Making Our Way Back

by Jennah Thornhill

  This is not what I need right now. I need to just get him his divorce, then he can fuck back off where he came from. Away from me and out my life.

  “I’m here for a divorce, and I need it fast.” Ok, so he’s oblivious to how I feel about him being here, either that or he’s good at not showing his emotions.

  “Ok… and by fast, how fast we talking?” I’m only one person, if he expects miracles.. Well, he’s in the wrong office.

  “As fast as possible, with as little collateral damage as you can manage.” Enforcing his last words a little too much.

  Ha… his sexy ass has cheated. Now he’s afraid he’ll lose everything.

  Well if that isn't karma, I don't know what is.

  Prick. God he’s bringing out the worst in me, I haven’t sworn this much in my whole life and he’s only been in my office a short time.

  Maybe I should let his wife take him for every penny he’s worth, I know it’s childish but it would make me feel a little bit better.

  Fuck sake… when did I become a bitch?

  Mentally slapping myself for my bitchy thought’s I press on with the issue.

  “And what’s the reason for the divorce?” Here we go. The part where he no doubt lies to me.

  “She’s a bitch, I got pissed and should never of married her. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

  Wow… I wasn’t expecting that cut throat response from him. There has to be more to it, there’s no way he would risk losing at least half of his fortune just because she’s a bitch.

  Going along with his answer for now, I make a note on my pad.

  Not that any of it makes any sense.

  None of us say a word for what feels like an age, and you could practically feel the massive elephant that’s sitting between us. Not one of us wanting to bring old shit up, even though I’m pissed off and hurt, opening old wounds really won’t help me… or him.

  As if he’s wired to my brain and can sense my reluctance to talk to him, I see him out of the corner of my eye, shuffling forward in the chair he’s in, placing his arms on his knees, looking like he’s ready to tackle me head on. He shouldn’t bother, I’m closed off where he’s concerned. I won’t be letting him back in any time soon, not my heart anyway, I can’t say the same for any other part of my body.

  “Luce… talk to me… please?”

  Talk to him?

  Is he having a laugh?

  He’s got be. No one’s that thick skinned, not even me, how can I possible talk to him after all this time. One I wouldn’t know what to say, or even where to start, and two, if I did talk I might not be able to stop. Everything I’ve ever felt towards him would all come spilling out of me, the good, the bad and the fucking ugly.

  Kane

  How in god's name did this happen?

  Not in a million years did I expect Lucy Kennedy to be my divorce lawyer! I mean, I may have secretly wished it was her when Steve told me the name last night, but now that she’s actually in front of me, in person. I’m actually speechless.

  I must’ve been a real bastard in a previous life, I know I said I wanted to find her one day. But this is not how I imagined our first encounter to have gone down. My head is going to explode with all the things I want to ask and tell her, yet I know I can’t. Not yet anyway.

  I know if I stick with Luce as my divorce lawyer I’m going to be in a world of pain. She’s going to make me suffer. She has every right to really, it’s my own damn fault. All I had to do was write to her and tell her, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I couldn’t tell her what I knew in a damn letter, there are no words that I could have written in a letter to make her understand. Her mother knows, only because it’s her fault as well. Yet the she devil gets away with everything. And I’m guessing by the evil stares I’m getting from Luce, her mother never told her anything. In her eyes I let her down, I walked away from her when she had no one. I promised I would always be there for her, in a way I was. I might not have been there in person, but I stopped something evil from ever happening to her, even if she doesn’t see that yet.

  Looking at her now, you would never think she was the quiet shy girl from when we were fifteen. She was always beautiful, only now she’s a gorgeous woman. A woman with killer curves, an amazing rack and legs that go on forever. She starts to speak again knocking me out of my slow appraisal of her body.

  “And what’s the reason for the divorce?” She asks me.

  I don’t want to lie to her but I also can’t tell her the complete truth… which is Sophie will never be her. So remembering what Steve said to me, I go with a semi truth.

  “She’s a bitch, I got pissed and should never of married her. It seemed like a good idea at the time.” I reply bluntly.

  I see shock register on her gorgeous face at my bluntness, it’s only small but I see it. She could never hide her emotions, and it seems she still can’t.

  She makes a note of my answer, keeping her head down the entire time. Not a word is spoken in what seems like forever, when in fact it’s only been more like sixty seconds. Unable to take the silent treatment anymore, I shuffle forward in my chair placing my forearms on my knees so I’m leaning forward. And from nowhere I blurt out.

  “Luce… talk to me… please?”

  I know I more than likely sound desperate, but right now I couldn’t give two fucking shits. We were close once, it’s my fault it all got screwed up, but seeing her here now. I know more than ever that I have to fix it… fix us. Even if we’ll only ever be friends, I would rather have that, than not have her in my life at all anymore.

  She’s staring at that piece of paper like it’s going to do magic tricks, I know she heard me and she’s trying her best to avoid me but I’m here now and she’s back in my life… finally.

  I get up out of my seat and slowly take myself to her desk, placing my palms on the hardwood, I look down at her not saying a word. I’ve got to let her come to me, when all I want to do is tell her everything and hold her.

  “Luce.” I say on a whisper. Hoping if I do push her a little she will speak to me.

  Even with her head down, I can see her chest start to move a little faster, her breathing is uneven and shallow. Pride swells in my chest, knowing that after all this time she’s still affected by me. I always knew she felt something more towards me in school, but because I valued our friendship to much I never once made a move on her. Standing my ground to show her I’m not going anywhere, I stay rooted to where I’m stood. Eventually she starts to lift her head at a slow pace, she tries her damned hardest to keep her face straight. But it doesn’t go unnoticed how she stares a little longer at my chest, and how her breath hitches when she reaches my eyes. She’s trying, but I know what her body is feeling, there’s no hiding it. Her loss of breath, the way she keeps pressing her legs together. There may be a desk between us, but I can see her uncrossing and crossing them again.

  On the inside I’m jumping around with glee, but I don’t show it, one false move and I know she will go ape shit on my arse, and put her wall up even higher, making it all the more difficult to tear it down.

  She’s no longer the scared and quiet fifteen year old I once knew. She’s become quite the spitfire. Seeing her here, what she’s done with herself, makes what I did worth it all the more. It means her mother didn’t get her claws into her.

  She starts to blink rapidly then shakes her head vigorously, as if she’s at war with herself. Then snaps at me…

  “Look I’m your solicitor for your divorce, I don’t know you and you certainly don’t know me.”

  I’m thrown back by the steel in her voice, she really does hate me. I don’t want to have to pretend I don’t know her, because if anything I knew her better than anybody.

  I’ll decide to let it go… for now. She’s in shock. I’m sure I was the last person she was expecting to walk through her door this morning.

  Even after all these years, she still makes me feel weak on the inside. She’s the only woman
who has the ability to break me. I’d give her the world and more if she let me.

  Even with all the hatred she’s throwing my way right now, I know we can make each other happy. I just have to convince her that I’m not the prick she thinks I am. Word’s aren’t going to be enough though, I’m going to have to show her. Actions speak louder than words after all. And if there’s one thing in my life that I’m good at… it’s getting things done, I’m not afraid of hard work. And I’m very good at getting what I want, I always get it. Without fail.

  And what I want is her.

  Always have and always will.

  Lucy

  He’s just standing there, staring at me. I may have been a little sharp with him, but he deserved it. I can’t have him swanning in here now as if nothing ever happened, he can’t just expect for me to just throw my arms around him as if we’re still friends. As if he didn’t leave me and break my heart in two.

  No. I won’t stand for it, I’m not that girl anymore. I’m not going be a pushover, I’ll be his solicitor but that’s it, that’s as far as I;, willing to go. I’m damn good at my job and I’m not going stop being good at it now just because he’s walked back in my life. I can’t deal with this right now, I’m not ready. I should be, it’s not like I haven’t had the time to. But I’m not, I don’t know if I ever will be.

  I need him to leave, I can’t think straight with him looming over me. It’s like all of a sudden my eyes have a mind of their own, the traitors. They can’t help but keep taking glances at him, and the more I look the more curious I get to what is actually underneath his suit. If what I see now is anything to go by, then I have a feeling there’s going to be nothing but perfection under his clothes. I could slap myself for thinking like this, I shouldn’t be thinking about him like this. He’s the enemy here, at least for now he is. I don’t know how much longer I can control my feeling towards him, no matter what he’s done to me. My eyes don’t deceive me, he’s a god, there’s no denying it, and the only thing that could help me now, was if I was blind. And I’m not.

  “Look, Luce… I’ll go. But just so you know, now that I’ve finally found you again, don’t think for one minute that this.” He gestures between himself and me. “Is over, because I’m telling you now it’s not over baby girl… not by a long fucking shot.”

  Just the mention of the old name he used to call me causes my entire body to break out in goose bumps, he shouldn’t be allowed to have this much power over my body… but he does… he is. No… No this is not happening, I won’t allow it, hell will freeze over before I let him back in. My hearts been a black swinging brick for far too long, just to let the wanker that made it that way back in.

  I sit up straighter in my chair, gathering the papers in front of me into a nice neat pile, anything to keep my hands busy. Then gaining all the strength I can muster, I lift my head looking him dead in the eyes.

  “My assistant will send any more paperwork on to your assistant for you to go over and sign till we settle this, there will be no need for you to come back here.” I can’t see him again. This was a one off, I have to keep him away or else he’ll just break me again, I will not allow him to break down the wall I’ve built around my heart, I can’t take it getting broken again, it would never heal again.

  He straightens himself up so he’s no longer leaning on my desk, if he’s upset or angry at my statement he doesn’t show it. Thank god.

  His sheer presence alone is unnerving, I can’t imagine what state I’d be in if I have to deal with him on a regular basis. This is for the best. Isn’t it? Am I making this into a big deal? I’m a grown woman for Christ sake, I don’t think twice about hanging a cheating husband out to dry in my job. So why am I letting him get to me? Because you still care about him. A voice in the back of my mind whispers. Pushing that silly voice away, I stand from my seat and extend my hand to him.

  “It was nice seeing you Mr Williams, Cole my assistant will be in touch.” My voice is cold and dismissing.

  He doesn’t take my offered hand, instead he walks around to my side of the desk and grabs me by the shoulders before turning me to face him. It all happens so fast I don’t have time to put up a fight.

  “If this is how you want to play it Luce, with all the Mr Williams bollocks then fine we will. You want to pretend you don’t know me? Then go right ahead. But I meant what I said. Your angry, I get that. But don’t think for one minute the last thirteen years of my life have been easy for me, they haven’t. You have no idea what I’ve done… the things I’ve done for you. So you carry on hating me, but eventually you will have to listen to me.”

  A gasp or moan leaves my mouth I’m not sure which one it is, I’m in some sort of weird limbo. I can’t even explain it. He let’s go of me and my skin burns from where he touched me, his words are ringing in my ears. Before I get chance to respond and ask what he meant, he’s already left my office.

  Wow. What was that? I’ve never seen a man be so intense, he was practically shaking. I slump down back into my chair, taking a few seconds to try and wrap my head around what the fuck just happening before Cole comes rushing through my door, parking his rear end in the chair Kane just vacated.

  “Holy shit balls, that man is a god. Do you think I could convert him to the dark side?” From nowhere I burst out laughing, I sound like a maniac on steroids. Judging by what I just saw, Kane is the least gay person I’ve ever come across. I must be totally in a world of my own, because the next thing I know Cole is in front of me clicking his fingers.

  “Hello, earth to Lucy… is anyone there?” Snapping out of whatever cuckoo land I was in, I finally acknowledge Cole.

  “I don’t think so do you? But you could give it a go.” Now that I would pay to see, Kane wouldn’t know what do himself.

  “So… who is he? What’s he done? What does the wife want?” He throws all these questions at me one after the other and I don’t know the answer to any of them, except one. He’s Kane Williams, the boy who’s held my heart in his hands for as long as I can remember. Only he’s not a boy anymore, and it’s not fair that he looks so damn sexy. I have to hate him. But then the words he just spoke come crashing back to me…. “But don’t think for one minute the last thirteen years of my life have been easy for me, they haven’t. You have no idea what I’ve done… the things I’ve done for you.” What did he mean by all of that? Is he insinuating that the last thirteen years were my fault somehow? I have all these questions, yet no answers. The only way I’m going to get them is if I sit and talk to him, listen to him like he told me I would have to. The stubborn side of me doesn’t want to give him the time of day, yet the practical side of me… the side that can also appreciates a sexy man in a suit when she sees one, wants to sit and listen to him to try and understand it all better, and so I can stare at him again.

  I’m attempting to fill in paperwork for Kane's divorce, before I give up and thrust the papers up at Cole, simply replying.

  “He’s just some arrogant twat, who thinks he’s god's gift to women. And now he says he’s made a mistake and wants me to rectify it for him.”

  He takes the papers from my hand, at the same time he’s gawping like a fish.

  “Arrogant twat... Really? More like a sexy twat, please tell me you checked him out Luce? Even you aren’t that blind.”

  I can’t tell him who Kane really is, he’ll want the full story. A story I’m not ready to tell. The man is a gossip queen, he’ll be all over this like a bad case of herpes if he gets one sniff that there’s history between me and the overly sexy man who’s just walked out of my office door.

  “Girl… you know I love you, but sometimes I wonder if you even have a vagina. The entire time I’ve worked for you, I’ve never seen you get hot for a man. I mean you must have cobwebs by now.” With that said, he winks, gets up and dances his way out the door. Rude much! I don’t have cobwebs, even if it has been a very long time since I slept with someone. There are other ways of dealing with it. Not that he’
d know, he’s a man, even if he is gay.

  The rest of my day is uneventful, I go about writing up paperwork for my other clients, speaking to their spouses attorneys, I’m on autopilot, I will myself to push Kane from my mind but it’s just not happening, there’s only one thing that’s going to make this better. That’s wine and chocolate with my bitch. I shoot off a quick text to Donna..

  Me -

  Yo bitch, get the wine ready. I’ll be there in an hour. Xx

  Like I knew she would, she replies within seconds.

  Donna-

  There’s already 2 bottles waiting. See you soon. Xx

  And that right there is why I love that girl.

  Two hours later, we’ve devoured nearly both bottles and I’m feeling a little tipsy. I really should’ve eaten something, but as the saying goes… eating is cheating.

  When I arrived, Donna knew there was something going on with me, but being the friend she is, she just let me sit and drink her wine.

  “We need a girl's night out, I need it, and something tells me you need it too, if not more.” I swear she can read my mind. “You can invite that gay friend of yours from work, he sounds fun.”

  Actually a girl's night out doesn't sound too bad, it'll take my mind of you know who.

  “Yeah, ok. How about this Friday? I'll ask Cole if he wants come too when I see him tomorrow at work.”

  “Fabulous… now drink up… you’ve got spare clothes here so you can crash here tonight. I am not letting you drive home after what you’ve drank.”

  Bossy bitch, but she has a point, I’m not fit to drive.

  I salute her with my fingers and mumble.

  “Yes, Mum.”

  “Don’t get lippy with me, you’ve clearly had a shit day at the office, whatever reason that may be, but remember I’m not the enemy here.”

  She’s right… as per usual. It’s just seeing Kane again after all these years it’s… well it’s rustled a few feathers. I can’t stop thinking about him no matter how much I don’t want to, the bastard as only been back in my life for five fucking minutes and he’s already under my skin. Seriously, who does he think he is? He had no right to speak to me the way he did today, he doesn’t know me anymore. I’m not his Lucy, I’m not the person he remembers.