Making Our Way Back

by Jennah Thornhill

“Fuck me Kane, Fuck me hard like we both know you want and need.” I have my jeans and boxers pulled down my legs in a matter of seconds.

  “Trust me, I have every intention of doing just that…..”

  Lucy

  I have no idea what had gotten into Kane to make him leave and walk out on me the way he did, it all happened that fast. I didn’t know what was happening before it was too late and he was gone. One minute we are fine about to have sex, the next he’s having some sort of breakdown, to him then leaving me.

  It’s happening all over again, I’ve only just got him back and know I’m losing him. What the fuck happened?

  Was it something I did, or said? Or was it something we did? I have a hundred and one questions running around in my head and no one to answer them, the only person who can isn’t here.

  I’ve tried calling him a dozen times, but no answer.

  I know I haven't seen or heard off Kane for a very long time, but the Kane I use to know would never treat me like this.

  My confusion is now turning into anger and frustration, so I try his phone one last time hoping he picks up just so he can feel my wrath.

  Whilst I wait for the phone to ring, all I can hear is my heartbeat. It sounds like it’s about to beat out of my chest, that’s how angry I am, the adrenaline is taking over my whole body.

  The phone rings a few times and just when I think it's going to go to voicemail again, he picks up. In all honesty I didn't think he would have, as all my other calls went unanswered, so in shock and not knowing what to say, I wait for him to say something, anything. But nothing comes.

  “Hello, Kane?” I decide to shout down the phone. I still get no answer. I pull my phone away from my ear just to double check he did actually pick it up, the call time has started so he’s definitely answered. Ok, this is weird. Who would answer their phone yet say nothing. I go to cut the call.

  That's when I hear it… the moans and groans of a woman.

  “Fuck yes!!! Kane… baby... just like that, harder.”

  My body freezes, time stands still. I know I should hang up the phone, but I can't do it, as much as I know whatever I hear is going to slice me in two, I have to know if what I'm hearing is true or if someone's playing a prank.

  The minute I hear his voice, I know it's true.

  “Soph… fuck Soph you feel so good.”

  My blood runs cold through my veins, it's definitely Kane. I’d recognise that voice anywhere, and hearing the name Sophie confirms it for me.

  Out of nowhere the need to throw up hits me hard, throwing the phone down I run to the bathroom and empty the contents of my stomach down the loo. I can feel myself shaking, my whole body quivering, tears brim my eyes, making it hard to see anything apart from the rim off the toilet. Knowing there is nothing left for me to throw up, I stand on very unsteady legs, grabbing the sink for support. I place my hands on either side of the sink, leaning over it till the numbness leaves them.

  This can't be happening, I thought he didn't like Sophie, and now he's fucking her? And he has the audacity to have me hear it.

  Why would anyone do that? More to the point why would Kane do this to me? It’s just cruel.

  I actually believed we could make a new start, put the past behind us. He made me believe that was possible. Him, nobody else, just him. I don't understand! Has he been playing me this whole time? There’s nothing for him to gain from doing so. He’s a bloody good actor, I'll give him that much, he had me well and truly fooled. How could I have been so stupid?

  Well not anymore, I’m done with being made a fool out of, and everyone thinking ‘Oh, it’s ok. It’s only Lucy.’ My mother, my father- whoever and wherever he is, all the girls at school, and now Kane. Out of all the people to do these things to me. He’s the one to shock me the most.

  No, things need to change. I pull myself together and wipe my eyes with the back of my hands. Washing my hands and face, I grab the towel of the rack attached to the wall a little harder than necessary, almost taking the railing with it, I’ll have to get the screwdriver out later and screw it back to wall. It’s the least of my worries right now. I wipe my face and then my hands with the cloth, once I’m done I let it fall to the floor, I catch a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror, It’s not a pretty site, in fact I look like Gomez Addams wife, Morticia Addams out of the Addams family, only she looks better. I’m as pale as a ghost and my eyes are red raw. I look a little closer. What have I turned into? I see the tears marks that have been left behind from when I was crying, it’s like they are turning into scars, I know that’s not possible, and it’s all in my head. But that’s how I feel and look like right now.

  Out of nowhere, I jump to a attention as something finally dawns on me. The call to Kane is still ongoing, I never ended the call when I threw it on the floor. How long has it been on for? Does he know I’m on the other side of the call and heard more than I’d have liked to of heard? Does he even care?

  Or will he have put the phone down?

  I race back out to the living room and fall to my knees, grabbing my phone. I can see the call is still on and the time says it’s only been six minutes. Is that all? It felt like I was in the bathroom a lot longer than that. Like I haven’t been punished enough.

  I put the phone up to my ear again. Why I don’t know. I guess I’m intrigued to find out what’s happening. I can't really hear anything now, in a way I’m glad, yet the other part of me wanted to hear something, anything. I can’t explain the feeling, imagine your partner is cheating on you, only you have no proof of this whatsoever, they make you feel crazy because you’re the one thinking it, and when you do finally get that proof you need, you have them by the balls, you feel like you can breathe again. I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone else or if it’s just me acting bat shit crazy, but that’s how I’m feeling. I’m relieved, I finally know what he’s been up to, well kind of, but I’m not in the dark anymore, I have one up on him, because he doesn’t have a clue that I know.

  I guess that explains his meltdown earlier. He couldn’t handle the fact he was cheating.

  Just as I’m about to put the phone down and end this stupid call, I hear an almighty bang quickly followed by a roar.

  “Fuck.” It’s Kane and if I’m not mistaken I’d say he sounds extremely pissed off, over what I don’t know.

  “Stupid fucking bit….” I know how that sentence finishes, but whether it was meant for me or not I don’t know, I don’t get the chance to find out because the call has been ended. From his side not mine.

  Since the call got ended I've paced the floor of my flat ten times over, my thumbnail no longer exists either. Making a flash decision, I decide I can't stay cooped up much longer. I go in my bedroom, grab the nearest pair of jeans I can find and pull them on, that's when I realise I'm still wearing his t-shirt. No longer feeling comfort from it, I whip it off over my head faster than a formula one car driving around the track. I find my Rolling Stone tank top on my chest of drawers. Once I'm changed I grab my phone again off the coffee table, shoving it into the back pocket of my jeans as I stomp my way towards the kitchen of my apartment, like the deranged woman I’ve become.

  I want answers, and I want them now. Before my brain has time to catch up with my actions, and tell me that what I’m about to do is stupid, ridiculous even. I grab my car keys from the kitchen unit, where I left them when I walked into my apartment the previous day, before the shit storm started and he walk out my door. I swing the front door open, almost taking the door clean off its hinges, I’m that worked up I can feel the adrenaline taking over my whole body, from my head all the way down to my toes, I now know how it feels to be wonder women. Kind of.

  Locking the front door, I give a good stern shake at the handle just to double check it is in fact locked properly, once I’m satisfied it is, I make my way towards my car that’s parked up in the area that’s just for the residents who live in this complex. Flipping the unlock button before I even get close to it. />
  Yet again I swing that door open as well with so much force, it swings back at me, almost hitting my face. I need to calm down. I’m going to break something, or seriously injure myself if I’m not careful. Taking a big deep breathe, I try pull myself together the best I can. It might only work for now, because when I see him I know I’ll fly of the handle again.

  Once I’ve jumped in and insert the key into the ignition, I pull out of the car park faster than I’d say was legal. I’m a woman on a mission and no one and nobody will stop me.

  I hit the road, with only one destination in mind. I drive slower than normal only because of how I’m feeling, I don’t want to have an accident before I can give him a piece of my mind. Not knowing what will happen when I get there, or who will be there come to think of it but I’ll think about that when the time comes, for now I’ll continue ‘winging it’ as they say.

  Kane

  “Y ou stupid fucking bit….” I cut the call. How could I have not known the phone was ringing, more to point, that Sophie had accepted it. What is she playing at? Better yet what the fuck am I playing at? This should never have happened, I shouldn’t have let this happen. I’ve just risked everything for a quick, meaningless fuck with a women I fucking despise, a woman that I’m getting divorced from. I look up at Sophie, just as she’s righting herself, slipping back into the coat I brought her, I hadn’t even noticed that I’m still hanging out of jeans until I see her look at me from head to toe with a mischievous grin on her red pouty lips.

  “Do you want more? I’m always willing you know that Kane, baby.” I try to hold back the vomit that’s just made an appearance.

  “Fuck… Shit….. just go Sophie...before I say, or do something we’ll both regret.” I roar at her. I can’t even stand looking at her anymore, she makes me feel physically sick.

  “You know where I am if you ever need anything again.” She nods her head towards my desk, winks at me and blows me a kiss before she leaves my office, shutting the door behind her.

  I place my ass back down on my office chair, banging my head a couple of times against the damn desk in front of me, which only a few moments ago was accompanied by Sophie’s ridiculously fake breasts, thinking how I found myself in this mess in the first place. Oh yeah, that was down to me, letting my dick do all the thinking for me, and Sophie’s superb timing. She has a knack of turning up when I’m pent up and my heads all over the place.

  I’m beginning to think staying at Lucy’s and explaining my freak out would’ve been a lot less painful, for both of us.

  All of a sudden two enormous factors hit me in the face like a fucking steam train. I forgot to put a condom on whilst I was fucking Sophie….

  “Shitting hell.” How the fuck could I have forgotten my most sacred rule. Always wear a fucking glove on the end of it, there are no excuses not one. Alec taught me that many years ago, fuck, he’d be disappointed in me if he could see me now. He’d smack me across the back of my head and give the same lecture I’m used to hearing for him.

  That’s twice now, although not using one with Luce was different, she just isn’t just a random fuck. She’s mine. How long for now, remains to be seen.

  I’ll have to deal with this sooner rather than later, preferably without Lucy ever knowing, about the condom issue that is, because my guess is.. She already knows about the fucking part, which brings me back to. How? Thinking back to where I placed my phone just before Sophie showed up at my office, I remember I put it on silent. So I wouldn’t have heard it even if it did ring. So how does it go from that… too Lucy been on the other side of the line, most definitely hearing my shenanigans with Sophie. My guess would be Luce was trying to make sure I was ok, she’d been trying to call me, which I was trying to purposely ignore.

  Stupid… stupid. I wish I’d of answered the bloody thing now.

  I remember placing it back on my desk, after that everything happened so fast. Gripping the back of my neck I let rip. “FUCKKKKK.”

  She’s never going to let me back in now, my meltdown issue I could’ve sorted with her in my own time, but now I’m royally fucked. She’s going to put her guard back up and go back to hating me.

  Just as my office phone rings on my desk, my office door flies open nearly coming off its hinges, before it rebounds off the wall and slams shut again. The sound echoing around the room, the only sound in the room apart from someone’s very heavy breathing.

  I look up, my heart bleeds.

  There stood right in front of me, is my whole world, my everything. She looks broken.

  My Lucy...

  It’s in that moment I know she heard everything. God knows what she must be thinking, or feeling.

  Her green eyes are red and puffy, there’s tear stains running in tracks down her pale cheeks.

  She doesn’t say a word, so taking the chance I jump in quick before she can murder me.

  I have to fix this. How? I have no fucking clue, this is all on me now.

  “Before you say anything … please let me explain.” I beg her, even though I’m not sure what I can possible say to get myself out if this, and for her to come back to me.

  “Go ahead…. I’m dying to hear what you have to say...Kane baby.” I cringe on the inside, yeah she definitely heard it all, what do I say to her now? I was expecting her to fly off the handle, or at least give me time to think of what I would say to her when I did see her. Not in a million years did I think she’d come here, and not this fucking quick. She must have been driving like a fucking looney. If something was to happen to her because of me, I’d never forgive myself. I am not happy about this, she could have put herself in danger, which is something I’ve always tried to keep her away from, hence why I’m in this situation I am currently in, minus the Sophie part, that was all accidental, but I was trying my fucking hardest to protect her. I’ll have to mention that at a later date because right now that’s the last thing she’ll want me say.

  “Ok… It’s not what it sounded like I promise…. I…” Before I get to finish what I was going to say, she interrupts me cutting me off. She charges towards me with purpose in her stride, before I know it, I feel the sting on my cheek, my head snapping to the left of me.

  Did she just fucking slap me?

  Ok…. so I deserved that.

  “Do not insult my intelligence Kane, I know exactly what I fucking heard.” She shouts in my face, as I bring it back to face her from the direction the force of her slap sent it. Fuck there was some menace behind that. It seems there was a lot behind it. When I do finally look at her, she’s shaking her hand about at her side, the after effect from the slap I would say, it must be stinging her hand now.

  My girl's got some fire in her, the old Lucy would never have done that.

  I love the new Lucy, she’s got a mean right hook on her.

  “Ouch… is your face made of stone?” Yeah I thought so, I want to laugh but think better of it. It would only earn me another one, only on the other side of my face no doubt.

  Not that I don’t deserve her wrath, because I do.

  “You better start explaining Kane, and I mean now, because if you don’t tell me what the fuck you’re playing at, I’ll be walking out that door and you’ll never see or hear from me again. Do you understand me? And you can go find yourself another solicitor, one that will let Soph, clean you out. With the way I’m feeling right now, I might just let her.” I just stand there staring at her, not knowing what to say to that. How am I going to get out of this without telling her the truth?

  She waves her hands in front of my face, I must have zoned out, I’m that lost in thought trying to think of what to say.

  “Hello, I said, do you understand Kane?” She’s starting to get irritated with me, even more than what she was before. I don’t blame her. If the shoe was on the other foot and I heard her raw fucking someone else… well.. he wouldn’t be living, let’s put it that way.

  “Ok.. Ok… please, just don’t leave? Promise me, that no matter
what I say you won’t walk out the door till I finish talking?” She looks at me, shock written all over her face, probably wondering how I could possible ask that of her, after everything she’s heard. She still hasn’t answered me. “Promise me Lucy?” I ask again, a bit more forceful than I intended it to come across, but I’m on pins here.

  “Yes, ok I promise. But what the fuck you think you can say to get me to stay is what I want to know. Because right now, I’m at my breaking point Kane, of all the people I never expected you would be the one to make me feel like this.” She looks over her shoulder just before she quite literally throws herself down on the sofa sitting in the corner of my office. I let out an almighty breath I didn’t realise I was holding in. “Are you going to start talking or not?” She asks. Just as I’m about to make my way over to her there’s a knock on the door. For fuck sake, the longer I have to wait to tell her what she so desperately wants to know, the more I want to back out of ever having to tell her.

  Marcus pops his head around the door, waving a white handkerchief in one of his hands, flapping it around making out as if he ‘comes in peace’. Whether it’s from my wrath I feel towards him for interrupting us, or if it’s because he saw Lucy marching towards my office as soon as Sophie left. Shit did they pass each other on the way up here? She would have said if she saw Sophie… surely? God that would be my worst nightmare coming to life, I try my best not to think about that, secretly hoping she will not mention it either.

  “What, Marcus?” I roar at him. He looks nervous, just hovering at the door, pondering if it’s safe to come further in or not. He has a glance towards Lucy, who gives him a sad, small smile which doesn’t reach her eyes.

  “Erm, I was just wondering if you still wanted that t-shirt?” He asks as he holds one up with his other hand showing it to me, the door opening up a little bit more.

  I look down at my torso.

  “Fuck.” I’d completely and utterly forgotten about that. I notice it’s still red, sweat dripping down my muscles, running in a line down to my groin where my jeans sit on my hips, which are still not fastened all the way up. Fuck, I look like I’ve just finished running a marathon, or in my case, just had a quick fuck. I couldn’t even deny something happened only moments ago as my chest and current dress situation gives me away.