Making Our Way Back

by Jennah Thornhill

  “I shouldn’t have said that. I know I missed a lot. But I’m here now, all I want to do is be here with you day and night, to hold you, to learn all about you again.” He’s standing in the doorway looking perplexed with just his jeans on. I don’t blame him, I’ve just thrown a spat even when he’s sort of explained to me why he left.

  Turning from him, I head over to the kettle filling it up with water and flicking it on.

  “Coffee?” I ask as I start getting the mugs out.

  “Please.” He softly replies.

  Wrapping his arms around my waist from behind me, he places his chin on my shoulder.

  “I really am sorry Luce, I guess I’m just curious about you now. At the same time I’m scared to ask you about your life, it’s my own fault I don’t really know you anymore, I get that. Just please don’t shut me out. I want us to be how we used to be, when we used to finish each other's sentences, when you needed me.”

  Turning in his arms, I look up at him taking his face in my hands.

  “I’ve always needed you, I just had to learn how to live without you. For all I knew you were dead, no one ever spoke of you after you left. It was like you never existed. I was broken Kane, no one understood my pain, my mother completely checked out on me as well. I had no one.” I’m opening myself up to him, I just hope he doesn’t make me bleed.

  After my mini strop and our little heart to heart in my kitchen, Kane doing nothing but apologise to me over and over again.

  We make some food and slouched on my sofa all day, me lying between his legs curled up, him stroking my back and hair. I tell him all about how I put myself through college, how I went to law school with no help from my mother. In return he opens up to me, telling me more about the man called Alec who mentored him and made him what he is today. When he talks about him, I can tell he was special to Kane and that he loved him, it’s a shame he died- I would’ve loved to have met him. Even if it was just to say thank you- thank you for looking after Kane when no one else would.

  I’m just dozing off with my head on his naked chest, when I can feel his fingers doing a dance along my bare thigh. I feel his breathing change beneath me, along with a very prominent erection digging in my hip. I decide to pretend I haven’t noticed, that I’m still falling asleep and his actions are going unnoticed.

  It doesn’t last very long. It seems my vagina is addicted to him and what he does to it. I start rubbing my legs together trying to calm the ache that’s starting to slowly build up, it’s no use. There’s only one way it’s going to go away and rubbing my legs together isn’t it. Fisting my hair in his hand, he pulls my head up so my lips are level with his.

  “You're mine baby girl, no matter what happens. You will always be mine.” He growls against my lips before bruising my mouth with his.

  A moan escapes me, as his tongues tangled with mine. Reaching up with my hand, I grip the back of his neck- scraping my nails along his hairline and down his shoulder.

  “Jeez, Luce. You have no idea what you're doing to me.” He grates out.

  Wiggling myself against the very hard evidence, indicating clearly what I’m doing to him- I respond with.

  “It feels pretty obvious to me what I’m doing to you.” I have a grin the size of Texas on my face.

  Kane

  She thinks all she does is turn me on? She couldn’t be more wrong.

  Yes! I have a permanent hard on around her, but that isn’t the only thing that happens to me when I’m with her. I’ve never once wanted to just sit and chill with a woman, I know why that is, none of them we’re her. She made me happy when we were kids, now she makes me deliriously happy. If I thought I would do anything for her before, then now I would commit murder for her. I start to think about what I’ve already done to keep her safe and the thought of having to do something like that again, jeez, it’s not worth even thinking about.

  I can’t let them memories back in, if I do they’ll take over me and I won’t let them ruin what I have right now.

  Luce is looking at me like the sun shines out of my arse, making me more determined to make her happy.

  “Kane… what’s wrong? You were off in your own little world just then.” Her smile slips.

  Shit!

  “Nothing is wrong baby girl, I was just thinking about how happy you make me.” I go down the half-truth route.

  I feel her body relax on top of me, which relaxes me. It means she’s not going to ask me any more questions.

  “Well the feeling is mutual, now where were we?” Her smile returns as she kisses me. Her lips are so soft, if all I did for the rest of my life is kiss her I’d die a happy man.

  In a flash we go from soft gentle kissing, to her having her hand inside my jeans and me ripping my t-shirt from her body. Her hand curls around my dick, taking deep breaths in and out I squeeze my eyes shut tight to try and stop myself from blowing my load too soon.

  “Fuck.... That feels so good Luce.” I’m going to need a fantastic dentist at this rate, I’m gritting my teeth that hard. Her amazing tits brush against my chest and I lose it. I flip us so she’s on her back, with her head on the armrest of her sofa. Her hand leaves my dick, giving me a slight reprieve. I lower my head and take one of her nipples that are calling to me into my mouth, I lap and suck on her causing her to moan out load.

  “Shit… Yes… Kaney.” I still.

  My blood runs cold at her calling me that. That one word makes my entire body come to a standstill, my skin prickles. That name. I was called it for eighteen months and just like that I’m fourteen all over again. The memories rushing to the forefront of my mind, only this time I can’t stop them from coming.

  “You like it when I do that to you don’t you Kaney?”

  I smile, but on the inside I’m dying.

  Luce will never forgive me for this.

  Remember Kane, you’re letting this happen for her, so she doesn’t get hurt.

  I don’t want my dick to get hard, but my body isn’t listening to my brain.

  “It’s time to fuck me now Kaney, I’ve waited all day for this.”

  Her voice goes through me, I feel physically sick.

  She climbs on top of me, lowering herself down onto my condom covered dick.

  “Yes… Kaney. That feels so good.”

  A soft hand on my shoulder snaps me out of my breakdown, through my hazy vision I see Luce next to me looking scared to death.

  The sweat is dripping off me. I was that out of it with the memories, I hadn’t realised I’ve jumped of Luce and was curled up on the floor with my arms wrapped around me.

  “K… Kane.” Her voice is so small I can only just about hear her. My ears are ringing with white noise, whimpers escaping my lips. I’m a twenty eight year old man and I’m curled up like a baby, having some breakdown over one fucking word. How do I explain this one?

  “Talk to me please? I need you to calm down, you're scaring me.”

  Talk to her? Yeah right. That is not going to happen. I’m pretty sure if I told her about the deal I made with the devil, then she certainly wouldn’t want to talk to me then.

  The tremors that had started to take over my body eventually start to slow down, my breathing starts to even out. I’m not back there anymore, I’m here, with Lucy. Nothing is going to happen to either one of us.

  Still not looking at her, I pull myself up so my back is resting against the sofa, resting my head on my knees.

  I don’t know what I’m going tell her, this is the first time since I left that I’ve heard someone call me that name. I cannot believe I reacted like that., I never thought for one minute it would affect me this way.

  Lifting my head from my bent knees, I see her sitting directly in front of me. She’s put my t-shirt back on but she’s shaking, I’ve scared her, I get that. It’s not normal for a man of my age and status to do what I just did, especially when he was just about to get it on with his girl. I mean who does that?

  Me! That’s who. Fucking idiot.r />
  I nearly jump a freaking mile when she goes to touch me, I can’t let her touch me now. I’m poison. It’s running through my veins. I can keep telling myself I let it happen to protect her, but I let it happen for my own selfish reasons. I didn’t want to lose my best friend. The best friend I ended up losing anyway because of my actions. My actions now might not be the same, but because of them I’m going to lose her all over again. Only this time, it’s going be a hundred times more painful than the first time around. She’s going to think I’ve one hundred percent lost the fucking plot now.

  Jumping to my feet, I make her fall on her arse with my erratic behaviour. One minute, I’m a shaky weeping mess, the next I’m up on my feet with enough room between us you could fit an elephant in the space.

  I need time, time to figure this shit out. I need to get my shit together and talk to her, give her some answers she so desperately wants, it’s what she deserves, only I can’t give them to her when I’m like this.

  That woman is still ruining my life, even now after I’ve paid my dues.

  I look at Luce, she’s pale with tears running down her face. Looking at her is breaking me in two, neither one of us has said a word. I don’t think we know what say to each other in all honesty.

  I have to leave, I have to get out of here. And fast.

  Forgoing my t-shirt, as she’s currently wearing it, I slip my shoes on, grab my keys, phone and wallet from the table, placing them in the pocket of my jeans. I’m too scared to look at her, all I can hear are her quiet sobs.

  “W… Where are you going? You can’t just leave Kane. We have to talk about this.”

  “I’m sorry… I… I need to go.” I don’t know how I do it but I leave, I don’t look back at her, I couldn’t bare seeing the hurt I’ve caused if I did. So I’m out the door and in my car, without putting my seatbelt on, I hit the engine button and speed away from the house, from her.

  What have I just done? I can’t answer that question myself as I haven’t got a clue.

  Speed dialling Marcus from the car, he answers more or less straight away.

  “Hey fuck face, where the bloody hell have you been? I was just about send out a search party.”

  “It’s a long story.” I tell him “Just meet me at the club, oh and bring me a shirt please.”

  With that I hang up.

  Driving along the memories just keep coming back tenfold.

  “You want to protect your precious little Lucy don’t you Kaney?”

  The evil smile on their faces, tells me I have no choice but to agree with what they ask of me.

  “If you don’t give the woman what she wants boy, I’ll give it to Lucy and you don’t want that do you?”

  “No!” I scream. “Please don’t touch her? I’ll do it. Just leave Lucy alone.”

  The day I sold my soul to the devil and her side kick is still haunting me as I pull up in the clubs car park. Parking my car in my space, I take the back door and sneak upstairs into my office. I don’t want the staff seeing me like this, they’ll think I’m a pushover and start taking the piss. Plus the club and bar will have the early party groups in now, I don’t need to get myself into any more trouble, just one wrong look from someone will send me flying over the handle.

  When I get into my office Marcus is already there waiting for me with a whiskey poured.

  “Fucking hell! You look like shit. You ok dude?”

  “Define ok? If you mean physically then yes, mentally then the answer is a big fat fucking no. Far from it. I’ve fucked up Marcus… big time.”

  “What the fuck have you done now?” I can’t answer him, I feel ashamed at how I reacted at Lucy’s, more than that I feel embarrassed. I’m a grown assed man, I can’t be acting like this. I need to do something, anything to take my mind off it, and Lucy. I’m pacing the floor, not knowing what else to do, until there’s a knock on my office door, saving me from giving him the information he’s waiting for. Their timing couldn’t have been better. I look over at the computer screen to see who it is. When I see who it is on the camera monitor I almost fall to the floor there and then.

  Where’s Valerie when I need her?

  “Fuck sake, will I ever get a fucking break? Don’t answer that Marcus, it was a rhetorical fucking question.” I see him shut his mouth, obviously he was going say something but thought better of it.

  Wise move on his part.

  “It’s Sophie.” I tell him. What is she doing here? She knows not to come here, this was the one place I get any peace, she knows that and agreed to it. Why after all this time does she decide to come here now.

  Before I get the chance to give him my opinion on the matter, the phone rings on my desk. I can see its Gavin from the caller I.D so I hit the loudspeaker button.

  “Gav…”

  “Boss… we have a situation down here, which is now on the way up to you.” I know what situation he’s on about.

  “Yeah, I can see her on the camera’s Gav…” He cuts me off.

  “I’m sorry boss, she slipped past me when I was dealing with someone trying to hand out drugs, it must have been then that she got in, because that was the only time I wasn’t manning the door.”

  “Gav it’s ok, I know how busy you get, your only one man, it’s fine.” What the fuck do I pay the other guys in my security team for when it seems to be Gavin doing all the fucking work lately?

  “If you need me just radio me and I’ll be straight up, you have my word boss.” I thank him just as the line goes dead. Realising Sophie is still standing on the other side of the door, her banging not letting up any, I tell Marcus to let her in.

  Just wanting to get this over and done with.

  It’s then I notice I’m still shirtless, Marcus never did get me one ready. Well some bloody best mate he is. Now I’ve got see the bitch in this state, she’s going think all her birthdays have come at once.

  Well she can jog on, I don’t need her shit tonight.

  My phone vibrates in my pocket just as Marcus lets her in, pulling it out I see it’s Luce, I can’t talk to her just yet. Diverting her call to voicemail, I put it on silent before throwing it on my desk.

  Picking up the whiskey Marcus poured me, I see Sophie saunter into my office over the rim of the glass as I take a sip. I may dislike the bitch, but there's no denying that she’s gorgeous. I am male after all. She’s got the beige Burberry trench coat on I brought her from Paris last year, her long slender legs on show topped off with heels so high I don’t know how she hasn’t broken her neck, there's also no telling what she’s got on underneath the trench, but by the looks of it… nothing whatsoever. I can see her checking me out as I neck the rest of my whiskey before placing the glass back on my desk. Something tells me she didn’t come here just to talk. I walk over to my drinks cabinet and pour myself another glass of whiskey, I know drinking with Sophie in the same room as me is a very bad idea, I also know I need it to deal with her and the shit that comes with her. The quicker she’s out my life the better.

  “What do you want now Sophie? I told you the other night we have nothing to say to each other, anything you want to say can be done through our lawyers.” My tone is curt.

  I see Marcus slip out of the door through the corner of my eye, he’s not stupid enough to hang around when she’s here.

  I wish I could do the same. Unfortunately I can’t.

  “I received the divorce papers this morning.” She says flippantly, as if I should give two shits.

  I walk back towards my desk, plonking my arse in my leather chair.

  “And? You came all the way down here just to tell me that? You knew you’d get them eventually, I did warn you more than once.”

  “Well it got me thinking.”

  Oh shit, this can’t be good.

  “Yeah, and?”

  “Well, I was thinking that considering this is all actually happening, that maybe we could give our marriage one last ooh ha.” She’s swaying her hips around to my side of the des
k.

  “You know… one final goodbye.” With that said, her coat is loosened and shimmied to my office floor.

  Fuck me! I’m still hard from earlier with Luce, this is only going end one way. Maybe this is what I need? A quick uncomplicated fuck, because when all's said and done I’m still divorcing Sophie's gold digging arse. What am I thinking? I can’t do that to Lucy, but then my eye’s take in the sheer black bra and thong she’s wearing, and my patience snaps all together, all logic gone from my brain, the only thing I’m thinking off, is how to get rid of this pent up frustration I’m feeling.

  Standing up from my chair, I pull her closer to me by her hip. My grip unforgiving on her naked flesh.

  “You want a goodbye Soph? I’ll give you a goodbye, but don’t think it’s going to lead to me stopping the divorce because it won’t.” I don’t even give her time to answer me back, I flip her around, push her shoulders forward so she’s bent over my desk, with her backside in my face. I gave it a slap, the way I know she likes it. It’s always been rough with her.

  She moans…

  “That’s right, let me hear how much I turn you on.” I feel like a starved animal and I don’t know why, maybe it’s a good thing it’s Sophie and not Lucy who I’m about to go cave man on right now, I wouldn’t want to push Lucy away. And this…. This definitely would. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but I need this release, I need to not feel if only for a short amount of time. Sophie can be that for me, not that she needs to know that.

  I don’t get time to think of what this would do too Lucy if she ever found out, but with how I feel at the minute I don’t care. I know that's fucked up. But it is what it is.

  Before I do have the chance to back out, I rip the black lace thong off Sophie, my hand rubbing her clit. This has her moaning the second I touch her. I know she’s turned on, but when I feel how soaked she is, it confirms it for me.

  “Fuck, your soaked Soph.” This turns me on more, knowing you can get a woman wet without even touching them is one of the best turn-on's out there.