Making Our Way Back

by Jennah Thornhill

  Taking myself from behind my desk, I wonder around to the other side, parking my arse on the back of the chair that Steve just vacated. Looking around my office, I try to take in my surroundings and how far I’ve come since I was released. The blood, the sweat, the tears, all the hard work was well worth it. I walked out of that prison with nothing but the clothes on my back and the degree I took whilst serving my time. To this day I don’t know how I made it out of there alive, but I did and again I did it for her. I had to survive. I had to make something of myself, so I could one day look her in the eye, explain myself and pray to all things holy that she would listen to me and understand.

  Once I walked out of the gates at the age of twenty, I was determined to prove to myself and to everyone who thought I was nothing but trouble that I was better than what they thought I was. That I wasn’t just jailbait. So I took my degree and applied for an apprentice job that my probation officer told me about before I left, it wasn’t much but it got my foot in the door to the business world. I couldn’t be more grateful to Alec Western for taking me on, the mobile phone tycoon taught me everything I needed to know. He was more than a boss, he became my teacher and my family. I’ve never cried, not even when I got sentenced, but I sobbed like a baby when he died last year. His family became my family, they took me in and treated me like one of their own. He even bent over backwards to help me when I told him I wanted go it alone, his connections and name got me going. Now I’m the owner of my own mobile phone company and cable network. Never in a million years did I ever think I’d be standing where I am now, wearing the suits I do and living in the house that I do… well I’m not living there at the minute, the bitch current is. Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t easy at the start, at one point I was working over ninety hours a week and on very little sleep. But it paid off, just a little over twelve months of getting the job with Alec, I was sitting on a day time television show promoting my new venture. Since then I’ve just got bigger and better and right now I stand to lose it all because of that vindictive tramp, I should’ve seen it coming but at the time I just saw a beautiful warm body to lose myself into every night. Someone, who when I closed my eyes I could imagine it was Lucy who was beneath me.

  Looking down at my Breitling Colt watch, I come to the conclusion that the day has just gone away from me and I’ve achieved naff all work wise. Grabbing my coat and keys I decide to leave the office for the day, I need to work some of this anger I have towards Sophie off. I mean who does she think she is? I’ve given her everything over the last two years. The rich and stylish lifestyle, the big house… everything. Everything except my heart. That will always and only belong to one person, and she doesn’t even know she has it.

  Slamming the door behind me as I leave my office, making poor Valerie nearly jump a mile out of her seat. I tell her I’m leaving for the day and to take any messages for me, just as I walk away from her I hear her mumble.

  “Bloody grumpy git, someone needs to get laid.” Which makes me smile, the woman is in her fifties and could give me a run for my money in a slanging match any day. She’s worked for me from the very start, her husband had just died and she needed a job to keep herself busy. I won’t ever tell her but the women is a godsend. She keeps me organised, and even tells Sophie to fuck off when she knows I don’t want speak to her.

  Three hours later, I’m sweating like a bitch. I’ve just pushed my body to the max, I ache everywhere. I’ve hid in the hotel gym where I’m currently staying, thanks to the bitch refusing to leave I’ve been forced to stay here till I can finally get her out of my house. Wiping my sweaty brow and chest with a towel, I take my bottle of water and drink the lot in one go, the shrill of my phone making me splutter some out of my mouth.

  Praying to the big man upstairs that it’s not Sophie calling to piss and moan at me again, I pick it up from the chair in the corner, sighing in relief when I notice it’s Steve. Not giving him a chance to greet me when I connect the call I go straight at him.

  “Please tell me you have good news for me? Or I’m going to flip my shit.”

  “I had to pull some strings, but I’ve managed get you a meeting tomorrow morning and before you say ‘you can’t make it.’ I’ve already called Valerie and asked her to free you up so you can go.”

  This man is a genius.

  “Ok… where? And what time?” I ask. Feeling excited for the first time in a long time.

  “It’s at nine thirty, and it's with Jones & Hughes solicitors office, down on Mayfield Avenue. Just ask for Miss Kennedy, she’s the one taking your case on.” He informs me.

  “I’ll be there.” I say, as I hang up the phone.

  Then like I’ve had a bucket of ice cold water thrown over me I shiver when I realise what he’s just said.

  Miss Kennedy?

  That’s what he just said wasn’t it?

  Surely it can’t be her, there are hundreds if not thousands of people with that name in this city.

  No, it can’t be her.

  Can it?

  Lucy

  A fter finally leaving the office at stupid ‘o'clock last night, I got home to a post it note on my door saying.

  Wines in the fridge, and there’s chocolate in the cupboard.

  D.

  Donna my bitch, my best friend in the entire world. Yes I have friends now. She just gets me, she knows what I need even before I do. I could be stranded in the middle of nowhere and I know she’d come to rescue me, no questions asked. I met her in college. She wasn’t in any of my classes or anything, we just stumbled across each other by accident one day. I was rushing to class and smacked right bang into her. All our things flying in the air, making us both look like right idiots. She suggested we got out of there and go the pub, seeing as we were both having a shit day. Since then we’ve been stuck at the hip, she now runs circles around the men in the accountancy world. She’s fierce and fiery… just like me.

  After calling her to say thank you, I had my hot radox bath with wine in one hand and chocolate in the other, before crawling into my bed and finally passing out.

  And for the first time in a long time I allow myself to dream of stormy grey eyes and floppy brown hair.

  Ready for whatever the day will bring, I head into the office. I’m always the first one to arrive and the last one to leave, I’ve learnt that if you don’t put in the time and effort then you're always going to be at the back of the line for promotions. And I have every intention of being a senior partner by the time I’m thirty.

  Cole greets me with a big smile and a Starbucks caramel Frappuccino as I approach his desk. He will make some man very happy one day.

  “Morning.” I say on a smile.

  “Good morning my lovely.” He replies, as he hands me my drink.

  He follows me into my space, plonking his backside on one of my chairs. Waiting for me to get comfortable before we go through our morning routine of discussing the day ahead.

  “Right hit me with it.” I tell him.

  “Well for starters, I’ve had to come in and re-arrange your first appointment, I was greeted with a lovely note on my desk from David. Telling me that a friend of his had a client who wanted a sharpish divorce and he’s sending him to you this morning.” He doesn’t look happy at all, we’ve had a routine for god knows how long and David’s just rail roaded through it, even if it is only slightly. Cole doesn’t like change. But David is David… he’s my boss, and what David wants David gets. “Right ok… did the message say anything else?” I question.

  “Nope, just that he was coming in at nine thirty and to free you up so you could see him, they wanted the best, so they’re getting the best.” He winks at me, and I throw my hand in the air, waving off his comment. I’m not big headed in anyway whatsoever, but I know I’m damn good at what I do.

  Just brilliant, if David's sent him my way then he’s bound to be some stuck up your own arse rich old dude, who’s actually the one who’s done wrong and want’s to protect his money before
the wife takes it all.

  Once we’ve gone over everything for the day, Cole goes back to his post just outside my door whilst I throw myself into paperwork and court dates. Divorce can be messy, especially if there’s children involved. Those type of cases pull at my heartstrings. I never had two parents to fight over me, frankly I’m glad I didn’t. The one parent I did have was bad enough for anybody, I wouldn’t wish my mother on my worst enemy that’s for sure.

  Before I know it there’s a knock on my door, Cole enters closing the door behind him looking rather hot and bothered.

  “Cole… whatever is the matter? Are you ok?” Concern lacing my voice.

  With a hand over his heart, he looks at me with a dreamy look in his eyes still not answering me.

  “Cole? Bloody snap out of it will you.” I tell him as I walk up to him clicking my fingers in front of his face to bring him back down to earth.

  “Shit, sorry Luce… it’s j.. just your nine thirty is here.” He stammers.

  “Yeah… and? We deal with clients every day.” I’m so confused by his reaction. What's so different about this one?

  “We don’t deal with clients that look like him every day.” He points out, whilst throwing a thumb over his shoulder.

  I must be immune to men, because I wouldn’t care if David Beckham walked through my door right now, so this one is going to be no bother.

  “Stop being such a tart, and send him in.” I joke.

  “Trust me… even you will fall at this one's feet.” Ok, so I haven’t had a date in like forever, he doesn’t need to rub salt in the wound.

  Shaking my head at his little dig, I head back to my desk whilst giving him my response.

  “That’s very doubtful.” But he’s already out the door.

  Leaning over my desk, picking my drink up that I abandoned earlier. I take a sip whilst I go over some papers that are scattered everywhere.

  “Your nine thirty.” I hear Cole sign, making his announce known.

  All of a sudden, my blouse is soaked in caramel Frappuccino and my mouth is open that wide, bees could set up a nest in there. I don’t know at which point my eyes left the papers on my desk to look at who had entered through my door, but the minute they land on the man standing in front of me, my heart went into overdrive and my stomach clenched so hard I thought I was going to throw up.

  “Hi Luce.”

  Holy fucking shit.

  No… No… No. This can’t be happening.

  It’s been thirteen years, but I would recognise them eyes anywhere.

  I mentally slap myself, how can he still have this much effect on me? His voice, his eyes, just everything about him right now is affecting me.

  It’s Kane.

  Here.

  In my office.

  I swear I must have been a bitch in my previous lifetime, why would the big man upside be so cruel towards me.

  He’s my nine thirty. Which means, he’s married.

  Even though I’m sat in my chair, my legs go weak and heavy, the room starts to spin and before I can stop myself. I feel myself sliding off the leather chair and I’m a crumpled heap on the floor.

  I hear him, before I see him.

  “Oh fuck.” Feet come rushing towards me. “Luce… Luce are you ok?”

  Someone please stop him from talking.

  I feel hands on me, trying to help me up. I know it’s him when my skin tingles, breaking out in goose bumps all over my body.

  It’s like being fifteen all over again.

  He can’t be here. He broke me.

  I’ve learnt how to survive without him in my life, but now he’s back in it. I can’t take his case, I just can’t, my sanity is at risk if I do.

  The reasonable side of my brain kicks in, so I slap his hand away from me.

  “Don’t you dare touch me.” I say with venom in my voice. Throwing him the evil eye, just for good measure.

  Putting my hands on the desk, I pull myself up so I’m back on two feet. Avoiding any form of contact with Kane, who’s standing all but two feet away from me.

  “Are you ok?” He quietly asks me.

  I want to scream at him - ‘No I’m not fucking ok, do I look ok?’ - Someone’s standing in my office who I thought was a ghost, just a distant memory.

  Knowing I can’t have a complete meltdown in my workplace, I decide I’m going to try my damned hardest to remain professional, at the same time I know I’m going to die a little bit more on the inside, I always wondered what It would be like, the first time we met, if we ever would. I never in all my years of living, did I expect it to be under these circumstances. Never. I thought I’d be over him leaving me, that I’d buried all my feelings, good and bad about him. Clearly now. He still affects me the same way he did thirteen years ago, if not more now.

  Clearing my throat, and trying to act like him being here has no impact on me or my body. I try to remain calm and collected, it’s hard but I think I pull it off.

  “What can I do for you Mr Williams?” It’s a stupid question I know, but at the minute my minds at a complete blank. It’s obvious why he’s here, I’m a divorce lawyer, in a divorce firm.

  He’s married? I wonder who he married, I bet it was some toffee nosed bitch. Jealousy rears its ugly head; the feeling is alien to me. I shouldn’t feel like this, I should be screaming and kicking at him, demanding answers from him, I can’t grasp what’s happening to me, my body has a mind of its own. I find myself squeezing my legs together, trying to ease off the pressure that seems to be building up. Just the sheer look of him is doing this to me, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it reacting to him. Shit, what would it be like if I was sleeping with him. oh god, I shouldn’t be thinking this. But I am and I can’t bare it any longer. He’s been in in my office all of five minutes if that and I’m acting like a woman scorned, I need get a grip of myself… fast, either that or I really do need to get laid as Cole likes to keep informing me on.

  I’m brought back from my thinking when he answers me.

  “I’m here for a divorce, I was told to come here, so here I am.” He states clear as day to me.

  “Who sent you?” I snap. “Why me?”

  He holds his hands up in a defensive manner, and at the same time he takes a step back.

  “Hold on a bloody minute, I didn't know you worked here, in fact I had no clue who would be dealing with me. And trust me I never in a million years expected to see you here. I was just told to ask for Miss Kennedy when I got here, you're not the only Kennedy in London Luce.” He explains, as if that’s just perfectly ok. Well it isn’t. I can’t… I won’t deal with this.

  “Cole.” I shout him back in here, whilst I throw Kane a filthy look. I’m not happy. He can find someone else in the building to deal with him. Cole comes running in like a bulldozer with a mischief grin on his face.

  I know what he’s thinking. Well he’s wrong on so many levels.

  “Can you please see if anyone else is available to take on Mr Williams case for me?” If it’s possible his grin grows wider.

  “I’m afraid there is no one else here at the moment, and they all have other cases ongoing.” He’s loving this, I just know it. I’ll deal with him later.

  “Plus David said he wanted you specifically to do this one.”

  I bet he bloody did.

  I huff and puff, playing around with the papers on my desk, no longer able to look at him, knowing I have no other choice but to take him on, why do I feel like everyone is out to get me today, my day started off amazing. Now, it’s on a downward spiral.

  I can see this being the worst choice I’ve ever made in my career, either that or I’m going end up reliant on wine.

  “Fine…. Mr Williams can you fill me in with the details of your case.. Please.” Being nice to him is all but killing me. But curiosity is slowly getting the better of me.

  Do I want to know his story?

  What I really want to know is, ‘Where the fuck has he been these past thirteen ye
ars? And why the fuck did he leave me there... waiting’. But I don’t. I’m afraid if I ask the questions, then I’m going to get answers I don’t really want to hear.

  Instead, I risk lifting my eyes and finally get a good look at him.

  Oh sweet baby Jesus.

  If it wasn’t for his eye’s I know I wouldn’t have recognised him, he’s not at all the fifteen year old scrawny boy I remember. There’s no longer any floppy hair, his nose is no longer perfectly straight… which makes me wonder what kind of person he is now. He was never a fighter. Yet again though, what did I really know back then? I thought we would always have each other and look how that turned out.

  Now, he’s a man, and a big one at that. He’s got muscles in all the right places, and I can just about make out the top of a tattoo on his neck peeking out from under his shirt collar. I lick my lips, I want to explore that tattoo and see where it leads to, I want to follow it down his body using nothing but my tongue.

  I want to kick myself for even thinking this about him, I hate him for what he did to me. Of all the people to understand what I went through with my mother and the bullies at school, it should’ve have been him. I thought he had my back. Always.

  That was meant to be our thing.

  Clearly I was wrong.

  Having him sat across from me now just makes my blood boil. Part of me wants to slap him from here to Timbuktu, and the other part of me wants to wrap myself around him and thank god that he’s alright and alive.