  ‘It was Gio.’

  ‘Oh my God! Why didn’t you call me?’

  ‘I thought you were over him, and you said to tell whoever it was that you’d call them back.’

  Sophia tittered, then picked Giorgia up and carried her back downstairs and put her in her bouncy chair before picking up the phone.

  Nellie watched on in amusement. Over him, my arse! Sophia had that look on her face that always appeared over anything to do with Gio.

  She’d been much better than Nellie had expected her to be since their return from Spondon. Nellie had only stayed on because she liked being with Sophia and Giorgia and not because she was needed for moral support. The man was married and he needed to leave Sophia alone. Nellie busied herself, playing with Giorgia while Sophia returned the call from the lounge. She could hear Sophia saying okay and alright several times and then she came back through to the kitchen.

  ‘He’s coming to stay in Birchington for a few days at one of the hotels.’

  Nellie felt her mouth drop open. ‘Just him?’

  ‘I think so. He sounded a bit vague.’

  ‘Did he say why he was coming? Apart from to see you. Obviously.’

  Sophia bit her lip. ‘No. He said he was coming to stay and he’d see me tomorrow if that was okay.’

  Nellie sighed. ‘He’ll break your heart. You finally seemed to have come to terms with the whole thing. Still, he does need to know about Giorgia and maybe there’ll be an opportunity to talk to him about that.’

  ‘I think I’ll have to wait and see if he’s okay before I jump in with that.’

  ‘It might be best to get it out in the open. I can’t see any point in waiting. It’s going to be a shock whenever he finds out. You can’t protect him, he’s a grown man. He needs to know.’

  Sophia sat on the edge of the kitchen table. ‘I feel all jittery now, sort of edgy.’

  ‘Come on. Let’s get down to the beach. A bit of fresh sea air will do you good.’

  Nellie had been planning to go home the following day, but now she might need to stay on for a bit longer. The situation was a mess and she didn’t know how many times Sophia could pick herself up. The poor girl had done it so often already. Just for once, it would have been nice if she’d had some time to sort out her true feelings and find herself before someone else edged their way into her emotions and confused her.

  Nellie would be there for her no matter what but please God, don’t let him break her heart.

  Chapter 37

  After a restless night, Sophia pulled on her robe and went down to the kitchen to make some tea. She flicked on the kettle, opened the back door, stepped out into the garden, and heard the seagulls squawking overhead along with the more delicate chirps and songs from smaller birds. She loved this time in the mornings when the wildlife had begun their day, but when most of the human race was still in blissful slumber. There was a wonderful sense of peace and tranquillity. She took in a deep breath feeling calm about the day ahead. She thought she’d be a nervous wreck, but she was looking forward to seeing Gio, in fact, she couldn’t wait.

  No matter what she told Nellie, she loved him and couldn’t envisage a time in her life when that passion would leave her. For reasons she couldn’t understand, he was always there lingering in all she did, every day. She must be weird. She could understand when people had lived together for years why they would feel the way she did, but
for God’s sake, she hardly knew him. What was the saying? Absence makes the heart grow stronger; her heart must be as strong as the ocean. She raised her eyebrows. Who was she kidding? Her heart was more like the waves crashing to shore and breaking into a zillion pieces most of the time. She heard the kettle switch off and went through to make her tea. She watched the water changing colour. Fonder not stronger. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. So much truth in the old sayings.

  Nellie joined her. ‘Good morning. You’re up early.’

  ‘Good morning. I hope I didn’t wake you.’

  ‘No. I’ve been awake a while. I couldn’t settle last night. It took an age to get off.’

  ‘Same here. I kept thinking… You know… Everything seems to be playing on my mind at the moment, but this morning I feel fresh and raring to go.’

  ‘Brilliant. What time are you seeing Gio?’

  Sophia passed Nellie a mug of tea. ‘He’s ringing me.’

  ‘I kept thinking about him visiting. You don’t think he’s going to tell you he’s leaving his wife?’

  Sophia shook her head. ‘You know what? I’m sick to death of putting everyone else first. I don’t care.’ She sipped her tea. ‘If he wants to make a decision to end his marriage then it’s up to him, but until he’s divorced we’ll only ever be friends. And actually, we’ve not spent much time together, so that would give us a chance to get to know each other properly.’

  Nellie laughed. ‘Best laid plans of mice and men, hey?’

  Sophia scowled in jest. ‘Don’t laugh, I mean it. I’ve spent the best part of my life feeling guilty about things that are way out of my control and I’m not going to be blamed for breaking up anyone’s marriage.’

  ‘Good for you. It sounds like you’re thinking sensibly.’

  ‘Sensible! Oh, God! Now you’ve put the mockers on it. I couldn’t think sensibly if I tried.’ She tilted her head to the side, ‘There’s Giorgia awake now.’ She put her cup in the sink and made for the stairs.

  Nellie wheeled herself to the open back door and sat looking at the birds catching their breakfast. Sophia seemed to have a positive outlook this morning. That girl was a worry, but she’d been so unfortunate with her life, it was no wonder she felt confused. It wasn’t as though Gio had done anything wrong, in fact, he’d wanted her so much. The love in his eyes still shone out, as it did in hers.

  Those two needed to be together and what was all that nonsense about not knowing each other? Love like theirs didn’t come often and they needed to get together or leave each other alone. Nellie shook her head. Once Gio knew about Giorgia, he’d always be in and out of Giorgia’s life and poor Sophia wouldn’t stand a chance of getting a life of her own.

  ‘There’s Nellie,’ Sophia said to Giorgia as she walked up behind Nellie.

  ‘Good morning, poppet,’ Nellie said and held out her arms to take Giorgia.

  Sophia busied herself making breakfast for Giorgia, ‘What are you going to have to eat, Nellie.’

  ‘Just toast for me and I’ll have another cup of tea.’

  ‘I’ll join you.’ She put two slices of bread in the toaster and refilled the kettle. ‘I can’t wait for him to ring. I can’t believe he’s here in Birchington.’ She put tea bags into the cups she’d rinsed. Nellie liked her tea strong so refused to share a tea bag. Sophia used her bag twice; she didn’t like waste.

  ‘I’m intrigued to find out what he’s doing here. It can only be to declare his undying love, I can’t think why else he’d have come all this way,’ Nellie said.

  Sophia buttered the toast, passed the plate to Nellie, and put another two slices of bread in the toaster. What would today bring? She had to stay strong and sensible; if she could be sensible in this mad world of hers.

  Gio had woken at the crack of dawn to the screeching of the seagulls. His eyes shot open and he stared at the unfamiliar surroundings for a moment. Then he took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before throwing off the sheet and swinging his legs out of the side of the bed. He put his elbows on his knees and rested his chin on his hands. What the hell was he doing here? His father was bonkers. All this rubbish about exposing himself to the problem. That was for spider and plane phobias, not for when you were so passionately in love with someone that you couldn’t get them out of your mind.

  She was married and had a baby, she wouldn’t have time for him. So, he was supposed to stop in the street and make pleasantries about the weather, or the price of bananas when all he’d want to do is shout from the rooftops how much he loved her and wanted her for himself. She’d see through his false intentions and have nothing more to do with him. At least she’d been pleased to see him when they met in the garage. She was on holiday and had the great idea of looking him up. That’d soon change when her husband found out an old boyfriend, no, an old flame, had moved into the area and wanted to be friends. He was no more than a stalker.

  His father was mad and now Gio had to seriously consider if he was following suit. What had possessed him to drive all the way to the other end of the country to stalk Sophia? For fuck’s sake! What was wrong with him? He should just have breakfast and leave the area. He couldn’t do this; it had been a crazy idea.

  He showered, dressed, then packed his bag which he left on the bed and went down to breakfast.

  Gio stood looking out to sea. He hadn’t eaten breakfast. He’d had two cups of strong coffee and then headed out for a stroll along the promenade before going home. The gulls swooped overhead coming down in a swarm when someone on the beach started throwing scraps from a plastic bag. It was beautiful here, just as Sophia had described it. The sea sparkled in the early morning sun. He imagined her strolling along and stopping for a chat. He’d invite her for coffee at the restaurant on the hill and they’d sit and swap stories… He shook his head. This was madness. He was a pathetic fool, but he did want to see her. He couldn’t drive away without seeing her one last time. He sighed and started to make his way back to the car.

  He stopped at a bench to call Sophia. His heart lurched at the sound of her voice when she answered. ‘Morning, Sophia.’

  ‘Where are you?’ she said.

  ‘I’m on a bench looking out at the glittering sea and the seagulls.’

  ‘Oh, right. Stay where you are and we’ll come and meet you. It’ll take about fifteen minutes to get there.’

  ‘See you soon.’ He clicked the finish call tab and rested back on the bench watching a sailing boat bobbing on the waves in the gentle breeze. It must be lovely to have a boat to go out in. If he did move down this way, he’d definitely do that. He had to stop being ridiculous; his father had a lot to answer for. When he got back he’d tell him to keep any more stupid ideas to himself. The old fool.

  He knew what the real problem was. He was lost. Lost in his own world with nothing to look forward to and pining over something way beyond his reach. He had to get his life together. Two men with fishing rods strolled passed, chatting and laughing. A couple of families had arrived on the beach, both groups busy laying out towels and putting up deck chairs. The sailing boat had nearly gone out of sight around the bend. As he watched the boat, wondering what was around the bend, a girl and her horse trotted along the dunes. This was the life.

  If he lived in a place like this he could have a boat— He turned in the direction of Sophia’s voice as she called out to him. This is what life could be like.

  Nellie was alongside the pushchair and Sophia was smiling. Gio stood and went to meet them. He kissed Sophia and Nellie on both cheeks and peeked in the pushchair at Giorgia who was sound asleep.

  ‘I can’t believe how beautiful it is here. I’ve been watching the sea and the gulls. What a wonderful place you live.’

  Sophia grinned. ‘I know. I absolutely love it here. The one good thing my dad did for me.’

  ‘Your dad?’

  ‘Didn’t I tell you…? Oh, well, my dad died and left me a house here.’

  Gio nodded. ‘Well, he certainly got that right. S
hall we walk for a bit?’

  ‘Why don’t you two go off for a walk and leave Giorgia here with me while she’s sleeping?’ Nellie offered.

  ‘Thanks, Nellie.’ Sophia looked at Gio. ‘We could go for a coffee up in the restaurant.’

  Gio smiled. ‘I might have something to eat. For some reason, I couldn’t eat at the hotel this morning and now I’m hungry.’

  ‘Right. We’ll see you shortly. Call me if she wakes.’

  Nellie nodded. ‘You go and have a good chat. See you later.’

  Nellie watched as they strolled along the promenade. They both walked with a spring in their step, talking animatedly with arms going in all directions, and looking at each other all the time. They were going to end up together; they had to, it was the only thing that would make them happy. She glanced in the pushchair at Giorgia. ‘Well, little one, I hope she tells him who you are, and then they can get on with it.’ She put her hand around the frame of the pushchair and looked out to sea, where a small sailing boat had appeared from around the bend.

  Gio ordered two full breakfasts and coffee. Sophia had declined breakfast, but Gio said he’d finish what she couldn’t eat as he was ravenous. Sophia had said it was due to the sea air.

  ‘So why are you here?’ Sophia said.

  Gio wiped his forehead with his napkin. ‘Do you want the truth or a suitable story?’

  Sophia giggled nervously. ‘The truth.’

  Gio took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly. ‘Right. You asked for it. Just hear me out and then get up and walk away if you want, I’ll understand.’

  Sophia frowned at him. ‘Go on then.’

  ‘I’m here to stalk you. My father thinks that if I move here and see more of you then I’ll get over you.’ He paused. ‘It’s okay when I don’t see you, but when I do see you something in me ignites and I can’t get you out of my mind.’